This Household Is Falling Apart ..... These Kids Are Driving Me Bonkers

Well if your last one was born November 7th you haven't even found your groove yet let alone your children. Give it time. :)

Oh and don't sweat the little things.

Yet one of many reasons I NEED to work. : )

However, this is so normal for these ages. My kids bicker ALL THE TIME and they are NOT with one another all the time.

The only thing that works for me is making them separate for a while and taking everything they have away, one at a time, until they stop. Then they can earn things back one at a time.

I have 2 kids. An 8yr old girl and a 3yr old boy. Not even as close in age as yours... I don't think the age gap matters much.

Good luck!

This too shall pass! You have a very young newborn so things are naturally going to be chaotic for awhile. When the oldest is home, maybe you can try and keep him and the 4 yr old separated for some periods of time. When my 3rd was newborn and my other two were fighting, I'd send one of them up to watch TV in my room and let the other watch downstairs. It was sometimes the only way I could keep my sanity. It would diffuse their fights, then they would be calmer afterwards. Or if you have a basement, tell one of them he can play in the basement and the other one can play in his room. Then switch after 30 minutes or so. Maybe they'll discover that they miss playing together and decide they want to get along better. And I don't see anything wrong with sending them to bed at 7:00 if they're not behaving. Maybe the extra sleep will help improve their behavior too. Good luck! Try to enjoy the time with your newborn. It goes by so fast.

Congrats on that new bundle of Joy. Sweetie, you need to do whatever it takes to enjoy this time. It goes way too fast. Try not and take everything so seriously. Your little ones are close together and you are recovering from birth and the boys are getting used to the new baby. USE that tv and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for using it like a babysitter for awhile. Just RELAX.

Hi, A.:

First thing, do not allow the two to hit each other at any time.
They do not know how to resolve differences at this age.
Teach them what the boundaries are among all the children.
Why is bedtime at 8:30 and not 8:00 p.m.?
It sounds like they do not respect you.
I believe that you have lost control of your children.
I am not advocating whipping but I do
advocate gettiing their attention that you mean business
when you speak to them.

Today's young children do not know how to play games with each
other yet.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

My daughter also has boys close in age, but not quite as close as yours. They also went through a stage where they couldn't get along for even five minutes. It drove her crazy. Then someone suggested and she tried, tying them together so they had to learn to work together. It worked. They stayed tied together all day and by the end of the day, they found common ground and things have been better. I know it sounds crazy, but crazy behavior begets crazy behavior! If that doesn't work, then maybe you should separate them every afternoon - each to his own room or to a separate part of the house so they can't argue/fight. I bet they will end up missing each other!

You just had a baby and the schedule is off, the kids are off and you need to get a plan or schedule that works with you all. I would take care of the new baby when he needs to eat or be changed, etc. and other than that he should sleep or be happy in a swing or somewhere safe. The 15 month old should have your attention of course but could you put up a gate near him and let him play safely while you spend some time with the 4 year old? Maybe read to him, or to both of them, and play a game or something and let him ( the 4 year old ) be 'big helper' while the older son is at school. Maybe ask the 4 yr. old to play with the 15 month old for a bit and tell him it's such a help to you. Then when the older one comes home I would try to spend some time alone or special with him and keep telling them they are the big helpers and let them do things to help out. Our kids had chores to do, not much but things like take out trash, wipe off table, set the table, fold clothes, etc. It made them feel like they were helping and kept them busy and helped out too ( although most clothes needed refolding. ) It will take most of your day to do this. You will be tired and yet at the end of the day the kids should be happier. I was like you when I had a new baby and Dad would start wrestling and they just don't understand that. Go to another room if you have to and take care of the baby or get the 15 month old ready for bed or give him a bath while this goes on. Also I don't see why they can't be in bed before or by 8 p.m. at their ages. Read to the 2 older ones at bedtime and they should like that plus it calms them down for bedtime. I know how you feel and yet I miss those days now. Try to be patient until everyone adjusts to the baby, etc. but don't let the older two disrespect you or, like you said, the little ones will join forces with them. Wish I could help.

I have 4 boys ages 6, almost 5, 2 and almost 1. My house has a LOT of energy in it. A LOT. From everyone except me ;) First, I have found that I need to really stay on top of discipline or things get out of control fast. Second, TV when you have multiple kids and a newborn is ok - remember there are seasons for everything. This season will pass and the TV will get turned off more and more. Third, a glass of wine or a cup of tea in the late afternoon hours can help you regroup, re-energize, and get sane again. Fourth, boys need copious of time outside to run and get energy out. I think they feed off each other, so the more boys you have the more energy they seem to have. Fifth, read this blog post about woman not doing it all, being humble, and realizing that priorities may need shifting at times and sometimes there just isn't time for everything. http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2011/11/im-a-mess-youre-a-... And PS - it gets better when the baby sleeps more. I promise! PM if you need someone who is right there too!

wow, you definitely have your hands full! I also have 4 boys the oldest just turned 7 and the youngest is 9 months the other two are 4 and 2. I also homeschool so we are all home all the time:) I have totally felt the same way very often, but there are a few things that seem to work for me (when I calm down enough to implement them:) I have a loose schedule during the day so that the boys know what to expect and it's not just chaos. This schedule revolves around meals, shows and school. If you allow them to watch TV or play game at specific times during the day you can also use it as a punishment when they don't behave. Separating them in different rooms or just saying you 2 are not allowed to play together or talk to each other usually leads to some quiet time followed by them begging to play together. When time outs don't seem to be working I have my kids exercise instead. Maybe I'll have them run up and down the block (where I can see them). Sometimes they do sit ups or push ups or even run up and down the stairs. I've found they behave much better after this and they are ready for bed a little earlier. Finally, when I first had my 4th son and the kids were going nuts I started a reward chart with pictures of everyone in the family and I let them pick out a bunch of $1 items. Whenever they are really nice to each other or do something without being told they get to flip over a family member. When all 6 of us are flipped over they get to pick out a prize. I try to remind them that doing nice things helps out the whole family and it often turns into a competition on who can be the nicest. Anyway, it is so soon since you've had your baby and things will continue to change and you will totally get the hang of life with 4 little men. It will pass quicker than you think, the TV is your friend and if your husband wants to rile the kids up then let him take care of bedtime:) I wish you the best of luck during this trying time and it can only get better, right.

If they can't resolve issues on their own, teach them how.

"Johnny and Rick, there is only one toy and two of you. How can you both use this toy without fighting?" Lead them to suggestions like make a joint game about it or share (set a timer for them, every 5 minutes they swap).

Sometimes we find ourselves saying, "Don't touch/don't fight/don't mess with..." and we forget to say, "Do this" to teach them options.

If they are fighting and yelling, maybe they need some quiet time. Everyone gets a book and looks at pictures or colors quietly for 15 minutes.

If they hit each other, what happens? You said time outs don't work. How do you do them? Are there any other consequences they might regret, like no dessert or no tv time? Do they have to apologize to each other? DD needs to go to whoever she offended/hurt and say she's sorry (clearly, like she means it) and give that person or pet a hug. She said once, "the cat doesn't want a hug!" I said, "You stepped on her tail and she's mad at you. Thank you for trying but now you see that she doesn't want to be around you. You must be nice for her to play with you."

You're tired and all the kids are acting up. So give yourself a break. But also look for solutions like that. Maybe talk to the eldest son's teacher to see what he's like in school and if he has any new playmates that behave that way, too.