Tips for Creating Self-sufficient Preschooler

My kids put away their clothes -I put bins in their closet and they just need to collect the cloths and put them in the right place. My 19 month old just carries them to her room, she shoves them in a draw, and I then put them where they actually go. It's cute :-) They are responsible for all their toys -toy room, office/craft area/ and playroom need to be tidy. We do sweeps a few times day, and before bedtime stories, the floor in their room needs to be clean.

And yes, at 4.5, he can get a lot of his own food. I have a snack shelf low to the ground-even my toddler can get crackers if she wants. I also let them buy things when we shop, they pick out their breakfast food, lunch food, and a dinner a week. My 4.5 year old is able to shower by himself as well, and he makes his own sandwiches, likes to wash dishes, etc. He is also responsible for collecting the garbage cans on garbage day from the bedrooms. And he does crumbs after meals with his kids broom and dust bin.

He orders his own meals when we are out, and if he wants something at a Store - like a sucker at trader Joe's, he need to ask for himself. I rarely speak for my kids. If they want something, they have to ask.

You need to figure out what his thing is. My son really likes to help me. My oldest gets confidence from helping her siblings. Figure out what he likes, and then go from there.

My son just turned four. He sets the table, and uses his dust pan and brush to sweep crumbs after meals. He cleans up his toys, and makes his bed. He also enjoys participating in other cleaning jobs like dusting, wiping down surfaces, vaccuming, raking. He loves to help while grocery shopping and will be tasked with selecting and bagging 6 green apples, two tubs of sliced white mushrooms, 4 cans of sliced black olives, we also have him handle jarred goods and eggs (which make him beam with pride).

You can have him practice pouring while using water over a sink.

Best,
F. B.

To build confidence I recommend you let him speak for himself... Always let him order for himself in a restaurant. Have him answer the phone. If you take him to the food store have him ask the clerk where X is located. When he goes to the doctor and dentist let him tell the receptionist his name. If you are out and someone ask you how old he is, tell him to tell them etc. Being able to speak up for yourself is a huge confidence builder IMO.

Role play with him if necessary. It is a learned skill for many kids.

Each child has their own special skills. I had one who loved folding the clothes from the dryer at your son's age. It really did build his sense of self, because he was good at it and he loved it! Of course, I think he "forgot " those skills a a teenager!

My daughter is 4, and she has several tasks that she does on her own.

Getting dressed
Brushing teeth (we check, and are usually there in the bathroom when she does)
Making her bed
Cleaning up her room and the playroom (with her 6 year old brother)
Her Daily Chore: Each day the kids clean in a room of the house. It includes use of wipes, or I will spray cleaner and they will wipe down the area. One day is bathrooms, the next is kitchen (cabinets, baseboards, counters), the next is living room, and so on.
Setting the table
Helping to cook/dish up dinner (depending on what her level of interest is)
Clearing her plate from the dinner table and putting them in the sink or the dishwasher
Packing her backpack for school the next day
Choosing/helping to pack her lunch
Sorting and putting away her laundry

She has been doing this list of things since she turned 4. At 5 we will add more on, and so on. Because we do things daily (ie: their room and the playroom), it usually doesn't take much time at all. They usually complete their chores right after they do their schoolwork when they get home, before playtime. :)

Checking out a few books on child development would be helpful. Not parenting books, DEVELOPMENT, the kind preschool teachers study to become certified. It will help you know what's reasonable and appropriate at any given age.
Young kids LOVE to be smart, helpful, challenged, etc. (it's fantastic for their self esteem!) but they also still need plenty of support, guidance, praise, hugs and care. As long as you keep a healthy balance it's all good :-)

Sounds like you're doing well! The golden combo of positive attention and not hovering too much is always the best. Stand back and let him accomplish things like chores and building stuff with legos or wood or whatever-even when frustrating. Give him space to do stuff when he's bored....rather than caving to TV or video game pull. It's hard, but when kids get bored, and then SOLVE the issue by coming up with their own creative activities, they really sparkle and usually have something to show for it that they're proud of..a structure, a drawing, a game they invented they can go back and play again, whatever. My son loved helping with yard work at that age, hauling some leaves, etc. Also, the kids I know with the most confidence have very firm boundaries and expectations. Something about the security of good discipline makes them confident in knowing if they're acting wrongly or rightly, and once they get it, they shine. When kids have squishy boundaries, they act out in search of their limits. Keep up the good work! Kudos for being willing to brave the milk spills :) I let mine climb up into cabinets and get dry snacks :).

I used to set a timer. During those minutes they had to play by themselves. After set time was over, I would do something with them. This went back and forth a lot of the day. I gradually increased the time as they got older.

You want to encourage your child to be an independent person. Here are a few tips to help you accomplish that objective.

Lead by example. Be independent yourself. Speak with your child about why independence is important to you and how you manifest independence in your own life. For example, you may say, “Have you noticed how all the houses in our neighborhood are taking down their American flags because they fear that their displaying the flag will make someone angry at them? I will not let fear guide my actions. I do not need to do something just because everyone else is doing it. I’ve decided to keep our flag out on our porch. I think it’s unlikely that flying our flag will offend people around here, and, if it does, then I’ll stand with my flag because it represents our patriotism, and I’m proud of that. I don’t fault others for being proud of their nationality, different though that may be from ours, so I hope that other people in our area will feel the same way. However, there may be some people who get upset over the choice I’ve made. Neighbors may be upset because they think I’m exposing our neighborhood to risk, or someone may take offense to our flying the flag. Any time you stand your ground, you run the risk of creating some conflict. I’ve weighed the risks, I’ve considered my values, and this is the course of action that I think is best. Do you understand the issues going on here and why they are important?”
Ask your child questions to help him/her form his/her own opinions and decisions (as age-appropriate) rather than assuming that your child will absorb your opinions and decision preferences. For example, you may say, “I know you’re uncertain about whether to play volleyball this year at school. What are the reasons you’d like to play? (Wait for answer.) What are the reasons you don’t want to play? (Wait for answer.) How important are these issues to you? (Wait for answer.) Are there long-term consequences to consider here? (Wait for answer.) Would it help to right all this stuff down so you can see it in black and white? (Wait for answer.) I see that there are good reasons both to play volleyball and not to play volleyball this year. I know you will make the decision that’s right, whatever that is; I have confidence in you.”
Encourage your child to enjoy time spent on his/her own. This does not mean time playing video games or surfing the Internet. This means time spent in quiet reflection, thinking about what s/he likes, wants, values, and believes.
Encourage your child to engage in... http://blog.nannies4hire.com/independent/1534