I just learned that a woman I hired to watch my 5 month old son two days a week while I work from home is bipolar. She mentioned it to me while she was talking about health insurance. She states that her current medication works very well for her. I am home when she watches my son, but a couple of times I left for an hour or so.
Now, I'm fine with her watching him while I'm home, and the arrangement will end in three weeks when my son starts day care and I return to work full time. The issue is that next week, I asked her to watch him alone. I won't be home at all one day and will be gone most of the day on the second day. She seems fine, but now that I know she is bipolar, I'm concerned about leaving her alone with him for long periods of time. I've only known her for about three weeks. Our baby gets a little fussy, and she is able to get him to sleep, which requires holding and rocking him, but I worry about what will happen if she's alone with him now. She's expressed sadness that her time working with us is ending, etc. I can arrange for alternative care for the two days she was going to cover, but it's not ideal. Thoughts? Has anyone had a babysitter with this condition? I found a blog with a brief discussion and people have different views. Then I found an article about a babysitter who killed an infant and claimed bipolar disorder was the cause.
Thank you everyone for your responses. They were helpful. I took the "better safe than sorry" approach and told her that plans changed next week and so we would not be needing her to work on the days we had planned. Of course, as soon as she arrived today, she was complaining about another mother she works for who keeps changing plans unexpectedly, so it was awkward. (By the way, this is a frequent complaint.) I offered to give her a modest amount of money (equivalent to 5 hours when the plans had been for 15 hours) to make up for the cancellation. I did feel a little bad, because she is relating well to my son and is very helpful. But, as some friends pointed out, I don't know her well and don't know how she behaves when she has episodes. (That's one difference between my situation and Deborah L.'s response) She did tell me that she's been stable for over 3 years since changing her medication, so I think it would probably be fine, but I still couldn't take the chance.
I work in health care and I can say that there's really no reason why her medication shouldn't work just fine and she should be a competent babysitter.
With that said, I wouldn't want her with my child - alone - the day she thinks maybe her dosage needs to be adjusted.
As a professional I wouldn't want to discriminate, but as a mom there's no way I'd leave her alone with my kid... if anything ever happened, I'd blame myself forever.
hi G.,
i would have no problem leaving my child with this sitter AT ALL. my friend has bipolar and she takes medication and is an incredible person -- who has made unbelievable accomplishments in her life. she is going to be a mother this summer, and i know that she will be an amazing mother. you have said that this woman has watched your child successfully in the past and i see no reason for that to change. she is the same person she's always been. i know my friend doesn't tell people about her bipolar all the time, because of all the stereotypes. good luck with everything! debbie
Hey G., well all I have to say is that bipolar disorder is a very serious mental illness. My daugther aunt Is bipolar and she has these episodes when she can be the sweetest person on earth and at that same moment become this whole other person very mean. So my advice to you is dont leave your son alone with her cause you never know what can happen.
As you are a first time mother, I will give you the advice I was given as a first time mother......TRUST YOUR MOMMY GUT!!!
In other words, follow your instincts. Bipolar disorder is a very serious illness. My best friends mom has it and she always went from 1 extreme to the other. She would always say her meds were fabulous and were working and then not take them. She would also say they were great until her body got accustomed to them and again not take them. You need to be careful here. What do you really know about her? And above everything if your instincts are flashing red flags, listen to them. Dismiss her altogether if you are not comfortable. You can tell her other arrangements have been made, the day care had an opening and they called you in early or you can tell her straight out that you have concerns regarding her bi-polar disorder. You will read a variety of blogs, articles etc....showing the pros and cons of this disorder, but bottom line, it is YOU who has to be comfortable in leaving your child with your sitter. Listen to your mommy gut!!!
G.,
I think the answer is quite obvious - do not leave your son alone with this woman - ever. While her medication enables her to be okay most of the time, you really don't know what could happen if you are not there. There are no second chances if something should happen. I ask all potential babysitters about illnesses, including mental illnesses, before hiring them. You can't be too careful. As someone else already pointed out, this lady is working in a field that she probably should not be working in. If this were my son, I would not leave her alone ever - even for a short time.
My sister is Bipolar, and as much as I love her, I would not leave my child alone with her. She is a wonderful, loving, caring mother when she is stable and on her medication, but as a previous poster said you never know when things could change. I know from experience that things can change quickly, and at least my sister is quite skilled at hiding those changes early on. It is a hard situation. Good luck to you!
no way. i worked at a psych clinic and knew some wonderful people who were bipolar. everything was great until it wasnt. and there is no warning most of the time. its a terrible illness, i feel for her. it sounds like she is functioning very well and is diligent about her meds, and im sure everything would be fine, but what if....? i know it isnt nice, but although she can make a wonderful friend, confidant, mommys helper, and just about anything else, there is no way i would leave my kid with her. be politically correct when it comes to just about anyone else but your babysitter. follow your instinct. you will see, being mama bear means that sometimes you have to be not-so-nice in order to protect your child. this wont be the last time. oprah recently did a great show about just that, they had these women who were victims of various crimes, all of which afterward spoke of the gut feelings or little signs that they ignored so as to spare someones feelings. she also had close calls who took action because of their gut, and later found out how they were almost, but not, the next victim. women do it all the time, we will get into an elevator with someone we dont trust so as not to hurt their feelings, talk to someone who makes us uncomfortable, etc....we are trained to be polite. i would rather be rude and safe, especially when it comes to my kids. say what you must to spare her feelings, but your child comes first.
I feel terribly sorry for this other woman as she can't do a job she wants to do because of an existing medical condition. It's sad but she isn't alone in it.
You wouldn't get on a plane with an epileptic pilot, You won't see a paraplegic policeman. It's a simple fact that just because we WANT to do something doesn't mean we can.
Please don't feel bad about your misgivings. I have them myself just reading your question and I haven't even met this lady and seen how nice she is. The simple fact is that whilst it isn't her fault she is bipolar, childcare isn't a career for her.
You have a right to feel happy and confident in the person you are leaving your child with. You shouldn't have any misgivings at all. You wouldn't consider leaving them with a smoker or a drinker and the fact is that now you know this and are discomforted by it you won't be able to give your work your full attention even when you are at home! It's a vicious circle.
Good luck with finding new childcare
Regards
H.
Medication or no medication, I would not leave my baby alone with her. You said the alternative option is not ideal; can you have the 2nd person there with the baby sitter? Honestly, I don't know much about this, but if there is even an ounce of discomfort, you should not leave her. Mother's intuition is always right.
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