Testy Toddler

I was like that as a child myself. What my mom did was to pitch a fit with me in the store. I was so embarressed that I stoped having fits in the store for fear that my mom would do it again. don't be afraid of what others might think, do what you need to do.

S.

My youngest will be two in June. Although he isn't too much of a handful at the store...he does get very bored VERY quickly! So, I've learned to only venture to the store AFTER naptime. Sometimes, I'll stop and get my kids a "treat" to take in with them....it's amazing how long a small milkshake or happy meal will occupy them! Or, I'll just pack my child's small backpack with his Gerber gummies, some cereal, or small low maintenance snacks to hand him. I've also discovered that he LOVES to stick stickers on things! So, if you ever see a shopping cart covered in stickers, you'll know my child has been in it! =0) He'll stick them on the groceries, on me, on him...but heck...it sure keeps him busy and happy! You can get a bazillion sheets of colorful stickers at the dollar store for a buck. Pulling them out only at the store makes it a fun, special thing for him. Plus, we have our "thing" at each store..........Kroger = free cookie at the bakery, Target & WalMart = popcorn (although, w/ Ethan I have to hand pick the no-kernel pieces still). We'll also hit the toy isle first and grab something that strikes Ethan's attention that he can play with while in the cart. Then, by the time the shopping trip is over, he's lost interest and we just put it back! All this stuff put together usually results in a tantrum less shopping experience for all! Hope some of that helps you out! Good luck!

dont worry about the stares from other shoppers. your daughter needs to learn that you are in charge and that she can not always have her way. let her scream, and just ignore her. if you give in and let her have the cookie, or let her walk or whatever it may be that has set her off, than she has won, and you are no longer in charge. also, if she is just bored and does not want to be at the store, and you leave when she starts to scream, she wins again. other mothers can be so judgmental of each other, it is terrible. if we all just found a way to mind our own business, unless a child is being hurt or neglected in some way, we would not all worry so much about what was being said behind our backs.

I understand completely how you feel. This past December my husband and I were at Walmart carousing the toy aisle, and my oldest son who's 4 started throwing a huge fit! I told him if he didn't calm down I was gonna take him to the car and he can cry out there. Well sure enough, he wouldn't calm down, so i left my husband with our youngest and walked outside with him screaming all the way and others staring. I put him in the car, shut the door and stood outside the car waiting for him to calm down. And sure enough, it worked! About 2 minutes after I put him in the car he said "mommy, I'll be good now. Can we go back with daddy now?" I calmly told him that his behavior was awful and Santa does not bring toys to kids who behave that way in public. He was very good the rest of the time we were in the store.
Although your daughter is too young to really understand what my 4 yo did, I think a "time-out" in the car for her to calm down might help. Don't worry about what other shoppers think, and ignore the stares. Kids misbehave all the time, and most parents choose to ignore their behavior and do the shopping. I do feel bad for those parents because i know how they feel, seeing all those people staring at them wondering what they're thinking. Truth is, it's none of their business why that child is screaming and people need to learn not to pass judgement on other people's parenting skills. I think most people are thinking the same thing I do "that poor woman, with that screaming kid; wish I could help."
Truthfully, she's at the age where there is a language boundary. She's trying to tell you she wants something the best way she knows how. Try bringing a toy or something that will entertain her while you're doing the shopping; and use that specifically for the store. Explain as best you can for her to understand that this toy or activity is only for the store, and if she misbehaves she will go in time-out or take her toy away, or just leave the store. She is at the age where she can start to understand that with her actions there will be a consequence. And now is the time to start enforcing these rules and consequences. If you have to, leave the cart full of groceries, preferably with a store employee and apologize for the inconvenience but you must leave. Come back when she might be on better behavior. It may take some time, but eventually she will outgrow this behavior. When my boys behave in the store, i buy them a cheap toy; sometimes they have $1 toys in the checkout aisle. When your daughter starts to behave, reward her with a "special toy for big girls that behave". This is frowned on by most parents, but it certainly works for me! I hope my advice is helpful; and I wish you the best of luck with this situation! I know how tough it is to ignore all those stares, but really I just think most of them are concerned and sympathetic.

You're daughter is trying to express her independence int eh only way she knows how. Before you go into the store tell her "Hailey (or whatever her name is) when we go in the store you may pick out one thing if you are good. But if you raise your voice and kick and scream we are going to leave and you won't get anything." WIth mine at the grocery store I gave them a choice in their cereal's, fruits and juices. They also had to agree on 1 cookie. I also let them know (this was 13 years ago) that if they threw a fit we were going to the bathroom and it wouldn't be a happy visit. That worked on the extreme times. My youngest daughter's temper tantrums she used to hold her breath til she passed out. I used to carry a pillow around for those times.

OK, this is a bit time consuming, but if pick a couple days to work on it, it will nip this problem in the bud.

I also have an outgoing (read loud), strong-willed daughter (2 1/2 now, but this problem hit right about 2). I followed John Rosemond's advise in his book "How to make the Terrible Two's Terrific" and that was to make it as much of a non-issue as possible.

Before we went into the store, I would tell my daughter that if she screamed inside (she would squeal when she got restless) we would go to time-out in the car. You have to do this on a day when you're prepared (ie. probably don't have your other child) and you've parked the car close by! Of course, Anna squealed within a couple minutes and I whisked her out of the store, leaving the cart where it was, walked calmly to the car, plunked her in her carseat, buckled her in and sat her there for a minute or so just calmly saying, "this is time-out for squealing in the store, we don't do that." Then I took her out, brought her back to the cart and resumed shopping. Of course she screamed again within minutes - it probably happened 3-4 times that first day, but she got the point: her squealing was NOT going to shorten the shopping, it was just getting her time-out. The next time or two that we were at the store, she squealed 1-2 times, but after that, she dropped it completely. Now, whenever she starts to misbehave in public, I just tell her, "settle down or we'll go to time-out in the car" - and since there is no point or fun in that, she settles down and that's that.

I agree with other posts that say don't let your kid cry it out at the expense of others. I used to let her scream, thinking it would go away with no attention. But of course it just got worse. AND, it's a public place for goodness sakes. I don't know what I was thinking. We should actively teach our children what is appropriate behavior. By ignoring her, I was OK'ing her screaming. Removing her from the store let her know that a store is a special place and certain behaviors are simply not tolerated by others. Try this - trust me, I've got the upper-hand now.

Hi S., I feel ya! My daughter used to carry on also in the stores and boy was she consistant. I would pick her up at 6pm from day care and we would go to the grocery store and at 6:20pm she would scream and yell for no apparent reason! Then at the check out line she would want a candy bar or gum and I would say NO, she would scream and yell at the top of her lungs where I felt as you do, like a very bad mommy. Well, I started taking a parenting course where they suggested "rewarding positive behavior" and "ignore negative behavior" which of cause took practice, but after a while she caught on and I then had less tantrums. It was explained to me that children don't know how to tell us when they are frustrated, or hurting, or angry so they "act out". But with my daughter I felt she was just plain "spoiled". And for the most part I was right. I would talk to her while pushing the carriage and she would be screaming and yelling but I would carry on a conversation as if nothing was wrong...Eventually when she saw that I wasn't "reacting" she would stop and join in the conversation! It's wasn't easy, but practice makes progress eventually...Hope this helps!

Usually the first child is 'good' and lulls us into thinking, 'this isn't so bad! I could do this again'. Then the 2nd child breaks ALL the 'rules'! LOL Does your younger one LIKE to shop? If so, try leaving her with someone while you go -- and let her know that her behavior is what's keeping her from getting to go. CNatural consequences have a wonderful way of teaching us ALL 'life lessons', and it's never too early to let them happen! At 6-8 mo. they learn that 'if I pull this heavy object onto myself, it hurts. If I touch this hot object, it hurts. etc. Most parents nowadays feel TOO responsible for the child's 'comfort' (physical and emotional) in every little way. We're not here to make them 'comfortable', we're here to teach them to be caring, independent, responsible adults, and it's not learned by 'consistent comfort'.

Leave her at home. When she figures out that mommy leaves her home with daddy because she couldn't behave... You may have to make some scheduling adjustments, but do what is necessary to keep your head on straight. I know that other mothers are going to say that you have to teach them how to behave in public but wait to do that until she understands instruction and the repercussions of misbehaving when you are at the store or even in restaurants. Trust me when I say that I can do my shopping in 1/3 the time if I leave my kids at home or with a sitter and I very rarely come home without the things on my list or with those "extras" that usually end up in the buggy when they go with me.

And to those that take your kids to the store or to restaurants and let them scream and cry, please remember that you are in public. If I were to act like that I would be arrested for public nuisance or disturbing the peace. Teach your children at home and PLEASE do not subject the rest of us to your children's bad behavior

My daughter will be 2 in April and I am going through the same thing. She absolutely will not get into the shopping cart. Kicking, screaming and of course everyone looking at me like I am doing something awful. I have tried giving her snacks that I know she likes, just so I can grocery shop, but that only worked a couple of times. It is so frustrating, and yes, I too feel like a terrible mom because I can't even get her to get into the cart. I have decided to just leave her with my husband when I run errands now. Luckily he is home from work at 3 p.m. Oh, let me mention that she won't even ride in her stroller anymore. She is so independent and strong willed. When we pull up at the store she starts saying.."hands, hands" meaning that she wants to hold my hand and walk and not get into the cart or stroller. Besides her temper, she is a very smart and pleasant child! Good luck. Keep me updated.

Wow! I got on here tonight and reading your post i thought did i already get on here today! I just told my sister I love going grocery shopping when my less than happy 2 yr old screams down all 15 aisles. How embarassing! Oh well. Another mother said to me today don't feel bad i remember those days! Exactly. You should feel confident that you are willing to take the challenge and teach your child anywhere.I think testing is exactly what it is. My son Gunner turned 2 on Oct. 27 and thinks he is 30. I ask my self every night after he is in bed what do i do with him? He doesn't act like a 2 yr old. His abilities, vocabulary,and his understanding of things just makes me think i have a much older child. I think that is the mistake i am making. Not only does he talk like he is alot older he thinks he is. I need to treat him like he is 2. In my case my son is stubborn alot of the times, has a very large temper and is very demanding. He is not a bad child he just tests his boundaries often. I think the only thing or the first thing to do is make sure the expectations are right for the situation. Is your child tired/hungry when you take these trips, or have you been out all day and they missed their nap? If none of this is the case then i would suggest if possible making these shopping trips a job for just you. It may give you and your child a needed break. Not to mention how happy they are when you get back home!

I am taking Earlychildhood classes and in one of them I remember talking about this subject. We talked about how children have fits because they cannot get what they want in a store. Three suggestions were to take the child and leave the store. The other one was to talk to the child and let them know it makes you feel sad when they have the temper tantrums. The third one is to tell the child that you understand that they are upset, But we can not get the toy you want right now. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you on this subject.

Try going by the bakery first and getting her a cookie to nibble on while you shop. Or if she likes Cheeto's or something like that, pick up a bag and let her have at them. Or bring some from home. The store personnel won't mind and if other people are staring because your child is screaming, then they obviously don't have or have never had small children! That would be THEIR problem, not your own! Good luck!!!

There are a few things for you to consider:
Timing: has your child been strapped in a carseat, cart, or stroller all day before hitting the grocery store? Can you time the shopping trip around snack time when maybe you can occupy your child with her snack while you race through the store to finish before she does? :)

Make a solo trip: Can you do the shopping after your husband gets home? My youngest is two, and although he's generally fine in the cart, he doesn't have the patience that he used to, and I'd rather do the trip without him, so I go when my husband gets home and either go by myself or take my older son who loves pushing around a child-size cart. It's a nice chance to teach my oldest about grocery shopping without being interrupted by the needs of the little one, and the youngest gets needed time alone with his dad.

Ignore them all: your daughter and the people staring. When you do have to take your child with you and she trows a fit despite everything else, continue to ignore her like you've been doing, but ignore everyone else too. Remember that you're in a store not the library. If people can walk around there carrying on cell phone conversations, then your child can pitch a fit. It's just what kids do sometimes, and I'm sure you try to hurry along when it happens. So just focus on getting out of there and don't worry about other people. Any other parent in there will be sympathetic!

Hi S.!
My daughter is just 1 month younger than yours (born June 7) and she is starting her little tantrums as well. I havent experience it out in public yet, but Im sure that time is coming.
My husband and I have been discussing what our plan of discipline is for this and what I do at home when she throws a fit, I simply remove her from the situation we're in and I sit her down and let her do her fit. Once she sees she's not getting any attention from me or her dad she stops.
THis happened yesterday while playing outside, she kept wanting to go in the road I told her no, gave her 1 warning, she threw a fit, so I picked her up and put her toys in the garage went inside sat her on the couch and went on to fix dinner. She stopped! When she does do this in public, even if have a cart full of groceries, I will take her out to the car and sit there or even leave. I have talked to a lot of moms that have been there and done that and almost all of them gave me this advice.
I think we have to start early with toddlers, if they see right away that we as their parents wont tolerate this and they are not going to get the attention they're looking for, I think it will help in the long run!
I hope this helps!

Don't worry about the stares from other people anyone who has had a 2 year old is sympathizing with you. DO NOT GIVE IN!!!I found that ignoring my 2 year old deprived him of what he wanted which was my attention. Try positive reinforcement also, keep her favorite treat/toy/book etc. with you and tell her before you go into the store that she can have the treat if she does not cry and scream while you are in the store. This is a phase but you must be consistant. Give her a treat when she is good, ignore her when she throws a tantrum. Just remember this, 2 year olds and 12 year olds act the same way. So if you don't like this behavior now try thinking of her as being 12...This will help you stand firm. Good luck. I have 4 children 13, 12, 9, 7 and it worked with all of them and they never throw tantrums because they know its not worth it. Make sure you get some mommy alone time so you can survive the terrible twos.

For your own sanity, try to do your errands when you don't have to take her with you. I know it's very difficult, but try not to worry about what others think. They don't know your situation. Hard to do, I know, because it is for me. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to make your child calm down and listen, esp. at age 2 (or 3, for that matter).

May I recommend from my own experience to read Dr. James Dobson's "Strong Willed Child" and "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Dr. Gary Chapman. Both have helped tremendously how to teach me to deal with each child individually. (We have two girls who are night and day personality wise) I know you have a lot on your plate, but getting the CD's to listen to of the books may help on your drives or if you can find time to read, I think you will pleased with the outcome.
Lots of blessings to you.
W. Morris from Indiana

I think you did the right thing. Ignore the others staring at you. Even though he is screaming... go about business as usual in the grocery as if she/he weren't there. He will learn after a few times that it isn't going to work and then he will begine to settle down. He has the right to pitch a fit and feel terrible if he wants but you have the right not to put up with it. Get the picture?...... you are doing great. Just ignore the staring people. It won't take long till you will be symptom free once he learns that you could care less and you are going to do what you need to do and he is going to do what you said regardless of his fits. Keep your chin up....sounds like you have a handle on it.

My baby isn't as old as yours, but he has already figured out how to pitch a fit if he doesn't get his way! Anyway, I gave this some thought and came up with this. I don't know if she's old enough to understand the concept of carrying a play purse, but if she is, this might work. Before leaving for the store, pack her purse with a couple of plastic baggies filled with dried fruit, animal crackers, cheese doodles...whatever she likes. Also pack a few small toys and maybe even a small "suprise". Maybe even a small note pad and a crayon if she is able yet. The dollar store would be a good place to find those. Tell her that while mommy is shopping that she needs to eat or play with whatever is in her special bag. Don't let her have this unless you are going to the store so that she doesn't get bored with it.

This may sound like rewarding her to get good behavior, but I think of it more as a distraction for your sanity.

Also, don't worry about stares. Most people aren't staring because they think you are a bad mother. They are just staring because its something to look at. People are just nosey and if something is loud, they are gonna look at it. Don't take it so personally. Most of the time we assume the worst!

Hi S.,

Your youngest is testing your patience. Don't be embarrased, discipline her in the store. Let her cry...other moms will understand others will look at you like you can't control your child. It doesn't matter. And it does get better.

I have a Taurus child, my first, she turns 4 on May 4. she challenged me and I received it well. After a spanking in the Starbucks in Target and another one in Walmart, she has learned that I mean it when I say stop.

Good luck.

HI S.,

I have a 2 year old and he can definitely be unreasonable. If your daughter's tantrums are over things that she wants at the store then I suggest something I do with my son - I let him play with toys or I open a box of chips or eat a granola bar from the cart while we shop. I am buying the food anyway and we put the toys back before we check out. If I'm at target or walmart I will go grocery shopping first and then let them walk around the toy aisles for a little while (when I'm not under a time pressure) to look at the toys - ride on the trikes, etc.

If she just has tantrums over not wanting to get into the cart or not wanting to be there, then it can be worth waiting until your husband is home and the kids are in bed and going alone. This phase won't necessarily last forever. It will be easier to manage her as she gains more language skills and you can negotiate with her.

Although my son doesn't have a lot of language - he does understand a lot more than he can say. I have found that by meeting him eye to eye and validating his feelings "I know sweetie that you don't want to be in the cart. You can hold this toy but you have to sit down." If I get frustrated and yell or sound scary things only get worse - he'll cry louder and also get more mad. The calmer I am, the more loving my tone is, the more patient I am with him, the calmer he becomes. I try to be accommodating when I can with him - he loves to sit in the big part of the cart rather than in the seat. I'll let him do this for awhile until I need him to move because I need more room in the cart for groceries.

Hope this helpful!