Teens Dating

I have a 17 yr old and she's had a steady bf for 13 months now. He is 18 and a Senior, she is a Junior, both at different schools.

You cannot have too much communication. Let her know your fears and your expectations. TALk about everything. I get the "oh mmoooooommmm when she reminds me that she is not having sex but I still casually mention... "a baby is lovely but it sure would throw a wrench in your plans". Her plans are a great college and studying in Italy.

You don't want them going behind your back. You say he is a good kid... I know it is hard to let go but we have to do it... so at least have part of it on your terms.

Our daughter's bf is at our house a lot. That is ok with me, I know what they are doing. He has dinner with us almost nightly. they are both here with friends a lot as well. They grow up very fast!!

I mean I would let them date because when kids sneak around the things they might do if you're open with them might not happen. I know I am only 23 and if my mom disapproved I would do it but be super slick about it like living about my whereabouts, which now I realize can be very dangerous. But what my mom did was let my guy friend come over and we could watch movies no covers, no doors closed. I guess that way she could seem like the cool mom, and control the situation. And she would walk by like she was goin in the kitchen just to check on things. Goodluck wig your decision only you know you babygirl and what will work for you.

Hope I was of some assistance

I dated at 13/14. My older daughter dated at 13/14. It's nothing like your fears. Yes we dated guys in our age bracket about three years apart. My youngest daughter did not date until she was sixteen. She did not get into it slowly she dove in wrecklessly.
You say this boy is sensible. What's the problem.

Let them date. If he has your mom stamp of approval, then I would say let them date, on your terms. Like they can see a movie, but you drop her off and pick her up...just for a little while. Invite him over to your house, see if he accepts. If he is willing to follow all the rules you have set in place, then I don't see a problem with it. It's better than her dating a rude, arrogant, slimball of the same age.

When I was 15, I dated a 19 year old. Of course I lied to my mom and told her he was 17, this will be why my daughters dates get carded :). We didn't date for very long, because I wasn't allowed to solo date until I was 16 and he absolutely no interest in coming over to my house while my folks are there (wonder why :/ ) So I got pretty bored with him, pretty fast, and moved on.

If he is very polite and has very good manners and encourages her to do good things, I think you should let them date. And your thought about them doing it behind your back is correct. She's in high school; she should be able to date someone in high school. If he were in college, then I could agree with your concern.

I would let them date within parameters. Like he has to come over to your house to meet you but can't hang out in closed rooms (or her bedroom). I would talk to her about relationships in general. What she expects, what you expect, etc. Will he be allowed to drive her? My sks did not date much til they were older, because they had other interests. SD had plenty of friends and said she was fine with just being friends until last year when she had her first real boyfriend. When she broke up with him, she showed a lot of maturity and I'm glad she was able to stand up for herself. He wasn't awful, but he started not treating her as well as she deserved and she figured why waste HS on that? Her new BF is a year younger and neither of them drive, so the parents take them to and fro. They spend a lot of time at each other's houses.

Well they are only 2 grades apart.
You need to f
Have a open discussion about your expectations and listen to her expectations in behaviors.
My mom was very clever about us dating. She allowed it, but made sure a lot of it was in her home. Lots of family dinners, watching movies and game nights at her house. They attended church services and church activities with. They attended our extended family events ( nothing like having a bunch of my uncles grabbing then
M and taking them for a visit with the men) hee,hee.
I think the boys respected my mom and so they respected me. My mom also made sure to meet all of my boyfriends mothers.

I would tell mine that he can not be her boyfriend at this point but they can continue to establish a friendship.
If I find out she/he are going behind my back I will point out that is the reason I said no which is because she can not handle dating if she is going to lie about it.
I know unfair but I am going to fight to keep the main thing the main thing in our daughter life which is school & graduating.

2 year apart is not much, I would rather if my daughter start dating after 16 but if at 15 she is responsible enough and the boy is a good boy I would considerate it too.
However, the boy will be leaving in a few months for collage, no sure how close or which collage he would go, but your daughter would still 2 more years on the same school, just wonder how that would change

I would let them do it and just give them guildlines. That way they dont' feel like they have to go behind your back. You want them to be as open as possible.

HI Angie,

AAAARGH! What a time in a parents life, lol. What have you told her about dating up to this point? Have you reinforced how involved you were going to be when the time came? Is going behind your back normal for her or is she just so taken with him you're assuming the worst? If you're assuming the worst, you may possibly be overreacting. She may surprise you. If this is normal behavior I would sit her down and talk her through what you expect of her. There's also danger in painting her into a corner if you think she will disobey you. We shouldn't tempt our kids.

Remember that you are in control and what you say goes. It's your decision what you decide and she REALLY needs to know that. My oldest daughter was SO easy for me by following rules. My youngest however pushes every one of my buttons. Whatever you decide stay involved and communicate. If he's 17 she's bound to get her little heart hurt. It's inevitable (whether they date or not). Just be prepared. Be ready to catch her when she falls.....

God bless!
M.

I say groups only. They will more than likely sneak off from the group and go hold hands or something like that.

BUT I learned to french kiss in the baptismal font at church so if anyone asked we could tell them what the sermon was about...seriously. If they want to see each other outside of supervision they will. So I say they should see each other all the time at your home or in the presence of other adults you trust.

If he is a fixture at your house he will know the rules and not be acting inappropriate behind your back, you will be a second mom to him.