Is It Possible to Spoil a 2 Year Old?

Yes, yes and yes! Now is the time to start teaching. Just stay calm and don't let fear of a "scene" prevent you from doing the right thing. Be prepared to walk out of a store if a tantrum starts.

I am speaking as a Mom of a 15 year old, and believe me I wish I had been a little stronger and firmer when she was two!

Before you go to the store, explain in a simple way, "we are not getting any toys today"; she may not really understand but will eventually.

Stay calm, use a flat unemotional tone when you say no, and calmly put the toy back on the shelf. Then just walk away from it; pick her up and take her with you if you have to. (That is the advantage of a two year old over a 15 year old; you can still pick them up!).

Be ready to walk out of the store if the tantrum gets out of control.

I know it sounds easier than it is; I have a very strong willed child!

Hang in there, don't take any of it personally, and don't worry about what other people in the store think!!

Otherwise you are training her to have a tantrum every time she wants something and you say no. Keep it up and the tantrums will diminish! (It won't work just the 1st or 2nd time!!).

Good luck; this too shall pass!

Pam

If my daughter starts throwing a fit, I pick her up and leave the store. I have done this several times since she first learned to throw tantrums. I have left carts of merchandise and told the clerks I will be back once she calms down or when I leave her at home with someone. My daughter seems very shocked that I do this but I will not let her get her way. I will not let her get rewarded for a tantrum. If you have been telling her no since she was little when she did wrong, then she knows what no means. She also attends a daycare and is around other kids so I know she has heard the word no form someone who is not family. And yes, the terrible twos are bad but the trecherous threes aren't any better. Hang in there and be strong.

You can't give in... my son is 17 months old and knows what no means. He may not like but things have gotten much easier since he's realized that I mean it when I say no.

Okay, I have a 9yr old and a 16mo old and I have found a system that works for me. Here it is. First of all, I disagree with you leaving a store when a child throws a fit. The discipline needs to start at home and you can hopefully avoid these fits. What I did was to explain to my oldest son, then much younger, that we were starting a new discipline plan. I would give him 3 warnings to follow my command. After the 3rd warning, he would have to stand on the wall for 5 minutes. If he didn't stand there like he was suppose to, facing the wall, hands at his sides, and no talking, I would add time onto that. I also explained that this included the begging and such. When I say no, it is what I mean. Don't continue to pester me about it or I will start counting. If I give a warning, it means stop whatever you are doing. I made it understood that there are some instances that no warning will be given. For instance if they hurt someone on purpose. That is an automatic 3, and he will stand on the wall. Using this system, I've never had a meltdown in a store but my solution would be to stick to my guns then too. You cannot let the behavior disrupt your outing. Wherever you are, give warnings. If they have not worked and you have given warning 3, find a wall. I don't think it would take more than a time or 2 for her to quit. I think that most people would understand what you're doing. If you walked into a store, would you rather see a kid hitting and yelling at their mother or notice a child standing on a wall while their mother waits nearby? This method will help to keep you calmer too. You don't have to get upset. You just say warning 1 and so on. I'm sorry if this seemed windy but I wanted to make sure that I gave you all the info on what I do. It does work. Even with my 9 yr. old now, all I have to do is start warnings. I think my son was 5 when I started this. It was a life saver. Believe me, this is a good system to have in place. If you have any questions about it, please feel free to send me a message. This might seem kinda strict to some parents but it really isn't. It is just consistent parenting. My kids don't fear me or anything like that. We are very close. I think it helps that I'm predictable to them. They know the punishment and they know it won't upset me, just themselves. Shannon G.

You've gotten excellent advice already, but just wanted to add...where you got the can't spoil a little one from is likely that you can't spoil a baby under 6 months old by holding them too much. Other than that, you can certainly spoil a child. They need to be led and directed because they are learning. I have a strong willed 2 year old who likes to make people believe he doesn't understand being told no as well, but it's just because he is strong willed and really wants what he wants. He understands no as well as my older more compliant one understood at his age...he's just more of a stinker by nature. It's vital to nip it in the bud, teaching them that the world does not cater to their every little wish. By nipping it in the bud and not giving in, you are teaching along the way not to be so self centered, because with self centeredness comes lack of respect, lack of discipline, lack of empathy, lack of cooperation, etc. etc. You are shaping her values and character now, so give her a good foundation to build upon by directing her, training her to be respectful, obedient to authority figures (yourself at this time), and satisfied/happy/content with that which she has. Best wishes to you!!

A 2 year old can understand no. She threw the tantrum to get her way. She figured you would cave if she had a tantrum and she was right. By getting her the toy, you are teaching her to throw more tantrums. She has learned that tantrums get her what she wants. You need to try to break this cycle right now or you will be stuck with horrible tantrums later. Just pick her up and leave the store when she starts doing stuff like that. Tell her in advance what the punishment will be for behavior like that and follow through with it if she still throws a tantrum. It isn't easy, but it only gets harder as they get older (and too big to pick up!)Good luck.

Toy stores are terrible places to take a kid. Avoid them if at all possible. I'm the same way myself - it's just too much stuff, too much stimulus. Can you blame a kid for just "weirding out?" Try to leave them home, and even supermarket visits should be earlier in the day if at all possible. The stores are not on your side - they are built to catch kids' eyes and get YOU to buy more stuff.

If it ever happens again, remember that being your being upset too will not help. Firmly and calmly get the kid away from the situation that's causing the tantrum. But don't blame them or get too harsh for an emotional overload that is, frankly, not surprising!

One more bit of advise -
In the evening after work - we would spend time reading books, playing with blocks - anything they wanted to do. I would commit to spending "floor" time - in the range of an hour - playing together - each night. Spending lots of time together and being consistent is the best advise.
We passed through the temper tantrums pretty quickly -
By the way - I did pick up new "stuff/toys" sometimes - but never when they were screaming for it.
They are teens now - and I couldn't have wished for such great young ladies.

i have 5y/o and a 4y/o. they are two completely different kids, nothing they did at certain ages ever were the same. but at 2 they both knew what NO meant. yes kids at that age are testing the limits and realizing that " I CAN Do THIS ALONE NOW". but you need to stay firm with her. the tantrums can be embarassing in the middle of the store but that is even more a reason to stand your ground. you are teaching her so many things by giving in even once, if i cry enough, if there are people around or public place...i will get it. all kids try at ever age but if you want to stop this behavior before she gets older that nip it in the bud now.

You cannot spoil a child of any age with affection (i.e. by holding your baby too much like your grandmother might tell you isn't good - mine did). However, giving in to a tantrum is spoiling. There is no age at which a child is too young to hear they can't have what they want. She doesn't have to understand the "why" of everything. If you don't start now, it will be too late once she understands why. Next time, drop whatever you are doing and leave the store ASAP. She will learn quickly that if she throws a fit, it's over.
Good Luck!

Oh Mom W...don't be fooled. At 2 they know what NO means!!

You said that she is starting to show more of the terriable twos...well I am not sure when she will be three but it is been my experience and true opinion that they don't show their terriable two's until they are getting closer to being three...

As for being spoiled..If you continue to let her win and give in to her then yes she will be spoiled.

Maybe next time let her know, mommy and her are going to the store to get such and such and that is all no toys or candy.

Maybe say can you help me find the beans...or whatever it is you are looking for.

But I assure you your child KNOWS what no means!!
If she gets into something and you say NO get away or don't touch does she stop????

This has happened to me. What I learned to do is sit my daughter down and explain that just because we are going to the store does not mean she can get a toy. They understand more than we think. When she does whine for something I remind her that she has plenty of stuff at home and we can't always buy a toy. Level with her and don't get upset when she does. I have also told her that mommy and daddy can't always buy something they want every time we go shopping. It takes time but doing it over and over does help. Just stand firm. Make it a treat and designate a day when you will take her to buy that toy. Try telling her if she is good this time maybe the next time she will get something.

My boy turned 2 in December and believe me, he knows the word no. Your girl probably does too but at this age they want what they want. Dont give in if you can help it. It will just make it tougher in the long run. My even tempered boy sometimes turns into a monster lately also, but i try to stick to the rules so he doesnt act like a brat whenever he wants his way.

Dear Mom W,
I am sorry to
hear that you gave in to the toy demand.
Of course it is possible to spoil a 2 year old.
"No" is understandable to an infant, a 1 year old and on up.
You have set yourself up for a recurrence of this behavior.
Next time, just pick her up and leave the store.
Actually, I avoid stores like Toys R Us when I am in the company of my grandchildren and rarely even visit toy departments of other stores when they are present.
Today big toy stores are just so overwhelming (even to adults).
No wonder children tend to have meltdowns there.
You will do your little girl and yourself a favor by limiting your exposure to such situations.
It is good to have rules about going to the store that are in place before you leave home.
I am sure you are a busy mom so in order to accomplish your shopping needs you need to set limits for her behavior at the times you must take her with you.
Best wishes.

At 2, she should definitely know the meaning of "no". She's testing her boundaries, all 2 year olds do. It's a very trying time fr most parents. Ever hear of the "terrible two's"? This is them, your baby is beginning to understand that can do things on her own and that she doesn't always HAVE to do what mommy says. Be strong and consistent, don't bend. You are the parent and it is your job to make sure she grows up safe and healthy (physically, mentally and emotionally).

Good luck.

Kids can understand no at 2 yrs old. She will not understand what it means if you do not follow through (i.e. "no" means that if I whine enough I will get it). It's hard when they are so emotional but I've found that setting them up for success really does help. For instance, if you are going to a toy store you can tell her ahead of time that you are there just to look or buy someone else something. She can play with some things while she is there but cannot bring them home. Whatever the expectation, it can usually be set up in advance to help minimize meltdowns. Telling her you'll be leaving the store in 5 minutes, 2 minutes, then 1 more minute may also help. If my child has difficulties sometimes we say "bye-bye" to the toy or whatever it is. Hope this helps! I also have a 2 year old so I know how challenging they can be!

to answer the title question -- it is possible to spoil a 2-year-old, not in giving too much but in giving IN too much. I agree it seems like surface-wise they don't seem to understand No or that they can't have something, but underneath she is still learning the lessons: "if I pitch a fit big enough, Mom will give me what I want." You want her to learn that you mean what you say and her tantrum won't change things. I agree with the advice of gearing her up for the visit (we are only buying a gift, nothing for ourselves) and getting her ready to leave with a countdown. It's natural at any age to be disappointed that you can't have something (my 5 year old still gets upset) but she needs to learn the best way to handle those emotions.

Mom,

Even babies understand how to get their way. No child should get their way when they throw a tantrum. Getting their way after throwing a tantrum reinforces that this is what you do when Mom or Dad does not give in to what you want. Crying does not hurt a child. Spoiling a child does in the long run. If you do not stop it now, it will get worse as she grows older. Stop it now or you will regret it later. We spanked our children when they were very young (stinging their legs helps them remember not to do something when they repeat behavior that is not appropriate). As they grew, a look and/or a disapproving word would help them remember that kind of behavior will not be tolerated. If the look or word did not help, we would take something away for a while that they liked to do as they got older (we spanked less). Always make the discipline fit the offense. Don't be one of those parents who say I don't know how to handle her. Be the parent and parent your child.

A little about me: Mrs. L. K
I am a 57 year old mother of 10 children (4 I birthed). I have been with my husband for 39 years. We have 26 grandchildren and 5 great grand children. None of our children have a criminal record. (We don't either.)

I think a two yr old is old enough to know that when they pitch a fit to get something and you end up getting it for them, they have won. I have a friend that would give in to her daughter and buy her what she wanted when she would have a tantrum and she turned out to be a very difficult child. Maybe you can use a little treat at the end of a shopping trip as a reward for good behavior. This is a perfect opportunity for you to start teaching her the meaning of no.

If she's throwing a tantrum she understands the word no, and is fighting you on it. If you don't want to raise her spoiled than you can't give in. You are setting a precident that she can get what she wants by making a scene, and now you'll notice she'll continue doing it because it's already worked once. Careful. If I were you, I'd have left my full cart, picked up my kid and taken her to the car for time out. don't be embarrassed about the scenes your kids will make. We've all been there, or will be.

Yes you can spoil a 2 year old. Yes she can understand the meaning of no - why do you think she threw a tantrum? She knew that she was not going to get the toy so she did whatever she could to continue bringing attention to the fact that she wanted the toy and she would do whatever it takes to get it. And, it worked! She got the toy!

However, please do not feel badly that you gave in or that your child was having an extreme meltdown in a toy store. I think everyone has 'been there, done that'. Next time it happens, remain very calm and practice the broken record routine "no, I'm sorry we cannot get that toy today" and repeat, repeat, repeat. You need to send her the message that throwing a tantrum will not result in getting what she wants. It will probably also take several episodes of tantrums and meltdowns to realize that this technique of hers won't work.

And, as far as the tantrum in the store - do not worry about what other people think and do not give her the item just so she'll be quiet and not make you look like a horrible mother. I bet nearly every parent in there has had to deal with this same thing and totally gets what you're going through (and certainly do not think you're a horrible mother)!

ABSOLUTELY you can spoil a 2 year old. And they grow up to be spoiled 4 year olds, spoiled 8 year olds, spoiled teenageers, etc.!!

They understand "NO" at 2.....or at least they SHOULD. Believe me.....they understand ALOT more than you give them credit for!! I used to teach preschool. It's amazing what they will learn if you allow them to!

Make the rules & stick to them! What you stay STANDS. If you cave.......they think they can manipulate people into doing what they want. They have to believe you and if they don't and can't.....you'll have NO respect from them. The older they get, the harder it will be to change it.

I think she will be pick up on this soon. My son is 22 months and understands no. He doesn't always listen but he understands what it means. I would pick your battles of course but she will pick up on having tantrums equals getting what I want.

LOL! It looks like she pulled a fast one on ya, huh?? I have been reading all the responses, and I agree with everyone having three children of my own and all. BUT, having said that, I want to add- don't beat yourself up about it! :) Other parents with small children know what its like and we are sympathetic when we see others with tantum throwing children at the store! Little kids are smarter than what we give them credit for! Stay strong and don't give in, mommy!!

She is old enough to know she can't get everything she wants. The more you give in the bigger monster you create. You are the parent and you are the one that should be in control, not your 2 year old. You are not a bad parent if you don't buy your child everything she wants. You are teaching her things that will be very important as she gets older.

I disagree with you....I know my kids learned the meaning of the word NO much earlier than 2. You've just taught her that if she throws a fit, she'll get what she wants. In order to teach her no, you have to sometimes let them cry or be mad. It does take a lot of time if you plan to go shopping with a toddler because you will have to face these things until they learn. But, once they realize what is proper behavior and what isn't, it makes your life much easier and they won't be spoiled.

That's my opinion. Just something for you to think about.