Three-year Old Girl Likes Keeping up with the Joneses

3 is too young to keep up with the Jones's. Discipline the tantrums when she doesn't get her way, so that when she IS old enough to keep up with the Jones's she'll have self control and know she's not allowed to manipulate. Let the grandparents know you're cracking down on this and not to interfere.

My son who is now 9 also had a friend who got so much for Christmas since she was a baby that they had to drag Christmas out for a week cause the kid got bored opening everything. Same with b-days. When he was about 3 he started asking why he didn't get that much (luckily not upset) and I explained to him that even if I had the money to buy him that much, I wouldn't. Because a present is like ice cream. If you get so much it just doesn't seem so special anymopre and taste as good. He still remembers that analogy and whenever he tells me that someone got such and such he'll tell me but it might not taste as good to them. But definitely, I agree that you need to nip the behavior in the bud NOW. It will be harder when she's 8.

Wow...you're gonna have your hands full when she's a bit older if you don't nip this behavior in the bud now!
Really, your 3 year "will cry bitterly" if she doesn't get what she wants? Sounds like it's time to go buy her a big box of tissues, because life is going to be full of dissappointments!
Stop giving in to her demands. She doesn't need to keep up with the Joneses, she might want to but if you put your foot down and tell her material possessions are meaningless, she will learn to have the right attitude. I think the emphisis needs to come from the parents, and not from the little girl next door.

How does your 3 year old even know who the Joneses are, lol. Time for a lesson in "we don't always get everything we want". She cries, and she for sure doesn't get what she wants--that is my policy. Throwing a tantrum is not the way my child will get something. No is no, period. Better start standing up to dd now at age 3 before she is a spoiled tween. If she cries, sorry but tough!

Hi S., if you (or your parents) allow her to continue to copy the neighbors kid, you are reinforcing 'follower' instinct.

I suggest you teach her to be leader. Be unique. Be the ONLY girl with THIS kind of back pack, be the first one in her class to wear her hair THIS way. When she embraces something different, celebrate it, run with it, show her her OWN self expression is awesome!

Ask her, do you REALLY want to be the same as everybody else?

It's certainly EASIER in life to do it the way everyone else does, but as the bumper sticker says 'Well behaved women rarely make history!'

3 years old is really too young to understand the concept of keeping up with the Joneses. She sounds more like a normal, selfish, whiney 3 yr old. If Grandma didnt live with you and wanted to indulge her when they visit that would be one thing. But living under the same roof with role models that are not teaching her "limits" is going to create a monster of a child for your future. I would put the skids on that "spoiling" asap- otherwise you will be writing to us in a few years about your horrible daughter that tears her room apart and throws tantrums whenever she is told "no". Eww. You don't want or need to go there! Yikes.

Unless you want a girl that grows up believing she can cry and whine to get what she wants, and that material possessions are more important than anything else, you need to stop it now, and tell your parents to stop it as well.

You can't control the fact that the other girl has things that your daughter likes. This girl might not even have more per se, but it may just be that your daughter really admires her in some way and the things this little girl has seem way "cooler" than what she has. But you can start putting your foot down because in the end, it's about the kind of woman you want your daughter to grow up to be, and the kind of values you want her to have. And 3 seems awfully young to already be aware of such things. My daughter is 3 too, but while she notices the things other kids have (like a certain backpack, or Spongebob Crocs) she does not ask me to get them for her too. She doesn't even seem aware that it's an option. It's just not on her radar.

My daughter cries about stuff when she doesn't get her way too but I don't let it wear me down. That's life, get used to it. There will be plenty of things in life that will disappoint them and make them cry and the sooner they learn to deal with them, the better. By giving in to your daughter's crying, you are teaching her that 1. crying will get you what you want and 2. she does not have to deal with any disappointment and negative feelings she might have (and eventually turns to shopping, or food, or whatever to feel better). To some degree, you are, in essence, enabling her. I think of it like when they get vaccines - they are getting small non-harmful doses of something bad that will make them stronger and make them better at dealing with the bigger bad things when they happen.

Time to nip it the bud now - it will be easier now than when she is 13 and won't take no for an answer. Or 23 and already has credit card debt out of control.

Tell your parents to stop caving-in. She's continuing the behavior b/c sometimes it works... this is called intermitent reinforcement and is the MOST POWERFUL form of behavioral reinforcement!

She's three, which means she will want everything she sees, but she is also old enough to start learning the concept of delayed gratification. Have her keep a Christmas list, birthday list, Easter Bunny list, whatever...when she asks for something, have her "put it on the list". When you get close to the "list date" sit down with her and go through it. Let her pick one or two items off of that list- it's very likely that she won't remember what half of it was.

We have a rule in our house that we are happy for what ever others have. Everyone isn't going to have the same thing and that's OK. I point out the wonderful things and opportunities that we have and show the kids how wealthy we are because we have one another. We always make it a point to show that people are more important than things. She is probably breathlessly crying because it works. In my house my kids get toys on Christmas and at birthdays and that's it. We purchase clothes and other items at they are needed. If they want anything more than that they have to earn the money themselves.

Don't project what you feel she is doing onto her! Maybe she is expressing her admiration about a thing....just say "Yes--Susie has a nice Hello Kitty Backpack, doesn't she? Would you like to ask Santa for O. (or ask for O. for your birthday?"
My son used to say, about toys "I (or we) dont have O. of those!" And I always told him look around this store, all the shelves, bins, etc. -- we don't have lots of this stuff--no O. can have everything."
I think 3 is a good age to explain the differences between want and need.

that is a learned behavior. perhaps her little "friend" is a snotty little brat that likes to rub it in when she gets something new. perhaps grandma and grandpa are too indulgent (if they live with you the indulgent grandparent thing needs to be put on hold and they need to work WITH you, not against you, in raising this little girl). perhaps it comes from somewhere else. all you can do is change the pattern, NOT buy her those things, and teach her to appreciate what she has. it's not easy, it's an entire attitude shift. but she's getting it from somewhere. she's only three. what is she going to do when you truly can NOT give her what she wants? she needs to get used to hearing "no". it'll be a lot easier now than when she's a teenager!

christmas is coming, i would start now. let her know that she isn't going to get ALL the presents she wants, but she has choices (within your limitations), tell her santa has a lot of little kids to bring presents to, not just her. get her to pick one or two things that she REALLY wants, and focus on trying to get those for her. she needs to start learning that life is NOT her own personal silver platter.

you're basically talking about a 3 year old who is already a spoiled brat. sorry to be so blunt but that's what i'm reading in your post. the bottom line is you either nip it in the bud or let it go on. and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to correct.

I agree with the other Mamas, you have to get this under control now!!! I have a friend who recently commented about "going into debt" for Christmas. I asked why she would do that and she said "Because they're used to it." Then she commented on how EASY I have it.
Seriously, she created these monsters (three under the age of 11) that bury her in $1500+ worth of debt each Christmas.
M., you are heading in the same direction!!! The worst part is grandma / grandpa are HELPING! You need to start with "NO" and I agree with the other suggestions; take her to the homeless shelter, get a Christmas Angel, go pack boxes for the Food Bank.
I DO have it EASY: This year, we've limited our entire family to $25 each (there are 4 of us) for Christmas gifts. We have been collecting items to make Christmas gifts for the homeless (backpacks filled with useful items). We will spend Christmas Eve filling backpacks and Christmas morning making lunches. We will pack up our van and drive the empty streets of this city in search of people with no family, no home and probably no food. My children are 12 and 17...I've been taking them to the homeless shelter and helping with Foster Children Camps for four years now. It's HABIT for them to reach out and not complain about what they don't have.
It is very easy...but it starts with Mom and Dad. Once you get that mindset, it's viral...Good luck!!!

Little kids want everything they see and may have a tantrum if htey cannot have it. There is no need or reason to give in to her. Is she crying for days over it, or just having a tantrum? Giving in to tantrums encourages her to have them whenever she does not get her way. It is not helpful to spoil her. At 3, she is too young to understand that there is not an endless supply of money. Let her know what you do for work, and how that money is spent (food, clothing, phone bill, doctor bills, etc). Let her know that if she cries when she doesn't get her way, she is behaving badly and punish her for it, rather than rewarding her. It isn't cute to throw tantrums. If she starts one, trot her right off to her room or someplace where she is isolated and has no audience and no sympathy. When she is done, demand an apology for her poor behavior and tell her no t.v. for the rest of the day as punishment.

Is she three really and in Kindergarten??? Talk to the teacher too and ask how she might support your efforts in the classroom. Children's books teach this , find some stories and start reading. If one little girl is influencing her that much, then something is wrong. Limit the things your parents can purchase for her.

We all have desires for things we'd like to have that we can't have.
There will always be people who have more than you do, but there will also always be people who have less.
Choose your battles. If it were a pair of mittens and the cost was less than $10 - who cares? It's easy to give in on something like that. If it were a pair of angora mittens for $350? Totally unreasonable.
It's common for 3 yr olds to throw a tantrum now and then. This is when they learn how to cope with feelings that feel bigger than they are.
What's difficult is training the grandparents when it's appropriate to spoil and when it isn't. You need to establish some boundaries here. If I tell my son 'No', I do not appreciate anyone doing an end run around my ruling. Where it concerns my son - I have the last word PERIOD.
Didn't they say 'No' to you when you were growing up over something? Remind them that sometimes kids cry and sometimes it's over nonsense and giving in to the nonsense creates little monster dictators who are not fun to live with. If they can't stand hearing the crying - hand them ear plugs. Healing bruised feelings with stuff/shopping/food is just not healthy and there are a fair number of adults who struggle with these kinds of issues.

Don't buy her whatever she wants, you are creating a huge problem, you need to teach her she doesn't get everything she wants. Tell the grandparents to stop giving in, just walk away from her when she cries.

Did your parents buy you everything you wanted? I'm guessing they didn't. The first thing I think you need to concentrate on is getting your parents on your side in this. Have a heart to heart with them when your daughter is not around and let them know firmly that they are not to let her tears get to them on these things. You may have to insist that they ask you first before buying her any thing at all for a while.
Second is that you just do not give in to your daughter on this. It doesn't mean she can never have anything she wants, but when you draw the line on an item, you need to stick with your decision. That means you don't want to make hasty decisions. When she asks try to put a little time between the request and the answer. Say something like, "I'm too busy to think about that right now. We'll talk about it later". The word "maybe" is a "yes" to a child so you want to be careful how you word it. Then after you've had enough time to process whether or not you think she should have the item and whether it's something you want to get for her, give your answer. You also may want to put some delay time in getting the item, to start her learning delayed gratification (which is something everyone should be learning... including most adults!) You may even find that the initial fascination blows over in a week or two as the other girl moves on to a new item of interest.