My teenage son talks disrespectful to me and thinks he can say whatever he pleases. I told him this morning that he treats people like they're nothing. His response was well if thats what they are. I was referring to how he was talking to me. He always throws in these hurtful comments. I don't know where to begin with the punishing. The Xbox will be out of his room when he gets home today and I have taken his stereo away already. He brings me down almost every day. My other teenager is pretty normal with her comments but at the point where she thinks everything I do is wrong or embarrassing and everything I say has to be corrected. They really bring my self confidence down and it always starts at the beginning of my day. They don't really do it in front of my husband so he doesn't hear much of it but I have a small child who does hear it and that bothers me the most. What do I do?
If I pulled over he would just sit there and laugh and then the other kids would be late for school.
I say its time for tough love for the older kids. With the son, when he starts on his rants, turn around and walk out. Don't say a word just leave. It will blow his mind. He is used to you saying something and he is after the reaction. Don't give it to him. Both kids are after reactions. Don't build your self confidence on kids. If they don't like you right now that because you are doing your job. Don't be their friend be their parent.
No matter how much they antagonize you, don't respond. If it happens in the house, walk away. And tape record some of it so DH can hear them.... You need his support, too.
As a mom, you need to give them love, food, clothes & a roof over their heads. Everything else is just extra that they don't automatically get. So, if need be, sit them both down and remind them of that. And remind them that you love them, but you realize that they don't respect you and in fact are not acting much like they love you. And let them know you're here to be their parent and not their friend. They are of course allowed to disagree and be angry, but not be hateful--and there is a difference.
Computers,Xboxes, cell phones, going to the movies, watching TV---those are extra. When they start acting like they respect you and treating you with the same decency that any human being is owed, then they can start earning back some things. And when they start contributing to the family (chores, etc), then they can earn back more.
In the car, think I would pull over until I got an apology right there on the spot. Let them know words do hurt. What do you care if they are late? The teachers know how that age can be and will hold them responsible for their own time.
They will probably tell them if you know your mom is going to pull over then you better plan on that and leave the house early. Or be nice to your mom.
Part of this is age. I have taken my son's X-box away and told him that until he starts cleaning up his act he will not get it back- This X-box is a want and not a need. Sometimes as parents we forget to let our kids know that certain things are privilages and not needs- Just like driving a vehicle- That is a privilage not a right to have. . I think by taking the X-box and giving him certain conditions to getting it back (IE respecting your parents) should help. Maybe counseling. Not just for him. but for you too. It is really hard for mom's to handle their son's disrespect. You need support too. Let's face if kids are different then when we grew up. The whole world is different. However the principals of respect for each other should not change. Best to you. Keep you in my prayers!
He can wak to school or ride the bus. Or pull over and kick him out. I have done this since they were 3, we have had time out on any road, street, highway--yes I stood next to them, but now they are very quick to apologize if I say Do I have to pull over??
Take everything out of his room except his bed and dresser. He earns whatever he wants back by being respectful. NO phone, computer, tv, friends over.
He can start doing his own laundry and cooking, you are no longer his to order around. Be sure there are Ramen and Peanut Butter in the house.
Your hubby also needs to stand up for you and put his foot down.
Teens need you to stand up and demand they be respectful, they need you to enforce rules.
Be strong M..
Hmmm, you must live in my life.
My 14 year old and I sat down Saturday morning and had a talk. He has been disrespectful, rude, and outright lazy, the past month or so. Prior warnings, fussing, and threats had come to nought and I was done. He knows the rules in our home - he has just been choosing to ignore them.
So, I laid it out for him - went over the rules, outlined the consequences, wrote it all down and posted it on the fridge. I.e., rude answers/disrespectful words, no response - electronics get pulled for a week. Chores not done (especially taking care of the dogs) - electronics pulled for a week. Once the week has passed, return of the electronics is subject to the prior week's behavior - if no improvement, then no return. And so on and so forth.
So, make the rules, sit down with your teens, and calmly and gently explain the rules and the consequences. . Stick to it, don't back down. Teens do think they are special (I remember when) - and since they are our teens, they are special to us. But, they are not entitled to anything beyond what we provide for them. Electronics, rides to school instead of taking the bus, mobile phones, fancy labels on clothing, allowance, etc., are things that we decide to give to them - and are all things that we don't have to provide if they treat us like a servant and a cash cow.
Do they have chores? Mine does his own laundry, dishes, mops, etc. At this age it is time to be a contributing member of the household. Having them assume some of the responsibility for the workings of the household teaches them life skills and to value those things/services that you have always provided for them.
Before everyone thinks my house is all posted rules and no fun, my son and I have regular movie and game nights, sing goofy songs, and play chase down the hallway. I know that he loves me - but while trying to find his way in the world, I demand he treat me and our home with respect.
Good Luck and God Bless, and may we all survive until they are 25.
