My son is 5 and has lost all his stranger danger senses. He will go with anyone if they asked him to. Lately, we have been stressing the new rule in the house "he is not to open the door for anyone. If someone knocks or rings the door bell, he needs to get mom or dad". Yesterday, I was upstairs and heard our dog barking like crazy. I went downstairs and our son was closing the front door. The UPS guy had left a box at the door. I told him that he broke the rule and his response was "but he wasn't a spooky guy". I did buy a book from his Scholastic book club, but I haven't received it yet. How do you moms or dads teach your kids to be safe without scaring them?
Thanks for all the responses. I will have to check out the DVD and books recommended. I will also check out any local safety classes in our area. I get that most children are abducted by someone they know...which is why I have been trying to figure out how to explain to my 5 year old how to be safe without scaring him to death. I know a little fear seems like a great teaching tool to some moms (due to the comments), but I don't want him to feel like he needs to be attached to me 24/7. Thanks again for all the responses, this site is always helpful.
pick up this DVD
http://www.thesafeside.com/
You can get the Stranger Danger DVD from netflix if you have that.
The safe side series is excellent done by John Walsh explains it in terms of
Dont knows , kinnda knows and knows .
Kids do not understand stranger danger, no matter how many times you tell them. There is still the idea that a "stranger" is a scary man. You told your son not to open the door and he did. He broke a rule. It is punishment time. He must follow your rules for his safety and perhaps a punishment will help to drive the point home. I would also not leave him unsupervised because he is not able to behave in a safe manner.
Have you ever read the Berenstein Bears story about Strangers? It is a wonderful story where the mama bear explains to the twins about Stranger Danger. Little Sister bear gets overly worried and afraid to go anywhere and of everybody. Brother bear is carefree and friendly with everyone with no concerns. It is a cute little story that shows BOTH sides of thinking about strangers... too cautious and worried and too carefree, and also demonstrates how a "bad stranger" can LOOK just like a "good stranger"... and you can't always tell the difference just looking at them. (Mama bear uses apples, good ones and wormy ones).
Check it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Berenstain-Bears-Learn-About-Strang...
EVERYONE, PLEASE READ THIS. I have 3 beautiful girls. I say this because the youngest looks like a doll. Their ages are 7,9,and 11. Everytime I take them places, people always try talking to them. In the checkout line and in bathrooms. People actually reach out and touch my youngest daughters hair. I have to ask people not to do that. I teach my children not to talk to people in public. If people try talking to my girls, my girls do not repond. It sometimes becomes awkward to these people but they should know better not to strike up a conversation with a child in public. We live in a society where manners and respect for adults is very important. I also strongly believe in this and I teach my children manners and respect, but safety is so much more important. Bad strangers are predators. Predators know how to talk to kids and they know how to lure kids away within seconds. They spend alot of time thinking about it and they become experts at it. Children alone have few chances against this. The only way to truly keep our kids safe is to never leave them alone outside or in public. I always watch them outside. I pull up a chair and sit outside and watch them. I stay with them in stores. I have an alarm that tells me what door is being opened in my house plus I have a dog that barks. I have a chain on the door that's always on. I take them and pick them up from school. I don't just talk to my kids, I roll play. I point out average people in the stores and discuss that bad people/predators could be anyone. They look like everyone else but their brain does not work right. I have talked to my kids several times and yet my 11 year old still went with a stranger. We were at a wedding reception. I left her at a table because her feet hurt. I left her for two minutes so I could run after my younger two. It took two minutes for a drunk man to sit next to my daughter, introduce himself and lure her away, upstairs outside into the pitch darkness away from everyone else. I thank God nothing happened. Something clicked inside her when he told her that he was drunk and to relax. This man was in his forties. She left right away and came back terrified. I at least have his first name but he left right away. I of course will make a police report. My daughter could have been gone forever within minutes! So with all of the nagging, and role playing until my 11 year old would say "ok mom, I got it." That meant nothing because she still went with a stranger. This man was obviously watching us, waited and moved in within seconds on my daughter and lured her away within minutes. This happened two days ago.
We are not supposed to talk about "strangers" anymore, most abductions and incidents are taken out by people who know the children. You have to be VERY specific about where to go and who to go with, then you have to strictly enforce punishments on any disobedience there. A little honesty about why is necessary, but that is up to the mothers discretion. I tell my daughter things that would make some mothers cringe. I do not know a woman (other than myself) that was not molested in some way. I have two daughters and i do not like those odds. Perhaps i am little over protective, and my daughter might be a little paranoid, but that to me is much better than the alternative. She checks with me about every little thing, but usually is not far enough from me to have too.
My child went to a local safety class and they do not teach "stranger danger" because many of people that are dangerous toward children are NOT strangers but rather they are coaches, neighbors, uncles, etc. Instead they teach "Charlie Check First". This means checking with mom or dad before going anywhere with anyone. It is not to make the child fearful, but rather to teach them habits that will keep them safe. I think you could probably google it.
The safe side DVD created by John Walsh really is the best! I bought it years ago from my local christian bible book store and the kids completely understood it. It was fun and they really learned it. Years later they still use the terminology from time to time and it is so much better than the stranger danger methods taught when I was a child. That stranger danger program made us all believe that strangers were weird looking scary people not the sweet guy looking for his lost dog. This video is much better at addressing it in a way kids can understand. Parents should watch too so you can practice the terminology in the video. I bought it thinking I would need to have the kids watch it often and think it was worth the money but you really could rent it or borrow from the library because the information is easy to learn and stays with the kids if you reinforce it.
The book Victoria suggested is excellent! It hits the right balance of explaining the danger without trying to freak kids out. I'm generally not a HUGE fan of Berenstain Bear books, but this one is excellent!
I am in the same boat. I want my kids to be aware, but not paranoid. What I've told my son is that there are people out there who think he's really darn cute, and would want to take him home with them. And that I would miss him terribly if he didn't live with us. It scared him some, but it seemed to not put too much of a fearful spin for him. A friend of ours watches shows on tv with her kids and says "good guy or bad guy?" and asks her kids to identify whether this was, obviously, the good or the bad guy, showing them that good guys don't "look" good and bad guys don't "look" bad. I'm not sure what she watches; anything that *I* would watch that would have good/bad guys would be too scary for my kids, but her kids are a little older and perhaps not as affected by what they see as my kids. Anyway, I could see that doing both of those things together would work, too, but I'm afraid to try the latter, so far!
What's wrong with freaking out your child?
When my daughter was little, a child in the neighborhood was stalked by a man in the neighborhood. The man tried to reach over the girl's deck rail to abduct her, but the attempt was interrupted when the girl's parents arrived on the scene. The police came around to everyone's house in the neighborhood to investigate the incident. My daughter was in the room when the police came by, and she heard about what happened. She got very freaked out, and she stayed close to me for years in public places. It turned out the the potential abductor did know the family, so my daughter learned about the risk of abduction by familiar persons as well. I never had to worry about where she was, and she was strongly aware of the risk of abduction. I couldn't have orchestrated a more powerful learning experience, and I'm glad we went through it.
I totally agree with the Safe Side video by John Walsh. Not only does it talk about the usual stranger danger issues, it also talks about "kinda knows" - coaches, teachers, neighbors, etc. Many children who are abducted are taken by people who they "kind of know." Along with that it talks about your Safe Side Adults - parents and 3 grownup friends that the parent tells the child are safe to go with in an emergency. Our 3 are godparents, a cousin and a really good neighbor.
The best part of this video is that it is hilarious - they do a great job incorporating humor with a scary topic. I got ours off of Amazon for a great price.
