I have three boys 18,15,12, and a great husband. We have taught them everything we know about being a great person but now they are making their own choices and I am scared.
The oldest will graduate, may be losing a job for not staying on task, he has been ther1.9yrs, had a scolarship that doesnot quite fit him and plans to go to Florida for three weeks with his fifteen yearold girlfriend to a type of living we have tried to inform him about yet keep him away from.
The 15yr old is doing better than he has in school and is ready to get his permit and get a job ASAP but seems to hide behind food and want to impress others. He just ried something bad last week I spoke to him last night. The twelve year old is sweet and athletic but is still in cartoon land and not living to his school potential, he tests high but doesn't seem to care to do his work.
Anyone with advice? I love them so but I can talk and listen and pray and parent with my husband the best we can I just need girl suipport.
Hi everyone,
The 18 yr old quit his job and has not yet taken his college pre-entrance testing even after prompting. I don't want him to go to Florida because of all the laws and he is just hanging out. His father and I are very worried. Should we just forbid it? The 15 yr old was caught trying pot which is what scared me. We told him all the bad situatiions this could cause grounded him told him those kids are not at all permited to be in his life. So he totally understood, but this last weekend we work, run a snackbar he has done this for many years anbd he is better than any adult volunteer. I caught him trying to take money this is the first time I know of. I didn't tell his father. Everyone thinks he is the most well mannered and hard working kis they have met but this impulse of his to take from his brother, or food and be sneaky has now excalted.We have talked about no tolerance and I will be the first to get any rehab or therapy or military school. What do you guys think? The 12 yr old is trying harder in science, we took his tv away and explained the entire summer will be no tv video games or such. On the other hand his confidence in sports is back and we can't be happier.So basically we are still in the same boat.Advice guys please.....
You sound like you are doing a good job. It is awfully hard for us to let our kids fail, but it is probably the best thing we can do for them. You and your husband need to explain to the 18 year old that he is legally an adult and that his 15 year old girlfriend is not. The age of consent in California is 18 and in Florida I think it is 16. You can't control him but you can at least give him the facts of life.
BIG HUGS to you. I have helped raise my husband’s two boys and now I am raising my two teens. Over all we have a B22, B20, G15, B14. The hardest part is to watch them make mistakes. My oldest one was a hard head and stubborn and always fought with his dad. Now we are so proud of him he joined the army and he LOVES what he does and it has whipped him into shape. My 20 year just recently moved out on his own. He is the one we worry most cause he has no motivation to move upward. My little one, my son, oh boy... he is going to have to join the forces as well. If he doesn't have the structure he falls to the waist side and I constantly have to be the police with him and he has to be on a tight schedule.
What I have learned so far is that you can not make them do things or control them. You can guide them when they come to you for guidance, give them your opinion and then let them learn.
Here is my thinking on this and it has worked so far. I rather have them make mistakes when they are young and then come back home to lick their wounds then for them to make mistakes later on when they have wives, children and homes they can loose. They are young and they want to try EVERYTHING or nothing at all.
If they are not motivated to keep a job or go to school then you need to make rules. Job: are they paying you rent? my son had to pay $100 a month for rent, some say its suppose to be 25% of their income you put it away for them until they need it to move out.
School: take all games, phones, tvs, going out time until they prove they deserve it. I do this with my youngest one. Every Friday he has to bring home a report from school with grades and homework report. If there are no Ds on it then he gets his toys, if there is anything missing no games for the week. Ouch... that hurt him....
My point is that you can control their environment but you can't control them. Be there when they fall, but don't make it easy. Tell them your opinion on the matter then walk away and let them come to you for advice.
Good luck with them... keep your chin up... its time to think about mom and start having some fun...its your turn now! they will be fine
Hugs
Hi C.,
my name is Tonya, I have 2 boys ages 11 and 8 of what I read you are doing your best, just keep encouraging the boys to do their bests the 19 year old I would try to encourage him either not to go to Florida or at least not go with his girlfriend, that sounds like trouble to me but, he is of legal age and will do what he wants.
sounds like you need to get out and make some friends also but, I will mind my own business LOL I am the one to talk, right now I am staying home and looking for a job but,don't get out much.
hope to hear what happens.
C.,
I feel for you. Do you have a church with a good womens ministry team or a mentoring program? If not check out this church at www.restlife.net . We have many wonderful women who love the Lord and can be a great support to you.
