Tantrum Frustration!!

My daughter is 21 months and when she was around that age, she started throwing tantrums. When i put her in her "time-out" chair she would throw her head back and hit it against the wall. I tried moving the chair away from the wall but then she would just tip the chair over backwards. Eventually this stopped and she moved on to other forms of tantrums. She would kick things, and throw things or hit herself. It sounds weird, but when she would start to throw a fit, I'd throw myself down on the floor and start kicking and whining. It really works. It showed her how ridiculous she looked and she realized that she wasn't going to get attention that way. Don't get me wrong, she still throws fits, but not nearly as bad as before.

J.,
I disagree with the previous mom about ignoring an injuring tantrum. I do agree with other moms about looking at other things that might be going on (like his verbal abilities, etc). Talking a child down during a tantrum like this takes a lot of patience & the previous responder gave some great language for doing this - that is, give him the words for how he feels. You can also try finding other outlets for when he is angry - like a stomping dance or punching pillow.
Finally, are there common triggers to the tantrums. That is, is it because he is not getting his way or because he can't express what he wants. I've been there & it's not easy. Good luck.

Obviously normal. My (now5) daugher used to throw herself on the floor in front of me, and follow me to the next room when I ignored her, throwing herself in front of me again. I laugh now..... My now 18 month old is doing exactly what yours is. I find by saying "please" (she then repeats), before it hits tantrum phase helps. It lets her know I understand she's trying to tell me something, and gives her some verbal skills, however small they are. It's all about control. Be strong......

Is he verbal yet? Some kids get really frustrated with not being able to communicate. When our second was that age, he had some similar stuff. We'd sit with him and just try to give him all the words for what he might be feeling.
"I see you're really frustrated by..."
"You're really like to XYZ, and it's hard not being able to."
"Being patient is hard sometimes." etc etc.

Also, is it when he's upset, or just whenever? It may be a physical thing and not an emotional thing at all.

to end tantrums, you have to ignore them. when he starts, walk away.. he does it to get a rise out of you so keep your calm and say "let me know when you are finished" and turn away and leave the room if you can. once he hurts himself, he'll stop.. it's a lesson he has to learn for himself unfortunately. good luck

Hi J....Sounds exactly like what my son used to do. He started doing it around the same age. Everytime I told him "no" or wouldn't let him have his way he would beat on himself. At first, I would freak out and run to him and and pick him up and kiss his boo boo's. But then I realized he was doing it for my attention. It was like he was thinking in his little head " oh she just said no and is being mean so if I hurt myself she'll come to me and hold me and kiss me and be nice again!" So he kept doing it over and over again! I used to fear he'd get brain damage from bashing his head on the floor when he was mad. I did the same thing you've tried...ignoring it. It seemed to take awhile for it to work, but it eventually did. I would just step over him and walk right by him and act like he didn't even exist when he was throwing one of his fits. Of course it was torture on me to "let" him hurt himself. But, I would obviously make sure he was not truly in any danger..if he started the tantrum on the tile floor I would silently pick him up and move him to the carpet or away from furniture. When he finally got through with beating on himself I would go over to him and let him know he "existed" again. When he complained afterwards that his head hurt from hitting it on the wall or his arm hurt from biting himself, I would say to him very "matter-of-factly", without giving him any sympathy, "Oh. Well, don't bang your head on the wall and then it won't hurt. I have no sympathy for you if you choose to hurt yourself on purpose. There are other ways to let mommy know you are upset. Hurting yourself is not one of them." He eventually realized that I was not going to react to him in ANY way if he was behaving like that. He was just doing it for attention and to see my reaction. So once he saw I wasn't giving him the reaction he wanted he stopped. well...I hope this helps you feel less alone. Good luck!

Boy, do you have my sympathy!!!! My daughter is 11 now and she started doing that at the exact same age! But when I taught her sign language it did calm her down a bit because she could express herself a bit.I wish I could remember the name of the book. I imagine if you go onto Amazon.com and search the subject you could get a second hand copy cheap. If you are interested--that is.
All the best!
P. B.

Hi J.,
My son started this behavior around 10 mths old and I too freaked out. I read up on it though and learned it is typical behavior for about 20% of children and that it is a self-regulating behavior meaning they will not do it hard enough to injure themselves. That said however, I have heard from parents of children with autism or other disorders who have seriously injured themselves because they haven't stopped. I would definitely discuss this with your pediatrician. Here are a couple of articles I found on the topic:

http://www.mamashealth.com/child/headbang.asp
http://www.webmd.com/content/pages/15/97138.htm
http://www.drspock.com/faq/0,1511,1769,00.html

There are many more articles and discussion forums about this out there. Google "Toddlers head banging" and you can see them all.

good luck!
M.

My son, now 4, banged his head when he was about your son's age. He banged it on his crib, doors, and even the brick floor!! The doctor said he'd grow out of it, and he did. I was very worried at the time that it could be a sign of autism, but that never turned out to be the case. Certainly I think it's impt. to teach kids the skills they need to cope with their emotions and find other outlets, but, if he's like my son, there will be times that he'll hit his head and you won't be able to stop it. As hard as it is (and I know, it's torturous), it might be something you'll just have to ride out. But I encourage you do some research and talk to his doc. Every child is different. I just wanted to share my son's experience.
Goodluck!