Tips for Keeping Things Clean

V.

Your four older kids are certainly old enough to help you clean the house, if not do it by themselves from time to time. My boys can clean but they don't always do it. Here's my tips for getting the cleaning done without the yelling:

1. Make a detailed list of what "Clean" means. For example, my list for "Clean the Bathroom" includes such things as Clean the tub, wipe the counters, wipe the toilet seat, wipe the outside of the toilet, clean the sink, etc. When they were younger, each one of those items came with a list like
*Clean the tub: (1) wet the tub with water (2) spray scrubbing bubbles on the tub and the walls until the whole thing is lightly covered with bubbles (3) count to 60 (4) wet the sponge in the sink (5) gently scrub the walls and the tub with the damp sponge until all of the bubbles have been smeared around (6) rinse with the hand-held shower until no more bubbles are in the sink.

It's a pain to make that detailed list but it sure helps the kids to understand what "Clean the bathroom" means to YOU. Be sure to go through the steps with them at least once.

2. Expect them to clean up one mess before moving onto the next project. We still struggle with this one -- especially my middle child. When they leave a project, I remind them to clean it up and put it away. Should I discover that they have left out a mess (toys, books, cards, etc), I go and get them, making them return to do their chore right away. I've even called them home from friends' houses to do things! (They hate that! Usually only takes one or two times before they make sure that they leave no messes as they walk out the door!)(Except my middle son. Must have had to come home about 50 times)

3. Make it rewarding to do the work. My boys' allowance is tied to their chores. If they do their work cheerfully, willingly and completely, I will cheerfully, willingly and completely hand over their allowance. If they don't, I don't. If you don't use allowance, tie it to another privilage. For example, my kids are famous for doing 3/4 of a chore so I've started driving them 3/4 of the way to their friends' houses. They hate that when it is raining!

4. Give them a place to be messy. My kids are allowed to keep their rooms pretty much as they want too but must clean it up twice a month OR if we have important company. I figure a dirty child's room is the reason God invented doors: closed door, no mess to be seen. My oldest son has begun to figure out that this actually is not a rewarding way to live as he frequently can't find his homework or his DS games; he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor which means I don't wash them (I only wash what's in the basket that they must place in the laundary room on wash day). No clean socks is a great motivation for picking up dirty clothes!

5. Give them a written list of what is expected daily and/or weekly. When my kids were younger, we used index cards with chores written on them (younger still, pictures). Cards went into a baseball card holder page thing; page was hung on the fridge. As they did the task, they put the card in the "Completed Chore" box. I could tell at a glance what needed to be done by whom. I found that specifying a time to do the chore (make bed before 10am) was critical or everything was getting done at bedtime. (Yup, they'd even try brushing their teeth TWICE before they went to bed). A written record helps them to remember.

Getting kids (most people, acutally) to do anything is based on simple principles:
1. Expect the behavior
2. Tie rewards to doing the desired behavior (chores=allowance, finished tasks = no interruptions, etc)
3. Allow them to live with the consequences of NOT doing the behavior (no money, dirty socks, etc)

It's rough going sometimes but in the long run, it prepares them for the real world.

Think about it. Why do you go to work?

1. Because someone expects you to be there
2. Because you receive a reward for going (paycheck, satisfaction) and
3. Because you will have to live with the consequences if you don't (eviction, starvation, nakedness . . .)

Better they should learn this over dirty socks than over homelessness.

I.

there is a wonderful site called www.flylady.net (which has changed my life) and they have developed a program called the housefairy for children. www.housefairy.org My daughter is a bit too young but I've heard AMAZING things about it. good luck!!

Try looking at http://www.chorebuster.net/, using technology especially with your older kids may work for you? It has been recommended to me, however I have yet to use it regularly. I have just excepted that I would rather do other things than clean house, so why would my children be any different? We have a cleaning day and things are under control, then they get messy again, oh well.

1. Check out this site. It is all about getting organized and keeping a clean house. Some of the stuff may be useful to you.

2. I heard a child development specialist talk about something he called the Saturday box. Anything the kids leave on the floor goes into the Saturday box. You go around at night and fill it with the stuff lying around. You don't put it away, yell or gripe, just put it in the box. They can't have any of it back until Saturday. If it's Sunday, they lose it for the whole week, if it's Friday, just one day. My friend said that her mom did that and it really worked. It didn't matter what it was, school shoes, favorite stuffed animal, anything. If it was on the floor or furniture, it went into the box. Eventually they get it.

3. Keeping a spotless house doesn't make you a good mom, it just means that you have less tolerance for mess, sometimes this comes at a big cost to you and your kids. (emotionally speaking) Don't be too hard on yourself.

A not especially neat mom.

Good Morning V.,

I have four children, 19-boy, 17-girl, 10-boy and 9-girl. One of the easiest and fastest way to keep a clean house is to eliminate clutter and organized the things you want to keep. I have always kept a clean house and this is the way I do it. I also give my kids a few chores to do which establishes a routine and teaches them responsibility. Before my 19 year old moved out and went off to college last year, he cleaned the kitchen after dinner and sometimes after breakfast, my 17 year old helps clean the bathrooms, my 10 year old takes the garbage out and my 9 year old emptys and loads the dishwasher. They make their own beds and keep their rooms tidy. I now share the responsibility with my husband in cleaning the kitchen with my 19 year old not here. I vacuum 2-3 times/week, dust, laundry, keep things tidy. I hope this helps.

My son is only 2 and I am trying to train him early to clean up after himself. Your older kids may take awhile and I'm not sure what to suggest except I would recommend getting the book "Didn't I tell you to take out the trash?" from Love & Logic. There should be some helpful tips in there.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/pc-130-28-didnt-i-tell-y...
I plan on ordering it soon.

WOW - you have a busy schedule!

I suggest you have an "everybody cleanup" time each week for one hour only. That is long enough for your 5 and 8 year old. Keep it fun and simple and in the public areas of the house. Clear the clutter first, but do that together!

My husband started this with our kids last fall on the Saturdays I'm in grad school. It has made a huge difference and now we all are better at keeping tidy on a daily basis now.

For bedrooms and toys/stuff, your older kids can 1-on-1 coach the youngers, like a cleaning buddy, in the youngers' area or toys/stuff. Maybe the youngers can coach the olders (could be quite interesting!) on a different day.

Learning and being willing to clean up is hard, not always fun and doesn't seem to be necessary when they really do know where stuff is. Part of it is being aware of what needs picking up, some of it is having a place to put stuff, and part of it (for me, for sure!) is wanting everything at my fingertips so I can get to work (or hobby) the moment I want to with out getting everything out first.

If you do a little twice a week you will be amazed what can happen between now and spring break! Have fun!!

Go to flylady.net. You will find great help there. Especially check out the House Fairy.

Well V. what I do is I tell my kids when they come home from school the first thing they are to do is do their chores. That can be cleaning their rooms to taking out the garbage. Then they have to do their homework. If any of those are not done then they cannot go anywhere or watch t.v for the night. If they talk back then they won't be able to go anywhere or do anything whether or not they get there chores and/or homework is done. It will be hard in the beginning to get the older ones to listen but if you stand strong and take away the things they like (cell phone, house phone useage, t.v., etc.)they will evenually come around. Good Luck you can do it.

I only had two kids and It's immpossible to keep a clean house and work partime. They only way I could ever keep the house clean was do it myself, once I decided not to clean my son's room and it got so bad that you had to step up to get into the room, there was so much stuff on the floor it raised it a couple of inches. But here is a hint, no toys in the house and clean out the closets where they don't have as much stuff to wear and throw on the floor. You really can't make the 17 year old do it all, that child will rebel and so will a 12 year old. 8 and 5 year olds should just be kids and not a house cleaners, and just keeping track of a baby is enough to keep you busy all day without doing the wash or making a bed. Single Mom, that'a a hair puller right there. That means you have to be the dominate one and enforce everything. Damn near impossible. If you had the money I would say have someone come in once a week, but that is only for the well to do. You know I don't think I was any help at all, so just ignore anything I said. At least they are smart kids, and just remember, do you want them to remember you as a a woman who yelled constantly about a clean house, or someone who had time to have fun with them. Nail a basketball hoop over the laundry hamper, that makes them happy.
Diane in California

Hey..

I saw your post and am anxious to see the responses! I am also a single mom of 5 children and experience the same as you! LOL I would love to know a different way! The only thing that has worked a lil bit for me is to not allow any fun activities til their chores are done, such as computer, playstation, ect.. But, if they just aren't motivated then even that doesn't work. What I would like to know is how to keep them motivated to just clean up after themselves when they are done, instead of making it a chore that they or someone else has to do later!! My children range in age from 17-5 also, so to me they are old enough!! I hope someone has some help!

Hi!
First of all I admire all single parents out there. It's a tough job raising children. As for cleaning the house oh man there are days I just don't really. I rather just play with the kids or go out to the park, do something fun like scrapbooking or read mamasource..LOL When it gets too out of hand I will get it done. When it's time I tell the kids chores need to be done. So we start picking things up together. My kids are 4 yrs and 17 months so have to tell them what needs to be done one toy at a time. For your children maybe you can get a chore list board like the super nanny has and go by that. If the chores don't get done they get something taken away they enjoy. Or for the older ones you can ground them, but that means you are too. I wish you well! Good Luck!

Post a chore chart for the shared areas of the house. Give or withhold an allowance based on their getting the boxes on the chore chart checked off. For the 12 and 17 year olds, close the door to their room. Their own room is their own problem. Just deal with their rooms every 2 weeks for health reasons. This might involve yelling, but at least you would only have to yell every 2 weeks.
For the 5 and 8 year old, you have to clean with them while singing, "clean up clean up everybody everywhere". And you have to clean more often. Kids are just a lot of work!
Don't wash the 17 year old's clothes. He/she has to learn to be responsible. Just strip the sheets for him/her every 2 weeks and expect her to deal with it. Don't allow him to sleep in a bed with no sheets though. Include ironing on the 12 and 8 year old's chore charts. It is worth the time you will have to put in teaching them how to iron.
My favorite bit of advice comes from Erma Bombeck, from 'If I Had My Life to Live Over':
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I can relate with you. My children are 14,13 and 7 for the most part they do pick up, but it is constant babysitting.
I leave notes for chores to do after school, before I get home from work. I started taking cell phones away or social previlages on the oldest kids. It does work. My 7 yr old does pretty good, he puts things away without having to ask 5 times. I wake the kids up earlier in the mornings so they have time to make their beds, before we leave for school, they hate it but it gets done.

OK, if you figure out how "the rest of us" can keep their house clean, tell us, please!

This is what helps me:

I try to set a timer for 10 minutes every night for a "10-minute tidy" (and yes, we know of the Big Comfy Couch!). Each time we pick a zone to work in, and we take turns picking a zone.

Declutter, declutter, declutter! I am working my way down from vastly cluttered to badly overcluttered. If I don't use it, or can borrow it (like a book from a library), I try to get rid of it.

One trick that works with the kids: A lot of times we seem to have a box of miscellaneous "stuff" - maybe packed during the last frantic cleaning before a party. I hand the box around, and tell each kid that they should take out anything they want to *keep* and immediately put it away. That significantly reduces the "but I want to keep everything!!!" problem. Passing stuff on on via Freecycle (go to freecycle.org to find a local group) has been a help, then you know it goes to a good home.

Hahahahahhaha!!!! You're dreaming!
Anyway, this works for me : Take everything off the bed then make the bed, then put everything that's on the floor on the bed. Then put things away one at a time. Any room with the bed made and things off the floor looks better and at least you can walk through it! Another solution was to wait til they moved out and had their own homes.

check out Flylady.net - it's a great way to learn to clean your own house, building habits, and teaching your children to do the same.

this isn't a quick fix solution, but a good, solid, long term one. first you have to teach your kids HOW to clean and what you mean by it, then don't be over critical if they don't do it perfectly. just continue to show them what the end result you're looking for will be, they'll get it eventually. make it a fun game as opposed to tedious work. they will be more likely to want to participate.

best of luck! we love flylady in our home, and it keeps me from yelling at everyone. (because when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy)

V.:

First thing, don't yell. Yelling only escalates the situation and upsets you in the long run. Make a visible shedule, then have a family meeting. Sounds lame, but works. Lay out all the rules and consequences (just like a classroom). Find the preferred items or activities that each kid likes, then make their using them or getting extra time on that activity, contingent on getting their chores done. Even the 5 year old can be responsible for helping with something. Be careful not to place the burden on the 17 year old. If the kids are into video games, mp3 players etc., you can always make it clear you will take that away, then they have to earn it back by completeing their chores. It's a basic reward system. Kids will work for positives more than anything else. I have a 14 and 18 year old. My 18 year old is much less willing to work than my 14 year old. However, when she is broke or needs a ride somewhere, I just remind her that she needs to finish her chores before she gets the ride or the money. It may seem cruel, but it's not. It's reality. They have to learn the value of things and helping. I also make sure I give them a lot of verbal praise for helping out appropriately. I have my days that I slip back and end up doing things myself, but I'm still working on consistency for my house as well.

Good luck

You are way ahead of me. I had six children who were not great students. A clean house may be nice, but it is not the most important thing in the world. The kids did help a bit but I was not too fussy. They all grew up to be honerable citizens,and have good principles.
D.

I am a mother of 4 wonderful kids ages 12,12 (twins boys), 10 and 7 (girls). But they are messy too! My advice...Be an example, Be consistent, and set clear boundaries. I've found that kids really want a clean, clear and uncluttered space. It's up to us to make them realize it. It 's like discipline...deep down inside kids really want it but they sometimes dislike us (parents) telling them what to do or setting boundaries. You will find that it's easier to think and relax in an uncluttered home. Set clear expectations and don't give them an inch because they'll take a mile!! Give each child a list of duties. Make them within reason or you'll be fighting a losing battle. Give them a time frame to get the tasks done. Slowly but surely start taking away priviliges if things aren't done according to your standards. Don't back down and be consistent. And most of all PRAY to keep from going insane!!! I know I sound like a drill sargeant but my kids are really well rounded children and we have alot of fun in our clean home (smile)

Keep at it. It will be worth it.

L.

Hi V.,

these are merely suggestions as I have little kids so I don't have direct experience with this.
1)I had chores when I grew up and I wasn't ablt to do anything "fun" (watch t.v., go to friends, etc) until my chores were finished.
2)If you provide allowance. Put a $ value on each chore and frequency, deduct the allowance for chores that are not done because they have to pay you to do it.
3) Provide a checklist for each child so they understand the clear expectations of chores for each day/week. Place it somewhere very visible (kitchen) so everyone knows what has been checked off and what has. reward those that get things done with verbial praise (in front of other children).

Lists, lists and more lists! Big, bright, colorful checklists. I think that a visual helps. Keep a weekly/monthly score. Use stars/stickers or whatever. Have a set reward schedule. 5 stars = Extra half hour up at bedtime. 20 stars = A new webkins or a $10 gift. Yada, yada. My kids are pretty young still, but they feel so proud when they see their success. They also get a bit competitive...in a good way. Sometimes they even ask for extra chores to reach the prize level they want faster! Good luck.

**I just checked the other responses...great tips.
But as for a perfectly clean house. Super clean homes make me nervous, a home should be tidy, but also comfy and lived in! So don't worry so much about the mess and "live" in your home.

Hi V.,
I think as Moms we all know that yelling doesn't work in the long run. It may in the short term, but our kids will end up resenting us.

Here is what I would suggest. Make a list of all of the things that need to be done on a chart then set up a "family meeting" with all of the kids and you and tell them in the most loving and firm way that you are a team, you have done everything together and part of that is keeping the house clean together. Have everyone pick a job to be done or have them be teams of two to get a job done and make it fun for them. Let them know that you hate to yell and that you aren't going to anymore.

I admire you being a single Mom of 5 kids and hope this helps.

Best to you,
S.

I cannot offer too much advice, I have five (oldest 10 and youngest 6 mos.)and it depends on the day whether or not my house is tidy. I can't imagine how busy and hectic your life is with a job, a business, and a five month old. Don't be too hard on yourself or your children, you've just had a baby.

What has helped is to make it a point to be with the kids when I tell them to clean up, it helps. Sometimes they need help finding a place to start or they need to know I will be following up to make sure they did their work. My oldest is loathe to do chores, but is great with the baby and toddler so she has "baby duty" while I clean. It works for me. You may also consider having a family meeting to let them know in a calm and loving way that you need their help and support around the house. Take care, and kudos to you for having such good students!