Sports Tournament Hotel Room Drama, Help!

I think since it's a team event that the team MUST stay together.
That's the way it works when the school band goes on travel.
The band follows the same rules whether parents come on the trip or not.

This friend coming along is not really coming along for the sports event - she's just using it as the excuse to come along and then do other things (the sports event is not her focus).
The friend can go do what she wants at any time - but the team players stay together doing what they came to do.

The only drama here is the drama you allow.
This is your son's sports trip. Stay at the hotel where his team will be staying. Part of your son's experience is sharing a room, eating meals and hanging out with his teammates. And it is easier for coaches to gather everyone together and communicate information when everyone is in one place.

Your friend can do whatever she likes.

Best,
T. Y

My daughter played select soccer for seven years. The only time I didn't stay with the team was a tournament that was really close to our condo and actually half the team stayed with us, the other half stayed at a different condo.

You don't drive to tournaments for sightseeing, you go to play the sports. At least in soccer you have two seconds to do anything on your own anyway because of the way the games are scheduled and you can't be going around sightseeing and wearing out the kids because they have games to play.

Traveling with the team is a big bonding experience. I used to play basketball and we traveled occasionally. Every 2 years there was a huge tournament out of state that lasted for several days. My parents opted to make us stay with distant cousins in the suburbs while my team/coaches stayed in a hotel near the venue. I missed SO much. Bonding, meals, pool time, exploring, watching other teams, etc. All people talked about for the next few months was the memories from there, but I was only invved in a very small amount of them and felt left out.

Stay with the team.

I would (and have) always stayed with the team.

The kids play/swim/eat together and my kids love that. It's not often they get that experience, whereas we can go to see sights and see friends other times of the year.

I think the thing is - don't give him the option of feeling like he would hurt your friends' feelings. He's not responsible for them - this is his team sport. It's nothing personal if he feels like staying with the team.

And you'd just say to your friends "He wants to stay with the team" - no biggie.

Good luck :)

Why is the close friend staying at a different hotel than the rest of the team? (Maybe she gets points at the other hotel chain?)

I recently went to a dance festival with my daughter's pre-professional ballet studio, and I was the chaperone for about 10 of the girls. I literally cannot imagine the level of difficulty one of these kids staying in a different hotel would have caused. It was hard enough with all of them in one hotel. What with having to get all the kids ready and down to breakfast by a certain time, everyone with their correct clothing, gear, name tags, etc etc etc, and then getting them over to where their classes were... doing that with a kid somewhere else? No. Just no.

My advice, for whatever it's worth, is to stay in the hotel with the rest of the team. Your son will have fun with his friends, and there will be much less chance of miscommunication between yourself and the other parents/coaches if you're all in the same place. Hopefully your close friend will see the light and stay at the hotel with the rest of you.

Tell her your son has to stay with this team mates and that you'll be free when you're free.

The reason I say this is that you're going for the team activity right? The time with the friend will be a plus? If they're on the same team they should be staying at the same hotel too. That's just rude of her to expect you to not let your son have that experience of team bonding and playing in the pool together and eating together, etc....those are important rites of passage.

Yes, this is your son's trip, it's not about the adults. Let him make the call.

Absolutely the team! Go team!

Your son should stay with his team. If this is a situation where he would be with you (in your room) and not in one with his team then you/your family should be where the team is. If he can stay with his team and you go elsewhere then you certainly have that option. I did not look to see the age of you son. The younger he is the more inclined I am to say..."friend can do as she pleases but you are there for your son and his team".

I also say stay with the team. Like others have said, team trips are about the games and the team being together. Maybe you can take another trip with your friends later and do the fun stuff that you're not likely to have time for on this trip.

With the team. This is not a family vacation, it's an athletic event. That's where the focus should be. If your son continues with sports in college, he will travel with a team and no parents - he needs to learn how this works. They need to learn to eat together, get up and get ready on time. be respectful of other guests, and more.

If the family at a lake house actually owns that house, that's one thing. If a family has special circumstances (like an infant, for example) and needs more quiet or a kitchen, that's okay too. But just to focus on sights and tourist attractions? Wrong message. It's distracting the kids from their focus, which is the athletics. And kids need to know that their families are supporting the athletic training and the sportsmanship, not just heading out to tourist sites and ignoring the events.

Why would you feel badly if your son didn't want to stay with the friends? Why should he? He's focused on the team.

He should be with his teammates.

I think some people missed that this friend is on the team too... I agree you should stay with the team. I'm the type who always wants nice accommodations or something and will go off on my own and I definitely missed stuff. There will be that weirdness for your son joining in when he arrives. If there's free time to sight see, that means free time your son will be missing with the rest of the team. If there's no time to sight see, then pointless to stay closer to the sights. And don't feel bad about your friend. Just say since it's a sports tournament, you just think it's less risky to stay with the group. Maybe she'll rethink it. One thing you don't mention though is how big the group is. 3 families on their own. Does that leave 10 or more at the hotel or just 3 or so? If it's the latter, then your son wouldn't miss so much...

is there a family that will be staying with the team who you'd be comfortable being in charge of him? i mean, you'd still be close.
i'm betting your son wants to be with his teammates. if i had to pick one or the other, i'd go with that option. but it might be possible to please everyone in this scenario if you're creative!
if you choose not to stay away from the team, your friend should not give you drama. this should not be a guilt-trip. it's about the kids and their sporting event.
khairete
S.

Did your friends even ask you to stay? Maybe they'd prefer not to be with other teammates. I assumed they couldn't get a room in the designated hotel for some reason and you felt badly and wanted them not to be alone. But if they are choosing to be in a different place, then you should do what works best for you. I've been in both positions - left out for some reason and feeling sorry for myself that no one would sacrifice to be with me, and also choosing to do something different, in which case I'm cool with others doing whatever is best for them.

My daughter dances competitively and so we always travel, lots of hotels. Years ago, they pushed for the whole group to stay at the same hotel, now we all do our own thing. My daughter is part of a small group, 6 girls, so we normally try to stay at the same place so they can practice, but if not, no big deal and no hurt feelings.

Stay where it makes your son happy and don't make a big deal about it. If the friend is coming along as something for YOU then I would stay with the team. If she has a child who is close to your son I would likely stay there. Honestly though, we learned the hard way that it is NEVER a good idea to mix personal friendships with any sports thing that takes time. My daughter and her best friend fought like dogs over a Christmas performance. The focus of the trip is the sports - if you can work other things in, great!

I read below and everyone convinced me. It's pretty obvious you need to stay with the team.

If cost is not a factor in the decision, then let your son decide. Or let him bunk with his team and you bunk with your friend.

We have done both and both work.

I like the team bonding time, but, sometimes the kids need down time. This last tournament, everyone left for a theme park when there was a championship game the next day. We lost. We chose not to go to the theme park because it is draining.

One family we are close to never stays in the team hotel. We are considering the same. However, I'm with you...you miss out on the bonding.

On the other hand, there are plenty of team dinners to participate in during the trip, not to mention the birthday parties throughout the year.

He will most definitely miss out on some fun stuff if he doesn't stay with the team.