Standing in the Crib and Won't Go to Sleep

Updated on January 21, 2009
K.R. asks from San Diego, CA
16 answers

My just 10 month old son used to lay down in the crib for a nap and fall asleep within about 5 minutes, with a little crying sometimes. Since he learned how to stand up, but not how to get down, he immediately stands and then cries until we come try to lay him down, over and over, never going to sleep. Now the only way he will sleep is if he is rocked to sleep then placed in the crib or if we put him in the car or stroller. I had been wanting to get him to sleep through the night and get into the room with his older sister, but the standing has stopped all that. I stopped nursing at night on Jan 1 and just patted or rocked him to get him back to sleep and he started sleeping most nights straight through, but now stands in the middle of the night and screams. Then he is awake and often will cry when rocked, held, etc. so breastfeeding is the only way to get him back to sleep. Has anyone gone through this? Any recommendations would be appreciated. We just want to get our sleep and have less nap battles!

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P.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

In my experience this is a temporary problem. He'll learn to get down on his own soon. What I would do is just keep putting him down when he gets stuck. If you don't want to breastfeed him, just lay him down. He may get up over and over for a couple nights, but pretty soon he'll realize that all you're going to do is lay him down. My dd's both did this, and it only took one really sleepless night to train them to stop standing up and stay asleep.

Good luck!

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

K.,

This is SO normal...now, that your son has become more mobile and is able to see his world from different angles, he is becoming more aware of what is or is not around him. At this stage, my son was still off the one feeding a night in a breast milk/formula combo in a bottle...but, the seperation anxiety he began to experience threw a monkey wrench in our two months of solid routine. He was also, growing and the spurt caused the need for the re-addition of the nightly feed, which his Pediatrician said was totally normal. In his almost exact words, 'do what you gotta do'.

So, I too ended up rocking and singing to my son at night to get him to sleep. Really this phase in my opinion is all about helping the infant understand that it's okay that Mommy isn't always in your line of sight, and no matter what we'll always be back for nuturing and love. Infants in this phase, don't know that when they can't see you that you haven't just simply disappeared for good...so, there is a lot of insecurity that leads to crying and of course lack of sleep at night.

For us, it only took a couple of weeks to get him back into his pattern of knowing Mommy would come back if he needed something. They just need reassurance at this phase, and comfort through it.

Also, during the day I would play games like peek-a-boo to get him used to me leaving but, coming back. And, making him a part of my activities...like laundry and cooking. Today at 2.5 he's the best sock sorter!

I would rock my son to sleep, while playing a lullaby CD and telling him Mommy was going to stay with him until he fell asleep, but that I would always be back if he needed me. Since I got so used to him waking I would start to come at every noise and sound...most noises were him just resettling, so before you jump to comfort make sure it's not him just adjusting his comfort. But, I would come if he needed diaper change, feeding or some comfort back to sleep and then tell him the same thing...I'll be back...it worked over a short period of time, and he started to sleep through 'most' of the night.

I thinking sleeping through the night is one of those things that never really happens...not, even for me as an adult...but, I've got friends who insist that their kids sleep through the night. So, maybe but, I could never let my son CIO and leave him to figure out how to get back to sleep on his own...just me, though.

I hope some of this rambling helps!

4 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Don't worry, it is a PHASE.
ALL kids do this at a certain age, whey they are learning to stand/pull up/sit/walk etc.

Now, don't think he is doing it 'on purpose' to irk you... a baby is NOT doing this on purpose. IT IS DEVELOPMENTAL based..and you cannot just make him stop. As their gross motor skills increase... they will ALWAYS stand in the crib and cry and want you....it is also a type of 'separation anxiety.' Whenever a child goes through a lot of changes, they essentially get separation anxiety. This is all NORMAL.

PLUS, the baby does NOT KNOW how to sit back down, then lie down prone, then fall asleep in perfect sequence, in order to fall asleep again. So, you HAVE to assist him. Otherwise, he will just stay standing up ALL night, and get sore legs and cry.

This is just a phase that you have to put up with, sorry. It will pass though. Its all about his motor skills & cognitive skill and spatial skills changing. BUT... it is NOT easy for him either... these phases are not easy for the child either. Mostly, at these phases, we think about US and how WE are not getting sleep.... WELL WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD? This is their phase, their difficulty, and their lack of sleep too. ALSO, they are often times going through a "growth spurt" in tandem with all these changes too....thus, IF NURSING HIM IS THE ONLY THING that gets him back to sleep...then just nurse him. Since your son seems to be changing/growing a lot now and having a growth spurt... then, the baby NEEDS to be nursed/fed. *When a baby grows & changes... their appetite ALSO increases, their body is getting bigger, their appetite is getting bigger etc. They NEED to nurse. And Especially when they are going through developmental leaps and milestones, like your son is.

Your son isn't having a sleep "battle" per say, he's just having a difficult phase since he's now standing and they don't know what to do yet.

All the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

R.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dearest K.,
I agree with S H - what's wrong with nursing him to sleep? I remember spending half my life nursing my babies (7 of them) to sleep till they were at least 1 year old, and sometimes up to 2 years till they gave it up or my milk dried up. It's quite natural, though frustrating to getting anything else done. But they will only be little for a VERY short time. Enjoy this time and learn to let the house go - your kid will be grown up before you know it and you'll wish you had not been in such a hurry!
God bless - Hey - we're supposed to learn patience, right?
LOL! R.

2 moms found this helpful
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T.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Our best way was to let him cry. If it's longer than 10 minutes we go in there but once they realize your going to come in they will milk it for all it's worth. They're smarter than most people give babies credit for. start with letting him cry for 5 min then go in the 10 and so on. He'll get used to the new schedule and give up.

GOOD LUCK

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J.W.

answers from San Diego on

Try a swing. It might be your plan to get him napping and sleeping but it don't look like it's his plan. If the sleep is important enough, find something that will satisfy his need.

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N.V.

answers from Las Vegas on

I agree with SH and Ruth E. Do what works for you, especially during this new (and very temporary) stage. For me, that also meant to nurse to sleep. It may be a habit, like others have said, but I purposely CHOSE to nurse for a long time and be there to respond to my babies cries, because I feel that is what builds their confidence and trust that I'm always there for them, from infancy through adulthood. And, of course, each child is different. I have two children, have (attachment) parented them both very similarly, and my daughter is a much better sleeper and easier baby than my son was. Trust your instincts, make the right choices for your family and hopefully you'll soon get more sleep!
Sincerely, N.

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J.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am also a mom of a 10 month old. My baby also had the same issue with standing and not being able to get back down (at about 8 months) so I began rocking her to sleep. She would fall to sleep fairly quickly and I was able to lay her down. I did worry about this; I was concerned that she would get too used to it and would forget how to put her self to sleep.

It wasn't long before rocking her was taking longer and longer..she was refusing to drop off and when she did and I'd put her down she'd wake up and start screaming. I had to let her cry it out (by this time she could get herself back down).

Thinking back I think it worked out well...not perfectly but well. Sometimes it's trial and error and we wonder if we're stuffing our kids up for good but I think that sometimes you don't have a lot of choices. Rocking for me worked until it didn't work and then I dealt with that issue..I think that's what parenting is about..kids constantly change and our stratagies need to constantly change too.

After crying it out for a couple of nights, she now goes to sleep pretty easily. I rock her for five to ten mins before putting her in her bed, talk to her softly, tell her I love her, give her gentle kisses and then I put her down. Sometimes she sits or stands up but only for a moment. She very rarely cries out anymore. Now I'm left just waiting for the next hiccup on the road to toddlerhood. :) Good luck...and no matter what advice you decide to take..you're not going to break him.

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

He's going to practice what he just learned over and over, in this case, standing up. If he's not needing a diaper change or anything like that, let him fuss it out for a bit because he may just sit on his own and go to sleep. Don't go in to him immediately and try to soothe him but wait like 15 min. to see if his crying lessens or he sits himself down. When he learns his next thing, the standing in the crib thing will lessen.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi K., at 10 months old I was rocking my babies to sleep. I belive sinse you have polonged breast feeding for so long it has now become a habit for your child. I'm sure if hje stands long enough he will get tired and his legs will give out and he will be able to lay down, I have a 7 month old in my daycare that already stands in her crib and playpen, and he can get herself back down, I think your child is used to you coming in to lay him down, and that has also become a habit, if were not careful habits are easily formed with our babies, just for future reffrence you may want to try something different, my kids are grown now, but we formula fed our babies, started them on rice cereal in an infant feeder at 6 weeks old (MY MOMS ADVICE) at night and they started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old, we never experienced the sleepless nights when our babies were past the infancy stage. You and your husband need to work together to break the habits that has formed with your little one, an what ever you decide be consistant. Hope this helps. J.

H.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Here is some onorthodox advice: When this happend to me I resorted to putting my baby down with a bottle. I did everything by the book until it came to standing in the crib- I found no other solution. When I confessed to my mother-in-law that I'd resorted to these tactics and my babies teeth were sure to rot out of her head, she just laughed and said she had put all 4 of her babies down with bottles and they never had tooth decay. Go by to book when you can, but somtimes deviating from modern day wisdom is the diference between naps and no naps.

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M.C.

answers from Honolulu on

Whenever they learn a new trick, they just love to practice it so much that they can't concentrate on anything else. This will happen when he learns to walk, talk, etc. Work with him during the day on how to get back down from a standing position so he can do it himself. It is really important that he does not rely on you to pat his back or rock him or any overt comforting. It is better to have him fall asleep in the stroller or car so he does not really know what is going on. If he will cry for you over and over and you respond, you are in effect creating his expectation that you will comfort him to sleep and he will rely on it.

good luck!

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B.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am having the same problem with my 8 month old, except he is practing crawling in the middle of the night and starts yelling "momma, momma, momma!" crying and screaming too. I am running on fumes. I read that when babies are learning a new skill they dream about it and pratice the skill at night too. Sounds like your son is doing this too and can't figure out how to sit down. I don't know what to do to get more sleep myself. Good luck.
BTW...I was trying the "let him cry it out" for a while....besides giving me a major headache, my son ended up with an ear infection I didn't know about and was crying in pain one night. I thought he was just teething and wanting attention. Well, his ear drum ruputured the next day and needless to say, I can't (personally) let him just cry anymore. I don't think there are any "right" answers, just know you are not alone!

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J.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

My 8mo old starting doing the same thing. I never nursed him I started with bottlefeeding right after I had him. But, when he started standing I decided to buy him a walker to play around in. He loved being in it so I thought that after feeding him I would let him play in it for a half and hour and by that time he was getting cranky so I layed him in his crib. His little legs were tired from being in the walker he then would only stand in his crib for a little while with tears of cours; but would finally crash and go to sleep. There was a couple of times I showed him how to get down but, the trick for me was I put one of his favorite stuffed toys in there so when I layed him down he would look for that toy and cuddle up to it and go to sleep.

Basically I realized by wearing him out especially his legs he didn't want to stand anymore unless he just woke up from his nap(slept for 3hr at least). By then it was his feeding again. Also, by doing that in the evening he was learning to sleep through the night to because he was so exhausted.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. Like others have said it's trial and error and that's is what worked for me and my son. Also, just one last thought; try to spend time on his crawling and walking cause the more you do before a nap the more likely they will sleep longer due to the exhaustion.

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M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

K., my son did this exact same thing around the same age. I just kept putting him down and eventually he went back to his routine. It's just the excitement of his being able to do something new. I think my son did this for a week or two. Just be consistent and try not to change your routine too much. Good luck!

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L.S.

answers from San Diego on

Wish I could help...I am having a similar problem. Let me know if you get any good advice. All I know is that all of my friends that have children that sleep through the night have made their little ones cry it out and all of my friends that have refused to use the cry it out method have children that do not sleep through the night. I tried to let her cry a while back when my daughter was about 10 months but it didn't work for us. She is now 14 months and still not sleeping great. So, I have no idea how to get her to fall asleep on her own in her crib. Let's keep our fingers crossed that someone will have some stellar advice for us! Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

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