Son Loves to Wear My Shoes

Just be careful. If you have heels, realize that he can/will fall in them (at least mine did). Wearing dad's shoes was no safer as he could barely pick his feet up in them (why are men's shoes so heavy?). Absolutely nothing wrong with dress up.

Hello H.,
My son (now 12) did that too. And, my husband didn't like it either. So, we just showed him that this is for mommies and that (whatever you choose) is for daddies. No big deal if you don't make it a big deal. They learn by seeing us in action, so just let him see dad in action more often being a boy :)

If you had a clown costume, he would want to wear that. Same with a cowboy hat and chaps..

Your son is acting age appropriate and your husband needs to chill and read a parenting book.

Tell your husband to give him a tie and his shoes, problem solved.

To be quite frank, if your son is gay (if that is his father's concern) then he's already gay. Nothing you can do to change that. You don't "make" someone gay by allowing them to like a color, toy, outfit, jewelry...if my daughter is gay, it's not because she wore her father's shoes (which she does, often, because she thinks it's funny).

I have an acquaintance who practically falls on "girl toys" like they are grenades to keep her son from them (nevermind that he turns a barbie into a sword). It's ridiculous. All they are accomplishing is alienating people and trying to make their son horribly stereotypical male. I pity his future spouse. Actually, I pity him. Heaven forbid he like art or dance or theatre some day.

So, bottom line, you need to find out what DH's deal is and address that. Nothing wrong with your shoes or necklace or your POV. Your son is fine. It's his father that needs to rethink his attitude.

ETA: Leigh R. has some good points. Your son will become more and more his own person in the next few years. Will your husband allow him to grow on his own path, or will he only accept what he wants his son to be?

I agree with others about all they mentioned -- telling dad to see the pediatrician, to read up on parenting for this age and stage, to give son some of dad's shoes etc.

I just want to add that this is a clear and wildly waving red flag that you need to see now so you are prepared for what is to come -- not with your son, but with your husband.

If dad is this overwrought, "furious" and "really upset" over this utterly insignificant and normal and thoughtlessly innocent child behavior - what is dad going to be like when your son gets old enough to assert himself and say no to things dad expects of him? When son gets a bad grade and dad is furious about that? When son brings home a girl (or boy) that dad doesn't like? When son wants to play soccer instead of dad's favored baseball, or heaven forbid, wants to take an art class instead of (or alongside) playing baseball? This issue of dad's overreaction and inflexibility won't end when son starts clumping around in dad's shoes at age two. Watch for dad's unrealistic expectations as your son gets older. If dad is truly furious now -- what will he be like when your son's no longer a cute toddler and your son is able to talk back?

Your husband needs to get educated, and he needs to figure out what really bothers him about this. What is he worried about? Does he think that 2 year olds need to be assigned strict gender roles reinforced by clothing & accessories? Why? Is he afraid your son is gay? Is he afraid your son will be a cross-dresser? Is he afraid your son is a transsexual? If any of that were true (and maybe it is), does your husband really think there's anything that you or he can do to change it? If so, why?

This is your husband's problem, and because he can't explain it, he's blaming YOU. Big mistake, and much more of a reflection on your husband, his issues, and his expectations for his son.

Kids play dress up. Kids imitate what they see. He's playing.

Meantime, your husband has some unexpressed fears and some woefully inadequate notions about what childrearing does and doesn't do, and what kids' sexual identity says and doesn't say about the parents.

For starters, your husband can talk to the pediatrician about how hard to clamp down on a 2 year old doing harmless things, and you might talk to your librarian or bookstore manager about some good books on the subject.

Two-year-olds will wear any shoes they find. It's a feature of that age. When my youngest granddaughter was two, she wore her mother's shoes, her father's shoes, both her grandparents' (when we were visiting) shoes, and, occasionally, her own.

Ask your husband to leave his shoes out - both his dress shoes and his casual shoes - and see what happens. He also needs to leave out some hats, some ties, and maybe his wrist watch (if he wears one and it isn't too expensive because you never know what might happen).

As far as blingy stuff is concerned - did I ever tell you about the time when my children were little and all of them - boys and girls alike - dressed up in Christmas tree tinsel?

Kids who aren't allowed to pretend play and dress up will eventually do it behind closed doors. I have grand kids who were restricted ALL played silly dress up with the younger kids when they had the opportunity.

Kids in my child care all the way through the 4 year old classroom had dress up clothes and all sorts of stuff for pretend play. It has nothing to do with gender or future clothing/dress style.

Kids need to dress up and play. They need to feel textures, see colors, and experience all the different feelings.

There is nothing wrong with your 2yr old son wanting to play dress up. It is perfectly normal.

Why is a necklace considered "girl stuff"? I'm pretty sure men (real men, manly men, men who are not gay, men who are gay, athletic men, artistic men, pretty much any kinds of men) wear necklaces. And rings and earrings and bracelets. And boys of all kinds play with dolls (ok, they call them action figures, but really, they're dolls aren't they?) I don't understand why we need to have "girl stuff" and "boy stuff". It's all there to help nurture the kids' creativity, so why can't it all just be "kids' stuff"?

The only reason I wouldn't let my kids wear my jewelry would be because I wouldn't want them to think it's ok to play with my valuable stuff. That's not "kids' stuff", it's "grown-up stuff" and it's hands off to them!

I wish I had advice to give you. Unfortunately, if THIS upsets your husband so much, he's pretty set in his ways. Changing his perception of how a "man" should be will be very difficult. It'll mean he has to change some basic things he sees as "true". I really hope he doesn't turn out to be the kind of daddy who gives his *son* a "doctor's dress-up" set and a truck and his *daughter* a toy vacuum cleaner and a crown.

I guess all you can do is just keep telling him that there's nothing wrong with kids of either sex playing dress up. It won't screw up your child. If anything, it'll foster his creativity.

H.,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

You and your husband both need to chill out. My 14 year old would wear my shoes as a 2 year old....and he's NOT gay. If that's what your husband's major malfunction is.

Does your husband have some complex? If so - he needs to get over it and let your son be a CHILD and have FUN. There is NOTHING wrong with what YOUR SON is doing.

If your husband is THAT worried? Tell him to put a sock on it and do "manly" stuff with HIS son...like wearing his ties and shoes....oh man!! I wore BOTH my parents stuff when I was 2...got pictures to prove it...and I'm not GAY. That's what it seems your husband is worried about.

My husband wears pink. My youngest son wears PINK AND PURPLE (and he likes GIRLS) and my oldest son wears PINK...get over it....

Tell your husband to get a life. Stop worrying about what he thinks his son might turn out to be! Tell him to MODEL the behavior he wants and expects from his son.

With the exception of bras and jock straps, the idea of gender-specific clothing is stupid. Clothes are clothes, jewelry is jewelry.
Kids love to play dress-up.
If your husband thinks a male in a skirt isn't manly, have him tell that to my friend Angus, who weighs 250 lbs, has a beard down to his nipples, and rides a motorcycle while wearing a kilt.

dress up is fun for all kids.
your son is fine.
your husband is a big problem.
furious? over a TWO YEAR OLD?
really?
khairete
S.

Dad needs to get a grip. The kid is fine.

Tell your hubby to grow up. There's not much else to say. Apparently he is not secure in his manhood nor as "okay" with being gay as you think!

Not only are the shoes mommies, but they make a cool sound when he walks. He could care less about "girl" or "boy" stuff, he just likes mostly the clacking of the heels. As for the jewelry, do you really not know any men who wear jewelry?

I am currently reading The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary, PhD and she addresses that and more. If you are not into reading, get the audio book. I think it will change your life.
Also we attract what we fear. Making the child feel shame or that he is "bad" for wanting to wear pretty things can cause him to have problems in many areas including his sexuality.
My son grew up with two sisters and loved wearing their clothes and shoes etc and is now 26 and very much heterosexual. I hope that we would love and accept him either way that went because that is really his concern not ours.
Sorry about your husband. Parenting brings out our issues and it seems that he has one.