Temper Tantrums in 5 Year Olds

I have the same problem with my 6 year old son. You ask him to do anything and it is a big deal. If you get any suggestions please let me know

A.,

This is normal. My son does it sometimes, too, and he is 5 and getting bigger, too. Thing of it is, they only do it to express frustration and if it works. One thing that may help is if you have some conversations about expressing emotion when she is in a good mood. The other thing is to not respond. Next time, give her 5 minutes to calm herself (where everyone walks away from her and ignores her), then pick her up (sans socks or shoes or coat or whatever) and calmly put her in the car and go home. My husband tends to get drawn in by the tantrum, and ends up either yelling or physically picking up the boy and taking him to his room. I tend to ignore the tantrum until he is calm and hardly ever end up with a tantrum when I am home alone.
You might check out www.askdrsears.com because he and his wife always have good ideas for dealing with children. Come to think of it, I'm going to zip over there now myself.

Best wishes,
K.

First, tantrums are normal behavior for children, they're just testing boundaries and also showing strong emotion. Sometimes kids show 'too much' in order to gain attention... some of it is on purpose, some of it isn't.

My neice used to throw tantrums like what you've described. My sister was obsessed with finding a way to make it stop. She talked to her daughter's Ped. and his advice was golden. He said to first, when the child is calm and not having a tantrum, have a talk with her and explain how feelings are normally expressed, explain boundaries (ie hitting is NEVER exceptable) He told her to make utilize structure as much as possible, use reward charts and things. He said to also have a "punnishment place" that is used for all of her punnishments. He told my sister that when Madi threw a tantrum to always take her to a room where she could not hurt herself, put up a gate or close the door, and leave her there until she was calm. When she was calm she went in and talked to her. If Madi threw another fit, she had to leave the room. If they were out somewhere in public, she was to take Madi to the car and put her in her car seat until she calmed down. The biggest thing was to remove her from all stimulation and not give her an audiance/attention during a tantrum, to show her that her fits weren't going to bring her any power. Madi quickly learned that if she was frustrated or upset it was better to use her words calmly than to throw a tantrum. It took about a month or so and she was fit free. I don't know if this would work for your child but it was a Godsend to my sister. Good luck!

Dear A.:

I'm a Mother of 5, but also an only child. I'm amazed at how differently my children behaved from the first to the last. Since we can't all have Nanny 911 around or even our spouse at times to help - you have to set a plan in motion that will work for you.

In my house, I just don't have time for that;, the younger ones have learned, but the older ones still test the theory. I literally pick them up and put them in their rooms. They are not allowed to come down until their tantrum is over - and yes, sometimes it's physically difficult. You also may need to hold the door shut for awhile until they get the process.

If you're out - unfortunatey you have to be willing to give up and go home, and yes put the kid's coat & shoes on and drag them out kicking and screaming. I have left in the middle of dinner at a restaurant several times due to someone's behavior. And boy do they feel really bad when I stop for icecream Sundays and everyone in the car gets one but them! (With an only child - you may just have to eat one yourself:)

Like with anything though - you have to be willing to stick with it. It usually only takes about 3 days of hell before they get it. I'm not Dr. Phil - but this stuff works for me.

Good Luck!

Something to consider though it is very early to tell and probally not a real cause for concern because tantrums are normal, but I was the same way as a child and it didn't stop as I got older, I was a great kid unless I didn't get my way and I to was an only child so everyone thought that was the cause well when I was 21 and pregnant with my own daughter I had some complications and after thousands of tests I was diagnoised with dysthemia which in adults is a form of chronic depression due to various chemical deficiencies, the specialist I went to said that in children it expresses itself as consistent, prolonged temper tantrums, causing physical harm to myslef or others and the inability to calm myself, which is why I felt teh need to say something, if this conitnues and doesn't start to get better it may be something to talk to her doctor about, also something you might consider is trying to not only find ways for her to express her anger and frustration but to teach her to calm down, deep breathing excercises and stuff like that, if ignoring her doesn't work and she seems to just get worse. good luck. there are a lot of great books out there for kids to read or be read on how to behave nicely.

Hello, I also have a 5 year old and he has his days just like your explaining. I found the rule of thumb! Takeing away something and sticking to it and only telling him something once and not repeating my self to work the best. If he is told no and does something again i don't say a word i just set him down give him the i am serious look and walk away. sometimes i have repeated that action atleast 10 times but never said one word the entire time he finaly gave up and decided Mom was serious.Good luck to you, keep your cool and remember your not alone.

The only advice I can give you is to give her a consequence every time she throws a tantrum - talk it over with your husband and come up with something that is fair. Then when you tell her about it - make it her choice - if she chooses to throw a tantrum then she is choosing to have you and/or your husband discipline her with whatever consequence you and your husband come up with. Then if that begins to work then later all you will have to do is ask her, "Are you throwing a tantrum, are you choosing to be disciplined."

It's amazing how much better my son begun to behave when he realized that it was his choice whether he got disciplined or not.

I hope this helps.
Mel

Hello A.

I have a 6year old son who is doing this also I have learned to not to give in to her.I am a mother of 6 wonderful children. My oldest child is 18 and my youngest is 2yrs old.Once you stop giving in to her she may act better then she does now. I also have a nephew that acts like that and he juist turned 5 he is a good kid but needs to be redirected and to show that they can behave in public and to show you and your husband that (LOOK AT ME I"M BEING GOOD)And with her being a handful you should have a better resonse from her when you tell her that either she does as you have ask or their is a punishment for her actions take something from her like her favorit toy or something that she carries with her always my 2year daughter learned that and she is acting better then before

A little about my self I am a mom of 6 children and married to a wonderful husband of 3yrs

I have two kids. One is 8 yrs and one is 4 yrs. My son is highly intelligent and as a result is a bit behind socially. He still throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way. We don't give into his tantrums and have not for some time. With him it is because of his giftedness and he needs more sociallly/emotionally than other kids his age. If your daughter is anything like my son, it takes LOTs and LOTS of patience and understanding. (Some days I have lots and some days I don't. But no matter what I do it isn't going to get a ton better until he grows out of it. Although!! The flower essences have helped a LOT lately.)

Now my daughter...who does not seem to display any social issues like my son, is very screamy, etc... Just an hour ago we went through a fit with her. We don't give in either and generally walk away. When we do the fit goes away pretty quickly many times. Although it is normal for a fit to last longer some days depending on circumstances...

Most likely if she is used to you giving in, the fits are going to last longer for awhile if you start ignoring them. They test you. My son is a perfect example...he has lasted over 3 hours before. (Thank goodness not often!) And when I started ignoring the fits they did get much worse for awhile but then get better fairly quickly.

I highly recommend a book called "The Incredible Years". It has helped us a lot with discipline and teaching ourselves to get the best behavior and expectation wise from our kids.

Blessings.
M.

My four year old son can be the same way sometimes. I recently discovered YOGA for kids and he fell in LOVE! He learned a move he likes that they call Volcano and that is what he is supposed to do instead of throwing tantrums. Previously when he got started I would make sure he was in a place where he wouldn't hurt himself and would just sit there breathing deeply (this has gone on for up to an hour). Eventually he starts following my lead. Only when he has calmee himself will I hep him or talk to him, whatever it is he is seeking. That seems to work for us. The Volcano is something I am trying to teach him to do when I am NOT with him (like at preschool). Good Luck

My oldest, who is 11 now, thew terrible tantrums from 6 months, until 5 years. Her pediatrician even had to hold her down in the office for almost 25 minutes. She would throw herself down, flail around and scream. During these fits, if you would look into her eyes, it was like she was not even there. We had tests done for chemical imbalance, and ADHD. They all came back negative. Finally, we got her on a VERY structured schedule (early bedtime, awake the same time every day) and completely cut out SUGAR from her diet. We can totally tell when she has sugar now, she just zones out, makes bad decisions and usually throws a tantrum. (We call it "grandma's house disease" because no matter how hard we try GRANDMA just cannot seem to NOT give her sugar!!) She still has them every once and a while, but they are very rare. Now that she is older it is a bit easier to see them comming, and we can usually have her go lay down before it gets full blown. I think what you did with the leaving regardless of her having shoes on or not is also good. Have her learn that she is not going to get what she wants because of the tantrum. Tell her that is not the way to express herself. Use her words, tell you, not scream at you. Do not give her the benefit of a reaction from you. I know it is hard.
Hope it helps!!