Teen Sexuallity Issues

I can understand you being concerned but at 15 a person knows what their sexual preference is. I know it's not what you want to hear but I would try and be more supportive of him. He is only going to hide more things from you and feel shamful.

Male, female, gay, straight..you are right - he should be VERY careful about who he speaks to or meets on the internet. That's especially true of young people who are so naive but think they know everything.

He is very young. He might be experimenting, confused, etc...and things will change in a few years. Or he might be gay.

So brace yourself. I'm sorry but you really should consider adjusting your view of homosexuality. Any scientific/non-religious source will tell you that it certainly is not a choice. What you BELIEVE or DON'T BELIEVE has no bearing on the reality of your son's sexuality. His "behavior" might be a choice - as is *yours*. But his sexuality is not. He will be gay no matter what you say, do, or want.

Any person can behave badly when it comes to sex. So gay or straight, kids should be extremely careful about what risks they take and what situations they put themselves in.

But this situation is in your hands. You will doom yourself and your entire family to a future of pain, anger, and eventual loss of contact altogether if you persist in fighting this. I sincerely hope that you do not CHOOSE to reject your son over this. It's not the end of the world. There are resources to help parents and families cope when they are not accepting of this.

See: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=209

Honestly, you're going to have to choose between your SON and your HANG UP. You will lose him if you make the wrong choice. The harder you fight now, the farther away he will run and you could lose him forever. Best of luck to you.

If you believe that being gay is a choice and that you can counsel your son out of it, then you are setting yourself (and your son) up for nothing but disappointment. Even assuming it is a choice, if your son is as determined to be gay as he seems to be, it doesn't sound like he is going to let you change his mind. He obviously already knows your thoughts on this. You're going to have to decide how you'll behave if your son really is gay and decides to live his life that way. Will you accept him, or will you have to part ways?
Of course, this may be a phase, or an experiment. Lots of teens are kind of mixed up about sexuality. If so, he will figure it out on his own. A counselor, especially one who approaches it from a "sin" or "right v. wrong" perspective, will just put your son on the defensive and make him dig in his heels. If he sees you as supportive parents who want him to be happy, you will come out of this with a better relationship, no matter what your son's sexuality is.
It sounds like you have a great family. Don't let this ruin it for all of you.

If you want a son at all you better learn to accept him for who he is rather than trying to change something that he has no control over. I am sure it is difficult enough for him just being a teen and being different without having a parent who thinks there is something wrong with him also. Of course you need to set rules that your son must follow but they shouldn't include who he is, that is up to him. Orientation is absolutly not a choice and making your son believe there is something wrong with him could easily lead to him breaking ties with you all together or worse suicide.

Whether you believe it's by "choice" or by "creation" - denial will get you nowhere. If your son is gay, bisexual etc. there is nothing you can do about it. Choosing not to accept it will drive him further away and inevitably cause more lying and dishonesty. Although you may not choose to embrace his lifestyle you really have no right to make him feel ashamed or wrong about it. Parents don't always agree with their kids but it is our duty to LOVE and RESPECT our children regardless of their sexual preference. I guarantee if you hold your ground on your "no tolerance" policy - you will end up with a whole lot less than a gay son - you will end up with one that runs away to find acceptance or one that is suicidal because of the "shame" he's brought you. In the end, this may be nothing more than just curiosity, a joke amongst friends or just plain exploration. At any rate, your son deserves the right to know his own sexuality without it being told to him by someone who clearly doesn't understand or accept anything out of the norm.

it's a different world out there. This whole bi/gay issue is not a new one....& has been a part of our society for generations. It is not for me to judge you, but as a Mom - I do wish you would back off your stand. Please don't sever the lines of communication between you & your son.

I am not bi/gay, but I do remember several boys from my childhood who were. (sooo that would be 30 years ago!). The ones who "came out" & were honest & open are successful, pillars of the community, all in 20+ year monogamous relationships, & are the most loving people I know. The other two are a social nightmare, still in the closet, still struggling to adapt to society. They are emotional messes. Contrasting the differences between these men.....paints a clear picture.

Fast-forward to today: in our extended family, we have several teens who have come out. The difference between before/after is night/day. Being able to proclaim their belief has allowed these teens to blossom, to emerge from their struggle. They are all productive, open, & loving. All of the secrecy, black moods, & angst is gone. Their lifestyle can be very different, somewhat shocking... but the drama is gone. The families of these teens were quite clear in their opinions, but supported their children's decisions.

And support, whether we agree with our kids or not, is what....as parents we're supposed to do. It is our perogative to say, "I don't agree with you, but I understand your position". I'm not hearing that from you. Please don't sever your relationship with your son. Hopefully the counseling will help. You are in my thoughts & prayers.

& you are correct, there are safety issues which have been flagrantly abandoned. That's where I would concentrate my efforts!

How very difficult this must be for you. Regardless of what you believe to be true or not true about sexuality as a choice, he is your son. Love him the best way you know how. That does not mean you have to like his choices, but at the very least listen to him. He is making decisions now about who he is not just sexually, but as a person. Be present as much as he will allow. Talk to him about his feelings if he will open up. Judging him will only push him farther away. If you want a relationship with your son you are going to have to meet him where he is. You might see this as a phase, but if you don't take him seriously you could lose him, and that would be the most unfortunate outcome possible.

I'm going to say your over reacting about his sexuality. I understand the concern about giving out personal information such as phone number that is a very big deal since you don't know these other people.

But I'm going to probably tell you stuff you don't want to hear but I'm not thinking about what you want but about your son. either love him for who he is bi/gay.straight or prove to him your just like everyone else passing judgment on him and putting conditions on your love. have you ever considered that maybe just maybe he feels like he can't talk to you because he thinks your going to start to hate him for being himself. I know you said your in counselling but my question is for what? to try to force him to be straight or to work on your communication skills and to rebuild trust?

I'm not saying it is ok for him to act out and break rules and it is understandable that you worry about him. But my question is are you calling these people questionable because they are either gay or bi or because you don't know them?

My advice is to work on your communication and rebuild the trust between you and your son. If you have any predjudice against bi/gay people either your going to have to let it go or your forever going to have a love/hate relationship with your kids. After all if as a parent we don't love them unconditionally nobody will. I hope things work out for you two so good luck.

You will lose your son if you don't try to see some of his curiousity or behavior as "acceptable". One of your roles as a parent is to try to protect him from questionable people, and those people on facebook or myspace would be boys over 18 who may be trying to lure him. If your son is gay or bi-sexual, you are not going to change that, and you will begin to see a lot worse behavior the more you try.

Please be careful how you approach your son about his "bi-ness or gay-ness". My son actually wrote me a note telling me he would find a place to go if I didn't/couldn't accept him being gay, he was 13 at the time, and this note was as serious as a 13 year old could be. With this subject you are going to get ALOT of replies I would imagine. Especially, if you think it is a "choice" to be bi or gay or straight or whatever..I'm not saying it is right or wrong, but, you are not going to be able to pound it into his head your beliefs if they aren't the same as his. I totally understand the myspace deal (been there done that). It is a strange world we live in. You CAN use the parental controls on your computer. You can also make it to where you are the only one with the password to get on.
I love my son and I would never chance losing him. My son and I can talk about ANY topic and are VERY close. You will have to have a lot of patience getting through this all. I wish you the best of luck. My son is now 18. He moved to be with his dad and his dad has accepted everything also. Good Luck to you and your family.

Through your concern for this sexuality, you are missing the bigger issues...

1) Safety. First and foremost, you should be more worried about his safety on the internet. What information has he shared with these people? His phone number, his home address? Has he met these people in real life? Does he plan to? I'm sure I don't need to tell you that there are predators on the internet. It's very, very dangerous. This is what you should be most concerned about. This is what you should be talking to him about. And honestly, I was a little floored that you were more worried about his orientation than his safety.

2) His need to feel like he has to hide things from you. He's obviously aware of your feelings about sexuality, so he knows he needs to hide things about himself from you, which is sad. It's difficult enough being a teenager, but adding in the fact that he is struggling with his sexual identity makes it even harder... plus he knows he can't even be himself at home for fear of being punished or outcast. Keeping that line of communication open is crucial, as is having a mutual respect for each other. Without those two things, I hate to agree with the other 2 ladies below me, but you risk damaging your relationship with your son forever, or worse, losing him forever.

Wow. Just wow. I can imagine that you are feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Don't worry...it will be okay!

First: Separate the things YOU can control from the things you cannot.

You can control what he is doing on the computer in your house. Make an account for him using the adminstrator account (your admin account should be password protected, his account should not). You can use the parental controls on your computer to choose what he can and cannot have access to. It will block the sites you don't want him on. Also, there are plenty of keyloggers and monitoring programs out there which will track every move he makes on the computer. You can load it to run in the background and he will have no idea it even exists.

You can also control who he hangs out with and where during non-school time. If he is going places and meeting questionable people then don't give him the opportunity to go to those places. Require that he get a job, volunteer at the old folks' home, or do some other kind of character building activity.

Finally, he should not be allowed to contact anyone other than those you deem appropriate on his cell. You should scrub his contact list and remove anyone you don't know or trust. Charge him from his own personal funds for every unauthorized call or text you find on your billing statement. You can control that.

What you can't control: His choice to try to understand and explore his own sexuality. If you really beleive it's a choice (I do not, as I am a medical professional and have seen physiological evidence to the contrary), it is HIS choice. He will either do one of two things: Stick to his choice, or "grow out of it." You can disagree with him, make him feel ashamed, but shunning him will only fuel his defiance and drive him to believe that he cannot trust you enough to communicate with you (which is obvious, since he is already lying to you).

My advice, AFTER fixing all of the things you CAN control:

Let him know, calmly and respectfully, that you do not approve of what he is saying and how he is behaving, and do not approve of his "choice." However, you will agree to disagree in order to maintain peace and harmony in your home. My instinct is that he is using this as a way to shock you so that he might have some attention. Just let go of it and let it resolve itself. Seriously, if "the worst" should happen, after all of your control measures he still decides that he is "bi" (he's 15...at that age they think that asking someone to "go out with me" means that they have a girlfriend and a serious relationship...he likely has no idea what these sexual declarations really mean), does that mean that he is not your son? That you don't love him? That he cannot do things that you are proud of and grow to be an adult of responsibility and integrity?

I say let that issue drop for the time being. If it goes away, great. If not, he's still your son. Focus on the things you can control, straighten out the issues with computer use and blatant disrespect and lying. Spend some REAL time with him (no TV, no phone, no distractions, no lecturing) and see what happens.

I wish you luck! Please let us know how it goes.

~C

Ok--being both a mental health professional and a mother...I understand what a shock this would be to your system. HOWEVER, is everyone forgetting that homosexuality (per NIH and AMA) is genetic, as the gene for it has been isolated. Additionally, your comment that homosexuality is a choice only shows your lack of compassion for your son's feelings. You need to be a supporter to him at this point in his life--not his warden. Taking him to counseling to help yourself understand his feelings is so important...and accepting him for WHO he is, whatever he may be--is called being a GOOD parent. If you choose to continue down the road of "homosexuality is a choice" and we'll try to "straighten him out"...you'll only wind up with a reckless, rebellious teen and young adult. If you openly educate him in safe sex practices, discuss any bullying he may be experiencing at school and how to navigate society...you'll be doing him a favor, teaching him tolerance whilst educating him. Do yourself a favor--accept him for who he is...and, as one brilliant gay friend of mine said (who happens to be a senator)..."who'd CHOOSE to be marginalized in society?!?! Not one of us CHOOSES this path, if we could choose--we'd be "normal"".

**I must add...although my little one is an infant, I have worked with teens for years (my specialization)...I don't believe social networking sites are appropriate for anyone under 18. Meeting individuals at school, going to movies, mall, etc. are appropriate activities. I still (even though I'm in my 30's) don't believe full computer access is appropriate for teens. If you have to get "net nanny", do so. But, most social workers will tell you--computer should be in the central area of the home...and a parental control should be employed on the computer until child leaves the home (college, employment, etc.).

*** Yet another quick mention. Teens tend to explore sexuality between the ages of 14-22. It is more and more socially acceptable for males to do so (prior, females were more so than males). Expect he will explore, don't discourage or encourage--but, yes...prevention of him meeting anyone via internet (male or female) is inappropriate. Should he want to date or interact with someone, he must go through you...you meet that individual, their parents, etc. Go old school (the way it was when we were kids) on him, just accept that it's either a male or female...but--if he is gay, having open communication with you now will keep him safe. Ensure you talk to him about STDS/HIV/HEP C and prevention...give him statistics and explain how people die from them. So, ensure he's aware--this tactic (education in diseases and safety) tends to deter kids from engaging in these behaviors (proven by the APHA and American Medical Association). Arming him with information is key. Good luck.

WOW! C., I am sorry that you are going through this stressful time. And the teenage years, I hear, are the hardest. My two kids are not there yet. First, I want to say what a good job you are doing monitoring your sons computer use. You may have never known about these issues without this monitoring. I am going to try to put my personal feelings aside about the bisexual lifestyle, and start to say that at the age of 15, maybe your son is still a little confused about what his hormones are telling him. I think you will really need to lean on the counselor's expertise in this situation also, because it won't be as cut and dry as what your beliefs are. I do think as much as you are probably stressed out on the inside, you need to have an open mind when discussing this issue with your son. I am sure it will feel weird having the conversation, but have you asked him why he feels like he could be bisexual, and what talking to these bisexual people has led him to believe? I think, most important, is to let your son know you are there for him and love him no matter what he is thinking. I do emphatically believe he does not need to make any real contact with any of these people he is texting/calling. I think that is a dangerous life to step into without total understanding of what that lifestyle is about. Think about if you have seen any signs leading up to this choice. Think about how his school day is going- if he enjoys school or if he has friends there, or is in any clique there. I do thiink your ex needs to be involved in this also, but with an open mind. Our children will not always hold the same views we have, and we can not expect them to. They are also growing up in a society where different lifestyles are becoming more apparent. I wish you much insight and understanding with your son, and will be praying that you get through this with love and respect for eachother.

Hi...Believe me when i say that i understand I have a younger cousin who is the same age and doing the same thing...I asked him about once and his answer was that he was not really sure what he was because he knew he like girls but he was also attracted to guys even if it would be just hanging out...he is now going to a councilor to get to know himself better....right now he needs your support and to know that you will love him no matter what he decides....
because in the long run isn’t wanting your child to be happy with his life the most important thing.(I do have a son) I also know what happens if they try to force themselves to be something they are not....My uncle when he was growing up was the typical jock football player with the prettiest girl he could get because he felt he needed to fill that roll. He even got married and had 2 kids...but after 8 years of forcing himself to be something he was not he realized that he was tired of not being happy and forcing himself to feel a certain way...he finally stopped pretending and went out a started dating guys behind my ex-aunts back and eventually got a devoice and I will admit he is happier then I can ever remember.... although my family dose not agree with his choice (Catholic Family) We understand that it is his life and that we did not want to turn our backs on him because of his life choice...and yes he and his partner go to church every Sunday and sometimes with my cousins :)
Please try to be understanding no matter what because in the long run you have to remember it is his life and he only gets one so let him be happy and enjoy his life how ever he chooses....I am sure that you don’t want him to leave and never speak to you again when he turns 18 and can decided to do what ever he wants.
Hope this helps... please feel free to message me back If you have any questions you would like me to ask my cousin I will I am sure he would not mind.

C., you have a lot going on. There are two issues here: computer access and sexuality. At this point, I think the computer access is a bigger issue. It's scary when ANY 15 y.o. gives out personal info and meets people online. I think computer access needs to be restricted. I'm not sure how that can be done--compromise? The sexuality thing is tough--you already know that. I would encourage you to be open-minded and just listen. I'm sure he's confused and would like to have an open conversation. Good Luck!

I'm not going to get into my beliefs about being gay, but I just want to say that I agree with Catherine L - how you are monitoring your kids' use of Internet/phone and who they are friends with is commendable. It's so important that parents know their kids' friends and those friends' parents. Kids need some liberties to learn about life, but they also still have to have boundaries to keep them safe. I have no advice, just wanted to give you some encouragement and tell you good luck and God bless!

I did not read your comments but I am sure you got some negative ones.First of all great job!It's nice to hear about a parent that cares enough to monitor what their teen does.As far as the possible gay lifestyle,I would freak out too!I know society wants everyone to except that lifestyle but it is WRONG!I am a christian and it is not biblical,I don't care what anyone says!I would NOT support my Son or Daughter in this decision.I also can see that you are looking out for his safety and the fact that he's been hiding things and lying.Do you have a church?Could you get him into counseling through the youth pastor?That's what I would do.And I think you and his Dad should talk to the Pastor for some advice on how handle this.You don't want to make the wrong decisions or say the wrong things because it could make him shameful and not comfortable to talk to you.And the only other thing I know to do is PRAY!Lots and Lots and Lots of prayer!
God Bless you!I will say a prayer for your family!
C.

I don't have time to read all the responses so sorry if this has been covered. You do realize that by cracking down as you have he is now going to hide all of this from you? I don't have answers for you, sorry not something I had to deal with though my two oldest have made it through the teen angst. Still if this is a big problem at his school it seems these are not genuine feelings. Ya know, when you are young enough to not really date it is easy to say I am bi or gay. Still when he gets older and chooses who to date this could all end up different. I guess I mean it all could be for show because of peer pressure.

I don't really have any advice. I'm the mom of a 2 year old girl but I did want to tell you, YOUR AWESOME. I think the way you and your family are dealing with this is great. I totally agree with you about monitoring your boys computer use and also about getting counseling. I agree that being gay is a choice. I hope everything works out for the best.
Good luck and stay strong.

I agree with you that it is a choice and to do with the mind and how they think for whatever reason. Like you said not a popular belief but one I hold to. I'm glad you are getting counseling and hope it's with someone who is 'good' and will try to figure out this wrong thinking. I have no advice for you actually except to continue to not accept it but continue to love you son. If you have a Bible believing church you may get some help there on teaching you son how to accept Christ, IF he hasn't, and then to go over all the things we are told we are to Christ, which makes us valuable and have worth and see who we are. I'd recommend a Christian counselor too.

C....I do not know how I feel about the issue of homosexuality...as a Christian I believe that it goes against God's plans for our lives but I don't know how I feel about it being a choice versus nature. I do believe that there are things that can happen to us when we are young that can turn us in that direction.
My first concern is that your son is exposing himself to some very dangerous situations and possibly dangerous people. My kneejerk reaction was also " Wow, 14 is YOUNG to be exploring these sort of feelings" but I know that is a sort of Pollyanna idea...kids are growing up so much faster today than they did when I was a young Mom!!
This is a very difficult situation for you but your first concern...after your child's safety, needs to be maintaining a lifelong relationship with him. If he truly is gay or bi-sexual...I know that it will break your heart but he is still your child and you are still going to love him. Sometimes we, as parents have to re-adjust our sights...I am the mother of 3 grown daughters...and believe me...there are a lot of bumps and twists and turns in the road as they grow!!!
I wish I had words of wisdom for you...but I don't...but I can pray that things settle down and that you are able to communicate with your son in an effective and loving way.
R. Ann

We are all entitled to our opinions, as you said and I'll just get mine out of the way! :o) I believe that you are born gay if you are truely gay and there is no "stopping it". HOwever! I also believe that for some reason now a days it seems to be "cool" to be gay or bi-sexual. I thought it was mostly girls that claimed this, but it is boys as well. Is this something we sit back and let happen like when a kid goes through a punk rock stage or wants to wear their pants down around their waste?? I have no idea.

Anyway, onto the computer thing, I totally commend you for diligently staying on top of your children's use of the computer. That is the absolute right thing to do, just as teaching your children to look both ways before they cross the street, not to use drugs, not to run with scissors, etc. I suppose to me it sounds like through counseling you may find why your son claims to be gay and what that is all about and handle that matter there. The computer however is a different situation, b.c as you have found they can access it almost anywhere now. I guess if it were me (and who knows how I'd really behave in your situation) I'd take away his cellphone and get him a regular old fashioned pager (do they still make these??) That way you can get in touch with him if you need to, or do they make phones w/o texting abilities? I guess I'd try to cut down his access to dangerous things by limiting his outlets to them.

Good luck! I have a 3 and a 1 year old boy.... I guess I'm in for it, huh!!?! ;o)

This is a tough one. This seems to start in Junior High and kids are taught at school at an early age to accept this type of life so it's no wonder when they start hitting puberty that they want to have some sort of identity. I don't have any advice for your situation but do want you to know that is a worry I also have with my teenage kids as their friends act like it's no big deal and some of their talk and actions worry me sometimes because even though they hang out with Christian kids for the most part, they joke about things like being bi and stuff and really worries me as you just don't know what they are really thinking. They always blow it off as joking around but you just never know and can't be too careful. It breaks my heart when 12 year olds make these comments of saying what their sex preference is. First of all whether straight or gay, that is way too young to be thinking or talking about what you are but also realize that these kids are going through so many changes in their lives that they tend to lean more toward who they are hanging out with to feel accepted. I tell my kids they shouldn't know anything at that age and would sure hope that a 12 yr old hasn't had sexual relationships. My kids aren't allowed to date until they are 16 and tell them they don't even need to rush into it then. They have the rest of their lives to worry about stuff like that and need to concentrate on what they really want in life as that is what matters in the end, not to complicate life with a relationship that could change your ideas with their opinions and change your life forever. I also encourage them to pray for their future mate whoever that may be that God will show them who the right person is and that they will have a blessed marriage someday. I also encourage them to have group dates with their friends so if they want to go to a movie together then invite some other friends to go along. My son is almost 17 and just now thinking about asking a girl out. My daughter is 14 and is starting to like guys but knows that I am not going to let her out on a date that young. The kids in our church youth group are all good friends and love to do everything together so most of them that are dating would rather go out and have fun as friends in a group than be alone with just the 2 of them, they have more fun in groups. Most of the time they hang out at our house, the pastors house, or the youth pastors house. They just love to have a place to hang out and chat, play games, watch movies, and eat.
Pray for wisdom and pray for the safety of your kids. Try to find a church with a good youth group even if you have a church that you prefer to go to on Sunday. There are a lot of kids that come to our church on Wednesday nights for youth but go to other churches on Sunday. Their churches don't have a big youth group and don't have a lot of activities so they come to ours for youth or the kids activities on Wednesday nights and still go to their church on Sunday. If you want more info on the youth group I will be glad to send you our church info.

I think the most important thing for yoou to do is talk talk talk and do it now! Be honest and listen to him-if it is just curiousity or the real thing he will make that decision-will you be there to talk then? Talk on a daily place ask and then LISTEN to him. He is young and needs to know you are there for him-where-ever his life goes.

I'll apoligize ahead of time i'm sorry I couldn't even read all of that because my anger got the best of me. Momma come on...first off yes you should be involved in what he is doing online but his sexuality (that is unless he is having sex) should be his business. And you should love him regardless. Psychologically most children find out what their sexual orientation is around the age of 5ish...so if he was 'straight' then well then poof. Unlike myself when I realized that I was bisexual at the age of 16. And you have to look at it this way. Now-a-days its a faze, another fad that makes you 'cool' (maybe thats on just the girls end.) But still. Support him in what ever sexual decision he has. Your the adult. You know whats in the world. He dosn't if he does decide that he is gay then lecture him on safe sex. You yourself need to take a step back and look at the world around you. Homosexuals are part of our lives now...not meant to be crucified or burned. If he thinks hes gay...then let him by all means be gay and try not to look down your nose at him. Be strong momma. Love is love. It has no color, age, gender, or race. Its simply that. LOVE!

I apologize, I couldn't read all of your responses because some of the judgmental people made me sick and I had to stop.

Here are my two cents. I agree that safety is a serious concern and meeting people off the internet can be very dangerous. That is definitely something you need to put your foot down on and make serious rules for.

If your son is gay, he is gay. You are not going to be able to change that, nor should you. It might not be the life you choose for your child, but it is not your life.

Tread lightly in this area. The more you push him away by judging him for things that he is feeling, the harder time you will have getting him back. Kids have it hard enough these days and if they can't find a soft place to land at home disastrous things can happen.

I wish you luck.

First I would like to say that being gay is not a choice. Think about it would you chose to be the subject of ridicule and hate?

Second, your son is at the beginning of his sexuality where he is trying to figure out what all this means. What he needs from you is love and support not a mother that is terrified and sickened. What he needs is to be able to come to all his parents and to be able to talk about his feelings without being judged. The reason that he is acting the way he is, is a reaction from the way you are acting.

Kids have a way of telling us things even when we don't want to hear it.

I am happy to hear that you are in counseling because you really need it. I hope the counselor stress that you need to keep an open mind and a loving heart to get your son through this rough time in his life and no matter what he chooses to be straight or gay that you show him unconditional love and support. He needs to know that his homes are safe havens from the outside world.

A Little about me:

Working mother of four, two boys 17 & 14, two girls 10 & 9. Married 19 years to my best friend.

Your son may be gay, but he was born that way. The more time you spend trying to make him feel bad about it, the more he is going to hate you for it. Learn to understand where he is coming from and remember he is still your son.

I dont believe being gay is a choice, I think you're born that way. On the other hand, I had a friend who's sister-in-law decided she was a lesbian, not because she liked girls, but because no boys paid attention to her and one girl in particular did, buying her flowers and presents and telling her she was pretty. Her parents (obviously) didnt approve and sent her to counciling, which was the best thing and helped her alot, especially to get away from that other girl when she finally realized that she wasnt in love with her, just how she made her feel special. I'm not sure if your son is gay or not, but if you can afford it, he could probably benefit from a counciler to help him understand what he's feeling and if he's really gay or just likes the attention.

C., I think you are taking all the right precautions and that is great. I am sorry you feel that his sexual orientation is a "choice" I think if you want to have a good relationship and an open honest communication with him you are going to have to be more accepting even if it something that you don't personally agree with. At the best maybe its a phase, but you should try to come to terms with this may be his lifestyle and trying to be a loving accepting mom is the best gift you can give him. If I were you I would stress safety concerns, make sure he knows about safe sex practices and possibly look into counselling, not just for him but for you too!
I hope you can look into your heart and love your son and practice patience and be supportive, if he is gay or bi-sexual it is not an easy road, having a family that denys who you are makes it that much more difficult.
B.

You are such a strong woman and sister in Christ!!! I will be in prayer for you and your family. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel and what you are going through. Just stay in prayer and listen to God.