Step-daughter Refusing to Allow Grandparents to See Grandchildren

As tough as this is A., but could you consider removing yourself from the situation and allowing the twins to visit your husband while another relatives takes care of him for a few hours.

Your step-daughter's behavior is inexcusable and terribly immature, but maybe for the sake of your husband and these kids, you can take the high road on this one and suggest, through a family member, they visit while you are out, with someone else in attendance.

I am so sorry that she cannot see that her childish behavior ruins her Dad's last weeks/months/years on this earth. But I think that you might even feel better knowing, that you have done everything in your might, even overlooks your own resentment towards her.

Good luck!

if something happens to her dad, she will have to live with herself. wouldn't want to be in her shoes.
you are her stepmom, right? she needs to accept that. there is nothing you can do to make this right.
ignore her.

**Adding this: I certainly HOPE that the others (your son, your brother, her aunts and uncles) KNOW that you are not the "bad guy" here??? Otherwise, you will have a posse of people, against you too. It seems she is trying to obliterate all respect, toward you, among everyone.
Try documenting things... ya never know, it may come in handy... for you as the Spouse of your Husband.

She is reacting that way, because her Dad is very sick, had a stroke, has been near death... and she can't handle it. It is like she had a nervous breakdown.... she cannot think straight... she is "blaming" you for his condition... thus she is hateful toward you. You are her target, for her inability to handle her emotions, nor come to terms with her Dad's condition...

No its not right. But she is displaying an emotional breakdown.

She is excluding and blaming you.

Can't she just see her Dad.... alone or with her twins... without you there?
Or, she has to realize, that you NEED to be there because of your Husband's FRAIL condition... and you are like his "Nurse." Caring for him daily. She HAS to realize, that you are taking care of her Dad. She will not admit that... she has to "blame" someone for her Dad's illness.
Your Husband, needs to see his Grandchildren... especially being in his condition...

SHE cannot just place her Dad in an institution... your are his Spouse. AND... many elderly, actually do worse in an Institution, because they want to be near family. Or a hospice is an alternative.
Also, do you have an "Advanced Directive" for your Husband? You both need this... since he is ill. Get all your paperwork in order... now while he is still with you. *AND... make sure all the wills/estate plans/legal things/beneficiary designations/Insurance etc. are IN PLACE... before your Husband gets sicker. Otherwise, your SD will cause trouble, for you. You are his WIFE... and you need to be sure you are taken care of, should he pass on.

Yet, your SD does not want to be "near him" because he acts all nervous... well, he is sick. Very sick. And she CANNOT cope. She thinks in her little mind, that sending him to an "institution" will then solve HER problem of having to see him that way. She is avoiding the problem... HER problem of the inability to handle this.

*My Dad, was ill like that. He eventually passed on. During my Dad's illnesses.. my sibling, was very wicked and mean and hostile to me and my Husband. She would even have "discussions" with my Dad talking stink about me/my Husband to him, trying to brainwash him against us. My Dad knew, he was cognizant... he told me. He told her off. AFTER he died... my sister, only then, regretted and then behaved nicer. Some people... only learn, when it is too late. Because they are not capable of taking the higher road.

all the best,
Susan

The only thing you can really do, is hope that her other relatives are trying to get her to see her father or at least trying to get her to let the twins see their grandpa. Maybe talk to some of them about talking to her about it.

Grandparents can be granted visitation through the courts the same as parents can. I'd get a lawyer.

I agree with SH. Make sure your husband has an "advance directive" and a will. This will help prevent some problems before they have a chance to start.

Take comfort in knowing that you are doing your part in trying to keep her informed. She is obviously not handling this situation as well as you are.

It is sad that she is keeping the grandchildren from you and her father. Is her biological mother still around? Maybe you could call her and ask if she could talk to the daughter about bringing the children to see her father. If not, maybe talk to one of the relatives she is still talking to and maybe they can convince her.

Stay strong. I know that this is the last thing you need to be dealing with. I hope and pray that she will come to her senses and stop punishing you both and her children.

This is really sad. But it doesn't make sense to me. Even if she has issues with you (real or imagined) why would she be shunning her own father this way?
I guess all you can do is let her work it out for herself. She can always get info on her dad from your son, brother, etc., right? I hope she can get to a place of having her dad in her life before it's too late.