Teen Shopper, Shops but Does Not Wear. How to Teach Her the Value of a Dollar!

At 17, she's old enough to l"earn" the value of a dollar. Have her get a small job and continue to give her an allowance. But she has to budget her money on clothes, car, etc. When that money is gone, its gone. She has to make do with what she's got until she gets "paid" again. You might also consider going shopping with some of her more style (and economy) savvy friends. That way, she's more likely to get things she'll wear on a regular basis. I had the same problem at that age. I bought what I thought would be "appropriate", but it was rarely comfortable, so it hung in the closet. Another consideration may be that she's having image problems, but doesnt want to talk about them. If that's the case, you might consider a "makeover". Try to find someone to help her find her "look" - the clothes that suit her best (when you do, lemme know, I've been needing one for ages :}). Dillards usually has pretty good associates. Just try to avoid the "yes" women, those looking for a quick sale. I hope this helps.

I would take out everything she does not wear and put it up. Only leaving the things she does wear. Then when she wants to go shopping again, tell her you have lots of clothes she can buy from you with her own money. Then proceed to take her to the clothes you removed from her closet and tell her to buy them from you. When she says those are my clothes you took out of my closet tell her yes and you never wore them. So you are not going to buy her anymore clothes until she buys these all from you and wears them.

Dear B.,
I am in agreement with other responders. Teens need to learn that "work equals money, no work equals no money". Period. I teach high school and they don't get it. I have a 5 and 8 year old that have a "commission" chart. When they work, they get paid. When they don't work, they don't get paid. Obviously, they are too young to buy clothes right now, but when they want a toy or something that I think is extra, they buy it. I physically take them to the bank, they take the money out of their account, and go to the store and buy it. My 8 year old has an ipod, and he buys his own music to put on there. I don't agree with allowances because they don't instill the whole work = money business.

You owe her a roof and meals and basic clothing - that's it. It's nice that you want to be close to her and maybe shopping is a way to spend some time together. You can still do that, but she can pay!

If you have the money to give her "commission", that's a great way to go. If you don't, a job won't hurt her, but, as a teacher, I see lots of kids who work way too much and are sleepy for the first half of the day at school. Keep an eye on her hours during the week. Don't let a boss bully her into thinking she has to be there 30 hours a week.

Make sure that her dad is on board. This has to be a team effort!

Check out daveramsey.com. He has great insight into teaching kids the value of money.

Good luck to you and your stepdaughter. I hope for her and your sake you guys can get this figured out!

I would start making her buy her own clothes. That will teach her how to not buy things that she isn't going to really wear. My mom did that to me and it worked really well. Good luck.

yep, have an idea. You may not like the results for a while. Things may get a little tense. Close the clothes bank. Close the whole bank. At 17 she can drive? She can work. Legal in all 50 states. Tell her to get a JOB. Flip pickles at Mickey D's. Whatever.

And no cheating. If she wants another thing other than a roof over her head, food on the table and utilites, she works for it. After about seven years she'll come around LOL.
But seriously, treating her like your own means getting the hard lessons too.

Luck to you,
R.

Maybe if she wants new shoes or new clothes instead of buying them for her have her do extra things around the house to earn the money, so she knows she has to work to buy things.

I see all sorts of responses here that say to make her get a job, but I (having once BEEN a 17 yr old girl) know that this is not always the best way to go about things.

IF you can get her to go get a job, great. But otherwise, try this on for size...

Take all of her favorite things out of her closet, leaving only the new stuff. Then, when you take her shopping again, make sure that you follow the "one thing in, one thing out" rule. For each new pair of shoes she buys, an old pair goes to Goodwill- where someone else, maybe even one of her friends, will get them and wear it to school. Do this with every item of clothing she wants to buy.

Even if she is earning her own money, you should still make her follow this rule- it will help her when she gets older to not overspend on clothing, like many women do.

Stop giving her the money!!

Stop buying her clothes and stick to it. Tell her she has a closetful of stuff she doesn't wear so you are not buying her anything else. That should make her appreciate the value of a dollar and also appreciate the clothes she has. If there is anything that she hasn't worn and you still have the receipt (some stores have up to a 90 day return policy), tell her if she wants something new that she can exchange that outfit for something of the same price, but otherwise she isn't getting anything new. Don't buy her clothes for quite a while, I mean a long time, and then if/when you finally buy her something, hopefully by then she will appreciate the chance and really choose carefully.

Make her buy them with her own money...if she doesn't have any money, make her get a job. My 14 year old has to buy "extras" with her own money, and she makes much better choices now. She also has a job! She works very hard at a farm, raising fruits and vegetables. Your daughter is taking advantage of you. I buy mine school clothes and essentials (like toiletries) but if it is something she wants but doesn't need...she pays for it.

My thirteen year old was carefree like this as well. So what I did is I gave her a certain amount and told her this was what she was allowed to spend on her clothes. I actually gave her the money in her hand. I went shopping with her and of course, I had the final say-so of the clothes she picked out, making sure it was appropriate. I let her know that money does not grow on trees and that she needs to spend her money wisely. We have big shopping trip twice a year.(summer and winter) I always give her a reasonable amount of money but she knows that she needs to shop wisely or she will not have much clothes. She learned this the hard way, of course. Our first time at trying this, she wanted to see if I would give in, so she bought with the amount of money very little of anything, but paid top dollar, and once we got home didn't care for what she had bought. I reminded her that she was given a certain amount and no more would be handed to her and that this was her choice, the money was in her hands, not mines. So that Winter, I stuck to what I said, and she dealt with it. She has now learned to shop wisely and she loves the idea of actually having the money in her hands.

The whole point is, you must set limits, stick to what you say, and make sure she realizes she is now the responsible person for how much clothes she will have or what she decides to buy. Remind her if when she gets home she does not like what she bought, keep the tags on, that way she can switch it out for something else. Don't give her additional money because then she will know she can do this all the time. And of course talk to your husband about what you want to do, so he knows exactly what's going on that way she can't go running to him for more money.

I am a mother of three. I adopted all of my children. Two of them I adopted at birth, and my oldest I adopted her when she was seven years old. She was my toughest. I had to really teach her the value of money, because she really had no concept.

Also, I have already spoke to her about when she hits fifteen. I expect her to get a job. It never hurts to teach responsibility young. I plan to open her a checking/saving account. She will put some in her checking and some in her savings each check. I really think this will help with the value of money as well. And at the same time, teach her life skills. (how to handle a checkbook,etc.) Maybe consider this.

Hope this helps! It sure made my life a lot simpler.

Sincerely,
A.

At seventeen years old whe is definetly old enough to find a part time job and start earning her own money. If she has to use her money instead of yours to by things that she wants, she will quickly learn the value of a dollar. When I was that age my parents didn't have alot of extra money. I started working part time at age 16 and started buying my own things. By the time I was 18 I had managed my money well enough to buy my own car and pay for gas and insurance. I do not resent my parents for not being able to "spoil" me. Learning to earn and manage my money at a young age has put me way ahead as an adult. I am 26 years old and have owned my own home for the last 6 years. (Where we live very few people my age can say that.) Maybe I am old fashioned, but I feel that most of our children feel that we owe them something. Instead of appreciating the things that we provide for them, they think thay we owe it to them to give them everything their hearts desire without expecting them to put forth an effort. Don't get me wrong, I have to little girls who are spoiled rotten. I don't think there is anything wrong with buying your children things or with "spoiling" them. I just think that they also need to be taught that money doesn't just appear when you want it. You have to work for it. By teaching them this it will also make the things that you do for them even more special. Sorry this was so long, but I hope it helps.

If you don't want her to get a part time job you could have her do things around the house to earn money-I mean work!! Like mowing or pulling weeds or cleaning out the oven or washing windows or cars. Agree on an hourly wage just like she would at a real job and she can spend her money on clothes she wants. Another thing you can do to help her decide if she really wants something is to have her wait for a week, if she still really wants that top or shoes then that may be a good purchase. (I use this method myself)

If she's 17, she's old enough to get a part-time job after school and on weekends. She should be buying her own clothes.

When my daughter turned 16, she wanted to get her learner's permit upgraded to a driver's license. I told her she couldn't get her license until she had a job because she was going to have to pay the increase in my insurance premium. She walked to several stores and restaurants in our neighborhood, got a job waiting tables, and I let her get her license. I also told her that now that she was working, she was responsible for more of her own expenses. I would pay for necessities - underwear, deodorant, tampons, toothpaste, medicines, one good pair of shoes for work, but if she saw a shirt at Hot Topic that she just couldn't live without, she would have to buy it herself. She would also have to buy her own make-up and pay for her own entertainment, as well as pay for the gas when she used my car. She quickly learned to budget. She's now 18 and living independently, working and paying her own bills while going to school.

Let her make her own money. That sure helped me when I was a teen and my own girls as well. The money wasn't so available as it is with teens now and I think maybe that is harming them. Love her unconditonally without giving her all she wants. Love is not things, it is commitment. She will learn from you more than you know now.

Stop buying her stuff until she can appreciate what she already has

Hi B..

Obviously, your stepdaughter is walking all over you. Stop buying her the clothes! It seems to me that she is buying them just to make you spend your money. Tell her the well went dry! Make her earn them. Then maybe she will appreciate them and actually wear them! And return all the clothes you bought for her that she does not wear! I hope this helps. Good luck!

A.

I would make a few rules with her one I would give her a clothes limit for the year and when she over this to bad. I would also tell her anything she has not wore in 4 months go to the salation Army or the like. She is never going to understand your problesm unless she is make to see it for herself.

By the time I was that age I had a part time job. My parents would allow me so much money for school clothes at the beginning of the year. After that, anything non-necessary for school was up to me to purchase. It definately made me realize the value of the money I earned. This may not work for every teenager, but it made a difference in my life.
J.

Have her get a part time job after school to earn the money for her clothes. I bet it won't take long for her to realize how valuable a dollar is especially when you are spending your own, and I guarantee she will wear them!