Summer "Battle Plan" Teen Sons Bad Grades, Fighting, Chores, Etc. Not Ready Help

How close to driving is teenage son?

You can make a new rule...... he must get a B or above in EVERY subject (unless he is taking something like a Pre-AP/Honor's class) to be able to drive.... if he gets below a B on a progress report or report card, no driving until the NEXT progress report... that is usually several weeks.

If he isn't at driving age yet, find some other thing he values.....

I have taught parenting for yrs. There are super strict parents, doormat parents and ,then, the kind we all want to be---The one who has kids who respect us and the family runs smoothly (most of the time). From here on in, I want you to tell yourself that your kids need not to be stepping all over this situation and there needs respect in the court !
Without being there and knowing all that I would need to know, I would rec that you have a family mtg. You and your husband will pre-plan it. You both need to be there and carry this through until things become more manageable. Both you and your husband need to be a team on this one. They are treating you like a doormat. At this point, I rec that your husband step in. My husband and I do this. It works and the kids will respect it. I have a super "spirited" kid. I have had to have my husband step in.
Why? If the kids are not listening, not helping out, disrespecting, arguing and see that you are frazzled...then, it's time for a big change.
Plus, in the mix of all this, it's very important for you to sit down with them each day and have fun. Even if it's for half an hr or hour a day. When kids are being told what to do all day, they tune out the parent because it's like negative attention.
There is a format for a family mtg. I can write it out for you if you are interested.
This is going to take work ! It can happen !

Read what Kristen C had to say.

I kept track of my kids and what they did in school (Yes and worked 12 hours a day) and talked to their teachers on a regular basis. I told my kids that were capable of A's that less than their best was unacceptable.

If their best was C's then that was ok, but they had to do school work on my expectations so I could see if they were or weren't capable of A's. I had one child that would not do his homework because he was just lazy and didn't care. I told him if he didn't bring home a list of his homework every night and get it done, he would do it my way. Then he proceeded to tell me he didn't have any homework. I called the teacher and found out he just wasn't writing it down and wasn't turning it in.

I told him I was going to go to school with him and sit in class with him and make sure I knew what his homework was and he was going to do it. He was SSSSOOOOOO embarrassed to have me sit beside him in class that before lunch he took me aside and begged me to let him bring it to me. So I went home and waited for him to get there and then I looked at his assignment and then called his teachers to verify. He then sat down and did his homework under my watchful eye. I read his school book reading assignments and when he said he was done, I asked him the questions at the end of the chapters. If he couldn't answer the questions he had to read it again. He went from D's to A's in less than 6 weeks. His teachers were amazed. AND his brothers and sisters buckled down and did their work too. I told them that if they didn't get their homework in I would sit in their classes too. No one wanted to have their dad sit beside them in class, especially when the dad came in a white shirt and tie and would say, "Write that down. That's important and will probably be on the test." The teachers would smile, and often say "Bryan's dad is right. Did the rest of you hear that?"

I had to take vacation time to do sit in class with my son, so it cost the family and me. But he got very personalized attention.

Was it worth it? Well . . . Bryan graduated high school as the salutitorian (#2) and graduated from USC last year as a doctor. He passed his boards and is now practicing medicine as a Pharmacist. Was it worth all the tears and the lost vacation time ? You betcha it was ! ! !

BTW, another son graduated as Validictorian and was invited to the governor's mansion along with his mom and dad to meet the govenor. Both sons got full four year scholarships.

Good luck to you and yours.

Loved 8kidsdad response!!
I'm just embarking on this teenage journey but I will tell you what made a big difference for my 12 year old. He started a similar downhill slide regarding his grades/attitude etc. It all turned a corner when he started regular exercise, outside, 30 minutes biking, 30 minutes running and 30 minutes of walking our dogs. Each and every day but whatever worked into our schedule. He also gave up weekend mornings to do yardwork (unpaid). Also, hisl phone, gaming and tv was taken away. Within a short time, he was a new kid. I wish you the best!!

Teenage son - if he does not keep his grades up to YOUR standards, no sports...nevermind what the school lets him get away with.

Older daughter - if she doesn't care about pool time, find something that she does care about. Remove toys, stuff from her room, TV/computer privileges, whatever her "currency" is.

Younger daughter - if think losing pool time will work, then do that.

Most of all, you must be consistent - it will be very hard for them to keep arguing against rules that are spelled out in black and white and don't change. Make a list of what you expect and keep it posted where they can see it. Then don't just issue a threat or a warning - follow through every time. Anything that gets left out and not put away "disappears" for a while. If they don't seem to care or notice after a week, maybe it's time to donate it since they apparently don't care about it enough to keep track of it and miss it when it is gone.

Shouldn't matter that it's summer vacation - this should be the law year-round.

You need to be more involved. Don't look at this as a "battle plan", but rather, an opportunity to help your children grow into mature adults. Include them in your chores. That way you can supervise their work, while spending time with them. Nicely correct them when they could do better. Set up a commission chart for some of the work that they do -- including fines for specific issues you want them to stop doing. If you send your girls to their rooms to pick up, give them a specific number of items to handle (10, for example). Go with them for a time or two and show them what you expect. It'll take a little more effort at the beginning, but they should be doing what you want by the end of summer. And, it sets them up to be better adults.

No ideas about your son. About the kids leaving things out and around:

Assuming you are home with the kids...

When you ask them to do something, insist that they do it right at that moment. If you notice that they left something on the table or outside, go get them where they are and have them come and deal with it right then. If there is an additional penalty to leaving something undone have them take care of it right then. For example, if a blanket was left on the ground outside and got dirty, have them wash and dry the blanket before they go back to what they were doing. Even if you have to drive to a friend's house to get them or wake them up at night to do it, as soon as you see the offense, insist that they deal with it right then.

Instead of taking things away (pool time, etc) let them earn it. Pool time, computer time, friend time...whatever their currency is... let them earn it. (i.e.: "you can go swimming on Wednesday if your chores are done on Monday and Tuesday" ...or whatever you want on the list chores, no fighting, etc)

Just a suggestion. When my daughter leave's her toy's in my living room ect.. I tell her if you do not pick up these toy's and put them away in your room they're going in the trash! (You literally don't have to put them in the trash but when they are not looking hide them in a storage tub and put them in the attic or in the closet. If it comes down to all of their toy's being "in the trash" They'll see that if they want toy's to play with they need to put them where they need to be. Not just thrown wherever. As for your son.. He's a teenager. He know's he will still get to do what he want's at school because he meet's "the schools" criteria. As for you.. You need to let him know that just because he's getting by at school and still eligible to play sports.. sport's may not always be an option for him (heaven forbid) and not only that but what if when he get's older he doesn't want to play sport's anymore tell him he need's something to fall back on. Sport's may not always be an option.

Ah, teens - I think you have my son's twin.

He is turning 16 next week, and I told him if he does not find a job, at least try and mow some lawns for cash, that he could be the "house elf" all summer. Our summer started on the 20th!

So, I leave him a list every day - he averages 75% of the list every day. Well, until today, when he went back to sleep when I left for work and slept all day. Arrrgh.

Tomorrow I am taking him to drop off a job application at a local non-profit that runs a summer intern program for teens. I am desperately hoping that they hire him and put him to work. LOL Because if not, it is back to the "house elf" list of chores every day.

Last summer I tried paying him for lawn care at our house. By the end of the summer he had enough extra cash that he actually paid someone else to mow the lawn for him. Yep, I am not paying him this summer.

I know it is about rewards and punishment - but for me, it also teaching him that this is just part of what family does. We do keep a list of chores on the fridge, as we split things like dishes, and laundry during the school year. But, for summer, he does carry more of the chores since he has more free time. He knows that is just what we do around here.

For your younger girls, same thing- make a chore list, with rewards and punishments - have them help you make it. Post it on the fridge and stick with it. Once one child see another earning rewards, it should spur them on to help out.

I wish you luck.

I think it's time to make home a "boot camp" style environment. Everyone up at 6am, make a chores list, make strict activities for all to do etc. Remove the phones, computers, tv, video games and favorite toys etc. They can earn those things back with their chores. As for the teen he needs a job, he needs to bring in some form of income all summer long - and be held accountable for a min hrs/wk of work say 15-20. In addition, summer tutoring/schooling would be required as well as a lax curfew when goals are met. So if your son finds a job, works 15hrs/wk at McDonalds, accomplishes his 5hrs of tutoring/wk and gets good marks he can stay out until 12 weeknights or 1am weekends (city curfew allowing as well). I think in addition 10% of his pay goes to you (savings for him after college but dont tell him) and he can keep everything else. Encourage him to save and play and understand the importance of school and sports and how they do not out rank each other. Set a min req for the family to belong in sports - for my household it will not be a "C" average, but a "B" avg min to be in ANY extra cirricular. You will get TONS of ideas, take what works, I tend to go more strict personally.

first of all I have to say to parents who are throwing toys away...Please don't. I don't throw them away. I give them away. I told my kids the toys will go to a poor child who will truly appreciate them! I have had my boys volunteer at a local Personal Needs Pantry so they have seen first hand how hard other people have it in life. it is eye opening for kids who really don't know how lucky they are. and I think it adds character. so consider volunteer work. and do it as a family.
and careful with your battle plans. Kids also need encouragement. they need to know that you think they are smart and capable in a positive way. not with you yelling at them that they are too smart to be doing this. I found the yelling just makes them shut down and stop communicating with you. I had the teachers tell me positive things about my son. they were very obliging. It actually helped him feel more positive about himself and school.