Teen Problems

The more you show that this boy annoys you and you are not happy that she is seeing him. The more she will dig her heels in. Take a different approach and let her know that you know she is seeing him, you are not happy about it but it is her choice. You will find that she will out grow this boy and move on. Just dont make a big fuss.

I think ALL teens go through at least SOME rebelling! Count yourself lucky that your daughter has waited until she is 18! Many teens go through this much earlier! Have a talk with her that you love her, don't like fighting & would rather her be honest with you instead of sneaking around. Sometimes the sneaking part is the fun part - maybe if there isn't any sneaking around, she will ditch the trouble maker boyfriend!

It is hard on you, of course, but she is 18 and is making some of her own "grown-up" decisions. My mother & I went through a similar time when I wanted to hand out with trouble-makers - I watched a lot of them get into trouble & realized I didn't want to be in the same situations! It will pass! Just let her know you are there for her & love her no matter what. She will come around!

I did the same thing at that age, but he was 2 years older than me. I wish to God my mom would of tried harder to stop me from seeing him. I went from straight A's & B's to not wanting to go to school, and always wanting to be with him. Now I have his child who will be 14 years old in March, and he is has never been involved in his life. Please just be patient and make sure you reassure you are only doing it because you love her. Have you tried calling his parents? My mistakes was not having my son, it was not going to US Army, in which I was scheduled to leave in Aug '92, but instead stayed here with my boyfriend. A month later I got pregnant and he left me a month later. I do not wish that on anyone. If it wasn't for my parents I would of never done anything with my life. They helped me go to college and take care of my son. Just please like a said be patient, but stearn with her and let her know why you feel this way. Have you called her friends to see what they feel about it? Sometimes that will work if they do not like the guy. Please keep me posted on the results that follow.
Good Luck,
E.

Hello,i can relate to you very much so.i have went thru a simular cituation.for one you should bring it to her attention on the mess.he left.and just let her know that she only has 1 set of Birth parents.and she will not always have the same Boyfriend.That there is always going to be times that you all don't see eye to eye on things.And that if she has any respect for her family she will let him know that she won't stand for him leaving such mess.and she doesn't have to sneak around to hide anything that she can always come to you.And let her know of course you will be upset at times that comes with being a parent.Since you all r close try to keep her time busy...such as church,school,work,chores,mother/daughter shopping spree.(If she is living under the same house).But remember the more you push for her to drop him the (more she will cling to him) out of rebellion.if she still lives at home have her invite him over for dinner.And then you might try to get to know him and find out what he plans to do with his life,and his intrest , I know you said he is just 16 but you might try to get to know him a little better.
if you show intrest in him he may back away , himself slowly.I prayed everyday on this,for God to put good christian friends in my daughter life,and people her age. and he has.she is now attending college and getting her life on track and the boy he is way out of her life. and i praise God for the help.Well hope all works for you.

You might want to sit down with her and talk to her. Tell her why you don't like the boy she is seeing and tell her how hurt you are that she is sneaking around. That you miss the open honesty you once shared. If worse comes to worse, she is an adult now. If she refuses to live by your rules then she can leave. my parents did that with my sister and it was so hard on them but it turned out right.

The more you dont approve of him the more exciting he seems. You should invite him over for dinner and pretend like everything is ok and he will lose his appeal to your daughter.

I am only 20 years old, so I was 18 not too long ago. I know if my parents had tried to tell me who I could or could not date I would have done the opposite just to prove them wrong. Have you tried just being honest and calmly telling her that you are only concerned that she is not thinking clearly and that who she dates is up to her, but you love her and just want to be sure she is safe and happy and with someone who appreciates her? Or calmly ask her why she likes this guy and see what she has to say. Just don't make any accusations, because she will automatically become defensive. I bet the guy is probably only a rebound to make herself feel better after breaking up with her boyfriend, especially since he's only 16.

Since I've become a parent I've changed so much. I can't imagine all the stuff like this I put my parents through! I hope you get things worked out.

I had kind of the same problem once upon a time with my oldest. I took her car away from her and she moved out and moved in with the family of a couple of her friends. She is now turning 21 on the 26th and a junior in college. I think it is just that the really good ones wait to rebel. And since she doesnt have the good guy you appropve of, she is testing her limits now instead of when she was younger. Hang in there and just keep reminding her that while you are there for her, she may need to fall on her face, mine did and she learned. Good Luck

J.-

I sincerely think the more you try to keep them apart the worse it's going to get for you and her. She's 18 now and can basically do what she wants, at least in her mind (whether she lives under your roof or not). I had a boyfriend at her age, who was 8 years older than me, that my parents hated. They didn't want him over at their house, didn't really want me to see him but knew they couldn't stop me.
I was so mad about the way they felt about him and were treating the situation that I moved out and got a place with him. Which lasted for all of two months before I moved back home, but I was mad enough at my parents I didn't really talk to them the entire time I was gone. My parents were right about several things in regards to him. I still loved him, it still hurt, and I was pretty mad at myself for not listening to them.
I guess my point is, she's gonna do what she wants to do anyway. You want to avoid seeing her get hurt, but that's just a part of life and she needs to see for herself what will happen. You don't want her to resent you so much she thinks moving out and in with him, or just plain staying away from you guys is the answer. She's old enough now she needs to know you trust her to make her own decisions, but also be there for her when she stumbles and falls, without rubbing it in.
You can't protect her from everything, she has to grow up and is going to make some bad decisions, as much as you are going to hate watching it. Try not to forget about yourself at 18...it's tough! Whatever happens she will learn from it and carry it on, hopefully to a better, nicer guy.

Okay, here are my thoughts. I have a sister that sounds exactly like that. It can be touch and I don't respect her as much as I use to, becasue of it. I know it is hard to let her make her own decisions, but I would let her know that you don't approve of it but you can't stop her either. My parents told my sister that if that is what she wanted then here are the rules. He is not allowed over here. I don't want him to call or anything. Respect me and I'll respect you. My sisters relationship lasted about a year. She is no longer with him. They are older so relationships last longer I think when your older. He is 16 so something better will come around and he will leave or she will find someone more her age that is going places. As far as stopping her from regreting something whos to say she doesn't like him now but she wants to prove to you that she is an adult. She could be only with him because it is a challenge for her. I would be concerned about what she is doing with him because the 16 yrs old I know are different then when I was 16 and I am sure they are when you were. Remember it takes time to build a bridge and it takes time to knock it down. Good luck and I hope I was some what of a help and I didn't make it worse for you. I am just being honest.

Wow I understand why you don't like this kid. I would ask someone a little more informed on teenagers on the right thing to do. I would look on line for advice on teenagers. Tough part is the kid sounds like a defiant little weasel, but the more you refuse you know the more she is going to sneak. I would do a lot of praying for guidance!

Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that you are having so many problems with your daughter. It would be helpful for me to know if this is your only child or even your oldest. If she is your oldest or your only child then maybe you are experiencing what I am. We must know that once they are older teens that they really are truly raised. Now that doesn't mean that we don't give wisdom and advice, but it does mean that we have to recognize that our part in showing them the way is pretty much complete. They are now responsible for their decisions. That doesn't make it any easier on the parent who cares and realizes that we must be very diligent as parents. She really is an adult. I think that your best bet is to(although I don't know your religious beliefs), but to pray for her and for your handling of the situation. Secondly, it will be important that you set rules for behavior in your home that are clear and concise. These rules might include things like no boys are allowed in the bedroom or overnight. You can decide what time you think that everyone needs to be in the house for the night. You can decide how they are allowed to talk in your house and what activities are permissible. Those are really the only things that you have control of. Other than that at her age, you can really only give your input in love. And I mean in love. Don't run her off just because you don't understand her choices. Remember that legally she is permitted to make those choices on her own. Would you rather that she was open with you or never home and lying to you? These are probably the options that you have. I know that it doesn't seem fair as a parent, but it is what it is. You can choose to have a nasty old lemon that life has handed you or you can take that lemon to make a great glass of lemonade. I'm not saying give up on her. I agree with you. I'm saying don't lose her in the process of trying to control her and her decisions. I know all about that because I struggle with it too. I would love to be an ear for you if ever you should need me. I'm not sure if we can give out our e-mail addresses or not, but I will try to keep an eye out for you.

Lord bless you,
N.

he's only 16? calm down, you know that won't last! :)

It sounds like your daughter is wanting her independence. Sometimes when we come face to face and and tell them that we understand that she is at a age to make adult decisions and that thru the years we have grown to love the person we know them to be. That you have made a decision to accept where she wants to go with her life and that you won't make any comments or try to change her mind. Yhat your are ready to give her the respect she deserves because you love her.
Then be on your knees in pray asking God to give her direction.... give her some time and space and she will make the right decision.
If you let her think you can't accept her with this boy she will not ever turn from him.