Teenage Girls Fighting All the Time!!!help!!

I have a 15 yo son and 14 yo daughter.......I have finally found what works....you have to find what they really don't want to loose and make clear boundaries......one of my rules is if I hear you, you are both in trouble because you are getting loud to get me involved......my son, it is the computer....my daughter it is choir.......mine are homeschooled too so it is more together time.......be very clear and very firm about what is and is not allowed and what the consequences are which I know is very hard but can be done.......more chores is good too.......if mine say they are bored, they get chores.......lol.........best of luck to you...

M., this is a very difficult question to ask... but because of my personal experience, I'm going to go ahead and ask it.

Is there any possibility that the girls perceive any favoritism on their father's or your part?

Whew. TOld you it would be a tough question.

You may be thinking, "WHAT??? I"m a GOOD mom! I don't favor one child over another!!!!" ANd please don't think I was insulting you. It is not possible for two people to have exactly the same personality, so we react differently to each of our children.

If one is usually chipper and happy, we tend to respond more lightheartedly. If the other is more introspective and serious, we tend to mirror that behavior to them. (Doing otherwise might make them feel as if we didn't take their thoughts seriously.)

But-- when the two kinds of children analyze the parent's reaction without taking into account their own personalities, they can view your lightheartedness with one as "favoritism."

That perception of favoritism will create feelings of animosity between the two-- no doubt about it! (Just look at Jacob & Esau, Leah & Rachel, Cain & Abel!!!!)

It's simple to rebalance that perception-- simply choose to spend a little more time with the more-serious one, talking about their interests, etc. (You'll have to fight through their teenage lack of desire to share, possibly! LOL!!!)

another thought-- "not hearing" the behavior doesn't mean it isn't happening." Be sure to phrase your request so they don't hear, "As long as I don't know about it, it's ok!"

Hope this helps!!!

Wow! I grew up with brothers but they seemed to do the same thing they were close in age also, my mother simply would take things away from them, t.v music., What is the source of their fights, Jelousy? or do they just simply love to fight out of habit, I would sit them down and talk to them tell them they are making you crazy, also give them a choice they need to respect each other, because respecting each other and mostly you and your husband is what is most important and if they can not seem to understand that I would start with some sort of punishments. Good luck!

My daughters 14 and 15 fight all the time. Sometimes they get along. I had no sisters and only a little brother 7 years younger, so I wasn't sure if this was normal. My friend with 3 sisters says cat fights were very normal including hair pulling. She said my girls will be friends later.

The favortism thing could be an issue too like another posted suggested. I know my brother was the favorite, which is why I had mine all 1 year apart (I have a son too) thinking that would help me prevent doing the same, but it is true that though I love them all the same, one of them is MUCH easier to deal with and if I have an errand or need something I'm more than likely to ask that child over the others. It's not more affection for one child over the other, but the kids might not see it that way.

It sounds like a love and logic situation. Love and logic says parents take good care of themselves and make sure the girls know that everybody has a responsibility in everything that does or doesn't happen.

If you have problems with them in the car going places, tell them that you would rather not go shopping, traveling,etc.. with either of them. Say something like, "gee, you know I am really tired right now and sometimes when we ride in the car together it really isn't that much fun for me. It really wears me out when you fight and I'll be happy to take you places in the car when you are nice and sweet." It is supposed to be empathetic, not sarcastic. Then leave without them. It doesn't matter what they say, promise, beg, borrow, and plead, simply say to them, " I love you too much to argue with you, Goodbye."

If you have some specifics of the frequent issues with your girls, I can help you come up with some good one liners. I took the love and logic class twice. It changed our lives. Go to www.loveandlogic.com they have tons of free info.

There is an item called Rescue Remedy that you can get rom the health food store. It works wonders. It is made from flowers. It is good for stress, so you could take it also!
There is a questionaire that you can answer and make your own remedy pertaining to your own personal situation.

It is called Dr. Bach's flower remedies.

ALso I might ask if you attend church on a regular basis. Churches have great support for parents and children.

I agree with the response that said to find something they really do not want to lose and then take that away if their behaviour does not change.

Another method is to tell them that (like you said - you do not want to hear it) and that they will need to work things out themselves.

Reward good behavior over bad.
hope this helps!
mas

Hello, I have a 20 year old 18 year old and 7 year old and the older kids fight all the time, but you know what I do, when is time to ask for permision to go to movies, parties etc. I just said NO!!!!!.and I remind them of the fighting, and they get so upset that they can not go to any place if they continue to fight. You might try to say no to your girls when they ask for anything fun or anything that they like to say No!!!!. Trust me this help better than,yelling or getting mad with them.Next time if they going to fight they are going to remember that you are going to say no if they ask for something. Good Luck

OMG! this sounds sooooo familiar! I have a sister that is 3 years older than me. We are like night and day. We had to share a room my whole life and because of our differences, we fought like cats all the time! It got worse as teenagers because of hormonal shifts. We did not get along until she moved out when she got married, now we are like best friends.
One thing my mom did to try and make us get along better, was every time we were fighting, she'd make us give each other a hug and a kiss and tell each other we loved them. It was horrid, but it worked! We'd stop fighting just so we wouldnt have to hug and kiss each other!