Tantrum at Playground

I would say bring some toys of his own. We have a bag of sand toys for my 3 year old son with a few sets of pails and shovels so he can play with other kids and there is plenty for up to 3-4 kids (sometimes 3 of the same toy is easier than 3 different toys!). Most kids old enough to talk well will ask to play. But I do have to sometimes ask other kids to give something back (or prompt my son to ask for it nicely). He is pretty good most days. I am also teaching him if a toy is left out anyone could use or take it (if he doesn't want to share it, put it away). But a kid under 2 can't understand that yet. Also, at around 18-20 months he was going after the same type of toy repeatedly (little trains like Thomas) and we got him a few in order to stop this and it worked well--he still plays with them.

Hi J.,
At less than 2, your son is very young to understand the concepts of sharing and possession. Little kids think that whatever they want is theirs. They are not able to understand how the other person feels.
It's fine to tell him that the other child does not want to share. It's also fine to tell him that he already had a turn with the toy, that it is not his and that the other child does not have to sit by and watch your son play with his toy when he wants it. Sharing doesn't mean that someone else always plays with your stuff. The other child brought the toy because he/she wanted to play with it. Unless you're having a playdate at someone else's house, I don't think kids should be required to "share" by letting other kids play with their toys when the owner wants to play with the toys. If it's a toy where only one kid can play at a time, letting the other kid play with it when you want it is not sharing, it's not being allowed to play with your toy. A kid should not be told that they can't play with their own toy when they want it. That's really not what sharing is about. If two kids want to play with the same toy, and one of the kids owns it, the owner should get to play with the toy - unless the other kid is a guest at your house and then there needs to be turns taken (or the toy taken away if it's causing drama).

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J., in reading your follow up remarks, I'd like to add that maybe you have a different definition of sharing. You don't believe a child has shared unless they know they have done so. Sharing means willingly letting someone play with your toy. Having your parent take away the toy that you are playing with because someone else wants it, and making you sit and watch while the other kid plays with your toy is not sharing. It's having your toy taken away by your parent and given to another kid. If your child is happily playing with his own toy, it should not be taken away just because someone else wants it, and you shouldn't expect someone else to take their kid's toy away from them because your son wants it (and he should not be taught to expect this)

Actually the boy has shared... when you think about it. Your son needs to know that when someone wants their toy back.. he must give it back. Do not soothe your son if he has a tantrum.. just give the toy back.. and then walk away. if you son has a fit, he must learn to not have tantrums.. and you can't give in to him. take him by the hand, pull him up, and put him on the bench.. until he calms down. just sit next to him, don't hug or anything else otherwise he thinks it;s ok to throw fits. it's not. and the fits will only get worse. this all might sound harsh but your son is wrong not the other child. good luck

Hey J.,

Learning to share is a very difficult skill for children to learn. At 22 months it's almost impossible they just do not know the concept of sharing at that age. They just want what they want and do not understand why they can't have it. In their eyes everything is theirs. I do not think it is rude to say he doesn't want to share right now. What I would do is bring a bag of his own toys and do not take them out unless you are in this situation. When you are then you can simply tell him that is his toy and this is yours and maybe just try to redirect him. He really is young to understand with reasoning so I think something visual will help. Try to keep the toys in the car so he doesn't play with them all of the time so when you do bring them out he will be trilled to see them. I always kept what I called a busy bag in my car. Toys that we used for restaurants, family visits, etc so they didn't play with them that often and it was like Christmas each time we went somewhere. Change the toys up every now and then and it is usually a nice surprise. Eventually he will be able to understand why he should share but just a warning that doesn't mean he is going to want to. Some kids have a more difficult time sharing then others. Good luck!!!

It has been my experience that children don't really care one way or the other how you explain they can't have what they want. They want what they want, when they want - it sort of comes with the developmental stages of life. It is not rude to tell your child "that boy doesn't wat to share right now" but when you do that you will also be sending a message to your child for the time will come when he won't want to share either.

Sometimes the distraction method works, distracting him with some greater object of immediate affection. In time your little one will learn that sharing is caring.

In the mean time when he throws the tantrum perhaps scooping him up and holding him as you talk gently to him may help or just letting him kick and scream it out until he becomes a little older and able to better express himself may also work. You know your child better than I do.

We have many children in my family and many different methods work on each of them at various times. Use different methods on your child to find the one which works the best, then be consistent with that best method.

Don't be guilty for your childs actions, you are helping learn how to navigate through this world. Give you and him a learning curve. Hope this is helpful to you.

you could say "that boy doesn't want to share right now" depending on the situation. i've said that before - it's not rude. but maybe better in this situation would be "that boy wants a turn now with his toy. share the toy with him and when he's done, he'll let you have a turn again". it's all normal behavior - frusterating, but normal. another thing that helps is if you have a toy you can give that boy, so they can "trade".

your son is in the age of posession. at this age kids get very possesive everything, mostly their own stuff, but other's too. and yes, it will be rude of you to say that. because your son probably does the exact same thing, so don't get upset. what works best is distraction, try to distract him with something else. he understands very well what he is doing.
it's great that you are teaching him to share, I agree all parents should do that. but having just come back from vacation with friends where there were 8 kids btw the ages of 2 and 4, I can tell you it's an age thing, and it happens with all kids no matter how good the parents try to be at teaching sharing, rewarding sharing, punishing bad behavior and using all the other techniques out there. there is a reason why it's called the "terrible two's" I can tell you that the kids who were closer to 4 yrs old had aalready started to outgrow this phase. and yes, i know that seems like a long time, but you just have to bear with it. i'm going through a very similar thing with my daughter.
so, let's the kids figure it out on their own, most times they are better off with parents mingling in their business (of course as long as there are no physical fights).
good luck!

Hi J.,
I agree with Mindy. The boy at the playground, he is not required to share his toy. The playground is neutral ground. I would bring my daughter's push/ride-on to the park when she was 18 mths. Whenever the toy went unattended another child would come over to use it. My daughter because it is her toy would get upset. The other child would naturally give it back. That is not being unsharing. Another child doesn't have the right to just come and take her toy because she isn't playing with it at the moment. It isn't a communal toy, it is her toy. Other kids have a tendency to be rough on toys that don't belong to them. The same goes for my daughter. I do not allow her to start playing with some other child's toy that doesn't belong to her. I tell her the toy is not hers, so she can't play with it. When I have playgroups/dates over my house, that is a different story. She has to share her toys and be a good hostess. I take her favorite toys and put them out of sight. She doesn't have to share those. The right thing to do would be to correct your son and tell him that it is not his toy and he shouldn't be playing with it. This is not an issue of not sharing and teaching your son to share, this is about teaching your son to respect another's belongings, which he is never too young to learn. You are not responsible for what the other child does as far sharing or not, just your own son and taking another child's toy. Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but hope it helps.

If another child isn't sharing his or her toy it's perfectly exceptable for you to say to your son "That toy doesn't belong to you so you have to give it back now...That boy/girl(((use their name if you know it))) doesn't want to share right now."
If you can give him another toy before the tantrum starts do so...if not then remove your son from the situation and calm him down. When he's calm try to get him interested in something else to play with.

I wouldn't say to your son that boy doesn't want to share right now b/c then he'll think its ok for him to not share when he doesn't want to. I usually say to my son "thats not our toy, we can't just take other childrens toys without permission. You wouldn't want someone to just take your toys would you?" Then I say lets give it back. Then I just find something else for my son to do. If theres a tantrum, then I just give him love and support and keep trying distraction. That whole MINE thing is soooo hard and its so hard when they get upset. My answer is not perfect, its sounds easier than it is and we all know realistically screaming toddlers aren't easy to reason with, its not like I say what I say and he magically complies...LOL...but after about a thousand times of it, I think he understands and doesn't get AS upset now.

I agree with the other posts, that a child's toy does not have to be shared on the play ground. I think the bigger issue is the tantrums. Your son needs tolearn to control himself. And by feeling bad for him only justifies his tantrum. I found the best way to deal with tantrums is to sit the child off by himself and ignore him, while making sure he is sitting. Dont talk to him, coddle him or beg him to stop. After he has stopped assurehim that he will NEVER get his own way by screaming and kicking. All he will get is a sore throat and time out. If you do this EVERY time he has a tantrum they will soon stop. And never never give him what he wants during or after a tantrum. All that does is teach him to act out.