My daughter is 12 (13 in Sept.). She has just revealed to me that she has been bullied (not severely yet) and feels alienated at school and like many of her friiends make fun of her or redicule her. She is al lovely girl with a minor acne problem (which causes her to be self consious but she's on med. for) and that she has a rough time in two classes at school. She has a "boyfriend" and is told by many boys and several girls she is pretty, but she is developing a low self-esteem. I am working on all angles of this situation. I just wanted to know if any of you moms know of a good song I can play/dedicate to her to let her know how much I think she is beautiful, inside and out, and also just how beautiful she is (even without my opinion...)? It hurt my heart so much tonight when she opened up and cried about how terribly she feels about herself. She's truly a pretty girl, but things are so tough for 7th graders.....
Thanks for reading this... and thanks for any suggestions,.,
Thank you all for your suggestions and compliments. Her dad is in her life full time and they even took a trip across the country for a big Karate meet/competition. She got to high red belt and then decided it just wasn't for her any longer. That was several years ago now. I do need to find something outside of school for her to get into. Both she and my other daughter have expressed great interest in dance and gymnastics. I think I will research what's local.
The song suggestions were awesome. We know most of the ones mentioned, but the ones I don't know I will find and listen to. Thank you all again! I love this site.
L.
I couple of favorites. When my daughter was feeling beat down by someone a song by Taylor Swift called "Mean" was fun to listen too. A couple of other more meaningful songs that we love are by Jonny Diaz "More Beautiful" and by Mercy Me " Beautiful". These two I think are deeper up lifting, the first is just fun.
My best wishes to you as we all navigate these challenging teen years.
I Am Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
I had a self esteem problem all my years in school (and still do almost 20 years later), and I had no one. She is lucky to have you, mama!!! Hug that girl and tell her every day she's beautiful. Maybe make sure Daddy tells her too (if he's in the picture).
The clean version of Pink's Perfect.
Stupid Girls by Pink is the first one that popped into my head. I also think the Christina Aguilera song is good.
Also, I have to say, Tori Amos's album Little Earthquakes got me through some tough times around your daughter's age. To this day I LOVE that album. It is deep and may seem mature in content but this is the age your daughter will begin to seek and question her own identity. It is best she discovers her inner warrior now and decides who she is and what she stands for. Some people never find themselves, kudos to you for being so willing to help her find her path.
Wow, L.! Good for you working through this with your daughter. I like the songs suggested so far and will come back if I think of another.
I struggled with low self-esteem growing up. I knew I was a pretty girl, but I never felt like I fit in anywhere and was pretty good at a lot of things but not REALLY good at anything. I wish I had found that something. Also, it would have helped if my dad had shown more direct interest in me. I didn't realize his way of showing love was working all the time to provide for our family. :(
Is she involved in any activities that make her proud--soccer, theatre, volunteering? If not, maybe getting her involved in something she enjoys and believes she is good at will allow the self-confidence from that area "bleed" over into her overall self-esteem.
Good luck. You sound like a wonderful mom.
I got this song for my daughter. I thought it was very appropriate for this age...by Natasha Bedingfield, Freckles.
I used to care so much about what others think about
Almost didn't have a thought of my own
The slightest remark would make me embark
On the journey of self doubt
But that was a while ago
This girl has got stronger
If I knew then what I know now
I would have told myself don't worry any longer it's OK
[Chorus:]
'cause a face without freckles is like a sky without stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are
Who you are
Who you are
Who you are
I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
Would the whole world fall at my feet?
I felt unworthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I still feel like the little girl who doesn't belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And I'm reminding myself
[Chorus]
Reflecting who you are
Reflecting who you are
Hmmm
Whoooooo whoa hmmmm oooooo
[Chorus]
Reflecting who you are
The first song that came to me and it's a song that I love, is Firework by Katy Perry. If you watch the video for this song, there is a girl in the video who is scared to jump into the pool, but she eventually does. It also shows a girl who is suffering from cancer. It's a very catchy and popular tune; I'm sure your daughter has heard it as it's very popular with tweens and teens.
7th grade is the pits more almost everybody.
It was hell for me.
It's great to know our parents love us, but somehow it doesn't seem to help when you feel like everyone is against you (they're not, but you still feel that way).
It's just me but I'd shy away from 'pretty/beauty/looks = self esteem' equation.
Confident people are attractive no matter what they look like.
Some weekend sit down with her and watch the 'Back to the Future" movies.
Besides being entertaining, there's the 'never care what an idiot thinks' message in the last movie, and the people who are giving her a hard time are idiots.
As for a song:
"I Will Survive".
"What a Wonderful World" Louis Armstrong
Remind her...you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. The acne is just the beginning of her next step in life. It will pass and she will blossom into a beautiful young lady.
I don't know if this would fit if you're not religious/faith based but there is a song by Johnny Diaz called There Could Never Be a More Beautiful You. We used it during a retreat for junior high girls last year and it made a huge impact.
That age truly is tough, so many changes and new experiences! My favorite song for my girls - I hope you dance by Lee Ann Womack. Knowing you love her as you do will give her strength.
I was also going to suggest the one by Johnny Diaz. It's directed towards young girls.
A little older, but "Don't You Know You're Beautiful" Kellie Pickler
You are beauiful Christina Agulara. Also put her in things where she can belong to a team and feel self worth and do things that put her in control. Give her books about being a leader.
The suggestions given are good. But, have you considered making up your own song that fits just her? If you aren't good at putting the music together, choose a tune you know that will fit your words.
