Son Keeps Saying "Naughty" Words

S.,

My advice is to "ignore him" when this happens. Walk away and display no reaction to him But "praise him" when he used "good" words and tell him "how nice it is to talk with him." This may take several days of "ignoring him" and asking "are you speaking to me?" He does it becsues it gets him lots of attention when he uses the "naughty" words. Attention is attendtion for kids (negative or positive does not matter to them.) Let me know if this works for him. (____@____.com)

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Punushments, etc. are only rewards to this attention-seeking behavior. We use the same rule with naughty words, nose-picking, and temper tantrums. This policy of ignoring has worked very well for us in all these situations.

Good luck

Try just ignoring the words. It may sound counterintuitive, b/c you want him to know what he is saying is inappropriate, but he may just like the attentions he gets, even though it is negative, when he uses these words.

Each child is different, but I know that when my youngest stepson was around 3 he used to say things and then look around to see if anyone was listening and how they would respond. As long as someone giggled or acknowledged that he had said something naughty, even if it was with a reprimand, I noticed that he could continue the trend, but once we got everyone on board with just pretending we didn't hear him, he lost interest in it because it produced no results.

It does depend on your child and what you are comfortable with. with some children it may be better to simply remain consistent until he gets it, but my suspicion is that he already 'gets' it and just enjoys being able to get a rise out of you when he says naughty things.

I agree, ignore the behavior that you want him to quit, and reward the behavior (not saying"bad" words) that you like. Maybe a sticker chart for each day he doesn't use bad language? And a treat when he gets 5 stickers? I know it sounds like bribery, but hey, you go to work because they give you a paycheck, right? :-)

Hi Shelley, I know how amazingly annoying that can get! But honestly, the faster you ignore it the faster it will go away. And I'm talking about walk away ignore...he keeps saying these words because he is either hearing them alot, or loves the attention they get even though it is negitive. You can also try the instant time out everytime he uses them. Tell him in the morning when he gets up that everytime he uses those words he will get a time out, then when he does firmly put him in time out without talking to him. Because you don't want to talk to a "potty mouth". (This one works quickly if you are really consistant with it!) Good luck & best wishes!

my 4 year old daughter does the exact same thing! It drives me nuts because my two boys never used words I deemed as Naughty. I have tried everything. I am now ignoring it thinking it is just a phase and if she doesn't get the rise out of me she will stop. Good luck!

CB

i tyhink it is the age have a 4yo now pretty much over it..i found not to feed into it!!!

Hi S. -

I know this may sound crazy and difficult to do, but try to ignore it. What you have going on here is a power contest. If you step away from the conflict and pretend it does not bother you, it may not be as much fun for him to say those words. One thing to ask yourself is what happens after he says one of those words. When you figure that out, you will see what his motivation is for saying it. If he is reprimanded or punished he is getting your undivided attention for that moment and he wants attention. Also keep in mind that at this age and the next year or so, they are facinated with potty words and use them quite frequently. I have found that no reaction when they use those words works the best. He knows you don't like those words and is trying to get you involved in a power struggle. Don't get involved and try to give hom legitimate power at other times(ie. let him pick which cereal he wants, what clothes to wear, blue towel or white at bath time)
Hope this helps!

First off-Thanks MOMS. I am dealing with this same situation with my 6 turning 7 year old. Yes while it sounds also ridiculous as well as a three year old saying it, I know my son is getting more advanced in this. He started young (around 3ish) and it just has gotten worst. I have done EVERYTHING from laughing to ignoring to punishing to taking toys away, discussions, short dictives "not nice" you name it. Now he slips and says even more daring words even some I don't use!!! So S., not to scare you, I would definately try these advices that these other moms have posted, since I have also used but our sons are different people. My son is generally a good kid, excels in school, and is polite to and around others or so I am told. I am a hard core disiciplinarian according to my spouse (he such a softee w/ the kids) but as far as this situation is concerned, I totally understand where you are coming from. Kids want to grow up so fast now a days and most times it all starts with the language and clothing. Something so trival is in a small way...SO BIG! Not many people see that but....my years in edu. training has taught me just that.

Best of luck
Mom of 4.

I agree with the other moms that your son is probably liking the attention he's getting. When my son did this I would very nonchanlantly tell him that it was not appropriate or that it was not a nice word and leave it at that. The more you talk about it and make a big deal the more they do it. It's better to just ignore it as much as possible. The first time it's good to tell them why it's not nice, etc but after that just a quick matter-of-fact response will do. And before you know it your son will be telling others to watch what they say!

My (5) year old son also prefers to say words like that--he thinks they're funny, I believe manly to get a rise or reaction out of me or his father. If the traditional punishments have not worked (corrections, time out, lose a toy) try just ignoring it. There is nothing a 3 y.o. wants more than your attention.

I've found that ignoring works best. Any attention to the word makes them want to say it more. I do tell them once that it's a naughty word and they're not to say it, but after that I ignore it. Now that my daughter is older (6) she slips once in a while and I'll yell at her and she understands, but at the age of 3 they just like the attention.

I completely disagree with ignoring the behavior. Even if it for attention. I know many of you will disagree with my response, and some of you will think that I am horrible, but...
My children get warned, and given a better word to use. If the words continued, I tell them that they will get soap on their tongue. If they continue I put a tiny bit of hand soap on the tip of their tongue (not much, just enough to let them taste it). That has put an immediate end to fowl words here. Now just the treat of soap ends it. (I use soap for spitting, biting and all other mouth related offenses as well) It works and I don't have to do it more than once or twice.

Welcome to my world! LOL This happened with my 2 older boys and is happening now with my 3 year old triplets. It's pretty typical for the age. They find it funny and they're way of expressing themselves. All you can do is keep disciplining him as soon as it's said. Time out, sent to his room, take away special toys, don't let him go with Dad to the store, etc. This is one of the hardest things to break, I swear. I'd rather potty train triplets again than have to continually work on this BS of hearing "poopie" and "pee pee" constantly, lol! Just keep being firm and disciplining. Make the discipline a little firmer. They're going to slip now and then so give a warning but when it's constant jump right on it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

My 2.5 year old somehow picked up a couple of naughty words. What worked for us was to not react too much - I would just find a replacement phrase for him. For example I would say, "you mean 'oh my goodness!'". It really worked! He started saying the replacement phrases instead!

Hey S.,

I JUST went through this with my 2 year old son(he is very advanced in the speaking dept). Anyway, he was using baby talk just like your son is using the naughty words. I actually spoke with his ped. because I was worried that something was wrong with him. I found that the more I got on him about it,the more he did it. So, the ped. suggested I ignore it for a few days even though it drove me nuts to do it, I listened to him. Jack stopped it completely! Now, the last couple of days he has been adding the word "Poop" to certain songs, etc and I caught myself getting on him about it. I completely ignored it yesterday and only heard it twice. I'm hoping not at all today. Anyway, even though we are taught to correct all behaviors we don't like, we sometimes have to ignore it to have it go away. Good Luck!

Try giving him a word or two to say in its place. When my son (who's 4) says a bad word or says "oh my God" or whatever...we try to substitute...we say "silly" instead of stupid and Goodness instead of God. Try it...perhaps all of the attention to the words is making it continue...also sometimes we'll just say "we don't say "stupid" in this house...it's not nice" and then ignore it. Sometimes if it's a song...try not reacting to the bad word and actually re-sing the same line with the right words or with a substitute word. Sometimes ignoring behavior or distraction will work better than punishment.

Just a suggestion. You may have already tried this. I just always try to remember that the behavior won't last forever and try to remember the best and positive things about your son. He won't be three forever!
Good luck.

Dear S.,
As the mother of a 5-year old boy, I have been where you are (& we occasionally have recurrences). However, I was appalled at the number of responses to "ignore" the behavior. While I agree that he's looking for your attention, ignoring it seesm counter-productive AND sends a mixed message. (Would you ignore your child trying to climb the entertainment center to get your attention? Would you ignore you child attempting to cross the street alone in order to get your attention?) At any rate, what worked for us was actually a combination. Any time he said a word that we didn't like we would explain why we didn't like it, and let him know that he had been given his one & only warning. If we heard the word again, he would sit for X minutes (based on age). If he said it more than once, or it began to be a problem, he would have to sit, and we would also begin removing toys/privileges. We also explained that if he wanted our attention there were better ways (that we approved of & would get him GOOD attention). It did not take very long for him to understand that we were happy give him our attention, and that saying words we did not like was not only going to cause him to lose our attention, but it would also result in increasingly stronger consequences. Good luck & God bless! Try to remember that while this is "normal" behavior, you are the parent, and it's your job to let your son know what is acceptable by your standards. (The words that you don't like might not be the same as his friends' parents, but you're responsible for him & not them.) I'll be praying for you both! :)

My daughter hasn't quite reached that stage yet, but it seems to be pretty common. The four year old girl I used to watch daily was doing similar things. I finally decided to ignore her b/c like you said, nothing was working. It seemed to help pretty fast. I think on her end, it was all about the attention. Good luck!