Third Child Anxiety!! How Did You Do It?

Please read Siblings Without Rivalry! Best book ever- I have four and it changed our house from jealousy to harmony. When older ones are jealous and complain, natural tendency is to tell them they don't hate the baby (denying their feelings) or that are they lucky ones because the baby can't do anything and they are so big (sets up win-loose that you will regret later.) Don't! Just LISTEN and empathize... "It sounds like it makes you sad when Mommy has to nurse the baby and can't play with you." Then let them talk until the fire is out. You can help them vent and identify their feelings. How would we feel if our husband brought home another wife?

For me, going from one to two was killer (parlty due to colic) but three and four are just more clothes to wash and shoes to keep track of! Good luck! Big families are one of God's greatest blessings!

Help, help, help, whereever you can get it! Mine are now 12, 10, and 6, all boys. The first couple of years was kind of crazy. You just have to give into it. Katie K. said it right, your house will never be the same again. If you can swing it, try to get a cleaning lady at least every other week so she can change the sheets, do the laundry, mop the floor and clean the bathrooms for you. Seeing that laundry pile up was so stressful to me because I like to keep my house tidy and clean. Another important thing, make sure you get a babysitter a couple of times a month. Life was so hectic all the time that I didn't have the energy for fun with my husband! A good marriage is the best gift you can give your kids so make sure to have date night. Bedtimes are the worst and by the time we wrangled them all into bed with stories, showers, etc, we were exhuasted too. Take care of you! Good luck!

Ok, so I know that I am way late in posting a response to this, but when I read your post, I just had to! I myself just had my third baby last year and I have to tell you, I was just as worried as you (maybe even more so!) about adding a third to the mix....my third was kind of an 'oops' and in my mind, we had the perfect family already as it was, a girl and a boy, (ages 10 & 5) and I worried that the baby was going to off-balance things and the other two would resent him. I was SO wrong! Having the 3rd baby was the best thing we could have done...he by far is the happiest, easiest going baby I've ever had and thats due in part to the fact that he is so loved by the whole family. My older two argue & bicker alot, but when it comes to the baby, they always dote on him no matter what. Nothing warms my heart more than to see them all on the floor wrestling and playing around and to see how loving the older two are to the baby and how much he adores them.
Looking back, the best thing that I did to prepare them for the new baby was to talk to them about it, ALOT! And when I would talk to them about how it was going to be, I was very honest and made it clear that it was not all fun & games, that babies can be alot of work and I truly feel that when the time came, they were very prepared and there was not really alot of suprises for them. Im sure you'll do fine and in a few months, you wont be able to imagine your family without the new baby! Good luck!

Coming in late on this post. Don't actually post much really anyways, but felt compelled to comment on yours. I too have three children, and am the product of 7 kids myself! I was the baby of all 7 and today at 40 something, both of my parents have recently passed on in the last two years...Mom just in Feb 2010. I tell ya, my closest sibling is/was 5 years older than myself. She then always felt like Mom utilized her as a built in babysitter and she "had" to take me everywhere....lol, but TODAY, because of it, she is my best friend, maid of honor in my wedding , I in hers, and we help each other care for our three children each and wonder just how Mom was able to keep her sanity having all SEVEN by herself, and feel so wonderful to have been a part of such "old" FUN parents! What they were not able to give us or my kids as grandparents because of starting their family so late in life, WE can give to ours in hopes that we can one day be there like they were or even better. SIBLINGS are the ONE person in your life that will ALWAYS remember your first stupid mistakes and never let you forget them, lol...your first really terrible haircut and hopefully live long enough to tell your kids about how big of a fit you threw when YOUR Mom tried to tell you no about something and then day you wrecked the car and the first bike wreck, the first date, alllll of that. Your sibling is the one you call when the world and all your friends have shut you out and your Mom isn't here to lend her ear. Sooooo yes Momma. You have been given a true gift of yet another 'someone' to add to this world. For humanity yes, but for the other two as well. There will be trying times, and times filled with a ton of pressure, but that is just how diamonds and pearls are made. God never said it would be easy, but just asked that we try not to do it with out Him.
I miss my Mom, but I am so glad that I have so many others to share her loss and the loss of our Father with and don't have to be alone in this world because there are soooo many others to remind me of them both.
S. baby of 7 , even at 42!

I know this is late but when I saw your post today, I couldn't resist responding. I was told I probably couldn't get pregnant again after having my first two 18 mos apart. However, I did get pregnant when my first two were 2 and 3 years old (when we told them there was a surprise in mommy's tummy, my 2 year old son was sure it was a truck and looked deeply into my throat trying to find it!). It was my sickest pregnancy and the baby was very late (this was awhile ago). When she was born, I injured my pelvis and could not walk without a brace and cane for months. The two older ones seemed to just take it in stride. However, now that they have all grown up, we lost our first daughter to a brain tumor, our son's wife wants him to stay away from us and who is there for us as we age? Our third child....the little darling that caused so much trouble. She was always the most loving and positive child. She would step in as the peacemaker if my husband and I, or her brother and sister started to fight, instructing us to love each other. She started speaking at age of 1 in simple sentences. By 2 she was telling us God loved us and we should be positive. My point is that you don't know what life holds for you and sometimes things turn out exactly the opposite of what you expected. Our last challenge was to adopt our first grandchild and raise him. We didn't know how that w/turn out because we hadn't planned for it. He's 20 now and we have a strong bond within our little family. So, take a deep breath and enjoy the baby and your two boys. Somehow they grow up in spite of us!

Hi. I have 3 boys also. #3 was a bit of a surprise :) Mine are 6, 3 (almost 4), and 2. As your oldest gets older he'll be better at communicating with you. I would say though that the saving grace we used was to have each boy spend one on one time with Daddy every week - not at home. The older the boys get, the more they start looking towards Daddy to learn how to respond to you. Since my youngest was born it has been chaos at our house but it is manageable. As baby grows, each stage he conquers helps the dynamics of the household restore back to a more normal state - like when baby starts sleeping through the night :) And now that my youngest is 2 they have started playing together! It is such an awesome thing to see the three boys in the backyard playing teeball together! :) So my advice to you is this, if you are going to 'lose it' with any of them, just send them to their room until you can deal with it. If they won't go, you go to your room or go hide in the bathroom for a few minutes. And remember, it WILL get easier with time. And take anyone's help that offers it. It seems I can keep my temper much more in check even if I just have a friend hanging out with me at home (yes it will be a messy home, but friends won't care!)
Best of luck to you!
Jen
Mom of 3 boys - 6, 3 going on 4, and 2

I, too, am really late answering this since it just popped up for me.

We thought we were done. 1 boy. 1 girl. Then came our bonus baby. Supposedly I am infertile. I took Clomid for the first 2. 3rd was all by ourselves. A little too much celebrating when the Phillies won the World Series.

Baby #3 is just pure joy. She is almost a year old. I couldn't imagine our family without her. We are now complete. She slid right in no problem. I think going from one to two was harder then two to three. You already know what to expect.

Now since there are more of them then us, the inmates are running the asylum!!

Your older two will be fine. Everyone adjusts quickly.

Good luck and congratulations!!

Congratulations! I'm late in responding but can totally relate. My first three were all girls the same ages as yours when I had my third.
Looking back my one thing I wish I could change would be that I wish I had a better prayer life @ the time.
It would have decreased alot of anxiety. Read Phillipians 4:6-7,13.
Enjoy all your children and especially your spouse as the gift they are.
Look @ life with an "eternal" perspective. Siblings teach each other so much about life. They become "other" focused.
My eldest is now a teenager and my youngest is 2.
I love how they are with one another... There are and will be some bumps in the road but the final analysis is they truly care about & for one another.
God Bless!

I know I am super late replying as I just saw this. :) Most of the replies say that going from 2 to 3 was pretty tough in the beginning but I thought I'd let you know that, for me, adding that third child turned out to be an easy transition. I think a lot has to do with the personality of your baby. Mine was really laid back as a baby (that all changed when he turned two.....but he was the easiest baby. LOL) Part of it was that he came 3 weeks early and my dh was right in the middle of something at work that he couldn't get out of. We never expected him to be early since my 1st was 11 days late and my 2nd was 5 days late. LOL Anyhow, my dh was there for the birth and then back to work the next day. So life just returned to "normal" right away. I was back to taking the oldest to preschool, running earrnds, etc almost immediately. I have always thought that is why it felt "easy". I just jumped right back into it. I already knew what to expect with the baby and we had a pretty good routine set with the other two. I think that going about business as usual actually helped the older two to adjust to a new baby in the house as well. :0) We never had an issues with jealousy. I do recommend a double stroller though. That helps with the logistics of lugging around three little ones and all their stuff. Oh, my two older boys were 2 and 4 when my third son was born. I loved having three boys sooooo much that we went for number four. We call her our "grand finale". <grin> I'm sure you will be able to find the balance you need for all three of your little guys. I remember telling people that I didn't think much about HOW to do it, I just DID it. :0) My kids are now 8, 11, 13 and 15 and I wouldn't change a thing. Best wishes to you and your three precious little ones.

Prepare yourself, it is TOUGH for at least the first few weeks...but once you start to get into the swing of things, it will be like second nature. I remember after having my 3rd, my husband had to leave for just a few hours, and I freaked out! I started crying and got mad at him, all because I was scared for him to leave me alone with all 3! But looking back now that my youngest is turning 1, I have to laugh.

As far as spending time with the others, you just have to be aware of it and make it a point...even if it is just 20 minutes.

You have to learn to let things go...it's a lot different then when you had your first. You begin to notice certain things don't matter or bother you as much, as long as they arn't in any real danger. And the housework...well, just accecpt your house will probably never be "really clean" again. You might be able to have some times when everything is picked up, but rarely is every room in the house cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, etc.

And last (but certainly not least!), the hubster will REALLY need to step it up and help out more. Amazingly, mine just did it...never had to tell him or ask...he just sort of knew what to do. It was pretty cool! I couldn't do what I do without him!

Looking back now, I would saw you are just a lot busier...not so much that it is hard, just BUSY! Good luck! You're a mommy! You can do ANYTHING!!!

HI there, I am a late responsder, as well, but I wanted to say that having my third was the best experience ever. He is (now almost 5), the sweetest, easiest, just all around YUMMY person I have ever met. Right from the beginning his older brother and sister doted on him, loved him , played with him and rocked him. I think that is part of the reason that he is so awesome, he knows how much he is loved. I would advise to let your children hold him and love him as much as they want. I was so afraid that my son would "hurt" my daughter that I think he got over wanting to hold her pretty quickly. But with my third I was alot more relaxed, and they loved it. I would pump into a bottle and let them feed him during the day, after the first few weeks.

In fact, it was so great I had baby #4 when baby #3 was just barely two years old ! You will be great, and after the first few weeks you will get into a routine and it so much fun to watch them grow together :)

Good luck

Newborns sleep a lot. Sometimes I think God made them that way so we can ease into the job. When I brought my third home we made it a point to call her their baby and not our baby. My older two were so proud of their baby. My son wouldn't let just anyone hold her. He was three at the time. He called her his little digger truck. My oldest daughter was 6. She was the little Momma always hovering.

The best gift you can give your kids is siblings. They learn the world doesn't revolve around themselves. I have watched all my in-laws who only have two and they all act as if things are more important than people. The kids don't know how to work are care for others. My children love each other and they are best friends with each other. I have six. Two little ones passed away. Our youngest is just a year now and my oldest three love her to death. Once a friend of my son's asked him if he would have preferred a brother. He said, "What did you see her? She's perfect!!"

Don't worry so much. Just enjoy them. The rest will come to you.

Just to let you know one of my greatest pleasures was having our third child. He was 4 and almost 6 years younger than his siblings. He got different attention from them than the attention my husband and I gave him. I kept a box of cereal in the car at all times (he is now 26yrs old) incase he was hungry and we were at an activity for one of the other children. (Water bottles hadn't come out yet). Best thing I ever did...Congratulations in advance

i hired a post partum doula to come in twice a week for the first few months. it took all the stress out of mothering three, if i felt overwhelmed i just wrote something on her list and she helped me out with everything!!!!

I have three children. When my third child was born my first two was 3 and 15 months old (just learning how to walk) and both was in pampers. So if the LORD allowed me to make he will bless you as well. The key is to PRAY and ask the LORD to give you all you need.

Going from 1 to 2 was a nightmare. Going from 2 to 3 was a piece of cake. The third just kind of fit in right away. He just came along for the ride. You've already learned to divide your attention - you won't even notice that your dividing it more. Yes there were times when I had the baby on the sofa, holding a bottle in his mouth, while I held my 2 year old. My oldest was 3, almost 4 at the time and she was good about helping. The 2 year old required more, but it worked. She became more independent of me. I was really worried, because I held her all day long. I still got to hold her, but she was better about it. It will all work out.

I have three kids and the older 2 were 5 and 2 when the baby was born. It Is hard (and you're wise to recognize that going in!). My only advice is to go minute by minute - having a third made me way more laid back about what happens. Also, celebrate your victories, however small they may seem! It's way too easy to focus only on what we're not doing right as mommies and miss out on all the great things we are able to pull off! I remember being pretty excited that everyone got dressed those first few weeks! Having three that close together was one of the greatest challenges for me and in other ways, the greatest gift. Focus on the positives and you will all get through this just fine! Congrats!

J.

Try yoga - there are breathing and relaxation exercises that the whole family can do. I expect you'll be busy with labor and delivery in the short term but it is neat to have the ability to do all the yoga animals and make the animal sounds and sit and breathe together.
I agree with the earlier posts about reading together.
We always had a bath and a story at the end of the day as part of our daily routine.
C.
Mom of three

You get what you focus on...so don't focus on not being there for your older boys. Focus on having happy, healthy boys. Having said that, my 3rd child fit in and "hit the ground running" so to speak. She just fell into place like she was meant to be there. That could happen for you too. Letting the older kids "help" with the baby in whatever way they can is important. They will feel needed by both you and the baby...and hopefully avoid some jealousy. Have something special for each boy that the others don't touch. Maybe a book or toy...whatever you can think of. You can keep it a secret so it's something special just between you and that child. A lot of the problems with siblings is the older child feels left out. If you can have something just for them, it helps alot.

I had my third daughter almost 8 weeks ago. At times it is a bit stressful and hectic, but over all its been a much easier transition than it was from one to two. The older girls have eachother to entertain one another, so that really helps. My girls are 4 & 2. I always make room for them if they want to sit with me while I nurse, and I try my best to give them all the attention they want/need. Its been great, really, the big girls LOVE their baby sister and the novelty still hasn't worn off. Try to involve both of them in taking care of the baby.
Another thing, I've started really using Love & Logic (I used before, but not really well) and its all about staying calm when you really feel like exploding. It has really helped and gets the response that I want from the girls. Keeping my emotions under control helps to keep their emotions under control.
Good luck to you.

Congratulations on having your 3rd!! I have 3 girls they are now ages 7,6 and 4.. It was a little tough in the beginning. I was worrying about not having enough love for all of them but believe me your heart has it!! :0) My middle one had more of a hard time with it than my oldest.. The middle one regressed a little and potty training turned into a VERY long process and wasnt fully trained til almost 5. As far as giving enough attention to the other two... do the best you can. Sit down and read with them or something while the little one is feeding that way you are still giving them attention. I talked with my girls about it in the easiest way I could to make them understand that as they get older they dont need as much but when they are babies they need alot more of mommies help but just because they need more of your help doesnt mean you dont love the older ones any less and that maybe they can help too so they can see how much the little one needs :0) My girls understood that pretty good. I had to remind them sometimes and I would try to take out some special time for them when the baby is sleeping. Everyone really seems to adjust well though.. You shouldnt worry too much.. just deal with individual issues as they come.. I wish you lots of luck with the new baby and a healthy delivery!! :0)

T.,

My third is my easiest child. He's so laid back and easy going it's scary. Right from the start he rarely cried. If I could be sure every baby would be like him I would have 10 more. :) My kids were about the same ages as yours when he was born.. I currently have a 15 month old, 3.5yr old and almost 6 year old.

I stay home with my kids. Since my oldest started kindergarten during the day - I was still only home with two kids most of the day. My middle child still takes naps (that is a MUST for my sanity and chance to get some sleep) My middle is very demanding, but we all managed. Kids really do adapt pretty well. Remind yourself how much newborns sleep at first too -- so you're going to have time to adjust your kids (and yourself) to life with number three.

Something my husband and I do.. he lets me sleep in on the weekends when he's home. When the baby was very young, and I was nursing, he would take the older kids to the park - and baby and I would lay in bed all day nursing and sleeping. Sleep is a great defense against feeling overwhelmed/stressed.

Good luck and congrats!

I guess I will add to late replies....I am due with my 5th boy in a few weeks....I agree that my second was the hardest addition as well....I also have been running an in home daycare for 17years....I think the most important thing is to have a schedule or routine and stick to it...That way all of the kids know what is coming and what is expected..We all have our up days and bad days but kids adjust really well if they know what to expect..Congrats on your addition! As much as I would love a girl boys are wonderful! At least until they hit mouthy 16...LOL My boys are 16,12,10 and 7....so this one is going to be quite an adjustment...

Going to 2 was harder for me than 3. Just remember that all experiences are for your kids wisdom and growth. Just because they may get less one on one time, they may learn to give and take more and have that sibling as a friend for life if you cultivate that. It is the greatest gift we can give our kids. I have 5 now and honestly feel like I am crazy half the time but they are such a joy and love to play together that it is worth all the sacrifice to have more kids so that they have each other. 5 is my limit and stopping point but everyone is different. You will do great just b/c you are thinking of it conciously.

For me going from 1 to 2 (at home) was harder then going from 2 to 3 (at home), but it looks like I'm out numbered there. But it may also be because my girl was only 15 mo old when her brother was born & there is 2 yrs between the boys.

A few things I did & will do w/ #5 as well is during nursing time I read to the older ones. It makes it seem like I'm paying more attention to all of them not just the baby. When we went on walks - the older 2 would hold on to the stroller & the baby rides in the stroller - same thing at the store the baby rides in the cart & the others hold on to it, unless the store has the car carts, then they choose to ride or walk. When the baby is sleeping - spend time with the older ones. Also, I use to use my crockpot a lot for cooking - dinner was in it after the early morning nursing section and dishes done before anyone else woke-up.

Remember - keeping a perfect house isn't as important as time with the kids... the house can wait if need be.

Just as every situation that happens in life, this baby will be a change... don't fear it in anyway - with love & understanding you will get through it & everyone will learn fast how to adapt to the new little loved one.

Take care & congratz on the little ones!

going from 1 to 2 was a breeze for me, but throwing in the third one was HARD. my first two are boys, all of my kids are almost exactly 3 years apart. my little girl is now 15 months old and she's STILL hard - but, i don't think it's b/c she's the "third child", it's just her personality - she's whiny, demanding, etc... we always joke that she would have been the last child even if she had been the first child. try not to stress over it(there's nothing you can do about it anyways!) - yes, each child's slice of the "attention pie" will get a little smaller, but you are giving them each another sibling that will provide love, companionship, and attention as they get older. there are times that my little ones(1, 4, & 7) can play together upstairs in the playroom for 2 hours while i work on things, it's GREAT and they do love each other.

The fact that you're asking this question, realizing the specific challenges you may face, tells me that you're going to do just fine!
My kids were 5 and 2 when the baby was born, also. It was actually a fairly easy transition for us. We felt like "we've done this before! We're experienced and know what to expect." After being sleep deprived the first few weeks, I realized I couldn't continue functioning that way; it just wasn't working. I was so exhausted I didn't have enough patience or energy for the "B. kids." I read BABYWISE and it was the best thing I ever did! I wish I would have put the first two kids on a schedule. By following the feed, wake, sleep, feed, etc. pattern lined out in the book, my son started sleeping through the night much earlier than his older siblings did.
Encourage your older kids to be B. helpers (picking out baby clothes, getting/throwing out diapers, even pulling the baby wipe out of the package). Sit on the couch to feed baby whenever possible so that you can cuddle the others and read to them. As many other things as you may need to be doing while the baby sleeps, try to make time for each of the B. kids daily. Play board games, read books, whatever makes them feel special. The defiance comes and goes (at least with my 5 yr old) but just keep doing the best you can! Good luck!

When my third came my first and second were 2 years 10 days old. Yeah my first and second are twins. One of the boys liked to help me the other wanted nothing to do with the baby. Tho later we found out autism had more to do with that than anything. Both developed speech delays and set backs at the time. My point is even tho I had it hard at that moment I was still able to give the boys the attention they needed. Yes the baby will take up most of your time because its a baby they need more of your time just as the other two before him got more of your time when they were babies. So relax and dont worry about it and honestly I was not more overwhelmed with 3 than I was with two. Most people I know say the same thing.

I know this is late...but I had 3 kids in 4 years and I just have to say that going from 1 to 2 was way more challenging than 2 to 3. Once you have 2, you are already doing so much all of the time that adding another one is just a little busier. If you manage 2 pretty well, 3 will be a piece of cake.

good luck!

I am about to have my 4th and believe me #3 was tough. I had an 8 year old and a 2 year old and they do indeed feel the time pinch from mommy. The part I found the hardest and still have trouble with is the middle boy. That whole middle child thing really does happen, he does seem to get it from both ends and takes a lot.

Here are some of the things I did to help us all through the leap of 2 to 3 kids. First it is critical that you involve the other two in as much as you can. Not chores, just little things like lotion up the baby after a bath, or hold a bottle for the baby, etc. Figure out nice sweet things they can do, "Go get me a diaper." and "Can you get the wipes." are one way to have them help but then they feel like you are giving them chores and it is not as fun, but have them go check on the sleeping baby to make sure it is ok is big fun responsible stuff. Make sense?

I also made sure we giggled a lot at all the cute things the baby has, e.g., cute toes, smile, etc. then I clarified how cute they were at that age and still are. A lot of times I would nurse the baby on my side in my bed and I would ask the boys to come cuddle with me while I did. It was always a treat to have all three of my kids cuddled around me, it made us all feel a part of something.

I guess my biggest advice is to not sweat the small stuff, engage your other two as much as you can and don't force it. There will be times they want nothing to do with you or the baby and don't take it personal, they just want some space. There will be times when you get the full on tantrums and all three of them are screaming, all you can do is one at a time (usually baby first, then next smallest then the oldest). Somehow it all works out and will be fine. Hold on for the ride and good luck!

Congratulations! I just had my third six weeks ago. My boys are 4 and 2 and I was a little worried about what it was going to be like having a little sister around but it's been great! They just love her to pieces! I am definitely tired all of the time right now so the boys probably get away with a little more than usual :) We talked about Isabella everyday before she was born and I try to let them help out with her or hold her whenever they are interested. They love to give her kisses and hugs and talk to her. I've tried to get us into as much of a routine as possible and my husband helps out a lot when he's home. I've noticed that when my middle child is acting up it's usually because he's feeling left out because everyone is busy and he's bored. Including him in what I'm doing (even if it takes a little longer) usually makes things a lot easier for me in the long run! Best wishes to you and your family!

Just had to add my 2 cents! One of our favorite things to do while baby was nursing was make that reading time for the others. (We have 5) One would get to choose the book, then everybody on the couch while mommy read! I love to read out loud and all the characters got their own voices, sometimes they got mixed up, but that made it all the more fun for the kids!

Blessings on you and your little family, I know you will do well.

We have ages 3, 2 and a baby. Going to #3 was hard. My trick is to have one outside the house activity a day, like a mom/tot class or SOMETHING. Also, look into preschool starting at age 2. My 2 and 3-year-old will be in preschool 5 days a week for 3 hours. I NEED this for sanity.
Also, we don't ever cook but only grab and go (or sit down for cereal, fruit, etc). I spend so much time keeping the house nice and washing clothes, but the bathrooms don't get cleaned. I decided having someone come once each month is worth it just to clean them.
It's survival mode for sure!

So for me going from 2 to 3 was way harder than going from 1 to 2, but like the other post said they sleep alot at first. My kids are now 5,3 and 10mo. so pretty close to yours in age and we are making it. My DH helped alot when we went out and he learned he had the older ones and I had the baby. The boys really loved their sister though and were very much willing to help with anything we asked. You just find time to spend with them each when the baby is sleeping, like my middle son always helped me cook dinner and the oldest had his own special mommy computer time right before bed. Just keep doing the things you do now and add the baby in as he grows. You will do Awesome!! (and my boys learned to depend on each other a little more too when I was busy with the baby and that was really cool too)

When you have three children close together, so need to be organized to help reduce the stress. Think ahead on meals, meal prep, etc. Also get the kids involved in your "work". At five they can sort laundry and learn colors at the same time. They can set the table, load the dishwasher, etc. The more responsibility they have the better your life will be in the long run. I have three that are now in mid school and high school. Having multiple kids in our family has forced them to be more responsible for their own homework, practice schedule and appropriate shoes, etc. This is going to be a great thing for you and your children!