Temper Tantrums - Waupun,WI

wow. i'm not really excited about the other responses. for one it's not just a phase to ride out. it's a combination of her not having the language skills to communicate effectively with you, plus the resulting frustration from not getting what she needs, which ultimately is a LOT of love. at that age, kids need to constantly have activities that help them bond with their family. without that, she's learning not to trust anyone, and will only get worse as she gets older.

(and I don't at all think that you're jealous of your husband for staying home, i think you just want things to click, and know your children are developing in a positive environment.)

i would suggest taping some episodes of super nanny, esp. ones showing older kids throwing tantrums and having your husband watch them. when he sees how bad the behavior will become if he doesn't give more love and attention now, maybe that will be incentive enough. he should also realize how much it will affect his wallet too when they become teens and demand everything because their emotional needs weren't met as they were developing.

you CANNOT spoil a child with too much love! (of course, you can with too many things.) her vomiting means she is THAT physically anxious about what she needs and it should be seen as serious. depending on HOW alone she is left regularly, children like this can be suffering from attachment disorder, and this can turn into horrible activities such as pyromania, and hurting others by age 4 or 5 and cutting themselves when they are in their teens (my partner wants me to say even worse possibilities, but i don't think things are that bad in your situation). it's situations like this that Attachment Parenting came out of. you can look at http://www.attachmentparenting.org/ideals.shtml if you like.

of course the 7 yr old can't be expected to play with her alone all day, but her dad should be coordinating activities where both can play together & he can give them each positive praise for playing well together. dad should be teaching the 7 yr old how to teach the 3 yr old. it will make the 7 yr old feel very accomplished when he gets praise from his dad and teach him responsibility, and will bolster his self-esteem tremendously. the 3 yr old will obviously benefit by having a brother as a role model instead of a sibling to be jealous of. and the dad will benefit because he will know he's doing a good job as a parent.

if the dad still won't change his behavior while you're away, you should make arrangements with a (consistent) friend or nanny to give the children the emotional attachment they need while you're gone.

and don't leave the 7 yr old out of any new positive attachment techniques either, just because he's doing fine. he probably has a different personality/temperament & may be able to mask his emotions more easily. i wish you all the best. peace!

HUSBAND HELP: My husband loves spending time with the kids, but isn't always sure what to do with them... so I made a little list of the basic activities that I'd like my daughter to do each day. Ours is read books, play or listen to music, exercise, get outside, do a craft. My husband is a list person, so this really helps him. He'll sit with our daughter and read a few books, then check that off the list. He'll find a way to exercise with her. (Going for a walk is a favorite of his because it gets two things checked off the list!) Crafts could be anything from playing with play-doh to coloring. The list is nice because whoever is with her during the day can check off the things they did and then in the evening the other parent can see what our little girl might want to do that evening... it's not hard & fast or anything... just a reminder of the things she likes to do so we don't forget about them and plop her in front of videos all day long!

Tantrums come and go, and will last as long as you allow that type of behavior. If she doesn't get the attention while having the tantrum, she'll figure it out and realize she won't get the attention while having it. Positive behavior yeilds positive responce. Negitive behaior yeilds NO responce. (Unless destructive or harmful). As for your "lazy" husband, if he's at home with the children while you're at work, he's feeding them, changing/toileting them,...taking care of them. It sounds as though you are starting to, or already do resent the fact that he's at home while you're at work. I don't know the details of why or what your arraingments are with that, but after spending 3 years yourself at home, you should understand what it is to be a full time everything to those children. It is work. Give your husband SOME credit. PS. There is a REALLY good book I'm reading right now called "The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Very well worth reading. To quote from the book- Treat your spouce as if you loved them with your last breath...no matter how contrary to that you might feel at any one moment.-Think hard every day about how you can make their life worth living.
And finally, -Be the kind of person you would want to love, hug, come home to, and sacrifice for. It has definatly made me re-evaluate myself and thought process on my spouse a little. ( I do licensed daycare in my home, and have 4 children all 6 and under.) Good luck.

Tell your husband that you will reward him for good behavior. That means.... lay out some fun projects at night like finger painting or water colors, making playdo, perhaps baking something (bread dough is fun for little one's fingers as is making cookie dough and simply mixing), or even practicing with shapes and sorting and building. If hubby does that, come up with an amicable reward such as "date night", just watching sports night, "bubble bath with your sexy wife night", or just hang out with the guys night. It's amazing what a lure will do. And, hopefully he'll realize how cool it is to interact with his daughter. He also can involve her younger siblings in the above activities.

Your lucky, my terrrible 2's started after her 1st b-day, lol.
My second daughter had a terrible tantrums, she would bang her head on things and scream and cry intill she threw up. All you can do is ride it out, it is a phase. It is a control issue. They want thier way and they think if they throw a big enough fit the parent will give in...do you? Consistence is the best thing. Don't give in, make she she is in safe area where she can throw her fit, if she pukes just clean her up, but never give in! Stay calm, tell her you'll talk to her when she calms down and walk away. Tough love, I know how hard it is. I love my children and they are my world, but you really are teaching them learned behavior by giving into fits.
I think a 7 yr old should not be forced to babysit or play with a 2 yr old. Is gonna hurt thier relasionship becaues she is gonna resent being forced to watch her. That is a huge age span, and Hubby has to get off the couch and try to have a connection with both daughters, ot there needs to be some tough love there as well, lol. I always remind my Hubby that he is out of the house alot due to college and work, but when he is home he really has to work that much harder to spend some special time with the kids.
So maybe a daily reminder or a swift kick in the butt, whatever is needed.
Maybe more postive attention towards the 3 yr old may help, she might be crying out for any attention, weather thats negitive.
I really hope you can get this figured out, and everything works out, it sounds like it is involving all your family members.

My daughter will be three tomorrow and we just left Rosedale Mall because she was throwing a huge fit and wouldn't calm down, so I understand where you're coming from! My daughter tends to throw fits when she's tired or hungry--common fit triggers for most kids, I'm assuming. But lately, she's started, in the midst of her screaming, telling us that she doesn't know what to do. That's a key to me that she's just too far gone to settle herself down and she needs to be removed from the situation. We try and give her as many choices as possible so she can feel like she's making her own decisions. But when that doesn't work and she starts going crazy, the best thing is to just take her away from the situation. Leave the mall, take her away from the crowd, bring her into her room... And stay calm! (Ha! Like that's easy!)

As far as your hubby goes, it's definitely harder for some husbands than others to take care of the kids and take care of things at home. I think just be honest with him and talk about the situation. Good luck!

I have been noticing a trend in my own daughter about a month before each Birthday since around 2. She has bursts of ups and downs, many resulting in tantrum. Often it can be attention she is seeking but most likely it has something do with her moving from one stage to another (simular to crankiness before teething as infants)

Do try to encourage your husband to spend more time with her but know that she is also growing from a caterpiller to a butterfly called 3, shedding her skin if you will.

Good luck!

Wow! I agree with Carrie Anne completely on this one. I am almost done getting a degree in Child Psychology and have to say for the most part she is right. I was a nanny for 6 years for 2 boys. NEVER did they throw tantrums. I also have 2 kids a 4 1/2 year old girl and a 2 year old boy and again, NEVER do they throw fits. Kids do it to get the attention they are missing or to try and get out their frustrations when they can't seem to communicate what they are thinking and feeling. Its all they know. They aren't doing it to be bad and by punishing them for it your only making the problem worse. Ask what they need or want and if they are too upset just walk away and remain calm yourself and when they are done go back and talk again... get down to their level (eye to eye) and ask sincerely what they need or want. It WORKS! I have never had a problem with my children. I am a single mom and work hard to raise them right and let them know I am always there for them. It does take a lot of work but you have to know how to communicate effectively and if your punishing your children or whatever the case may be for throwing a fit just remind yourself that you do it also and no one punishes you. Every adult at some point gets frustrated when we can't get through to someone and in our own ways we throw fits about it when we aren't succeeding. EVERYONE does it. Talk to your children and talk to your husband. He needs to get up and work with you and play with his kids. Your daughter is just frustrated and doesn't know the words to explain things to you. Listen and watch and you find the answers.

I completely disagree with Janice F and Carrie Ann J! 3 yr olds DO have the abilities to express themselves! Granted my son (and most of the children I have helped raise over the past 20 yrs) were talking before the age of 1 but by 3, all children should have plenty of vocabulary to tell you what is happening for them; unless there's a disability.

When a child starts a temper tantrum with me there are several things I try to help the child to stop before it harms her/him. Being an older mom, i discourage tantrums or acting out but I never ignore the child. I get down on the floor (sometimes I think looming over a child makes it worse) and have the child stand close enough we can look into each others eyes. I ask in a calm voice what the problem is and what can "we" do to resolve it. Afterwards, I remind the child that if they had said something sooner, things could have turned out better and faster for them. Try to give an exact example; sibling took their toy, they took it back and thus a tug-o-war. The example would be the 1st time the sibling took the toy would be the best time to say something to you or other adult in charge.

Maybe your husband doesn't really get what it's like to be "at-home" with the kids yet. Come up with some games (dominoes, bingo, concentration - a matching game) they can ALL play together for portions of the day. There are a ton of web sites that you can even print out these games and so not spending money. Encourage him to have your daughter be his "helper" at lunch/meal times or even doing laundry. But there are other portions of the day that the children should play together and by themselves.

Some web sites:
www.familyfun.com
www.enchantedlearning.com
http://www.familyshoppingbag.com/free_printables.htm
http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/alphabets.htm
http://www.mrsalphabet.com/

I hate to say it, but I think the terrible two's is a lie! I think it should be the terrible three's! I have a three year old and he loves to throw intense temper tantrums! I don't have much advice, but I feel your pain!

sounds like she is bored. if you are away from her, dad needs to get involved or you tell him and show him things he can do with her. like sit down and draw or paint or playdough. i have been watching nany 911 and i have experiance. my children are 25,21,7 and 4. you need to redirect the energy. my kids fathers are not much help. so i make them a schedule. your child wants to just be with you, communicating. they only need at least 20-30 min of your personal time then increase it weekly by 5 min. children want to feel needed.