With everything that is going on and the fact that I really don't like the area that I live in I am really thinking of moving. Although I'm worried about how it may affect the kids.
I have a very good job here and that is probably the thing I'm scared of leaving the most. But I'm board with it. And I know that I can do so much more. And I want to finish school so badly. And I'm really thinking that I might be in the wrong career. But my family and I are used to the money it brings in. The money is good but not great.
There is a lot of history in this town for all of my family that I think a fresh start where no one knows us would help. My mother had her divorce here after almost 30 years of marriage. My father still lives here and she would like to get away from that. The kids have to deal with teachers and people compairing them or expecting them to do the things that their parents did or do. As well as what they have done theirself. My son's father is here and has made a not so good name for himself lately as well as his family. And he cheated on me with several people which live here as well. And people here judge you for everything that you do. The kids have to wear name brands clothes to school or get beat up and made fun of (this drains me, and I spend money I don't have). I live in a rich town and it comes back on me a lot because I make good money, but not really good money for all the people I take care of.
How do you think a move will affect the kids? I've talked to them about it and my neice says she's all for it but the two boys say that I will ruin their lives.
Kids adjust fairly well. At first it may be difficult but in the long run it will work out. Do what you think is best and I wish you the BEST OF LUCK
Jan
Dear M.:
I would stay for now. Finish college/school while you have a paying job that you are familiar with. When you move and change jobs, you will have to catch up first.
Details in short:
- Good job: Good thing, so you make money while you get a degree
- You are bored: Who cares. Other things are more important than a personal challenge.
- Teachers comparing: You always have that when they know the older siblings or even parents. It is minor though.
- Son's father: Sorry about the cheating, but it's his bad rep, not yours. People will differentiate. You should get some distance in the long run, but getting a degree is more important. Once you have it, move!
- Peer pressure: This is unique to the USA, but it's your chance to make them strong by not giving in. I would buy decent clothes, but not name brand. If they get beaten up, report to the teacher, director, police. That is unacceptable. Repeat as often as necessary. You cannot prevent name-calling in school, that's a given.
At least you don't have to deal with break-ins and other crimes in a richer city, so it should be bearable. Think about your odds with and without a degree. I had to quit my master degree at UT Austin halfway through, and I realized that going back is harder than hanging in. In other words, education is the foundation (for your job and to set an example to your kids). Focus all your energy on that, and you can move the day after you get your papers...
Regards,
W.
most kids between 8 and 17 see a long distance move as a tragic thing but what you need to remind them (and yourself) is that life goes on. First find out what it is they're afraid of leaving? For most kids it's their friends... point out to them that in this day in age it's not hard to keep in touch with people. If they don't already have one let them open an e-mail account and get an IM log-in so that they can keep in touch with their friends back "home" a little more easily. If you're not ok with giving them their own cell phone be sure that yours gets free long distance so that they can take turns calling friends as much as they'd like...within 6 months (maximum) they will have made a whole new group of friends and wouldn't want to go back if you gave them a choice. For kids they are petrified of change and being the "new kid" can be terrifying and there's not a whole lot you can do to ease those fears except to be there if they choose to come to you. Chances are they'll resent you at first and you may get some cold stares at the dinner table for a while but it will all pass and in no time they'll be coming to you for permission or money to go out with new friends and participate in school activities... have no fear! Major transitions just take time to get used to for everyone.
Sounds to me like you're on the right track with the decision you're making. You need to do what's best for everyone long term...not just what the boys want here and now.
Good luck!!!
I would have to wonder if it might not help them in the long run. Seems you have a lot of stressors there to deal with almost like everyone knows everyone and expects certain behaviour whether that be expecting bad or good behaviour i dont know. But just having that expectation there is a very heavy load to have to carry. There are stresses with moving as well but planning a good move and visiting the town before hand and finding the school the kids will be in and nearby parks and other activities can really help. I think if the other town has more to offer you and the college there is a good one for you to i would really consider it. Just really research it all out and take your time to make your decision. Good luck on your decision. Remember children are very resiliant, they will bounce back. I moved my whole family to France a few years ago and lived there for 3 yrs and we all survived LOL.
S. from rogers arkansas 4kids 16 yo daughter, 5 yo son, 3yo son, 2yo son.
M....what you need to do is list the pros and cons. Compare the neighborhoods side by side. We moved here to Kingwood 3 months ago from Long Island. It ws very hard on them especially my 12 yr old. However, we now live in a neighborhood where my kids can run and play in the front of their home, they can take off on their bikes and the schools are far better than the schools we came from. For once in my adult life my husband and I have a bank account and will hopefully have a succesful business. This was diffcult and scary. My oldest longs to be back on Long Island however he understands why we came here. This sure beats living next to drug dealers and in a area so busy with cars and uncaring drivers that my kids could not take a bike ride or in play out front. I miss my family and friends tremendously but do love my new neighborhood very much. My advice is to list the pros and cons and pray, pray, pray. Good luck to you in making this decision. Let us know what you decide.
Hey M., its me again!
Honey I wouldn't move. Moving away isn't going to make problems disappear and likely will just create more stress for you and the kids. It sounds like you have enough stress already.
There has to be something stable and constant in the kids lives and right now where you are living and the fact that they go to school and you go to work everyday is a piece of structure they need.
If you really are set on the idea of moving then make sure its a family decision. Sit down with all the kids and give them 3 or 4 options. Talk to them about the job offers you may have and what sort of home they would like to live in and that you can afford. Talk to them about the reasons you think it would be good for everyone. Consider the schools, but also consider your job potential. Be sure that if the job you move for doesn't work out the city is big enough that you can find another immediately. If possible take a weekend trip with the kids to visit the towns you are thinking of as candidates.
Good luck.
Put out feelers before you go anywhere. Moves can be very positive things and exaclty the oppisite as well depending on what you make it. Try to line up a job and home before you go, check into colleges, make some visit trips to areas you are considering. Do online research about everything you will need ie: schools for the kids, and yourself, daycares, places for you to work, neighborhoods, ect.. and save up some $$ for downpayments.
I think as long as your Mother would be happy moving also that it would be a good idea. You have to sit down and write down what is good about it and what is bad about it and whether you can afford the move. If the good out weighs the bad and your mother agrees and you can afford the move. I would do it and the children will hopefully make even better friends and a new start sounds like a very good thing for the family. God bless you and guide you. You sound like a wise lady who loves and wants the very best for her family.
Dear M. T.,
I am 45 years old with five children ages 11 through 19. I am married. although my husband has not been all daisies and sunshine.
We have moved more times than I have counted. My kids have have near always been on the honor roll at school, and my third child participates in gifted classes. All my kids have been in band. They are loving, disciplined and have a 'good head on their shoulders'.
I believe that moving has added strength, character, and individuality. I have always approached the relocating as an adventure; a new beginning; a time to better yourself.
I truely have found that my attitude and disposition was extremely important. I try to inform my kids to look at the world and the world's population; not just look just see your own personal small reality. Most importantly, I have told them that the happiest and most admired adults in the world are the ones that have stayed true to their individuality (their differences, their uniqueness).
The kids have never been "branded" by other kids that knew them all their lives. They have had the opportunity to begin fresh - or to happily carry on as they always have.
Good luck. Your job as a mother is the most important of all!
Kindest Regards,
T.
