L.K.
Hi,
Wow, lots of step-mom bashing! It's okay - being one I realize the amount of anamosity especially cause there are still unresolved issues between ex's & here comes some outsider with their 2 cents!
My husband also has full custody of his daughter she came to live with us full-time at 6yrs old. Unfortunately, being the female in the house I've had to take over since mom really wasn't in the picture (kinda the same with you only having visitation - no offense). After a while my husband started relying on me to make all of the decisions regarding her because the two of us were there daily.
Not that he meant to step on any toes, but that's just life, he couldn't exactly call her mom for everything so I got left with the major decisions (school clothes/projects, parent teacher conferences, birthday parties etc.)
What I may suggest is trying to open the door of communication, try meeting with her. Obviously, like another person said she's trying to get to know you if she get's on the phone. I did that with my husband's ex, we would meet for an hour or 2 maybe once a month & talk about everything regarding only the child. It only took our first meeting to clear up the personal issues (she used to ask inappropriate personal things all the time) - after getting together it stopped. That way your input is still valued & you may become ally's which can be helpful as your daughter starts reaching that "rebellion" stage.
Oh, BTW, your husband may be opening up to his new wife about you which is good for his healing. Just remember you're supposed to marry your best friend & best friends tell each other everything!