Teachers.... - West Mifflin,PA

Its a tough situation. My son's K class had a bathroom in the classroom, so there was minimal disruption, unless someone else was already in there. The classroom down the hall did not so the kids had to use the bathroom in the hallway and then had to take a buddy with them. So it becomes more disruptive because then 2 kids are out of the class.

You might need to get a dr. note stating that he has a 'medical' condition. Then its truely documented and can't make him wait.

IOf course things should not have gotten to the point where your son is wetting himself at school; however, the teacher can't necessarily let every child go and go repeatedly. That five minutes after the first "go," when you know your son likely would pee again for real, may be five minutes into a lesson, or five minutes after the whole class just started its music class, or five minutes after they just got onto the playground outside. She cannot accompany him back inside to go to the toilet when the rest of the class is on the playground. And many schools don't have an extra classroom aide to do so, or are large enough classes that the aide and teacher both must stay on the playground unless it's a dire emergency. Then there's the issue of "monkey see, monkey do" that kids this age are so susceptible to: If one child gets another trip to the bathroom five minutes after the class was told "Bathroom time, before we go to music," then other kids will start to follow suit: "I need to go again too!"

If your son has a physical reason he must be allowed to use the toilet every single time he feels he needs to go, get a doctor to write a letter to the school saying so. You have backing and the teacher has the backup SHE needs to feel she can accommodate him. But if there's no clear medical reason, she does not necessarily have the ability and the school doesn't necessarily have the staffing to handle him differently from every other child.

Don't forget -- You said the teacher was part of the team that worked with you and him and he has "shown some great improvement." How about crediting her for that?

I've taught. Am not offended by your question. :)

I'm thinking what is happening here is that the teacher has a bazillion things going on in the classroom and in her mind. It is easy to forget all the details the parents tell us at the beginning of the year. Over half the parents (if not more, depending on the type of school) approach the teachers with all of their concerns for their child.

Ask the teacher if you can meet with her some time soon to figure out a solution to your son's bathroom needs. Tell her you will noodle on some solutions and would like her to do the same. It isn't combative and the end goal is that you both have a plan.

For littles, they need to raise their hands or approach the teacher to ask to go to the bathroom. That can be embarrassing for them and distracting for the teacher. Find out the set up in the room or school and figure out the most non-distracting plan there is to help him.

I would suggest asking the teacher if you can make a reminder card for her to put on his desk or her's or even a special hall pass that he can use. Maybe have a special buddy that can go with him if he has to leave the room?

She will work with you. Just do some of the problem solving first, since you know him the best. :)

Going to the bathroom every five minutes means that your son is missing instruction. My guess is that this is a "boy who cried wolf" situation where he finds himself making poor choices so frequently that the teachers don't believe him when he says he has to go. Asking him to wait for 2 minutes to get through a lesson is different than making him wait 20 until the next scheduled "potty time". I would suggest a note from the doctor.

No, there is no course in how to listen to parents. There really doesn't need to be. I think you will find that most teachers do listen to parents and ask parents to tell them about the child from their perspective. The challenge is explaining to parents that children are often quite different at home and in school. Just reading your post, I (former school psych, AP and now district level admin) have two thoughts ... "the kid is wild in school and she's worried about the potty accidents?" "This mom probably makes a lot of excuses for her child's behavior". Listening and communicating goes two ways!

Definitely send in a bunch of dry pants and wipes. Teach him how to clean himself up in the nurse's office. If this is really an on-going issue for him, he needs to learn how to handle it himself!

Parent / Teacher Communication Recipe for Success (IMO) -

Always acknowledge the other person's feelings / concern +
Take a "we" approach to finding a solution +
Do not get defensive, avoid insults / attacking =

"Ms. ___, I can understand that it would be very frustrating when my son is asking to use the restroom constantly. I know you want to minimize disruptions in class, and I would also like him to not be missing important information that the rest of the class is learning. Can we work something out? Perhaps we can go over the schedule, reduce his fluids and work with him toward waiting until breaks. I really appreciate your time and efforts on his behalf."

Tone is everything. Please don't just assume she isn't listening. Make yourself heard by staying calm and reasonable. These are the parents who teachers appreciate working with. We are partners with you in helping your child to be successful, we're not on opposing teams!

Okay, it comes down to this:
Teachers who have children of their own are far more understanding than teachers who don't have children. Teachers who have children have been where you are, but those without children have no idea. They make think they do, but they don't. This is where the disconnect starts.
SO -- if your teacher doesn't have children of his/ her own, understand from the get go that they just "don't get it" especially if the child has issues of one form or another.
That said -- there are 20 other students in the class. Some may have far bigger issues than you can even imagine. The fact that your son has to potty 25 thousand times a day takes away from time in the class. How long he has to wait may depend on the lesson, what is happening with the other kids, and a whole bunch of other factors.
Make an appointment with the teacher. Get a note from the doctor.
LBC

Get a doctors note for anything like that.
It kind of "trumps" the school "philosophy du jour"!

Ha, no, sadly they don't teach us in college how to listen to parents. For some of us it just comes naturally, and we know what to listen for and ask and consider. For some of us who aren't parents ourselves, we don't know the ins and outs of little kids (except for the one semester of student teaching quite possibly in a different grade than we're teaching).

I am sure if I were his teacher, i'd have told him to wait too. (not 20 minutes, maybe an extra 5. And when i taught, i was NOT a mother. I think it makes a big difference. As a mom, I would probably be more in-tune with my students needs like this, since I have experience as a mom now). Holding it can make the bladder stretch and become larger and it's actually good for little ones to have to hold it for some amount of time. Granted, if you've been called to school numerous times, you'd think that this teacher would have realized "oh wait. I think the mom knows what she's talking about. Her kid really DOES have bladder issues." The teacher doesn't seem to 'get it' yet on her behalf, if she's teaching a lesson and your son is distrupting the class every 20 minutes to go pee, I can see the teacher getting frustrated. We have a lot of things to teach in one year and if your son's not in the room when she's teaching it, then he's not going to learn it. And she can't wait for him every time he goes. So are you okay with him missing parts of the lesson here and there? What will you say when he comes home with homework and says "Well I don't know. My teacher didn't teach us that." Will you believe that the teacher didn't teach it ? Or will you think that it's quite possible he missed it when he was yet again at the potty?

I say ask your teacher friends what they would do in the situation, esp since they know your son's personality. I don't think you'd offend them as long as you didn't phrase it "Do you guys learn in college how to actually listen to parents?"

I am sooo glad to hear someone else has a problem with the almighty teacher! I don't know why they won't listen to the parents - for some reason they always think they know it all. I guess it's those degrees they get - they confuse those with common sense! If I were you, I would keep a change of clothes at the office for your son in case it happens again. It shouldn't, but I bet you it will again. The thing that absolutely floors me is that sometimes it seems like the school is working in conjunction with your child to not do well. Example, I have told the school numerous times that anytime my granddaughter has a disciplinary problem at school, whether in the classroom or on the play yard, I want to know about it. If she has done something worthy of being thrown out of class, then it is worthy of a phone call to me. Oh, yes, they say. No problem. Then, a couple of weeks later I get an e-mail from the principal advising that my granddaughter will have detention the next afternoon for "ongoing problems on the play yard." If they are "ongoing" why haven't I been told? So, I call the school and tell them point blank, if you want these problems handled, you have to tell me they exist. Do you understand what I'm saying? I can't help you resolved this behavior if I don't know about it. What is so hard to understand. And yet, I still hear comments like "ongoing" "happening too often" and all I can do is shake my head. For all the degrees they have, there is no common sense exhibited by anyone whatsoever at the school level. I often say and I truly mean it, I hate school now much more than I did when I was in it. And Kristina P, you are a shining example of what she is talking about. She said she gets that her child is a problem and she is working on it. But just because the child is a challenge in the classrom, doesn't make him any less a human being or his needs any less compelling!

Just get a note from your doctor. Kids at this age are FAMOUS for having to go to the bathroom all the time, it's disruptive and they miss out on what's being taught in the classroom. I witnessed it firsthand a LOT when I worked in first grade. My own ADHD daughter did the same thing when she was little, she just wanted to get out of her seat all the time, but her teachers and I agreed that she needed to sit and focus until there was a break.
So if this is a genuine medical issue, just provide the school with documentation so they can make sure accommodations are made. If it turns out not to be a medical issue then you need to work with your son on the art of sitting still, and having a little patience :)

Like many others have said, if this is a true, true issue and he is not at all capable of "holding it", you have to get your pediatrician involved. Not just from the school perspective, but because this could have longer (and larger) medical implications as well.

You mentioned other types of behavior that you and the school have been working on to help your son...has he been given an IEP? I ask because if so, then the bathroom issue (supported by a doctor) can become part of his IEP, which is a legally binding document, and then both you AND the teacher would have a leg to stand on as far as making sure he gets to the bathroom when needed.

Is he young for his class? Some of the concerns could also be maturity related. Just an idea.

Moms want what is best for their kids, and teachers do as well. I also don't buy that teachers who are moms are more understanding than those who aren't....my son's first grade teacher was a mother and she was not a good experience for him. His second grade teacher is not, and she has been nothing but an awesome experience for him. My son got in trouble daily in first grade with a lot of the things you described for your son (curious, keeping still, talking out of turn, etc...) and we've had one incident only so far this year in second grade.

Teachers don't set out to oppose parents, but kids are so different at school and in public. Remember that teachers and coaches see things we as parents don't (or won't) see, and their observations are just as valid as ours as parents are. We know that throughout life we will need to wait, or conform, or adjust what we want because of the situation we are in. Kids need to learn that lesson too, and school is where they learn it. If teachers let kids go to the bathroom, or the office, or in their book bag, or whatever, whenever they wanted, no teaching would happen, and we as parents would be crying foul that our kids weren't learning. Yes, it's a trade off, but it's a very necessary one.

Talk to your pediatrician, see what he or she can do for your son in the way of a medical diagnosis, then go from there with the school.

Good luck!

I agree about getting a doctor's note. They will have to let him if it's a documented medical condition. Without it the teacher isn't really required to do anything no matter what the mom has said.

And I am going to school for teaching and I wish we had a listen to parent's class!!! I am going into Special Education and I have a Special needs child. So... I have to sit there in class and listen to all these 19-20 year olds complain about education and talk about how things are the parents fault blah blah.

I always say they may have a 4 year degree in education, but I have a 6 year mommy degree and I might have some insight too! I really hope I am a teacher who knows the parents are part of the team too. The most enlightening I had was when a mother came to speak about her son who was verified with an Intellectual Disability. She stated that a teacher will only have a kid for a year or so, but we parents know our kids and will worry about them forever. :-)

That would be super frustrating. Just to avoid a repeat, I would go to the doctor and get a note so that it is now mandatory that he be allowed to go to the bathroom when he asks. I wouldn't tell him, mind you, as he is a busy and active sort, but I would do it for sure.

My son had a dr's note unitl he was in highschool.
School's HAD to let him go to the bathroom.

My mother in law ( who is a teacher) always asks me if my sons teacher is a mother. Especially during times when I would have thought them to be more understanding. She says that those who are, are far more understanding and helpful. This has been tested in both teachers who are mothers, and teachers who aren't. It is very true in my experience. If my son were to have a physical or medical issue, I would make sure he had a Dr.'s note. If the school and teacher continued to make him wait, knowing his Dr. adviced them not to , then, you have grounds for something different altogether.

i got 2 doctor's notes because the school was making my daughter wait.
i am in private school and she has had no accidents.

as a teacher (and a mom) and even before I becaome a mom, I listend to the parent but tried to see what the child could truly do without giving into their every want and need immediately. If a parent had told me their child had a small bladder without a doctor's note, I would have certainly asked the child to wait a few minutes, just so they learn that they cannot use the bathroom as a get out of class immediately card.
I have had experiences where a child is playing a game with me and has his or her parents playing a game too, and I have had experiences where a child truly does need to go to the bathroom as soon as they ask, they get no warning sensation so to speak. I have never had a child have an accident in my class, so I am guessing I am doing ok with following my judgement.
Do talk to your child's teacher, don't assume you weren't heard, but understand that we are trying to help your child be successful in school for 13+ years, and that means trying to instill good habits in kindergarten and if going to the bathroom is an escape then, it will only become more of one in the future years.

Now if this was documented with a doctor's note, I woulnd't question the child, but a self-diagnosed bathroom need does cause me pause... but certainly not to forget what a parent has told me.

Best of luck, and hopefully the year finished well and your child is the better for it!

For one thing, you should send a bag of underwear and pants for him to change into for accidents. Our school actually requires this for kindergartners. Also, I wonder how long she asks him to wait. if it is for another minute or another hour. It is very difficult to teach when a certain child has to continually get up every few minutes, especially when they have other behavioral issues on top of that. Some schools require an escort to the bathroom, so perhaps the teacher has to wait for someone to come and watch her class or take him to the potty? It is also impossible to know if a kid always has to go pee or not.

He also should have a Dr's note. That said, when I was in kindergarten, I had a potty accident, I also had a small bladder but was pretty good about holding it. I was at recess and I begged the teacher to let me go potty. She refused. I cried and peed in my pants and was so embarrassed when I sat up off the park bench and there was a huge wet spot. It still traumatizes me thinking about it.

what's the question?

Sorry I'm late responding to this question. I teach kindergarten. Kindergartners have small bladders and shouldnt have to wait more than four minutes. And they should keep extra clothes in their cubby or backpack so mom doesnt have to come get them.