My 4 1/2 year old son will not poop in the toilet and always does it in his underwear. He never wets his pants or his bed, and he has used the toilet to poop on occasion, but it seems to have gotten to the point where he does not use it at all anymore. Over a year ago he claimed that the toilet would bite him, and he sometimes still says that when I ask him, but he does not really want to talk about it. He does not appear to be afraid of the toilet at all, as he pees in it all the time. He is a very stubborn child, and the doctor seems to think it's a control issue, but my biggest problem (besides the mess) is that he will be starting Kindergarten this Fall, and they will not accept him anywhere if he is pooping in his underwear. I have in the past month or so starting acting like the pooping in the underwear was not a big deal, but I used to get really upset and yell at him which was not working at all. It was truly sending me over the edge. Is it okay to punish a child for this, especially when they know not to do it? I have tried bribes such as Disneyland, and nothing seems to work. He wants to go but will not stop for it. I am so frustrated. Thinking of taking him to a family counselor to work out this problem. Any ideas?
I should also state after reading a lot of the comments that he was holding it in for days at a time and getting constipated at first, and we did talk to the doctor about it, and he has been taking MiraLax since last August. That definitely works so that it does not come out hard, but there are times when he will still hold it in for two or three days and then go in his underwear. Lately it has been more like daily or every other day, which is great, but still not in the toilet.
My son just turned 5. About three months ago, when I was on the verge of taking him to a specialist, the pooping in the underwear suddenly stopped, just like a lot of people said it would. He started using the toilet regularly, and we were so happy. Now he'll poop not only at home and school but at restaurants and other people's houses also. What a relief. Thanks for everyone's advice.
First try a potty seat, if you feel it may be a control issue, take him to Pacific clinics in Pasadena, they will have someone who can help. The doctor could be right it could be incoprisus (SP) and it is about a level of control and sometimes anger. I cannot diagnos a child over the computer but this could be one problem.
Hi D.,
My son did the same thing until about 4. Everyone said it was a control issue. I also found out that a lot of boys do this. My son would ask for a diaper and if I wouldn't give it to him, he would hold it. He would always hold it at preschool and sometimes not poop for 3 days. Talk with your doctor. My doctor put him on a light laxative, (Mylanta?), so that he couldn't hold it. It is better that he is going because when they hold it, it becomes so hard that it hurts to go. This was horrible. Your problem is a little different because your son doesn't mind going in his pants. He will out grow it. For me it happened when my Mom watched him for a weekend and he did it for her in the toilet, Yeah!!. I think he didn't want to look like a baby for her.
Hope this reassures you that there is hope,
J.
D.,
You certainly have a dilemma on your hands. Tempting him with a trip to Disneyland is not an immediate gratification. Think of "small" rewards first that he might like that you have in your hand ready to hand it over if he poops in the toilet and of course it's got to be something he likes. Most kids like stickers or temporary tattoos that you can affix to his arm or leg that will wash off in the bath. If he doesn't poop....he doesn't get the reward.
Good luck,
J.
You and your 4 1/2 year old son might be inspired by Toilet Training in Less Than a Day
By Nathan H. Azrin, Ph.D. & Richard M. Foxx, Ph.D.
I used it many years ago for my daughter who was completely trained in less than a day when she was a little over a year. I bought the book after seeing the authors on some talk show of yesteryear, perhaps Phil Donohue?
Good Luck, and here are some useful links:
http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Potty-Training-in-On...
http://www.grumblemagazine.com/articles/etc/toilettrain/i...
D., You might try putting your son on the toilet facing the back. I always did with my boys and then they can see in the toilet and also have toys on the back of the tank to help pass the time. Also a simple instant reward might work better. It can be as easy as a reward chart that you keep on the frig and give stars out for good behavior or chores done without a fuss. Those gold stars can do wonders. As they collect stars it can then be "traded " for something ina goodie bag It probably is a control issue however when his sister is recieving goodies from the bag you let him know he is chosing to poop in his pants but if he goes in the toilet he will also have stars and get to chose a "goodie" from the bag. Good Luck, C. LVN CLE from BestFedBreastfeedingCenter.com
I usually don't respond to these posts but I went through this with my son and after reading your post, I felt I needed to respond. Look up incapresis online and read as much as you can about this. It's a control issue and very hard to find help for it. Punishing him is not the answer and I did the same thing with unproductive results. He saw a pediatric gastroenterologist named Dr. Fleisher in Beverly Hills and was in counseling. What happens is that they hold it in and what you see is leakeage in his pants, but it's not really a movement. At one point he was hospitalized because he became impacted (constipation). His stomach might get hard because he really is so constipated and then going is painful. My son had to take meds to get his bowels loose so it wouldn't hurt to go to the bathroom and eliminate. I really feel for you cause this is an issue that is difficult to manage. Hope this helps. I haven't filled out anything in my profile because I didn't want to get active in this site, but just couldn't ignore your situation. Good luck.
hi D.,
you are not alone my daughter had the same problem she peed but wouldnt poop she was scared to be on the toilet for a long time cause she didnt want to fall in so she too would poop in her underware so what i would do is keep her undies on her and tell her that she cant poop in her underware and ask her how it feels cause pooping in undies feels a lot worse then in a diaper so after about 5 min of talking to her i would clean her up and then put undies again and tell her if she poops in them again then she would have to be treated like a baby again with diapers and a bottle and a pacifier and a crib and she would not be able to start big kid school and when she asked why i would tell her well i talked to your teacher and if you are not going in the toilet then you must not be a big girl and she doesnt want babies in her big kids class
it only took me about 3 or 4 times and she was all good another thing is when you put him on the potty i found if i held on to her legs the first couple times she felt safer about going so you could try these things
i dont think its worth going to the doctor about because i think everybodys child has gone through this so
i hope you have some luck and try these suggestions let us know what happened
L.
I don't think yelling at your son or taking him to a therapist will work. Some kids feel like they don't want a part of themselves to be flushed away. Urinating is different. If you live in an area where he can poop outside (like a doggy) and then the poop can be disposed of and he has the opportunity to put in into the toilet and flush it down he may not feel so threatened. My daughter (now 12) had this issue when she was 4. She pooped outside for a few weeks and after this there was never a problem. I would also check to make sure that he is not pooping in his pants because he has lost control. Some kids hold their poop in for so long that they actually lose the feeling of having to go and they have accidents. Usually eating a diet higher in fiber takes care of this problem. Good luck!
I have two who wouldn't pee in the toilet, and one who wouldn't poop in the toilet. Go figure...
My daughter wouldn't pee in the toilet. She was absolutely capable, but wouldn't. She was incapable of telling me why. I tried EVERYTHING, and was SO frustrated. She'd poop in her panties behind the couch when she just couldn't hold it anymore. This went on for months until one day when I took off her clothes so she was naked from the waist down and kept her home for a few days. She didn't want to poop on the floor so she had no choice but to go to the toilet. And that was that. She started going and it took two days. I wish you the best of luck. Hope this helps. I've also heard of someone having luck by taping a diaper to the inside of a toilet seat. Aren't kids crazy!
