We have been cooped up in the house all week, catering to my 3 month old's nap schedule. Today we finally went to the park with a couple of friends. It is a park a few miles away from home, and I was the one that invited the other families to join us. After a few minutes of playing together, my 4 yr old hit one of his friends in the head with a small wooden plank he found, causing a bruise and an abrasion. I put him in time-out for about 5 minutes, and then he apologized to the boy once the boy was calm enough. About 20 minutes later my son was kicking the little sand castle that they were building, and he ended up kicking sand into another friend's face. It got in her eyes and she was crying a lot. While her mom tended to her, I again put my son in time-out and, again, when the child was calm again he apologized to her.
What else can I do to show him that his behavior is not acceptable? At what point to we leave the park as a discipline measure? After the first offense? The second? The third? I wanted to take him home after his second infraction, but then I felt kinda stupid for inviting them to the park to play with us and leaving after only half an hour. What would you have done and what could I have done better? (These are just his bigger offenses--the rest of the time was punctuated with more mild disobedience and rowdy behavior.)
I would have done a much longer time out... and given a swat on the butt. After the 2nd incident - I'd have taken him home.
Immediately upon the second offense, I would have made him apologize and replaced the time-out with a "now we are leaving the park because of your behavior that hurt others." Believe me, the moms would have understood.
I would have left after the first offense. Hitting another child with a wooden plank is beyond just pushing or saying a bad word. Our son has ADHD and impulse control issues big-time so we've learned from his therapist you can't have any tolerance. Bad action = boom, serious consequence.
Just apologize to the other parents and reschedule.
i wouldve left on the 1st offense if you hadnt been the one to invite. Definately on the 2nd offense, I would apologize for his behavior and leave. If you think they would be offended that you left, just think how offended they would be that you stayed and allowed the behavior. He's 4, not 2. He knows right from wrong. He knows actions have consequences. I think he was testing you and seeing what he could get away with. That needs swift action on your part.
I would have left after the first incident. He needed some space from the other kids, and after the second incident, the other parents probably didn't want to see what the third incident was going to be and would have been fine if you left. Imagine if your child had been hit by a wooden plank or had the burning sensation of sand in their eyes, would you think it was okay for just a time out. As another parent, I might have left the park so you and your child could play and not continue to possibly hurt my child.
Try giving him more one on one attention (I know how hard this is when you have an infant too) but I think you both will be happier & his behavior will change. Kids get aggressive like this when some thing is going on that they can't verbalize or internalize. You did the right things at the park, leaving would also be effective, or keeping him at your side while the other kids played. You are a great mama, although I am sure exhausted as you are I think he will respond great to more attention, having a new baby is a big change for us adults even if it's the second or third baby... I imagine it's a big change & adjustment for him too. Good Luck!
At four I would have left after the first offense in this case. Hitting another kid with an object is serious. Kicking sand, while inappropriate, he might have not have meant to kick it onto anyone. It could be embarrassing but no one wants their kid being picked on so its better to leave.
I think I would have had him sit there the ENTIRE time while watching the rest of the kids play and have fun. If he couldn't sit there the entire time then another consequence would occur for that one. Of course I am on the stricter side than most parents. Yeah I'm one of "those" moms that actually bust her kids butts after a certain point.....in my experience it usually works very well because I don't kid around when I ask you 3 x. My motto strike 3 your out-if I have to ask you three times for the same thing depending on the situation the next measure is taken. However, honestly I don't have to do it very often because at this point my kids know "the look" yeah I'm sure you all know the one I'm talking about if you ever got it from your mom.....I knew the look was enough to take my life back since that was the same woman that gave it to me in the first place. You didn't fool around after the look and somehow I inherited it???? LOL!
that's a tough one since you are the one who invited. i probably would have done what you did and put him in time out, but not left. either that or just made him sit on the bench with me the whole time while i talked to the parents and the other kids played.
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I would have left after the first offense, if you really want him to understand that hitting is unacceptable. Time-outs have their uses, but for something like hitting, biting or kicking which you want to nip in the bud NOW, there has to be a more serious consequence to let him know he cannot do this. If this sounds too harsh ask yourself, what if the plank had hit the other little boy in the eye? A trip to the ER is not cheap.
Even though you were the one who did the inviting I'm sure the other parents would have understood. With parenting you can't let what other parents may think of you influence you and your parenting decisions. They seem to have been patient and understanding in light of what had occurred because, really, who wants their child to be hit or have sand thrown in their face? Both are painful and can be dangerous. Sand is made from rocks worn down by wind and water, and once it's in the eyes can cause serious injury.
Talk to your son when everything is calm, explain why hitting is dangerous, and that as a consequence the next time it happens you will leave and go home (or if it happens at home he will go to his room, etc.)
And know this will pass : )
I think you handled it fine for the first time out in a while; however, next time you're playing with friends, tell him the expectations ahead of time. If you hit, kick, throw sand, etc., we will leave. No warnings because you've already set it up ahead of time. Tell your friends, I'm sorry we have to leave. They'll totally get it. We've all been there. We have a four year old and baby as well...it's tough. Can you plan some one one one time with him? Maybe he's a little jealous and will take any attention he can get??
I would have abandoned mission after the first nastiness. He has to know you are serious about good behavior. It doesn't matter if you invited your friends, they will respect your parenting for not letting your son be this violent. Have him apologize, explain why and then simply leave. He has to know now that you are serious and will follow through.
i would have done what you did, it's easy to say that you should have left after the first time, but i'm sure you were looking forward to this outing too and i'm sure the other parent would have been giving you some body language cues if they were super uncomfortable. Its hard dragging two kids out just to have to turn around. A half hour isn't much time, If he had been fine but then started doing this after an hour of play I might have just left right then. but that wasn't your situation.
If this was someone you knew well, i would probably say something like, "I'm sorry Jojnny is having a hard time today, would you like to reschedule this or do you want to give it another twenty minutes???" and then go from there, their response ought to clue you in. I also think that because of the new baby, you probably need to verbalize to you son when you put him in time out, "johnny it is not ok to hit sos and so, that really hurt, you must play nice or we will leave and go home." maybe you did that but if you didn't he might just really need that message to be verbalized for it to sink in.
hope the next playdate is better.
At 4 he is capable of understanding the rules before you go. Next time I would lay out the rules of conduct before you go. If he violates the rules leave after the first offense. It doesn't matter if you invited the other family. They should understand that you are diciplining your son. My daughter is 2. I tell her before we leave what I expect from her behavior wise and she gets one warning while we are there. We leave after the second offense.
Sounds like he's a typical boy not an angel, still dealing with a new baby in the house, I'm sure the other parents understood. As long as you're putting him in time out for every offense he will learn!
