My eight year old son just started a new school last week. His previous school closed down, and him and five other kids all moved to the same new school (three of these kids are in his class). At first I was very excited about this, my son is shy and I thought knowing a few other kids would make the transition easier. It has, but I'm starting to get concerned about one of his friends. This particular little boy is a sweet kid, but very possessive of my son. Every time my son tries to play with other kids, this kid grabs his hand and suggests they go do something alone. He is not mean about it, but really seems to be monopolizing my son's time and not letting him make new friends, which he really needs to be doing. My son has mentioned a few times his friend is a little pushy, but honestly does not seem too concerned about the situation. However, as a mom I worry him and this little boy with isolate themselves too much. Any suggestions? Am I overthinking this? It has only been a week. Thanks for the advice.
I'd let him handle it himself....BUT, I'd review possible respo see for your son to use in those cases:
In a bit, Joey, right now I'm playing abc with XY and Z...want to play with us?
Or
We can do that tomorrow, join us in basketball today?
My son and his best, longest term friend had a slight parting of ways in elementary school due to personality difference that impacted social interaction with other kids.
The biggest thing your son can do is to offer to include his old friend in his activities with his new one. If the child accepts, great. If he declines, at least your son offered.
you might be over-thinking it a little, especially if it's not bothering your son. i'm not as sure as you are that he 'needs' to spend time away from a good friend making new friends. sometimes old friends ARE the best ones, and all children have different levels of social requirements.
that being said, it's also very possible in this situation that your son would like to be exploring new friendship possibilities, but is so sweet and accommodating that he's acquiescing to his anxious little friend's need to keep him to himself.
i don't think you need to worry and take a lot of steps to 'fix' this. but it's never a bad thing to have easy-going low-key simple discussions with kids on how to set boundaries, and how to say no nicely. role play a little.
but try not to implant the notion that he's being taken advantage of if he doesn't actually feel that way.
khairete
S.
My GD had this same problem in her summer camp with the little girl who lives across the street. The little girl didn't want my GD to play with anyone but her. My GD did invite the neighbor girl to play with her and her other friends, but the neighbor girl didn't want to, got angry and made my GD feel bad.
Fortunately, my GD had been in counseling last year and used the skills she learned to go to the camp leaders and tell them how X was making her feel (bad/sad) because she was playing with other children. The camp leader stepped in and got them all playing together.
I think your son should try this. Ask the other boy to play with him and the other kids and if the little boy doesn't want to, then your son can go ahead and play with the other kids. If the other boy makes him feel bad about it, have your son tell the teacher so she can help resolve the situation.
I had a situation like this with my son. I would maybe just give the teacher a heads up about what you think is going on. That way, he/she can be on the lookout to make sure your son is active with other kids as well. Also, let you son know some things he can say to his friend like One and Done suggested. Good luck!
Have the teacher tell the child "you can join him, but not pull him away"
