Stressed About Going Back to School!

Updated on June 29, 2008
N.S. asks from Chicago, IL
7 answers

I am desperate need to go back to school and pursue a career that makes more $$ than my current field, education. For many years I have wanted to pursue a degree in nursing in order to go on to midwifery. But right now I have two little ones and I'm not really sure that I am done with having kids either. Kind of a 50/50 chance of having more. So I am stressed as to how to go about this dream of mine. I am very devoted to breastfeeding beyond the 1st year and I tandem nurse them still to this day. I am nervous of slighting my baby (who would be atleast a year old) and not giving her what she needs emotionally and I am also worried about my toddler who is already having difficulty emotionally since my husband has lately gotten to be very rageful and he needs to see therapy but we are broke. (We have over $400,000 in debt because of my husband being out of work due to illness and we still had to pay a mortgage and student loans etc.) I am trying to go back now because I need to take over being the bread winner so that we can start getting out of debt soon. Its taken a toll on all of us. So I am really not sure what to do. I want to go now but the cost of tuition, childcare, tuition for my older one, and regular living expenses, along with the deficit of me not working while I'm in school full time makes me cringe. How do I get out of debt and save my marriage if I don't do it now? But if I do I am making things very stressful anyway. Any thoughts? Are there any mothers (preferably single moms) out there who juggled mothering, schooling and supporting a family? PS - I don't really have much help from extended family other than on the weekends so I can't rely on my folks to pick up the parenting while I go to school either. Since I have heard that's what a lot of mothers do to get through nursing school. Help!

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

I can't give you alot of advice about the money issues, but as far as becoming a midwife....

My Mom is a nurse and she went back to school when we were kids. It was very very hard for her. And afterwards, I think alot of times she wished she had it. There is crazy demand for nurses and you can work lots of crazy hours, but in general she always felt very disrespected in that profession. She worked like 15 years in one area and STILL they would not move her to the day shift. Hospital work kinda stinks.

However, I don't know the specifics of this program but after reading a book on midwifery (The babycatcher by Peggy Vincent), I saw this link on her website for distance education for midwives. If this is your passion and what you want to do, perhaps you should look into it...
http://www.midwives.org/home.html

I understand your yearning. My dream is to be an LC and birth instructor so I hope there is some way you can make it happen. I have seen your advice on here before and have always agreed with it and thought you have great knowledge.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

One thing you can do is check with some of the local nursing schools about what programs are available for women in your position. There is programs where the state or a hospital will foot the bill and you have to be will to give them a certain number of years working where they need you in exchange for the paid tuition.
I also know there is programs where you only go to school on the weekends and are home all week long. Do not know if this is available here in Illinois but my girl friends did it to become a nurse in Vermont.
You can also apply for FASA the federal financial assistance for your education. You apply and they let you know how much you are eligible for.
You may want to call the local DCFS and see what is available for child care. You might be able to get something for free. Also you daughter may be able to attend a free preschool "Head Start" next school year if she will be 3 by the time.
As far a your husband getting therapy, has he tried the Catholic Social Services? I think they are in McHenry, IL. They offer councilor services at little no cost. These are therapist who donate their time. This is a non-denominational service.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

If you're still interested in teaching, you may wish to pursue public high school special education teaching in and around the north shore area. If I recall correctly, you have a rather extensive educational background that shows nicely. While I am not a special education teacher, I am a high school teacher on the north shore and well, let's just say I never dreamed that I would work for a district where the taxpayers are so generous and tuned in to the educational needs of their children - and I'm not even at the highest paying district! But...I totally get the fact that it may be time for you to switch careers and follow a different path which is fine because many, many people feel that 'pull' towards their calling. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out.

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S.C.

answers from Chicago on

There is the Chapter 7 and Chapter 13 bankruptcy. One you keep your assets, the other you don't. They are not specific to medical and I'm almost certain school loans cannot be included and now that the law has changed your ability to buy anything is frozen for 2 years (no cars, houses, etc). I would not consider it unless you have NO other means to get yourself out of this position.

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

I also thought about the idea of bankrupcy. I would at very least find a good financial advisor that could help you chip away at your debt and evaluate the possibilities. Primerica has a way of helping you look at your debt and come up with a plan to chip away at it. I don't know that now would be the best time to add more stress, as far as school and a career change. From what it soulnds like in yor post, the added stress might be too much for your family. Your top priority probably should be getting the rage issues taken care of with your husband. Is he willing to go to couseling? Is he hurting you or your children? Are you scared of him? I would make eery effort to deal with that before putting more stress on top of it. A good book for you may be the Dobson book, "Love Must Be Tough". Please feel free to email me privatly if you want to talk more. Is there anyone at your church that could help you guys work through some of these things?

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E.F.

answers from Chicago on

I'm not a single mom. However, to add yet another change to your life and your children's lives at this time would be a challenge and very exhausting for you. I wouldn't exactly wait to go back to school. I would most definitely not take on a full class load. I would take the least amount of classes required and slowly work to your goal. I think it is better to do a little bit at a time then to put it off completely until it better fits (which it never will). Do you get paid for all your extra activities. I would make sure you do or don't do it at this time. Find a group that supports single moms maybe through your local church. Perhaps you'll get some resources for childcare and other things. Good Luck and God bless you during this difficult time.

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C.D.

answers from Bloomington on

This may be an unpopular answer, have you considered a bankruptcy to put help you out? $400,000.00 is a lot of debt, and I am sure it is mostly medical from your husbands health problems. This I believe would be considered a medical bankruptcy and would not harm your credit as much as a traditional bankruptcy (any lawyers or financial advisors around on this board please comment!).
Have you considered moving away from Chicago? The cost of living there is very high- If you can sell your home (a big if nowadays) you might consider moving somewhere less expensive.
I too have thought about nursing school- I have been putting it off also due to having kids- and I am 40! My friends who are nurses though all tell me how stressful and physically demanding the job can be. While your children are so young maybe you can take one class a semester (or fulfill your requirements to get into the program). I am sure there would be some financial aid out there somewhere for you.
Good luck

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