Staying at Home - How Do You Do It???

Updated on February 19, 2008
A.V. asks from Plano, TX
4 answers

Howdy Moms,
This may be a little long-winded, but I would really like to see what you ladies might have to say. My husband and I have "ideas" about how we want out life to be after our daughter arrives. We want this kind of house and that kind of car and to live in this type of neighborhood - you get the picture. The thing is, I really want to be a stay at home mom. I just can't figure out how to make it work with our budget. My husband does the books for the house so I don't really know "everything" about our finances (terrible, I know). I know we have the standard stuff to pay for, plus his student loan and an ill-advised credit card bill that is a big burden on his shoulders. Also, my husband is almost 16 years older than I am. Unfortunatly, his life before me wasn't exactly "future" oriented. He was in the Navy and did a tour in Desert Storm in the early nineties. He has worked in securities, insurance, for UPS, for McDonalds, as an EMT-I for EMS, to name a few, and has three degrees (and associates and 2 bachelors). While he is well versed in payroll deductions, he has NO retirement fund. Neither do I to speak of. Eric doesn't have deductions for a 401K right now, because of our bills and the fact that I don't make enough money to help AND to put money for retirement away. I have a small fund transferred from previous employment but can't afford to make contributions to it either. Anyway, I need help. I want to come to my husband with more than "I'm trying to help" I want to come to him with actual posible solutions. We aren't desperate - we're treading water - but we aren't getting any closer to shore if ou know what I mean. I know I'll have to work - what I want to figure out is HOW LONG I'll have to work. Where can I be more flexible? Does anyome know of a legitimate home-based business that actually MAKES money? Thaks for "listening" to my junk and I look forward to EVERYTHING anyone might have to say - positive or negative. :-)

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.M.

answers from Dallas on

Deciding to stay at home takes lots of sacrifice and discipline. I suggest doing a trial run now that you're pregnant but still working. Cut down your budget on unnecessary stuff - you know which ones those are: cable, cellphones, eating out; Starbucks; movies/rentals; shopping, home living (do you own your home; can you rent and live somewhere smaller/less expensive) etc. If you have new cars, consider selling them (Carmax) or trading them in for smaller/older/less expensive sedans that are completely paid for. This takes sacrifice and discipline. And when you cut your budget down....try to live NOW on your husband's paycheck alone. And save ALL of your paycheck until you leave for maternity leave.
Now when your baby comes, you'll have all this savings to live off of for a few months w/o having to worry.... and you'll be disciplined enough to keep living on the smaller budget.
Trust me -- it's worth it. The sacrifices are tough, especially living in a wealthy part of DFW where materialism is everywhere. But what's more important to you.... stuff, owning stuff, taking care of stuff, storing stuff;;;; or staying home w/your baby.

You have the rest of your life to have STUFF, own stuff, store stuff (big cars, homes) -- trust me babies don't care how big the house is; what neighborhood you're in; what car you drive -- they care about where Mommy is, why is Mommy leaving me, I want Mommy!

You have the rest of your life to buy stuff -- but only these few SHORT first years of your child's life - you won't get this time back. And they go by sooo quickly. If you truly want to stay home with your child -- go for it full strength 100%. Try hard and be disciplined! Your child deserves a good try from Mom and Dad.

We were a 2 income family before my baby came.... and when we found out we were pregnant, we started this plan (I read a few books about how to plan to stay home - how to change your budget and your viewpoints about money/materialism) .... We trimmed our budget so much.... we lived in a one-bedroom apartment (very inexpensive!); continued to drive our OLD paid off cars (didn't buy new ones although we had the $ to buy new ones).... we didn't have cellphones and we didn't have cable/sattelite. We read books! ha! We rarely went out to eat - one time a week at the most. For 9 months, we lived off my husband's paycheck - which wasn't much at that time. And we saved all of my paycheck during that time. And didn't touch that savings! Then when my son was born -- we had blessings pour in. My husband got a slight pay raise. We were able to buy a home (but didn't go overboard in our ability to buy BIG homes - we bought one that we could still pay for while just on hubby's paycheck)..... and we were able to live off my savings for a few months (actually I figured the first year of his life - I'd be home w/him).....
But more blessings poured in right when he turned one.... hubby got a great job opportunity w/bigger pay!
Did I mention we prayed about this the whole time..??? That was my constant prayer was to be home with my kids while they are young and that I prayed God would provide for us. And he really poured blessings on us, but we had to show God that we really were serious about this. We sacrificed because we seriously wanted this. While all our friends were in huge NEW homes; new Big fancy cars; new this new that; fancy cellphones.... we were happy to say that we were living debt-free and living on one income.

I know many stay-at-home moms and I've never heard of any "legitimate" stay at home jobs. I don't think that exists or else everyone would do that. Everyone wants to work from home. I think most of those jobs require selling and/or recruiting others to be under you (like a pyramid business).
You can stay home if you truly put the effort into it. You have a husband that provides with a great job. Good luck and God bless!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.T.

answers from Dallas on

Hi A.!! I work from home and I'd love to talk to you about what I do. It is a very legit biz, so you won't be making thousands of $$ next month, but you can be eventually. It does take time and effort, but again, it can be done. You won't be left on your own to figure it out...I'll be here to help you every step of the way.

Contact me and let me know of a good time to call you and we can set up a time to talk and go over everything.

I look forward to speaking with you!!

T.
____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.Z.

answers from Dallas on

Hi, A.,

I know that you and your husband are excited about your daughter. When is she due to arrive? I have 3 daughters and a son. I understand your desire to stay home and still contribute to the family income.
Four years ago I found a wonderful 'work-from-home' opportunity that did not require an investment. I love what I do! With your background in helping people, I think that you would, also.
Please contact me at ____@____.com and I will tell you about what I am doing.
S.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations on your pregnancy. It's an exciting time.

It sounds like you both may need to reevaluate your values as far as what you want in life and take a hard look at your finances too. This will determine what decision you make I think. Perhaps you can move to part time; however you'll need to factor in day care to see how this affects your situation.

The big thing is, you guys need to pay off your debt and start planning for retirement whether on not you stay home or not. Staying at home doesn't have to mean financial ruin. You just have to plan (and yes, sacrifice) for certain things. There are a lot of good financial planning web sites and blogs out there now.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions