Speech and Comprehension

To be on the safe side get her tested. I have a 3yr old and hes not where he should be with his speech. It takes awhile for them to set an interview. I applied for one in december and now my son has an appt on the 13th of this month.

Hey K.,
My 19Month old is the same way. All i know is that it's normal. I just keep on talking and keep on waiting for her to join in. I love how she smiles at me when i try to get her to repeat what im saying.

Had same problem with my now 3 year old. She was evaluated every 6 months at her childcare and they said she was developing normal and doing well. She really didn't start with sentences until 24 months. You might try to teach her some sign language. I know it worked well with my daughter and is working well with her 20 month old sister, who by the way says more than her sister did at this age. Every child is different but if we give them the tools they will do just fine.

Hi K.,

A 2 yr old's comprehension is greater than their ability to speak. If you are concerned about her speech, you can access a free screening for her to determine if there is a concern or she's just fine and a little spunky! The service is called Child Find, and atoll free number will connect you to your county's service. It's 888-777-4041.

Shirley, mom to 3 young adults, so been there, done that!

K.- my little boy had a speech delay as well. Everything I read and what I was told by the experts is that the sooner it is addressed, the better. It sounds like your daughter is hearing just fine, she is just being selective to what she responds which is not rare is 2 year olds!!! Even though he is hearing, I taught my little boy a lot of sign language and it cut down tremendously on tantrums. Go to signingtimes.com and check out the wonderful videos. They are awesome and you will be shocked at how quickly she starts using signs. Your pediatrician ought to be able to refer you to the speech evaluators and therapists. Best wishes. A.

My son didn't even say mama until he was 2 1/2 years old. He was just taking everything in like a sponge. He was in the gifted and talented programs all through middle school and high school. But, like a teacher said, you would never know it because he had personality too. When your daughter is ready, she'll start talking a mile a minute.

Shanna, M. of 4 and grandmother of 15. Married almost 40 years.

I am an elementary teacher and mother of two girls. When my girls, now grown, were your little ones age, I was always concerned about something esp. speech. My advice is to NOT worry, just enjoy her as she will not be that age long enough. I am certain there will be no serious concerns in the future regarding your daughter's speech.

I wouldn't call that defiant. I would call that "2". Well, almost two so this behaviour is even more common. She's exerting her independence which is normal and isn't old enough to articulate what she wants or needs. Just let her express herself and eventually she'll learn how to communicate better. My daughter just turned two in January and I'm now starting to understand her better. Don't get too uptight about it. Just relax and watch her reach those milestones and get excited about it. Good luck.

Hi K.,
Sounds like your daughter might be having a delay in her language skills.......It very well may not be defience. Her behavior that you are seeing might be frustration as you are saying. Generally speaking by 22 months, she would have more than 25 words and be able (maybe not willing..haha) to follow one step directions.
Here is a link to some developmental information from the American Speech Language Assoc.
http://www.asha.org/public/speech/development/chart.htm
Also, you can take your daughter to a speech language pathologist and they can give her a screening or an eval. If the cost prevents you from this, call your school district and ask if they do preschool screenings. At these screenings, there is a team of therapists that meet during the spring and screen 2 and 3 year olds for early intervention purposes. If she needs help with her language skills, she may qualify for help through the preschool programs. Something to check into. Now is definately the time to address it if you are able. Early intervention will save your daughter later frustrations. Good luck - I hope I was able to help you.
L. (speech language pathologist)

My daughters are all grown up, in their 30's, and have grown into accomplished and lovable women...
but we started out with some challenges, some similar to yours.
The youngest was not as able to express verbally at 2 yrs old, and had a nicely pitched note of frustration designed to get everyone to leap into the guessing game of what she wanted. Not her fault. It just ended up working when her words hadn't.
I found 2 solutions; One was a moratorium on responding to non-verbal "requests". We helped her say the word as clearly as she could, before we complied... letting her know that words DO work, and that saying it CLEARLY was necessary to be sure we understood.
Then I got the cards out... These were big RED words in LOWER CASE LETTERS, because books are written mostly with LOWER CASE LETTERS.... and we proceeded to play the word game.
The Rules are; Mom or Dad, Run your finger LEFT to RIGHT under the letters as you say the word to her. (Enunciate CLearly)
"Watch my mouth.. " trace under the word with finger - say "toes" and reach out and wiggle a toe. Touch reinforces the sound, so start with words that have good touchy cues.
Third Rule; Probably the most important, is -
the instant you sense the child becoming bored or distracted, put the words away. You want to convey the fact that the child is getting a treat which THEY choose for themselves, not imposed because you thought they should.
I must tell you I thought my mother-in-law was nuts when she gave me this book (Teaching Your Baby to Read", Dr. Glenn Domann ?sp in about 1970)... but my first baby had a leg deformity which (we thought) was going to mean more mental than physical interests. (Later she ran as referee for 5 games of socker every weekend).
When she got to high school they did alot of testing, one of which was a speed reading test. She tested at 600 words per minute with 99% comprehension. She said later, "If I'd known it was a speed reading test, I'd have read faster".
Her reading vocabulary at 2+ years old was about 15 to 20 words. By the time she was 3, I subscribed to the Reader's Digest to keep up with her need for books.
The reading helped expand the number of words they could use, and give specific attention to the slight variations in meaning.
The youngest one (the screamer) now makes presentations at the meetings she attends. Her bosses have frequently deferred to her to do the presentations because she has an easy way of explaining complicated material.
I was a single Mom through a lot of this time, so there were many factors here. It was clear to me then, as now, that the added tool of being able to read at that age, gave my kids a way to think more clearly... words that helped them sort out their feelings, and express them better.
Another Rule that came out of all this was, "I want to hear how you feel, what you want, whatever... I won't ask you to agree with me, and I may not agree with you, but, for sure, we'll talk about it". We disagreed plenty. Some people thought my kids were disrespectful when they disagreed or argued... but the contrary was true... We had the respect to speak honestly and openly with each other, struggle our way to a solution, and come out the other end.
They grew up facing difficulties with a CAN DO attitude.
Now they get paid big bucks for it, fixing people's businesses and the environment, tactfully. I'm so proud of them.
I'm sure you will find an effective way through this stage of your child's development.
Good Luck.
Lin

K.,
Have you talked to your Dr. about having her hearing tested. It sounds like the typical 2's but it might just be a hearing related problem.

K.,

It sounds as though she is an only child?

First of all, I am not a mother who raised little ones. I adopted a girl in her teens. However, I was a special ed teacher for many years, and worked with kids who were developmentally around your daughter's age—particularly with kids who had strong wills of their own.

It is not completely unusual for a child under two to have a limited vocabulary for a while. Some just wait and then start talking in complete sentences, seemingly out of mid air. There is a method called reactive therapy that is a lot of fun and tends to stimulate speech. Begin by imitating her sounds, whether or not they mean anything to you. Imitate for the sheer joy of the sound. After a while, you make a sound and let her imitate it if she wants to. (This is a game of fun, so there is never any pressure for the child to do anything she doesn't want to.) Most children will start immitating you eventually. Start with nonsense sounds like blowing raspberries, and other goofy sounds. Kids usually love these. It makes it safer for them to play.

Slowly, eventually, introduce sounds that are single syllable words like "ma, pop, me, dad, ha, etc." If you can do something physical along with the sound, kids love it, like saying "pop" and jumping up a little. She'll probably immitate you. Again, evenually over time, add two syllable words, and then evenually short little phrases. Pair as much of these with physical body movement as possible. If you are at all interested in sign language, this might be more accessible for your child and she'll be less frustrated if you understand the sign (even if her words don't make sense to you yet).

When children feel understood and as though their perspective of life is important to you, they often reciprocate more often when you want them to adhere to your requests of them. Of course, kids don't always agree to do what you want and at this age tantrums are not unusual. Ignoring the tantrum (or putting her in a quiet place) until she calms down, and then returning her attention to the desired behavior, sometimes repeatedly, may be required for her to undersand when you want her to do something, you really mean it. It can be helpful to make sure that when you tell her to do something, it is signficant. Telling kids to do things that aren't important to you or to them, only gives them good reasons to be defiant. Save the "telling" for the important stuff, so she has plenty of room to discover herself and make her own choices about the stuff that isn't so important to you. Also remember, don't phrase a command as a question. Otherwise you have posed an invitation for her to say, "No." If she has a choice, ask a question and honor her answer. If you are making the decision, be sure to say what you want as a statement.

The more often you can create space for what you need for her to do to be fun, the more likely she will be to cooperate. Assume she is going to cooperate with you, whether or not she does. With a tone of voice that assumes compliance and persistence on your part, she will soon figure out she needs to do what mom says.

Good luck!'

Reverend M.

Hi K., I'm Natalie
I have a 25 month old daughter who was the same way. At 22 months she talked A LOT but it was all gibberish with only a few real words thrown in here and there. That changed almost overnight, however. She all of a sudden - like in a months time - started using more words, and forming sentences. It's like a light switch turned on in her head and all the nerves connected in her brain. So I wouldn't worry.
About the defiance - my little girl is still like that. The doctor told me this is the age where they test your limits, feel out boundaries, and see how close to the edge they can get (little teenagers). It's normal for them to push your buttons because they want to see how far they can go - how independant they can be. My little girl will seem to ignore me so I keep asking the question pretending that maybe she didn't hear me and then she starts to giggle - purposful ignoring. At least I know she hears me and is just being a little stinker. I think patience is the key. Patience in trying to figure out what she is trying to tell you and then remembering what those words mean for next time. Patience in letting her test the waters and figure out where the boundaries are, but not letting her drown in her own actions -she is only 2. I always noticed when my little girl got frustrated with her inability to communicate, it made things ten times worse when I was frustrated and rushed too. When I sat down and patiently used the process of elimination to figure out what she wanted I could then learn what she was trying to say, AND teach her to say it the right way.
Good Luck!
Natalie

My very shy son would NOT talk to anyone for almost 3 years. I knew he knew how to talk, he just wouldn't. Now he won't stop talking at age 9...lovin it! It was so sad because the horrible tempers he would throw I was certain he hated his own mom and I wondered if we would ever connect with each other on an emotional level. He's turned into the sweetest, most talkative kid on the planet.

Dear K.;

Children have a general rule for their age. Be prepared.
"terrible twos"
"Threatning threes"
"fearful fours"
"fearless fives"
First of all, you need to remember that your daughter has entered the "terrible twos". This is when she realizes that she is "separated" form you and starting to be her own little person with HER own ideas! This is where your work really begins. Raising your kids. Regardless of the situation, remember that YOU are the parent and what you say goes!! Many new parents think it's cute to see their child "boss" them around, foolishy they comply and follow the childs demands".

BAD, BAD, BAD,!!!

This the beginning of serious trouble. If you allow your child to make the decisions that means you have lost all control. It will wind up being easier to allow your child to "boss" you around then it is to stand your ground.

Why??

Because there is laundry to be done, you need to get dinner started and BLAST you forgot to water the yard and get the weed pulled, need to vacuum too. Well, teaching your child is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than any household chore. So here are some things to help with speach and "who is the parent and who is the child".

#1 Does she know the parts of the face??? How about her favorite toys? Books are great to use because this is a very important tool because of the visual. When introducing new words, say the word and encourage your child to repeat it. Say the word again, touch your lips and say "watch my mouth" repeat this exercise again and again slowly, so she can see how to form her mouth to make the words, break it up into syllables. ie....
ta-ble, but-ter, dol-ly and so on. Keep repeating this exercise as the opportunity arises. These are things you can do at ANY TIME you speak to your daughter while you cook, or go shopping find things in the store. Groceries are great too, she knows what she likes to eat. I'm sure there are some favorite toys. Praise her well even if she only gets one syllable. If you don't think she is understanding, start all over from the beginning with the face and body parts, then the new word. "WATCH MY MOUTH" and "SPEAKING ONE SYLLABLE AT A TIME" is THE WAY TO GO!!!
It will finally click "Watch my mouth and stand your ground" I hope this helps you. I hope I hear from you with positive results. >:o)
Good luck,
CJ O'Connor
____@____.com

K.,

I have a hard time thinking "22 month old" and "defience" in the same sentence. At that age they are trying to figure out their world, not manipulate their parents. Receptive and expressive language don't necessarily develop at the same rate. She may not be ignoring you, she may simply not understand you. I have a now 4.5 y.o. who has autism. At 22 months, he had about 4 words and was easily frustrated, lots of tantrums,etc. He made great eye contact and was very social. But his language skills were just not there (some of his other autism related issues didn't become evident until he was older). At 22 months, it is hard to say what is "normal" and what is not because there is such a huge range of normal. And if it is something like autism, it may not be all that evident yet. Not being able to follow one-step commands is definitely an autism thing (but at 22 months, it is hard to say if it could also just be age appropriate). I would highly recommend contacting your local Early Intervention office and having her evaluated for language delays. If she has a language delay, there is a huge amount you can do to help her. Sign language is a good way to bridge a communication gap until she develops more verbal skills (it will NOT slow down her verbal development, it actually helps with it). If you go the early intervention route, they will test her hearing, assess her language skills and evaluate her for any more serious issues. All of their services are free (from the evaluation and hearing test to the therapies if she qualifies). If they decide there is nothing wrong with her, you can relax and just let her develop at her own pace.

Oh, and don't just ask your pediatrician. In my experience, pediatricians know very little about autism (other than the Rainman variety and that is something like less than 5% of kids on the autism spectrum). You either need a developmental specialist (Early Intervention) or a developmental pediatrician. Good luck!

T.

I had a similar problem with my now 5 yr old. She talked, but we could not understand a thing she said. It turned out to be an articulation problem. In the state of AZ there is a program called AZEIP (Arizona Early Intervention Program, your ped. can get you the phone number or you can look it up online. This group tests children for free, basically a person will come test your child, sit and play with them for about 2 hours, during that time they will fill out paper work and about a week or so later they will call and go over it with you and let you know where your child is and where they should be in speech. If your child qualifies, you will be assigned a Speech Pathologist, until she is 3. At the age of 3, The school systems will be given your childs chart. (My daughter started a School system Preschool right before she turned 3.) Where she received an EIP (basically an intervention program for any child with special needs.) see a Speech Pathologist for 1-3 days a week. My daughter graduated out of the program after starting Kindergarten this year. She still has problems with a few words, but she is much better. I started early and am happy I did.

Good luck in your choice.

I don't know if anyone has already suggested this but there are a couple of things I can think of that would help. Signing, American Sign Language offers a great way for kids to communicate and can help ease the tantrums as the language skills develope. It might help with any discomfort or aversion she may have to speaking out loud and give her(and you) another option.

There is a myth that signing can slow speach development, so I warn you not to believe this. Clinically it is believed to be the opposite. Children who learn sign from birth tend to speak earlier on average.

There are some great fun ways to learn to sign, and I would recommend make sure whatever you learn is really based on American Sign Language and not some "dumbed down" version. Sign Smart is a great program and there may be others, I think you could maybe get info from ASL website.??
There is also a great way to learn and reinforce using music, it is a program called sign and sing. A teacher here in Fort Collins would be Susan Youmans, website Susan's Music House, look her up on the web. She is a really great teacher, I take her classes with my 15 month old and have taught with her. She also teaches Kindermusik, as did I, and I would highly recommend this as well. Kindermusik is designed as a fun way to use musik and movement to encourage all areas of brain development, cognitive, social, everything. Singing songs, labeling your actions, experienceing the meanings of words such as over, under, etc. is a powerful tool to comprehension and language development. Given your comments I think the Kindermusik classes would not only be great fun for you both but really help with the language skill development.

Susan Youman's is also a great resource for finding specialists as needed, as she has been a teacher for years, has great experience, is well networked with professionals in the Northern Colorado area, and she just has a huge heart for helping moms find the resources they need. Please visit her website and give her a call. There is a speach therapy specialist that I was in class with last year, teaches sign and if you want her professional opinion Susan could probably get you in contact with her.

Have a blessed day!
M. Oltrogge

My now four year old daughter was the same way at that age. She is what they call a strong willed child and always has been. Even her younger sisters (2 1/2 and 17 months) talk way more than she did at that age. She just turned four and still has selective hearing, but her vocabulary is amazing. I think some kids just like to observe for a while and are learning. My daughter also used a pacifier and when we took it away at 2 1/2 she started talking a whole lot more.

Mommy of four ages four and under

Yup!!!!!!!!!!! Try having three boys that act just like that.
She is testing you. And definately expects you to know exactly what she wants without putting the words together.

It will pass, and if it doesn't then take her to the Doc. maybe it is only certain tones she doesn't understand.

Any way, I truly believe she is testing you.
Be patient and make your desires clear to her repeatedly. Then go about your business and I'll bet she responds then.

She wants 100% of your attention and in actual fact you can not give that to her 24/7, so make her aware of that while she is young.

Good luck, and don't get frustrated, cause they love that. LOL

First off that is great she says that many words at almost 2years. Ignoring to some degree is part of toddlerhood. I bet if you whispered "do you want a cookie?" she would jump right on that one! :) Tantrums come from toddlerhood, she is trying to see where things are in her world, she will test you and yes be very defiant. Just lay the ground rules, keep calm and always stay consistent. Time outs at this age are very important to teach her consequences. If you have to ask her multiple times to do something then explain she has to listen to mommy and set her in the corner until she can listen. It isn't mean or harsh. I see so many parents cave to tantrums and the reality is they will have a much harder time later on down the road. Not to mention they are teaching their children they can get what they want pitching a fit! If she comes to you and get frustrated saying what she needs, help her along and try and have her take your hand and show you or help her with the words. Right now what I call "selective hearing" is so normal, hee hee....

If you want to find out for sure there is a nation program that our tax dollars pay for, so please utilize this great program. http://www.earlychildhoodconnections.org or call 1-888-777-4041 and it will connect you with your local agency. They offer FREE transdiciplinary evaluations (Speech, Fine & Gross Motor Skills, & Social-Emotional) for children birth to age three. If your child does have a delay then they offer FREE in-home therapy since most insurances do not pay for speech therapy.
After age 36 months then the program changes and you have to receive therapy through the school district preschool program.
I didn't find out about this program for my own child until he was 3 and no longer able to receive in home therapy; at age 9 he is still in speech therapy. That small window from birth to three can make a world of difference. In most cases kids are just fine and don't need therapy, or if they do they just need that boost to get them going. It is worth checking out, good luck!

I am not sure if you mean difference or defiance? I highly doubt it's defiance -- she is one trying to determine boundaries (which lasts for a long time to come) and learn to speak. As others have said, they understand a lot more than they can speak. Language acquistion is a very interesting process but comprehension usually comes long before speaking. It is about this time that my son's vocabulary began to blossom 22-24 months. I might suggest trying some sign language as well-- which is just amazing and will not stifle spoken language. It defintely enhances it and helps them communicate even if they can't speak -- this will help the frustration and tantrums. When she answers in one word responses, say the full response for her (so she begins to hear the words). Talk with her all the time, point out things, read a lot and just keep working. There will be some frustration but realize that and help her learn the words she needs.

Good luck

You can contact your local school district Child Find program. They will have some kind of screening and evaluation program to help you determine if your daughter's speech and language skills need a boost from a professional. If she does, they will be able to get you hooked up to services that are appropriate for an almost 2 year old. Child Find is available everywhere and is free to families. It is part of the Federal IDEA law.

Hi K. - I understand this from being a teacher of gifted and highly challenged children and my sister also being gifted who spoke by 2 years and told stories like a pro..(youngest child).
Alas, I was very nonverbal - middle child actually had my own language that my older brother understood - until he went to school - then I had to try to talk with my mother....but she was too busy - and when she asked me to do things I rebelled - I always walked off on adventures by my self. I remember being just like your child - I felt like there were things that didn't need to be said and I was non responsive to the redundancy of "baby talk".....I wanted to know why, why, why, ????? If you asked for me to find the doggy why do I have to give it to you? Why did you have me find it - why didn't you go find it? The terrible two's do not have to be terrible - personal space is huge and the words have a hard time coming out due to the fact of their own internal understanding. "Let's go upstairs" is different than - "I need your help to find the doggy upstairs because we need to wash him." The frustration is from the demands on them to say the right words when they may be working on trying to understand why do I have to play a game - can you just be with me....until I can say what I want to say?.......
I was very social also but did not speak in sentences until I was 3 1/2 or four - because my brain and mind we more able to come together. Speech is about brain and mind blending together - physical and mental - we are all different in this process. Your child is intuitive, and aware of the difference in your voice and attitude and is working on maintaining her own timing and space. Can you just play with her in silence and be with her in her time and space - and drop the expectations - be nonverbal for a while and be silly...
Ask her to help you say things right....you see we are all gifted but our timing is very individual. Take the pressure off and enjoy your self assured child - which is part your good parenting.
See, now, you can't shut me up - but I became a dancer and mime as a career.
Explore the the silliness of why.....I also do a why game and ask the children for their explanations of our adult order of things and then I get a response......don't always look for verbal responses. Ask her about what she is thinking or get into drawing the words. Look for a Brain Gym teacher near you - they can work well with bright self determined nonverbal children to create balance and physical exercises that can enhance brain and mind integration activity. Hope this helps. T. MacHardy

Hi! I have 3 little ones (now ages 3, 2, and 1yr old) and from the time they were pretty young I started to use 'baby signs' with them. I think it has helped them a LOT with their frustrations. My 2 year old daughter uses them still (it hasn't delayed her speaking at all) and likes to help her 1 year old brother with them as well. They are a life saver with him when he is screaming and I don't know why. I can now just get down with him and ask him and show him the sign at the same time, eat? milk? sleep? and it usually helps. Plus it's really fun to see them figure them out and start using them! :) Good luck!

I have to say I don't agree with the previous poster. Sure, some kids will develop late, but some kids need that push, and it's better to get that push sooner than later. Early intervention is key to any medical issue, from speech, congnitive delays, or cancer. I am a speech therapist, and you will see that kids that start services sooner make quicker gains and spend less time in therapy services.

I don't know how it is in Colorado, but I'm sure it's similar to what we have in AZ. Kids under the age of three receive services through AzEIP (Arizona Early Intervention Program) and once they reach the age of three and still require services, your local school district will take them into a free pre-school program. I would look into a program in Colorado that may be offered that is similar to this.

And as far as her behavior, she is testing you. She wants to see what she can get away with. It's normal 2 year old behavior as she starts to realize she is her own person with her own ideas. Good luck!

Funny to respond to your post because I too am a 27 y/o mom with a 22 m/o little girl. I wouldn't worry about her not "listening" I always think when my daughter is doing that she is just trying to create her own identity and test her limits to see what she can get away with or not. I think it's totally normal for her to get frustrated and throw fits my daughter has done that too, I just try to calmly say to her, "use your words" or I say "help" so recently when she gets upset or frustrated she says "help" now, still in a whiney voice, but I think she is learning. I understand how you may think she is being defient but I think it's just their way of learning and getting through their challenges but still feeling independent. Hope this helps...

M.:)

Sounds a lot like my son. He understood everything but could not speak clearly. He is just so laid back that he did not get frustrated. When he was 2 1/2 we finally called Douglas County Child Find to have him evaluated. He is still in speech and just moved from home to a speech group. He has been in since last Sept. and it has made a world of difference. When they are under 3 a speech therapist comes to your house and works with them. The staff at child find was so nice and made me feel so comfortable. I think it's always better to start early, I wish we would have called when he was 2.

Hi K.,

I am a Speech-Language Pathologist (aka, Speech Therapist) and recommend you take your child to your local Head Start/Child Find facility to get her speech and language skills tested. She may have an expressive language delay. A child 1 year of age should have a vocabulary of 50 words. Since your child is almost 2, she should be able to put together 2 word phrases and have a larger vocabulary. Early intervention is the key.

To answer your question, it does not sound like defience. She may be frustrated.

Best of luck!

K.:

Hi. I worked with special needs and autistic kids for 8 years. I strongly recommend having your child checked out for autism. At such a young age, if she can get the proper therapy and care from people who truly understand autism, then your child can over come many of the difficult behaviors now ... before those behaviors escalate into a real problem later on.

Lots of kids can have different kinds and stages of autism. There is high functioning autism where kids can have good eye contact and seem "normal" in many other ways.

Having your child checked out by a doctor or therapist that truly knows autism - and won't just prescribe drugs as a solution - can help you and your child. If it isn't autism, it could be another form of dysfunction that needs proper attention.

At any rate, these kids are very smart. Just because your child becomes silent, stubborn, angry or frustrated is not an indication that she is not very intelligent. And yes, your child likely understands most of what you say. The difficulty happens in how your child responds.

That's all I can offer for now.

Good luck

PJ

My oldest (now turning 8 in a few wks), had about a 5 word vocab til he turned 2, then he started talking in full sentences. He was so frustrated ( and frustrating!) , hang in there, she'll get it. The only things I would suggest are make sure she can hear, (try offering a lollipop to her when either her back is turned or in some situation where she can't be reading your lips or body language). Try not to test her hearing or comprehension with things where you'll be potentially butting heads with her will. Secondly, read to her as much as you can, that's the best vocab builder I know of. Board books with pictures that you can say "where's the dog or apple or flower" and have her point to them. One final thought, try to enjoy the moment, once my son started talking he hasn't stopped for more than 30 seconds in 6 yrs!:) And by the way, his behavior improved tremendously once he could communicate better. Good luck!

i usually go by the rule of thumb that by the time a child is 2 they should have between 50 and a few hundred words. typically a childs comprehension is going to be a lot greater than what they can actually say at this age. if you think it may be an issue of defiance, as you said....have you tried coupling your daughter with another adult and seeing if she will follow directions more/speak more with them?
tantrums is an obvious sign that she clearly wants to say more but is having difficulty doing so.
if you are overly concerned and her vocab does not increase in the next few months i would bring it up to your pediatrician. not sure where you live, but each county has an early intervention program free of charge where you can get your daughter assessed by professionals who will tell you whether or not she may need some further intervention.

best of luck!

I had a similar issue with my son when he was two. Only he said even less words than your daughter. I know this may be hard to swallow, but please, please, please get her tested as quickly as possible and get her set up with a speech language pathologist. She should have 10 times as many words as she does. My son was eventually diagnosed with speech apraxia, but with speech therapy from the time he was two, he's made enormous improvements and is a nearly normal 3rd grader. He's smart, he's not autistic, he's just a bit different. But I don't know where we would be if I had not got him all the help I could from the time he was two.

My son (3 in May) has speech delays, too, and I'm familiar with the tantrums. He still chooses to ignore me to this day (and probably for the rest of his life), so I'm afraid I don't have the answer to that one. What really helped me communicate with my son (and vice-versa) was getting help learning signs and other tricks from a speech therapist. Talk to your pediatrician about early intervention programs that may be available. At this point, Aidan rarely has a tantrum and is starting to put three words together.

Hi! Our first child had this same problem. He wanted to communicate but the words just wouldn't come for him I had no idea what to do but wait it out.

I saw the same thing happening with our 2nd child (we had an 8 year space between them ~ I had a traumatic birth exp with our son, so it took a while to be ready for the 2nd baby!). So we used a lot of baby sign with her. signwithme.com is great, also PBS has a baby sign language program on during the day. If you both learn the signs it may help in her communicative abilities. I know it helped tremendously with our daughter and also with our 2nd son.

Most definitely, I would recommend baby signing. My macho husband even learned some of the signs with our daughter and he swears to all our friends that it helped keep him sane from the time she was 18 mos to about age 3 (and now she won't stop talking at 5!). I hope that helps!

~B.

***I want to add that our first did have 5 years of speech therapy too but is now 13 and an "A" student in all advanced classes. Every single class is advanced ~ even orchestra. We had him tested 3 months ago and he has above average hearing. He is sensitive to noise as well. He wants to be a doctor and naturally, we are thrilled. We did enroll him in a certified montessori school at age 4-7 and it is the best thing we ever did to help him.

Good luck!

Hi- it doesn't sound to me like your daughter is trying to be defiant, but rather frustrated and unable to "control" her actions. Have you tried some of the great books and videos that do baby sign language? I am a preschool teacher and have had some great experience with these. She probably doesn't respond to your commands because she feels safe with you and knows that she can exhibit these behaviors without too much consequence- which in her own way is a compliment to you. Does she get to be around other children much- that is also sometimes an option that helps speed up the verbal communication process. Hope this helps-

Hi K. - there are a lot of entries below about getting your daughter checked for autism and early intervention and I would like to say not to...yet. My 2.5 year old daughter only said about 15 words at her 2-year old check and was not linking words together either. She is also a very willful child and therefore does not obey a lot of commands even if she understands them. At about 26 months, her vocab exploded and overnight she pretty much started talking in sentences and now, at 30 months has no problem communicating her desires.

Her ped did have her hearing checked just as a precaution (she had a lot of fluid in her ears and a lot of ear infections) but everything came back normal. Autism is so hard to detect at this age so I would advise to wait until they are at least 2.5 or 3 years to see if she is just doing things in her own time. There is no need to add that stress into your life or hers! It sounds like she is similar to my daughter and we decided it was best to wait to see how she developed and now she is great (but still really defiant!). Good luck!

HI K.,

i don't have first hand experience with this b/c my boy is a chatter box, but I recall my pediatrician mentioning a state-sponsored service of speech therapy for kids who are just a little behind and getting frustrated by it. Ask your pediatrician about it. My friend's sister in law is taking advantage of this right now, so I know it exists! It is, I believe, a free program.

good luck!
K. K