When I dropped my (just turned) 4 year old son off at daycare this morning, his teacher informed me that he was telling all of his friends and her that 'my mommy is dead'. Um ok? Obviously I'm not dead.
Is this common at this age? To talk about death? As far as I know he doesn't watch violent cartoons or movies. I haven't talked to him about death. Other than if he plays in the street he can get hit by a car and die. Or if he doesn't wear his seatbelt and we are in an accident something could happen.
I mean he's a really happy child, other than normal 4 year old meltdowns. So I guess the question is, Is this common? Does it mean he's curious? Why did it have to be me dead, lol. Why not his dad or his dog or something.
His friends at school were really freaked out. They kept asking the teacher if Blaine's mommy died. They were sad.
Ok... I feel better now. I was like 'What the heck?'
I haven't had a chance to discuss it with him yet. I was running late this morning. But we will talk about it this afternoon. Silly little boy :)
Thanks for the insight. I really appreciate it.
Yes, my almost 4 year olds favorite game right now is to pretend he is dead. He wants me to "bam" him (aka pretend to shoot him with my hand) and then he falls over and closes his eyes and sticks his tounge out and declares that he is dead. They def dont understand the reality of death at this age. Must have been interesting for you to hear what had happened to you though, LOL!
When you asked him why he said it, what did he say?
Talk to him about it. He can probably give you more insight than we can!
I have a feeling he did it for "shock value." Some kids love the drama and attention :)
Lol lol lol!
Am I the only O. that finds this (really) funny?!
This is why teachers say that parents should agree to believe half of what the kid tells you about what happens at school, they'll ignore half of what your child tells them happens in your house!
Kids say the darnedest things don't they? My son told his entire first grade class that the reason our cat died was because I didn't give it food or water. Ummm, not true. Your son could be going off a Disney movie, let's face it-every one of those has a dead parent in it. Any way you slice it I wouldn't worry too much or read to much into it.
That's about the same age when my son was at preschool and he saw a woman with a red coat like one I had getting into a police car. He was telling everyone AND crying that the police had taken me. I happened to be working at the same daycare so they all knew it wasn't true. Yikes they come up with some strange things. He probably doesn't understand the definition of dead. He will get over it. Especially since he sees you all the time.
Dog or dad? Not sure about that at all. Oh give him a hug for us.
Maybe he meant dead tired?
Kids at that age hears things, don't fully understand them, then fill in the blanks as best they can.
The results can be funny sometimes.
My son heard the common rhyme for eeny meeny miny mo.
"Eeny meeny miny mo
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go".
Well, he didn't understand it at first but he liked to repeat it.
So when HE said it, it came out
"Eeny meeny miny mo
Ketchup on a talking toe
If he hollers, Where'd he go?".
I still have a hard time keeping a straight face when I think of it even now.
Tell the teacher and his classmates that you are fine, and explain to your son it's not nice to scare people like this.
4-year-olds generally don't "get" death. At that age, my son spent hours upon hours prat-falling to the floor and shouting happily, "I died." They also spend so many of their waking hours in let's-pretend land that they have a blurry concept of the truth. I I don't think you, as his mom, should worry at all, but you might want to tell him, "That makes your friends worry and feel sad. It's not nice to say unless it's really true."
I told my twin grandsons that they beat me when we were racing down the driveway after getting the mail. The next day one of them asked me something about the beating and thought I meant 'beat' like hit. I had to explain that term of beating someone. They're 3 years old. They get things mixed up sometimes when they don't fully understand a term, or word or phrase we use. Maybe your son misunderstood and I would ask him what he meant and talk about what death is to him. Then explain what it is to you in real life terms. When my first two boys were 4 and 5 I had them help me move a sofa around the room rearranging the furniture. I had to lie on the floor after as my back hurt, they did little in helping so don't think I broke their backs!!, and one of them said 'Oh, no! Now you'll have to have another operation'. I'd NEVER EVER had an operation. Kids are funny little people. Talk to your son and see if you can figure out what he was thinking.
My brother started school in Rio de Janeiro. My mom went to a parent-teacher conference with his teacher. The teacher started gushing about my dad and him being an astronaut! The teacher couldn't understand what an astronaut was doing in Rio!!! My mom said "well, he's an engineer who worked on the heat shields but no, he is not an astronaut". My brother was confused about that and the fact that before we moved we went to NASA here in Houston and my dad was telling about the heat shields.
At that age, boys especially have been the good guy, the bad guy, alien, protector of the world!" My little guy loved to play "policeman v. alien". Yeah, guess who was the alien???! I can't tell you how many times "I died"!!!
I would have a talk with him when you pick him up and ask him why he told his friends his mommy was dead. I am curious as to what he says. Kids say the darnest things!!!
It sounds like he doesn't understand the concept of death (which is hard for any 4 year old to understand). I would guess it's just a word he's learned, and that it gets a reaction from his peers, so he's repeating it. Maybe it's time to talk to him about death. As for why it is you, you are his mommy, he loves you the most, so of course he's going to pick you to talk about. It's not a slight, he just thinks of you first. My best friend died suddenly 3 years ago. She left a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Her 4 year old told me the morning after she had died "My mommy wasn't home this morning, maybe she died" and then ran off to play. The concept of death isn't concrete for any 4 year old, whether they have experienced it or not. Just talk to him about it.
I have to laugh I did that to when I was his age. Only I went on to say that the "people that had me" abducted me... My mom had an hour to get my Birth Cert. to the school! I feel bad now... But it was an AMAZING story for a kindergartener.
Um...that's kind of funny. 4 year olds still pretend and makebelieve, and they have fanciful imaginations sometimes. Who knows why he did it, I'm sure it's not because he wants you dead. 4 year olds just say funny things sometimes.
Just lightly ask him why.
Have you used any hyperbole around your daughter? I've been known to use phrases like, "If this headache gets any worse my head will explode" and then see my middle daughter look at me in horror. She's a very literal thinker and doesn't understand metaphors or hyperbole very well thanks to her Autism. So when I returned a look at her and asked her what was wrong, she said, "Will I have to clean up a lot of blood?"
Could you have used a phrase like, "I'm drop dead tired" or some such phrase?
My SD had a bunch of Barbies but no Kens. So she'd play "here's the mommy, here's the baby, and the daddy's dead." That really freaked out newly single DH so he went and got a doll to be the daddy. It was just SD's little kid way of processing the dolls she had, but he was weirded out about it.
If Blaine is letting his friends think that you really ARE dead, then I'd have a little talk with him about reality, lying and how it's not nice to scare people like that. And show the kids that you're fine.
Can be normal. He is just pretending in his mind.
Could also be he has overheard something about death..
Just ask him. The teacher told me you said I was dead. What did you mean?
Try not to sound emotional about it.
But of course you need to explain that when we pretend, we need to say,
"I am pretending."
He is only 4, so he does not realize the impact of saying this to others.
Did you recently mention you were "dead tired". "Dead end job?"
Just try to stay calm and understand, he is still very young. They say all sorts of strange things.
Has he been watching Lion King? My dd was obsessed with 'dead' for about two weeks after that movie. Now we stick to Toy Story, lol. He probably heard it on tv. He will forget it soon enough, or just tell him what dead is and that he shouldnt say people are dead when they are not. My daughter also got obsessed with 'fighting to death' after we saw Brave, she keeps fighting her plastic animals.
My 4 yo son is also doing the 'dead', 'died' thing all the time. So glad that it's a thing little boys do. He is really into Halloween stuff so it either revolves around that or 'I'm a bad guy and I died'... That kind of thing. I don't like it but I try not to make a big deal out of it. I do however try to explain death to him in words he can understand (but I don't think he really gets it). All this started after his great grandmother died a year ago. So that is where this all came from. The funniest is when he got a tummy cramp and he sat on the bathroom floor and said 'oh, the end is near, I'm gonna die' and another time when I had a headache or something and he asked me if I was gonna die. I hope its all ceases sooner than later.
