Tips on How to Transition from SAHM to Working Mom!

I agree with Mary O., men do need explicit instructions. (lol you could make a "map" of the kitchen and post it...) Unfortunately for us women, women's lib didn't work the other way around; I know so many women (including myself in my first marriage which is now over) that are in the same boat. It was the reason I decided not to have a second child with my first husb. just the thought of all the stuff i had to do was just overwhelming (he couldn't be bothered; actually said to me one time, "I do more than most other guys do.") , and seemed unfair to a second child because I also work so far away from home.
Anyway, It would be so much better if your hubby was helpful in this regard, maybe talk to him first? and yes definitely sit down with all 3 of your boys, and tell them in plain terms that you need their help with this transition, maybe ask what they would volunteer to do (I bet the 5 year old will want to help!) and make a list. you will need adjustments along the way, be as flexible as you can, but you must insist that they help you, or you will go crazy. (Now we are having to stand up for our rights to take care of ourselves too, it seems...) good luck to you!!!

Well - if you were SAHM before and your husband seems to work almost 24/7, not sure he should have been helping at home much... Is he on board with you going back full time? Do you need the money? If you're going back bc you want to vs have to, then hire help. Get cleaning people, get a PT nanny. I am primary breadwinner and make more than my husband yet am still mainly responsible for the household so I hire help. I do all the meal planning etc. I'd need more info on why you're going back to work and how your husband feels about it to add more.

Congratulations!!! You sound very excited. I think many households operate like yours. I sometimes tell my husband that I think he asks me a bunch of questions on where things are/how to do things so that I'll just get so frustrated by the inefficiency that i'll do it myself (thinking of your breakfast example). Personally, I wouldn't start with a list of chores. People really resent being told what to do, especially since this will be a lot of changes at once. Most men like to be problem solvers, so approach the conversation with your husband as a challenge that needs to be addressed: It's going to be difficult with my hours grocery shoping/preparing lunch/etc. How are we going to get X done? How should we X? Maybe a family meeting is in order once your husband is "aligned" to let your kids know that things are going to change. Your teenager should be able to step up and become more self-sufficient and at least be able to take care of keeping his room clean and maybe even his own laundry. Unfortunately, it's likely that some of what you handled will get redistributed, but most will probably still be on your shoulders. You just end up staying up late folding laundry, paying bills, etc. Tasks that you used to take care of during the weekday may get pushed to the weekend, cutting into family time. You have to accept that the chores may not be done just the way you like. You also have to let go of some stuff, like having a super clean house all of the time or not having a pile of dishes in the sink, otherwise you'll end up stressed, resentful and very tired. Good luck to you and your family in this transition.

Straight up, tell your husband what he needs to do, and if he doesn't want to do it, tell him you're hiring someone to do it (a maid ). Tell him how much that costs. Men do not respond to hints, they need to be told in plain terms how it is. You cannot be expected to DO it all. Also, your teen son can help, and an allowance can show your appreciation.

This may not be the answer your looking for, but here goes...
As far as trying to get others in the house to help out, stand firm. Make a list of house hold chores. Morning chores, make your bed, get your self ready Etc. Evening chores, make sure all of your messes are cleaned up, do your chores that are on your chore chart, sweeping, laundry, kitchen Etc. Sit down with the entire family and assign chores according to age and maturity, rotate chores that can be rotated. Don't expect you 5 year old to be out mowing the lawn, but your 15 yr old and husband can take turns.

Your 15 year old not being able to make his own breakfast, let alone know how to make breakfast for the whole family, not so good. Your future DIL will greatly thank you for teaching him to be helpful around the house and him not expecting her to do all of the work since that is what he expects of you right now. There is no reason, other he has become completely dependent on you, that he is not doing chores already. My son is 8, he unloads the dishwasher, switches the clothes from the washer to the dryer and starts the dryer. He is great about cleaning the living room when I ask him and with out question, gets himself and his sister, 5, a bowl of cereal for breakfast if we have nothing else planned. He also vacuums his own room. They both are responsible for keeping their own rooms clean. We have one day a week were we completely clean the house, vacuum, mop, dust, clean bathrooms and they are in every room with me doing their part to clean. The rest of the week is just maintaining, picking up toys, spot mopping. They did not get to that point by me just telling them, go do this. I have worked with them for years and, with a smile on my face and love in my tone, taught them how to do what I need them to do well before I expected them to do it on their own. Sit down with you son, list to him what are neccesities and what are privaleges. You ARE responsible to make sure he has good food to eat, but pizza, candy, cakes etc are a reward. You ARE responsible to make sure that he has clothes to wear, but having any form of designer clothes is a reward. He does need some contact with the outside world, but since he's in school all day, any form of extra curricular activity, and that includes stay with a friend, going to the movies are all rewards. And ALL of these rewards need to be earned by doing his chores and doing them with a good attitude. But at his age, you need to be firm, but don't have the attitude that 'I've cleaned up enough of your stuff, it's time you pulled your own weight around here'. You need to talk to him one on one and explain to him that these are things at his age he needs to learn. Give him choses at to what chores he would like to try first. Sorry so much on this subject. I just finished writing a book child training, so this one is near and dear to my heart.

As far as you going to work to take care of your own wellbeing, and some other remarks you made about your marriage, it almost sounds as though you have giving up at home. That everyone has their own separate lives and just tolerate each other when your all home.You husbands life is work, your life is the house, your 15 year old's is school and entertaining himself and your 5 year old just happens to be there for the ride. My concern would be that when you go back to work, you guys will be even more separated.

I was just in the opposite situation as you. When my husband and I got together, we both worked during the day. Right after my 2nd child was born, he got a better paying job, but is working 2nd shift. Not to long after that, my company shut down all 5 of my stores. We made the decision for me to stay at home until my son was old enough for school. A few months before he was, we then made the decision for me to stay home and homeschool my kids so that we would have a close family relationship. Yes, I have sacrificed a lot. I don't go to the salon, I don't get mani's or pedi's, I don't have a closet full of designer clothes, I barely have any jewelery to speak of. I pretty much gave up on my career. But, my family is very close. Had my kids went to school, they would only see their dad 1 to 2 days a week. That's not enough for us.

I think you have sacrificed so much for your family, doing for them. But you missed one key element of being a parent. Teaching them so they learn to do it for themselves and then for others. You wouldn't do your kids math homework for them would you? You would help, teach them how to do it so they know. That's what you missed with your oldest.

As far as your marriage, when you start looking at him with this "What are you going to do for me to make me happier or make my life easier", that's when things get real bad real fast. I suggest a book, Have a New Husband by Friday. It's real good.

Good luck to you.

At age 15 my brother and I were making our own breakfasts, lunches for school, and starting dinner if my mom got home later from work (she'd call and give directions). We cleaned, dusted, swept, mopped, did laundry, did all the lawn work, washed the dishes, took care of the pets, and scrubbed the bathrooms. We had a daily chore list and a weekly chore list. We had to check things off as we did them and at the end of the week we got $5. I don't know how to get through to your husband, but I wish you luck with that. My husband helps with a lot of house stuff and I am a SAHM right now. I am so happy for you that you have come to the realization that you have to take care of yourself. That's right! Keep on exercising and enjoy your job (I'm jealous! I hope I can find a job in my field again one day!). Maybe work on one thing at a time with your husband...the biggest problem is getting his mind to wrap around the new reality.

Since my son was 8, if he's hungry he knows how to make toast or pour a bowl of cereal.
He can also make a sandwich.
Not all meals need to be cooked.
The 5 yr old might need more help than the rest, but for the most part the sink or swim method of learning might be the best way for them (husband and older son) to learn to do some common things for themselves.
Sure they'll be mad - the regular maid (you) is off doing some things for herself rather than waiting on them hand and foot.
Chores for a teen - make bed, clean room, dust, vacuum, clean their own bathroom, take out trash, take trash to/from curb on trash day, load dishwasher, put away clean dishes after load is washed, learn to do their own laundry, and fold and put away when clean, help with yard work (mowing, raking leaves, weeding garden, shoveling snow), clean the garage, wash the car(s) inside and out.
The 5 yr old can certainly make his own bed by now and can gradually learn the other chores as he gets older.
Doesn't leave a lot of time for tv or video games but he can do that for an hour or so when the chores and homework are done (and done well).
(Don't fall for the job done poorly and "I can't do it!" - it only means they need MORE practice - giving up is not an option).
Do your shopping either on weekends or on your way home from work.
Hubby can bring home a few things on his way home from work if you let him know something is needed.
Everyone pulls together and works for the benefit of the whole family.

Well, most of you ill be out of the house for the majority of the day, so the house won't get as messed up. If everyone just picks up after themselves, it shouldn't be a problem.

For meals, find some quick and easy ones you can prepare in less than an hour after work. Also, do some of the prep work ahead of time. Like with meatloaf, I prepare it and put in the frig in the morning and then hubby pre-heats and oven and puts it in before I get home. You can do the same with spaghetti sauce. Tacos also make for very easy weeknight dinner. And breakfast.

There really aren't any "chores" that are assigned daily. Like I said, we just pick up after ourselves all week and the house stays neat. Weekends are for dusting, vacuuming, windows, etc.

Tell your kids that emptying the dishwasher is their chore and it WILL be emptied by the time you walk through the door.

If they don't help, then quit helping them. Grab yourself something to eat on the way home and let them know that until they're willing to help, you're not cooking dinner. You really did spoil them and if they don't start helping now, I guarantee you that your children will act like "entitled" adults. I did what you're doing with my daughter (never made her help) and now her apartment is always a mess and she feels entitled to have people clean it for her.

Don't turn your son into "that" person.

I hope your kids take it well. Good luck..

The best way to motivate a teen to do his fair share around the house is by making sure he understands everything he has is a privledge. And that if X, Y, and Z don't get done the privledge will no longer exist. He wants cable? A cell phone? Internet connection? He must do work to help pay for them. He will not like it, but if you also explain to him that this is just a glimpse of what he'll be facing in the real world in 2-3 short years it will help. Or even in one year - when he has his license and wants to drive your car!

There is very little he isn't capable of doing. And it sounds like even the most minor things would be a huge help at this point. I'd suggest bringing him into the decision making of what chores get assigned. "I need you to help out. What areas do you think you are capable of handling?" If he won't give suggestions, start asking. "Do you think you are capable of taking the garbage out each night? Do you think you are capable of making sandwiches and putting together school lunches each night?" (this works really well when coupled with the 'privledges' discussion. i've pointed out to my 13 y.o. on several occastions that if she can't figure out how to work the wash machine then she certainly shouldn't be trusted to work the home computer.) If you give him some ownership on what he can help with, you'll get better feed back. And the 5 y.o. needs chores too! One sure way to get a resentful 15 y.o. is for him to see little brother not doing anything. "How come i'm the only one who has to do work around here????" And be sure to let him know, often, how much you appreciate the help.

Yes, it would be nice to have support from DH on this. Even having DH sign up for a few jobs would be great. But, I know, the situation may not lend itself to that right now.

You CAN do this! I do it every single day. My DH also works 6-7 days per week, 12-14 hour days. And we manage.

Good luck!