Three and a Half and Fighting Me, Suggestions?

Contact headstart and see if you can have him evaluated for Autisim. Autisics also have ADD and ODD (oppositional defiant disoreder) or he could just be a headstrong kid. But his behaviors are similuar to my granddaughter, who was diagnosed with Autisim at 3 or 3.5 yrs.

I love the strategies from Parenting with Love and Logic You can get help from the website www.loveandlogic.com or books or CD's at your library. I love listening to the CD's because I don't have time to sit and read and they apply right through the teen years!
Set the expectation, state the consequence and FOLLOW THROUGH! if you say you are going to take action....then do so, choose only consequences you can live with. Nothing undermines a parent's authority more than failing to follow through with consequences. Instead of insisting on an apology, you might try "I" messages..."I feel better when I say I'm sorry" or "Saying I'm sorry makes me feel better" or "People with good manners apologize for______ behavior" and model apologies when you lose it! What good is a forced apology anyway? I remember when my 14yo was 3, I had a whole row of Rescue Heroes on my window sill, out of reach but in sight, that I had taken away from him as consequences. He had to earn them back by doing kind things, helpful things etc..."Rescue Heroes are for children who_________, (get dressed, clean up, speak politely etc)
Stay consistent, level and firm, he will come to expect that Mommy means what she says, start now while you can still pick him up and carry him to his room if he refuses. " Sandboxes are for children who use gentle hands" Give him the tools he needs to positively share and express his needs with a younger sibling or peer. best of luck...a Mom that's been there.

They all do it. Your 3 1/2 year old, my 3 1/2 year old... I'm told it will pass, and I believe it. I see improvement every day, and soon you will too.

First, don't be afraid that this 'other' side of your child is the personality he'll become. It's not. He's going to turn out just fine, especially because he has a Mom who cares.

He may not be feeling well. This has turned out to be a common cause of my child "acting up". Are you allowing him to skip naps, or are they not at consistent times of day? Not enough sleep will do it! Or maybe he's got a cold, stomach problems or even allergies?

Some say to let the child skip the apology after time out. Maybe you should try it, considering he's done his time - and making him apologize is just another thorn in his side. Integrate it back into process later.

Kids his age can't yet control their anger. Be careful to control how angry you get, including your facial expressions. I am not a spanker, and have to rely on my tone of voice and expressions to convey the degree of trouble my child is approaching. Recently, I realized that when my son gets angry, he is loud and stern-looking because that's exactly how I appear. I am careful to appear genuinely calmer now.

I've learned too that the loss of toy privileges and other groundings don't work on a 3 1/2 year old.

For now, Time Out is probably your best tool - though you may have to physically hold him there until he realizes it's better to do the time without a fight. But, soon... grounding will seem like the end of the world! Here's to that day!

Ha! Can you let me know when you get the answer!?! Sorry, not to make light of the situation. I completely understand that this is extremely frustrating. I have a 3 1/2 year old diva and a 21 month old boy who answers "no" to EVERYTHING, even if he really means YES.

My daughter will often say, "I don't care about a time out" or "Fine I will just play with my other toys." Sometimes I feel like there is no possible punishment out there! Of course I do not ignore hitting, but overall I just ignore most "bad" behavior and find that its the reaction that is the reward for the behavior. I know there are some situations that you cannot ignore, but for us we found that when we starting ignoring the little things then it was easier to handle the bigger misbehaviors. Also we found that we were getting really nit-picky about EVERYTHING, so we stopped nagging her about every little thing, gave her a little bit more freedom to do what she wanted throughout the day and make more decisions and she fought us MUCH LESS when it came to the bigger issues. I think it comes down to a control battle.

Hopefully that will help you a bit :) If not at least you know you are not alone out there!!!

Does he eat sugar? I remember when my middle son shoved his older brother into the bathtub for no reason! He used to have meltdowns and fits like this. Finally, I read an article about sugar addiction, which fit him to a tee. Since eliminating sugar from our diet he's been a different child. It's like the real kid came out - confident, focused and self-controlled. The change really was astonishing. I only wish I'd known about sugar years earlier. It really is quite destructive in many ways.

My son is now 4 almost 5, but well from 3 onward he gets like that too.
Its the age.

But what I do is simple: I look at my son in a thoughtful almost forlorn way and I tell him "Mommy does not want to fight with you or argue with you. I love you. I will not argue with you." Then I turn away and stop. And walk away.
I let him ponder that.
And my son will always, self-reflect... and then say "sorry Mommy... I love you too. Sorry I was just upset, not at you but because I didn't want to do what you said at the time..."

Or I tell my son, "Please don't make Mommy sad. I don't like to fight or argue with you. I was just having a conversation with you.... not fight."

It's the terrible threes not twos like they say! My dAughter was just the same and no she does not have ADHD she's just 3. Everything was an argument. Biggest thing that will help is just aging. People recommend 1-2-3 magic and I bought it but never implemented . Many love it. Also "rAising our children raising oirselves" is helpful - talks more about how YOU react. Any my LO is almost 4 and soooo much better now.

Good luck

Kidz are going to push just to see how far they can get you to give in to their way of doing things, no way to change that! You have a boy who wants to do things his way no matter the consequences! When you ask him do you want to lose such & such you are opening up the opportunity for him to answer any way he chooses, don't ask, tell...you ARE losing your whatever because of your behavior, immediately go & take the item away, tell him how long it will be before he gets it back and DON'T give it back until then.
About the talking about his behavior, he isn't quite old enough (I think) to actually process the 'talking' part of the problem, just accept the apology and prior to that maybe ask, 'do you understand why you have been punished?' then he can simply answer yes or no...I have a daughter now grown who STILL wants her way about most EVERYTHING & am raising an 11 yr old grandaughter who has fought me tooth & nail about nearly everything since she could talk :), I just tell her, 'well that's the way it is & I am NOT going to argue with you, go to your room, bye' and then I do whatever I was doing before the whole thing started. I realize you can't do that with a 3 yr old! Best of luck & remember the hugs do make most everything worthwhile in the long run!