Teen Behavior - Pulaski,VA

As the parent of a teenaged son, I would want to know about this, and if he did something like this, he would be expected to go with the one he asked first.And if she decided she no longer wanted to go with him, that is understandable, and he could just stay home and not rub it in her face by taking someone else. It is a matter of manners.

I'd lightly ask if his parents had seen his facebook page, being his parents they may have already seen it. Then I'd drop it.

With your daughter going to the prom, I'd advise her to go with friends. I went with a boy my jr year and a group of friends my sr year and had SO much more fun my senior year.

I would not call his parents. It is hard enough to be a teenager with out having others things added on to it. If you call the boys parents, chances are he is going to let plenty of people in her school know that her mom had to handle things for her and call to get him in trouble and then your daughter will have to deal with the humiliation of all that. I would let your daughter work it out on her own. She is soon off to college and will not have you there to help her and she needs to learn how to handle things.

it would be very satisfying one level to let them know, to see to it that he gets his. a good storm-off always feels good. but ultimately it's not up to you to teach anyone else's kid about right and wrong, YOUR child is your focus. and we all know that this sort of thing is not an anomaly. people in romantic situations get dumped on all the time, and those who have had a big hurt like this often turn around and do it to someone else in the future. romance is a thorny path and you can't protect anyone else from getting hurt.
in her shoes i certainly would go nowhere with this cad. but getting down in the mud with him won't do anything but hurt her worse. this is a hard but telling exercise in taking the high road.
please remember that the boy involved here is behaving badly but he's very young. men three times his age often don't handle a situation like this any better than he did. but humiliating him (and your daughter) by parental involvement and scolding will NOT result in him being nicer. it would probably escalate the snarky comments.
i think you should honor your daughter's wishes and butt out, and help support her as she rises above this unfortunate situation. the best outcome would be for her to go alone and dazzle everyone there!
khairete
S.

Boy this is hard. Your daughter is old enough to make decisions based on what she knows. It is hard to let our children be hurt, but soon she will be in college and you will not be there to "protect her".

The way our daughter and we have conversations is like this, I ask her "Would you like my opinion?" She knows that I will give my opinion, but it is up to the individual if they follow it or not. I really understand that sometimes, I may make the wrong decisions, but I am willing to take ownership of it.

If she says "no thank you." I honor her choice. I do not make comments if it is not a great decision, I try not to judge her, She knows I am on her side.

Now this young man is a real piece of work.. I guess reading what the moms say below, you will be ok letting his parents know about this. I just wonder if this is what your daughter really wants? To go to the Prom with someone that does not really want to go with her? She is a Junior, and will attend her senior prom.. I know at our daughters Prom, groups of girls and guys went together as a group.. Another mom and hosted a dinner for all of them together and they all met up at the venue. It really took the pressure off of having to have a specific date.. They had a blast.. After wards another parent had a late night early morning movie party with breakfast..

I would want to know as a parent so yes, I probably would contact his parents. He is the one that said he still wanted to take your daughter to the dance and now all of a sudden, he's invited someone else? That's just wrong, no matter how you look at it and it sounds like he needs a lesson in lifes ways of right and wrong! In the mean time, be there for your daughter, yes even telling her that there is better out there and she WILL find it one day! And if it is possible for her to go with girlfriends, she should live it up and have a blast that night WITHOUT "whats his name"!! lol
God Bless her and you!! =)

I would say don't contact his parents, but instead focus on supporting your daughter. At a time when I really could have used my parents' support, they didn't say a word, and I wish the lesson learned was that my parents were focused on me and loved me, not that I didn't matter without a man. The others are right when they say you can't raise someone else's kids, and it sounds like you've done well with your daughter. Just continue to support her and love her, making her your focus and not this guy.

If I were the Mom of that boy, I would want to know... if my son were being a jerk....

At this age, teens need to be accountable for their actions... .and parents need to monitor them... AND their online accounts/pages.

I would bring it up.

I would, make sure the parent's of that boy... KNOW he has a Facebook page... maybe they don't know? They obviously are not monitoring his online habits...

Then for you as a Mom with your daughter in this situation... its good you are talking with her about it. It is a real hard lesson... and hurt feelings and how people can be jerks... BUT that it is up to her to STILL be confident and to be proud of herself for who SHE is... and that other people's jerk behavior does NOT have to make "her" feel crappy. She can rise above it... and not become lowly like them.

Teach her that... that her sense of self-worth... is NOT contingent upon a boy. Because, as she progresses in life and relationships with guys... this will happen again. So... help her build a strong foundation about herself... her own identity... and self-confidence and the ability to navigate herself positively. And wisely....

Teens... are hurtful and gossip and bully and create drama. So, as you are doing... always make sure your daughter can come to you (and Dad) for any problems, concerns, any feelings or issues she has... so that she always has you as a sounding board... and as a rudder for her ship.

My Dad, always taught me as a girl... to be proud of myself, not a follower, and to always be who I am... and not to let boys trample on me. There is appropriate behavior and inappropriate behavior... which my Dad taught me... AND that, I as a girl, can speak up or be smarter about who I "let" into my friendship.

If a guy is a jerk... then take it as a lesson... and as a person, you are better off without them! They, the boy, should respect you... and not be a different person depending on who they have a crush on.

All the best,
Susan

I am the mother of two teenage boys and yes, I would want to know. What he has done is heartless and self centered. I would not want my daughter to go with him either. Sometimes it stinks being the mother of teenagers. All you can do is give her your shoulder to cry on, and without sounding cliche, tell her there is alot better out there. She probably wont find Mr. Wonderful before prom, but nowadays it is not uncommon to have a bunch of girls go single to the prom. Does she have any single friends she can have a girl's night out at prom and activities? She won't want to hear that, but it may be an option.
A great book to work through with your teenage daughter sometime is "Captivating" by John and Staci Eldridge. It is a book on self worth that I believe every woman should read!

God Bless!
M.

As the mom of 2 sons I would want to know if one of my sons treated a young woman in such a manner (very dishonorable imho).

That being said, I'm not a big believer in teens dating one-on-one at that age. Most boys are not ready for it. Their "impulse control" is not fully developed and they don't have as much ability to think through the consequences of their actions. They tend to be very "moment" oriented.

Your daughter would be well-served with the knowledge that most boys that age are not ready for "manhood" - real men always treat females with respect. In fact it is a mark of manhood (some guys never reach it!). Tell her to not take it personally and to always be careful with boys. She can tell more about a guy by what he DOES than what he SAYS.

My sons are the lights of my life and shining stars as young men. My comments are not intended to make boys sound "bad." They are wonderful, incredible people most of the time. Sometimes boys are just not ready for that dating scenario. Girls need to be realistic about this and mature enough themselves to recognize it.

sometimes i feel i can relate to so many moms on here... it's scary... :)

My mom hated my boyfriend much reasons like what your daughter is going through. Wrote me a love note telling me how incredibly wonderful I am but only want to be friends. Two weeks later, he had a girlfriend, come to find out, he had been seeing her outside of our relationship. So he broke my heart and of course mom was there to hear my tears. A year later, and after every single day of this man calling me asking me for forgiveness telling me he mad a mistake, I finally gave in. My mother was beyond furious. I had to hide my relationship with him from her for at least the first 4 or 5 months. When Prom came along, he was my date. My mom asked me that lucky question of who I was going with. She forbidded me to go told me I'll be making the worse mistake. but, it's a mistake that I would have learn from and I would learn from it if I did right or if I did wrong. Now, this man, is my husband, father of my two boys and the one that isn't born yet.
If, I followed my moms advice, maybe I would be somewhere else with someone different; but I had to find that out for myself. No one was going to be able to figure that out for me.

Your daughter I'm assuming is old enough to make those decisions on her own, at least you have to let her. but being supportive of the outcome should be your only responsibility in this situation. If this guy is completely harmless and you don't think he will hurt her, then i would let her go with him. She has to find out what kind of person he really is on her own, and this might help her. she could be love struck by him and only see the good side of him, not the bad. I wouldn't call his parents, you' re only going to emberass your daughter and then fight with her. Protect her as much as you can, but you can't and won't always be there for every decision that she is going to make. Hopefully she is going with a bunch of friends like we did, and if there's a problem she will have her friends there. and just remind her that if she needs a ride home or whatever pick her up. And if turns out that you were right please do not tell her "i told you so" that will only upset her more. Then when she's back to bnormal if it ends badly talk to her and ask her if she learned from it.

I can see where you want to let the parents know but keep in mind that your daughter is a Junior in HS and very shortly will be on her own in college (sooner than you think). I was in a very similar situation in HS and I promise you I would have been HUMILIATED if my parents had confronted the boy's parents. Yes, I know you want to protect her and rip that boy to shreds, but keep in mind she has to learn to deal with situations on her own and it very well could backfire on her at school and socially. As I told my parents then this is my problem and I will deal with it...I went to the Prom with my friends and we had a BLAST!! Yes it hurt to see them together but I kept telling myself, Oh well I am the lucky one, I got rid of the creep and I don't have to look at pictures of him with me forever....now 20+ yrs later, I am so glad my parents never said anything b/c I think it made me a better person.

Honestly -- don't worry about raising someone else's kids. Sounds like you're doing a fine job with your own, so keep it up!

Well, it sounds like she won't be going with him if he has a new girl any way. i would tell her that he doesn't sound worth her time and maybe she could find another date...and if not, find some friends to go stag with...or tell her you will take her to a fancy restaurant or wherever she wants to go for a mother/daughter night, etc. I would not contact that boys' parents...it's really none of your business what he does...they will have to live with their family and the consequences of their actions....in the meantime, just take care of your daughter the best you can...sorry she has to go through finding out guys suck so early....but at least she has a good mom that loves her! She will get through this and he will probably not be the last jerk she dates - but hopefully she will know she can turn to you when she is heart broken, needs advice, or just an open ear. :) Good luck

This happened to my daughter Junior prom also. Her dress bought, limo paid for, flowers ordered !!! I was so heartbroken for my daughter. I called the parents to let them know what their son did. They were as upset as I that this boy could be so RUDE!!! Is this her prom also??? She should still go but NOT WITH HIM!!! And if its his prom I would not even let her go with him. Save the dress for next year. I also told the parents the their son owed me money for the limo, flowers and ticket! They paid me right away. This is a planned event that take a lot of preparation for a girl, he should be a ashamed of himself. Such a coward sending a text, I would confront him as I did my daughter loser boyfriend. (ex boyfriend). I talked to him in a calm voice and told him in the future when you do not want to date a girl anymore make sure you do in person. Do not wait until dresses are bought and plans are made. Give her a hug for me because I know how heartbreaking this is!

Hello!!

I'm stuck on the fence here. This is one of those life-lessons that hurts - no matter which way you go.

Part of me wants to call the boy's parents and ask them if they know what's going on. But the other part of me says don't as the girl in me might be humiliated - especially if the boy tells others.

In this case (and as it seems, in this day and age) that it's important you meet your child's (dating or just friends) friend's parents. As you never know what he's said to them! If you have a relationship with them - reach out - if you don't - see- this is why I'm on the fence!!! URGH!!!

Have your daughter invite the young man over and have a talk with him about it. She can tell him she's read the FB comments and wants to know what's going on. Does she really want to be involved with a person (girl or boy) who ONLY cares about themselves? EVERY ACTION or INACTION has a consequence. Only caring about ones-self will end up crashing in the end - as they will end up alone because they won't know how to give back to another person - they only know how to receive. They end up being fake and pretentious people.

I'm sorry I can't give you more help!! I hope I haven't made it more confusing!!!

Show your daughter that she can stand up for herself but not be over-bearing/hateful/aggressive. Have her ask the boy over to finalize the plans for prom. She can confront him there, in private, he has a chance to come clean without someone yelling at them.

Absolutely u should contact them. I was in your daughters shoes my Junior year and I wish my mom had done the same. He was in my church group. Does she have any friends that r going stag? He should still give her the ticket if he has it. Maybe she could get together with some friends that r not going with a date. That's what my mom had me do and I thought she was nuts, but I'll admit I had more fun that year than my senior when I had a date. There was no pressure to do inappropiate things. We had a really good time and all just took our prom picture together.

This is a lesson your daughter is probably going to have to learn the hard way. You have shared your feelings on the matter. Now it's none of your business.

Teach her that in life there are many selfish people who make decisions that affect others. She has the right to protect herself by not setting herself for disappointment. Though this young man has asked her out and wants to honor that, he is not a person of integrity and I would be concerned about my daughter being out with him. What happens if he takes her and decides to leave early with the other girl? Your daughter can return the dress or save it for next year, cancel on him, and go out with friends. She'll be a senior next year, which will be her prom anyway. Why add insult to the heartbreak? If she still chooses to go, then you and Dad stay home and make sure she has access to a phone if she needs you to pick her up immediately. But, personally, I would try to avoid that level of stress by just helping her see that she can preserve her own dignity by getting out of that arrangement. I doubt I'd bother telling his parents unless they were very close friends of mine. Hopefully, his parents check out his FB page periodically and can read for themselves or hear how he talks with his friends to see how his character is shaping up. I'd focus more on my child and showing her how to read a person's character and how to respond.

Updated

Just wanted to add, that you should teach her now, no matter the cost, it's better to back out than create an unhappy memory. Just as a comparision, there are some people who enter loveless marriages because they planned the wedding and people were already in town and had bought gifts. Better to cancel a wedding in my opinion than end up with a huge mistake that costs more money to get out of later through divorce.

I'm going to offer my opinion not as a mom, though I am one, but as someone who was once involved in a similar situation. I got asked to the prom at the last minute by a guy who had just broken up with his longtime girlfriend. It was clear that I was a "I'll show HER" date, and I didn't even like the guy, but I was so eager to go that I said yes. It turned out to be a spectacularly godawful evening: my date was all creepy into me, in the fakest possible way, the music was boring, everybody was watching everybody else and the whole thing was a huge waste of time and money.
And somewhere there's still a picture of me in some perfectly horrible dress (the good ones were all gone by the time I went shopping), with Mr. Creepazoid all glommed to my side. Yuck.

Ask your daughter which would she rather remember in 40 years--that despite her hurt, she acted with dignity when someone treated her badly (and thereby forever established herself as a person he would not be worthy of)--or that she tied herself up in knots so that she could go to some dumb dance. I know which memory I wish I had--but at least maybe my experience will do somebody else some good.

--and reverting back to my mom role--I agree with most of the folks here: I would not contact his parents. I suspect they know what a jackass of a son they have already, and doing so might well undermine the message that you should be giving your daughter--that she can deal with this on her own, and that you have her back.