Step-daughter Just Had a Baby Girl

I am pretty sure your feelings are normal =} I have three kids (10,5,4) and def have my hands full! My brother in law is having thier first in Oct and I am VERY jealous of that. Up until now we had ALL the grandkids in the family, they have been loved to a near spoiled point LOL and now I am wondering what my position and my childrens postion will be in the family. We are the 'old' toys. But I also know that EVERY new baby brings ALOT of attention, but sooner or later they turn into children just like mine. I can not have any more of my own either. I am trying to prepare myself so the changes that are to come....Tell yourself everyday how special you baby is to you and the family, and that sooner or later that 'new' baby will be just an old familiar toy like the rest of the kids. This too shall pass. I understand, and so do many other mommies. Good luck,have patience, and God bless.

Hi R.,

I am thirty-nine with a seven year old and ten year old. My forty year old sister has a toddler and is trying for number two. When she told me she was pregnant I was heartbroken. She wasn't even sure she wanted kids and my perception of myself was I was the "Mom" in the family and she was the aunt. When the baby came she was clueless at first so I felt special and knowledgable with my abiltiy to help. I lobe my nephew and role as auntie. I am thrilled with her ability to be a great mom.

Every once in a while I will feel sad about being done and unrealistically crave another one, even to the point of looking through the Pottery Barn catalog at nursery furniture. This is a silly fantasy for me, and truthfully once the moment passes I am content to be in the place I am. I would not want to start over but look forward to having grandkids - many years from now.

Try to embrace this baby. Your step-daughter seems sensitive to your little boy and reflective to you. Maybe this experience will bring you closer in the end. I think your feelings are normal, accept them in their moments and then try to move on.

C.

Yes, I think these are natural feelings. No matter what the age, when reproduction is over or when a baby isn't possible, there is a period of sadness for most women. It's a grieving process for what we perceive could have been.

And sure, it's normal to be a bit jealous. Your pregnancy, birth, and having the baby of the family put you and him in the spot-light. It's hard to relinquish that. It sounds like your step-daughter is somewhat sensitive to your feelings though.

Go ahead and get your feelings out. Cry all you need to and if you don't feel better soon, seek some counseling.

[hugs]

Good Morning R., let me tell you that what you are feeling is normal. I'm 52 and I can't have anymore. My mpm had her tubes tied when she was 35 after her 5th child, and she went into a depression, she said not wanting anymore and not being able to have any more were two different things. I;m kind of going through something simular to your situation, I have no grandchildren, my 25 year old son and my daughter inlaw have been trying for a little over 2 years now, and she's the only one in their circle of friends who doesn't have a baby or is not pregnant, women years younger than me are grandmas, I know young women who are not married have baby's and my son and my daughter inlaw met in the church, had a pure dating relationship for 2 years before they got married, my daughter inlaw went to the isle with my son still a virgin at 21 they did it the right way, but are still childless, where as to young women around me were in immoral relationships and have baby's so I totally understand how you feel, and now you get to play the grandma role, I have had many women in my church tell me that becoming a grandma is like becoming a mom times 10, so you have children now a grand baby you have the best of both sides, and you are right this feeling will pass. Enjoy being a grandma. J. L.