Tired of People Making You Feel Guilty About Your Choices ???

You should just let it go you will never change her mind.I also have to work and I think my son is very well adjusted and I also think it helped when he went to school and for socializing.I do wish I could work less but I really think it's the quality time yopu spend with them that makes them happy.Just ignore those people. T.

It wasn't clear who said that to you?? But being a new mom myself it AMAZES me that people feel so free to judge me agive me unwanted advice. I've never been any good at cool comebacks, so I generally ignore that stuff. Do not let some busybody make you feel guilty!!

sometimes people make you feel bad for things they feel bad for. Maybe somewhere inside this woman is a desire to join the workforce again.
You are setting a great example for you children by going back to work. Just treat this woman with love - Her words are just a reflection of her own guilt as a mother. I have done that before to someone and learned from it.
Good for you.
H

Boy, do I remember the first day I had to leave my daughter in daycare! So hard! Try not to let her comments get to you. Everyone's situation is different and you should focus on what you need to do for you and your family. Who knows, maybe deep down this woman is amazed at how you're balancing work and raising your daughter - something she may not be able to handle herself?!

Hi A. - I see that you have gotten a TON of supportive, awesome responses already, but I had to chime in because I feel SO strongly about this topic! I wish I could have a moment with the woman who said that to you - I would ask her if she ever heard of "The Mommy Wars" then tell her that it's women like her who have kept that type of rivalry between stay-at-home vs. working moms going! It is totally unnecessary that we have such a "war" going on. We should all be supportive of each other and not judgmental, no matter what the circumstances. I work full-time also, and have two kids, and the reason I work is because we NEED two incomes. I do love my job, but I'd love to go part-time. To me, that is perfect, but in this day and age, with the economy and day care costs, I honestly don't know how anyone makes it one one salary or even one and a half. Regardless, when friends or people I meet tell me they don't work or they work part-time, I don't insult them, I tell them how lucky they are and how their choice must have its ups and downs just like mine does. The angry person in me says you should respond to such statements because obviously this person is ignorant and clueless, but I also agree with many women here who said let it go for your health and sanity. I guess it depends what kind of mood you are in, and how often you encounter this person, and what your relationship is. UGH - it is so frustrating, though! It's like someone who has no children by choice telling you that "it was your choice to have a baby" when you say you are tired or stressed with your kid on a particular day! So annoying! Anyway, hang in there, and do keep your kind nature - it will come back to you in good ways down the road!

Just let it go A., sometimes people can be cruel without
even knowing it. You are doing the right thing for you and your child. It could be she is rethinking her own decision,
Alot of us have been in your place and we all have to decide
whether to feed our children or stay home with them. Be happy you have a reliable sitter and do what must be don
e.

A., PLEASE Let it go! Did you ask for advice? No! My 21 month old has been in daycare since she was an infant and I completely trust and love the center and the consistent and loving staff. She is very social because of this experience and I am relaxed at work knowing all the fun she is having and that they will call me if they need me. I remember 18 years ago dropping my son off at daycare and crying all the way to work, only to walk in the door and call the provider to hear he stopped immidiatley after I walked out the door! So I hope you get a lot of support today...surely the majority of moms are going back to work due to the economy or just because they enjoy the balance of motherhood and work. Remember these are your choices...no one elses....follow YOUR heart and you will smile soon as you see your daughter wave bye bye with the confidence of knowing she'll see you soon.

There are some people who either have no tact or just like to make themselves look better than others. You have to do what you have to do and you shouldn't let people bring you down although sometimes it feels impossible. There are plenty of moms going through the same things as you so take comfort in knowing that you're not alone. If I could afford to stay home, I would in a heartbeat.
You can only respond to these comments with the confidence that you are doing what's right for your family. Stay strong!

Try to let it go and remember that the only people you need to worry about being ok with your choices are your children and I guess whoever else is important to you in the long run. Your co-workers, casual acquaintances, even good friends don't really fall into that category.

I'll tell you, I was young when I had my kids and I remember making stupid self righteous comments to some women, I still cringe when I think about it! I was young and stupid and had much to learn. By airing my "great ideas" or concepts I was attempting to feel better about something that frankly, I was just in the dark about as anyone else. Some people learn as they grow older to think about what you say before saying it. Thank god I did learn. Some people never catch onto how their opinions and comments can be taken offensively by others.

I raised three kids to adulthood and let me tell you, this will not be the only time you'll have someone soliciting their viewpoints, experiences or using you as a way to feel better about their parenting skills/decisions. Other parents, neighbors, school officials and others who should know better will sometimes use their position of authority to cajole, bully, make petty judgments and impart their prejudices. Don't let them bother you and have confidence in your decisions.

This is really important because if you don't, someone could possibly steer you off track just simply because you've allowed self doubt and insecurity to set in. Always consider all sides, listen and weigh all viewpoints sure, but in the end, if you are comfortable with your decision then to heck with the rest.

if she's happy you're doing the right thing, so don't worry about it!

Everyone has their opnions of what others should be doing ..even me...but that's nothing but an opnion ...so if someone gives you their opnion...great shrug your shoulders and walk away ..think about it ..if it helps you fine, if it doesnt blow it off...

I think your extremely sensitive right now, having a baby makes you weepy al by it's self, but having to leave your child and go back to work can be a very sad event.

But good news...

It will get easier as time goes by, like every thing you have to deal with in life..time heals MOST wounds..not all, but MOST..

So as time goes on, I think like all of us that have been through this before, and as your child gets older you will learn to appreciate the break from your child that going to work will provide..TRUST ME hahah..

This feeling will pass..and you will be fine..

I have found in my old age that sometimes other peoples opnions seem hurtful..or stop you in your tracks...but I have learned to take them into concideration and if they don't quite suit the situation, then walk away from the opnion and leave it behind..but to always just ponder what they say.

Remember ..
There are no two people that are alike in this world..and the great thing about America is, the right and freedom, to express your opnion.

So dont be afraid to fire one right back ..

Best of Luck.

A., continue doing what you think is best for you and your family. If it gets to the point you think have that desire to be home, then again, that will be your choice as well. I was able to be home with my youngest as I had a chance to retire early due to the 911 tragedy. The package was too good to turn down and I needed to supplement my income and I was able to find a company to work with which actually has helped me to work for myself.

If you enjoy the job you have, stay with it. I enjoyed my work before retiring and had fun with the company I worked for. I miss the people, but I don't miss the drive (20 miles).

Just keep loving your little one and she will reward you with hugs, kisses and those cute little baby laughs.

M.
http://workathomelivewell.com

IGNORE them. You are doing what is best for you and YOUR family. If you feel the need to respond, tell who ever gives you grief, that going back to work is a sacrifice to you. You don't get to cuddle and play with your baby all day, and that is painful to you. You will have enough guilt of your own, you don't need others adding to it.

Dear A.
Not every one can stay at home. Presented with a choice, many would but in this economy it simply is not always or usually possible. In voicing your worries you open the door to others opinions though. You may want to only discuss your maternal worries with close friends and others who share your concerns, and stay away from the "stone-throwers". They don't have to pay your mortgage! As my sister says, the kids may want you home, but they also want a roof, food, toys, and SECURITY! Security comes in the form of a good job and if you can get one of those AND good childcare, thank God and to HECK with the other mightier than thou mothers. Just don't discuss it with them. Theres a reason birds of a feather flock together :) There's also a nice magazine just for WORKING MOTHERS (called just that I believe) so you are in good company..Congrats on taking responsibility for your child both mother-wise AND financially! You are to be applauded. Your dd will adjust and be perfectly adjusted. lots of luck to you in the transition!
R.- Mom of 3 and work ALL weekend nurse ! :)

A.,

You are making the right choice for you. I too have gone back to work and hear similar comments a few times a week. My response: I want to provide the best I can for my children. If I did not work, we would not be able to afford insurance or a nice home. Now we live in a great neighborhood and the children have the "opportunity" to attend camps and participate in sports that they would not have the opportunity to do, if I were not working. They have much better experiences because we can afford them. I see others that stay at home, and I get frustrated, because their kids are in front of the TV or video games...what good is that. At daycare and camp, my kids do neither...and at night, I read and play games with them.

I've had people say things like that to me too. I generally let them go, although I have, on occasion, called them on it. Who is the person that said it to you?

We all have days when we feel we can't get it right and question our choices. If you were truly selfish you wouldn't even be worrying yourself over this. Chalk it up to a bad day, know that you have enough to worry about without explaining yourself to everyone, and hug your happy baby girl. :-)

I would not feel guilty! if you have to work, then you have to work! As long as your child is cared for by someone loving and she is happy, then you should feel at ease with your decision. Only you know your circumstances and it is NO reflection on how much you love your child! I wish people would get over the working vs SAHM thing -we are all moms, we all love our kids and we all try to make the best choices for them and our families.

A lifelong friend of mine is the mother of 2 kids, the same ages as mine. I was having an awful time finding day care a couple of years ago and asked if she could help me out until I found someone (I am a single mom, she's a married SAHM). She responded that she stays home so that HER children can benefit from it, not so that other people's kids can. How rude is that? I didn't say anything. I figured that there was no point; she was pretty clear about her feelings and I did not trust myself to address it without raising my voice, lol. It has changed our relationship though....oh well. I do the best I can; I'm sure you do too.

Here's a hug from one working mom to another {{{hug}}}.

C.

Of course, you do.

People have some nerve to make open comments like that. It isn't anyone's business why or why not a mother stays home or works outside the house. Be firm and short with your rebuttal and do not get sucked into a debate...short and simple!

Please try and not take this opinions (you know what they say about opinions.....) to heart.

E.

To be perfectly honest, you just need to let it go. Since becoming a mother i have never, ever, been so second-guessed and critised for my choices... It seems like i just can't win no matter what i do.
I stay home with my kids and i can't tell you how many times and how many people have said stuff about how "easy" it must be to say home and how i should be working and making money. It makes me SOOOO mad to hear that! My mother in law makes me feel like i'm not feeding my kids right. My Sister in law makes me feel like i'm too strict with my kids... and my best friend sometimes makes me feel like i'm to lax! Then i'm not going to even go into what those people say that DON'T have kids! THEY have an opinion about EVERYTHING!

My point is that you care about your kids SO much that your mommy instinct is to lash right out and protect what is dearest to you most. I know i just get SO angry when someone makes me feel, intentionally or not, that i'm not doing the right thing by my kids. Your decision to go back to work must have been a very difficult one -- but one you had to make. So, just let it go... let is slide off your back... and know that this person will not be the last to say something about you going back to work. It's not worth hurting a relationship over.

But.. this, like all the others, is just my opinion. :) It's what i have had to make myself do over and over and over and over.....

you are never going to be able to please everyone so please give yourself a break and don't give other people's opinions a second thought. what's most important is your child and yourself. you as the mother know what's best for the two of you. if someone gives you a suggestion you don't like, simply say something like...that's nice but i've decided to try it this way for now. and then do your own thing. good luck.

Hey A.,
Reading a few of the replies so not to be too redundant but I will say that I truely agree with Carrie A.
I also went back to work when my dd was 11 1/2 months. I was so broken to leave the beautiful child everytime but I also knew I left her in good loving hands. I am sure you have too. It has been 13 years and I love her just as much now as I did then and I have worked the pm shift to do the childhood school trips and I still hate to leave.
I am not sure what the other moms problem is but I don't think too many of us would be a fantastic SAH mom or all fit the 9 to 5 either. Love, be loved and shrug her off. You will do what works right for you and you have to take care of YOU FIRST before you can take care of anyone else.
Good luck - enjoy - they grow real fast . . . ^o^

I know exactly how you feel. I have been back to work for 4 months and people still say hurtful things. I just smerk and walk aware from those ignorant people

I know that I need to do what is BEST for my family and until they walk in my shoes they have no foot to stand on.

You will adjust to your new routine and knowing that there is an Angel looking over her, that should make you really confident of your choices.

The best thing is that you can leave work with a BIG SMILE as you realize you are going home to be with her everyday.

YOUR REALLY ARE A GREAT, CARING AND RESPONSIBLE MOM and don't you ever forget that.

Just let it go. You are stressed about this subject right now so you are going to be especially sensitive to what other folks say on it. What works for one mother doesn't work for another. We are all different.

I'm sure you've looked into your options and made the choice that worked best for you and your family. Doesn't matter what other say or think. You know what's best for you and your family.

A.,
I think you should just let those comments roll off of you. This choice that you have made is obviously one for the better for your family as a whole. Your lucky to have someone great watching your child for you and not have to have some random stranger doing it for you. People are always going to have their different takes and opinions on this and you've just got to keep in mind that you are doing what is best for your family. Keep pressing on and don't let people's petty comments get you down. Keep up the great work and good luck.

people will always be judgemental
you stayed home for a year which is more than some do and that's great
i had to go back to work after 8 weeks because i needed the health insurance, but i'm lucky that i can get it without working full time and i have family and my husband to watch the kids
we all make sarifices wether we stay home or work you are making a sacrifice by working and not spending all day with your daughter but by doing so you'll be able to provide more for her in the future
the next time someone makes you feel like you're doing something wrong try to ignore them or tell them you're sacrficing too
good luck

It's very easy for people to be judgemental of other people's lives - unfortunately, they have not walked a day in your shoes, nor your life. We all carry a huge amount of "mommy" guilt on a daily basis - don't add this to your list. Not all of us, no matter how many sacrifices we make, are able to stay home and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. On the flip side, you should be proud of the example you are setting for your daughter - you are a professional woman with an intellectual life, in addition to being a mom. You are setting a healthy example of a self-sufficient and resourceful woman. As a mother of three daughters (youngest is 6 mos old) I want my girls to know how to be independent and self-supporting if the need arises! Be proud for what you are doing for your daughter, everyday, by providing for her needs - both materiastically, emotionally and intellectually!

Wow A., I had to cringe when reading your post, only because I have been there in so many ways. It's hard not to respond back to some one who makes statments like that to you that make you feel a failure. Trust me, YOU ARE NOT! You are doing the best that you can for your situation and your family. Some people are so near sited that they can't see beyond their own front door to what others may be going through and they don't think about the pain their statements can cause. Loving your daughter and providing for her is the absolute best you or anyone can do. Pat yourself on the back and know that YOU and only YOU can make the decision that is best and know that second guessing yourself because of others statements will only cause you much heartache. Stay strong, believe in yourself, and love that baby girl as THAT is the best example you can live by for your daughter to witness.
Best wishes,
K.

Hi A., I understand so many people don't have a choice when it comes to staying at home. You have to do what's best for your family. I would reply to comments like that, "every situation is different". It's not fair to judge/be judged.
The question is...is it really bugging you? You have to come to peace with your choice.
I know how lucky I am to have been at home with my girls since my first was born over 6.5 years ago. But, I do work from home part time to earn an income and to contribute to the bottom line and our financial future. But, we also live up in NH where the cost of living is a little less.
I wish I had my career back (and the income!!!), but we all make the best choices for our own situations. And, I have created my own career at home. I know that doesn't work for a lot of people, and that's ok with me. We do what works for us!

Don't stress it! I hear stuff llike that all of the time! I work at a restaurant and from home, but still send my son to scholl (he's nearly 3) 3 days per week. If some people want to feel guilty and rearrange their lives to stay home, good for them, but they shouldn't try to make you do it too. Every family is different, and we all need to do what we need to do for ours. Screw comments like that! People should mind their own families and leave others alone!

It's not worth getting all worked up over comments like that. Just know that you are doing the best you can to raise your child. You don't have to answear to anyone. And shame on them for making you feel guilty.
I also am I working mom and I leave my daughter every morning, I gotta tell ya it kills me, but we have to make a living, someone has to pay the bills and my husband can't do it alone. Hello, has these type of people looked at the gas prices, oil prices or the forclosure rates these days. Come one now these type of people have stop being so judgemental.
A., you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Wow. You're a better mama then me! I would have said something cocky like "Ya, I thought about giving up food, but we get so cranky when we're hungry. Do you think the doctor's office calls social services if we blow off wellness checks?, b/c I suppose we can do without health insurance."
People who make snide comments, do so, b/c they are unhappy in their own situation. This womend probably doesn't have the choice to go to work (considering daycare costs) she is probably convincing herself that she is a saint to stay home and that their sacrifices are choice rather then necessity.
So, Roll your eyes, shake your head - and be astonished that people would act this way. That's what makes you the better person.

p.s. - the "astonished" part of me is dying to know what your relationship is with this women!
Can you update us? ;-)

I feel for you. My in laws made comments right to me or in my presence that "they" always did something when "they" had kids at home. That because I was being lazy and sitting home with my children my husband had to work extra hard.
#1 we made that choice together!
#2 1 of them is still home with no kids home because her husband is too lazy he needs her home to do everything for him.
#3 I was working cleaning a friends house 1 day a week.
I'm kind of on the other side of your situation. I know how you feel about going back to work too. I started working at a friends shop...one of those people was suppose to watch my DD while I'm there and has backed down on me and now I'm scrambling to find an angel as you have. Don't let that person get to you. I did it for 1.5 years before the cleaning job, picked that up and now a year later, it's not enough. The world today, even with sacrifices it's not enough. You have your situation and others have theirs. Just know you are doing what is right for your family.

Hey A.,
Don't feel bad. you're doing what you have to do. Unfortunately, this day in age it takes two paychecks to get by (for most people). By you working your helping to provide for your daughter, but your also feeling guilty that you have to leave her in order to do so. It sounds like your co-worker (maybe unintentionally) was squirting lemon juice in your paper cut. If she keeps it up, I would tell her that your feeling bad enough about being away from your daughter and you don't need her to make you feel any worse. Communication is key, she may not know she's hurting you unless you tell her.
Good luck!

Don't bother to respond. Everybody has an opinion, they are like noses, we all have them, some are just larger than others. You are doing what is right for your family and that is what matters, not what someone else thinks is right for your family.

A.,
Wow, many people are here to lend you some advice. When I read your post, I became very angry. I can't believe another mom could say that to another. As moms we all feel the guilt, love, and responsibilities of making tough decisions regarding our children and our lives. It makes me question why she said that to you...is she jealous of you having a life outside of home. Maybe her hardship can't compare to yours. Everyone sees things differently. It cracks me up, that she said, "she also needs to work but makes sacrifices so she can stay at home and be with her kids". What sacrifices, you don't pay your bills, you don't eat, and you have no money to do things with your children. Ignore someone like this, you are doing the best for your family!

Doing what you HAVE to do to provide a better life for your daughter no matter how hard is EXTRMELEY ADMIRABLE!! I had also had to go back to work due to financial troubles, and it was literally the HARDEST thing I've had to do to date.
So anyone with snobby, or rude comments about your going back to work I would simply reply: "It must be a great feeling to be home with your kids everyday, for the 1st year of my daughters life I was able to do the same, and as soon as it is finanicially possible I will be right back there with her. Right now it is more IMPORTANT that I am able to put food on the table, and clothes on her back. Thank you for your concern though..." Then give them a big (fake) smile, and walk away with your head held high, knowing in your heart that you are doing the best you can for your child!! (you can also go in the bathroom and call them at the sitters, or cry which ever fits!! LOL)

Sincerley,
Been there, felt that!
L. D.

These types of head games are so upsetting and so tiring. Ever since women fought for the right to have careers and even (gasp!) be paid equally with men (a battle that's still being fought), there has been a tension between women who work outside the home and those who work inside the home. We are all struggling to find the right balance, and to make the right choices for ourselves and our families. Those choices may change at different times in our lives too.

You are going through a lot now - leaving your daughter is very traumatic even though you have a great day care person. This is nature's way, and you have a lot of thoughts and a lot of hormones still raging.

The other woman may need to justify her own decision to stay home by criticizing your decision to go back to work. We all have tremendous financial pressures, especially in this economy, and we are all stressed. A very common way to bolster our own decisions is to critique someone else's. It's not productive, but it's common.

If you'll pardon a little politicizing here, it serves the status quo to have women sniping at each other and creating divisions, instead of working to alleviate the stresses - if we had decent salaries for women, comprehensive health care, a sensible energy policy with affordable gasoline and heating costs, and affordable day care, and if we had an economy that was in bettere shape so that so many families didn't need two (and three) incomes just to stay even, THEN these issues would go away. And remember that NO ONE criticizes men who go to work and leave their kids in someone else's care (whether it's day care or a SAHM).

You CAN do right, and you are - you have evaluated your situation and made the best choice possible for your family. THe other woman has, hopefully, made the best choice possible for her situation. She is just as insecure in her own life, and so she highlights her sacrifices. You are looking at your finances, and so you highlight your sacrifice (leaving your child in daycare so you can earn a salary). The fact is, you are BOTH RIGHT. You don't have to accept her judgment of you, and she cannot make you feel guilty unless you let her.

You can let her statements go, or you can say something that builds a bridge - "I know, it's so hard for each of us to make the decision that works best. No matter what we choose, it involves sacrifices. We all need to support each other even if we choose different paths."

Good luck!

Let them go if they don't really bother you. However, if they annoy you, you should say something. If I was in your situation, I'd tell her (I assume your daycare provider) that not everyone is in the same situation(maybe you live in a apartment and can't run a day care out of it, etc.) but your happy for her that she's been able to work out a wonderful solution to her needs.
I don't know it that will work for you but I hope it helps.

Hi A.,

First of all - don't EVERY feel guilty about anything you do, as long as it's for all the right reasons =0) Sounds like you're doing just fine hun!

I totally understand why you had to do, what you did. But I also understand why your friend did what she did. You're not selfish - However, I"m the same as your friend - My husband is the sole provider & we get by ok. We'd be doing fabulously if I were working - even part time! But I won't. My husband & I decided that I will be a stay at home mom until my youngest is in kindergarten - and then it's only part time b/c we feel that I need to be physically/emotionally/mentally capable to help my kids w/school work, etc when they come home. (Ofcourse he helps out a TON - I was truly blessed with a wonderful husband)

My point is that what WE do (me stay at home so I can be with my kids & I don't get to eat out all the time or buy nice things all the time - I make LOTS of sacrifices - and I'm totally ok with it, so is my hubby) - we do this because it's what we believe in & what we both agree on & it's what happens to work for us. That's it. We're not right OR wrong. This is just the way we roll - end of story.

You went back to work, that's GREAT!!! There's nothing wrong with that either!!! IT WORKS FOR YOU!!!! And that's what's best for your family right now - if not always. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

My mom stayed home with me & my 2 brothers for as long as I can remember, but once my dad got home, after some time anyway, she worked at night waitressing! She was still home with us all day, waitressed at night to make her money, got little sleep but was a WONDERFUL mother. =0)

My girlfriend is a mom of 2 - a newborn & a 6yr old - both boys. She's a nurse & works CRAZY hours - 7pm-3am or 11pm to 7am!!!! And her husband is a cop & he works the night shift! 4pm - 12am!!! THEY MAKE IT WORK!!!

So basically - there's no right or wrong. Take a deep breath, hold your head up mama & smile! You're doing fine & just ignore people & if you feel the need to comment back - just say "Oh i know - everyone has their own issues to deal with - and in the end it's all the same - everyone struggles, stresses & makes sacrifices - all are different, but we're all doing the same thing" and end it.

Enjoy your day!!!

OH MY GOODNESS - How dare anyone say anything about your choice/obligation to return to work!!! I work part time and it ripped my heart out to return to work even though I had a family member watching my son, but like you it was necessary. Sometimes the biggest sacrifice that we working mothers make is returning to work so that our child has the comfort and stability that each child deserves. I mean, whomever it was that decided to open their mouths, would they like to send your daughter to college? Would they like to pay your heat bill this winter? As long as your child is in a nurturing environment during the weekdays there is NOTHING wrong with returning to work! Please, please, don't give in to the guilt that this "super mom" woman is inflicting on you - it is ok to feel your own guilt, not someone else's.....

PS: she probably yells at her child like a banshee!! ;)

People are ignorant. I don't know why people are cruel, it must just be ignorance. The next time someone says something about working verses not working, just reply that everyone has to make the choice for themselves and what they feel is right for their family.
I have four children, 2 sets of 2 children 15 years apart. With the first two, I stayed home with them, we had limited contact with other youngsters due to constraints on our budget. The second two, I put them in daycare and worked. All four children are well adjusted and have great social skills. The first two children though, were followers and were easily lead down roads no one wants their children down. The second two are leaders and know who they are and have strong opinions about society, friends, values and morals. I love all of them equally, wouldn't change them for the world, but I wonder what happened? Just a follow up, the first two have families of their own and are good parents and have happy lives now.
Don't feel guilty, there is no right or wrong. Love who you are and take care of your family, you can't control other peoples ignorance.

Let it go...we all have our reasons for why we do things. Some of us can make sacrifices, but we still need 2 incomes. We all have different financial situations and commitments, so no worries. I could not resist a sarcastic comeback though to respond to her judgmental views.

I dont know why women do this to each other. It is never easy to leave your child to go back to work but for most women its a necessary thing. Sometimes you can make all the financial sacrifices you can think of and still not be able to make ends meet.
I would just say that this is what works for you and your family and what works for her is great too. I think that stay at home mmothers can be envious of mothers who get "adult Time" and working mothers crave the time with their children that stay at home moms get. I wish women wouldnt be so catty and judgemental of one anothers choices. We should be trying to help one another through motherhood not make it harder.

Ugh, people are annoying and that was rude of that peson. I am sure she didn't intend to be rude, but she sure was. We all make scarifices as moms.

Keep it simple. Be proud of your choices. I have said on many occasions to people "there are many ways to be a great mom and zero ways to be a perfect one".

From a mom who stays home with her 3 littles ones (4,3, 1), but probably won't forever.

Keep up the good work.
T.

Yikes. I am about to go back to work and am tortured by it. If someone said this to me, it would just feel like they stabbed me. My baby is just 3 months. I will have to pre-think of a response to comments like that so I am prepared.

For what it's worth, my mom says (she used to run a daycare center) that children in really good daycares do better than kids who are not - because they learn, are stimulated, are able to attach to another person. I try to remember that when it really hurts.

You have every right to be upset. This was very rude and not necessary. Every mom has a choice to make and no matter what you choose to do, someone will tell you you are making a mistake. Only you can really decide what to do. My advice is just ignore people like this. Just like all the different people who give you advice on everything else about raising a child (breast feed or bottle, when to begin solids, what kind of diapers, and so on), you have to decide what is right for you, so stay strong in your decision and do what you have to do.

Don't even listen to people like that.You are doing what you have to do and your daughter will be fine. We'd all love to be stay at home moms, but it's not always possible and insensitve people think they need to give advice. Both you and your little one will adjust quickly and be happier for doing what you have to. As long as she knows you love her and you give her quality time when you are together that's what counts.I've been teaching little ones for 25 years and the one thing I've never heard or thought is "Oh, I bet he/she has a working mom." So, ignore the know it alls and give that baby lots of hugs and kisses and all will be well.

Stay strong!! You are doing what is right for you and your daughter. Going back to work is the sacrifice that YOU are making to give her the life she should have! My daughter is just 10 months and much to my disappointment circumstances are forcing me back to work next week for the first time since she's been born. I don't want to leave her but I have to. And that is the decision that I made for me and her. Period. If someone has a problem with that...TOO BAD!! Enjoy every moment with your LO and DO NOT allow this person make you feel bad for being a great mom. She is probably being mean to cover for insecurities. Take care and good luck to you!!

Let them go! What works for one may not work for another. Everyone is different and you need to do what works for you. You also have to do what you have to do. The majority of mothers have another job outside the home these days. People who feel the need to judge or try and push their own ideals on others are insecure about their own choices. Be secure in the fact that you are working very hard for your family to have all that they need. You are not just a mother and in having a job you show your children that they can do anything. There was a time when women had no choice but to stay home with the children and now it's practically a necessity to have a second job. Take comfort that you are capable of doing both and that your family will benefit greatly from your hard work!

Let it go, and even more so, don't discuss your choices with other people who are not supportive.

it wasn't clear who you had this conversation with - if it's someone with whom you interact on a regular basis, it's probably worth responding once and then making it clear that the two of you have made different choices and you need her to respect yours. if it was from a casual acquaintance, it's probably not worth responding.

the first day is hard, the first week is hard, and eventually you'll get into a routine. knowing that you have a safe and loving place for her to be during the day is extremely important.

My 10 month old has been going to daycare since she was 4 months. She loves it. Some days she doesn't want to come home with me she's having so much fun. I think it's great for kids to learn to be with other kids. They need the stimulation and experiences that they can't get staying at home. I'd say to that woman, "Thats too bad your child has to be home all day."

You must really care about the person that made that comment to waste the little bit of upset you have on her. You do not need a stranger to validate your decision. The core people in your life are those whose opinion should matter to you. Please don't be upset, that will take away the time you should be using to daydream about your beautiful girl and laugh about the thing you couldn't laugh at when she did them because you had to redirect her. Chin up, you're the best judge of what's right for your family now

A.,

I know exactly how you feel. My three year old daughter has been in an in-home daycare since she was three months old. I can't tell you how many times over the past years I've heard comments about how moms should stay home because it's best for the child. My husband and I have great salaries and we're not big spenders but in this economy it's still difficult.
I won't lie to you, the first few months were really difficult but I can't tell you how happy we are that she's in her little daycare. She is extremely loved by her provider and is so well taken care of. When I pick her up at the end of the day we're excited to see each other and we spend our evenings completely devoted to "family time".
Wether you work or stay home (also a ton of work!)being a mom is the most difficult job but the most rewarding one you'll ever have. It's a tough balancing act (I haven't even begun to master it!) and society puts a lot of pressure on us to be perfect.
Honestly, I've just learned to ignore those comments. Unfortunately, they don't go away. If you're not being critiqued about working full time they'll critique you about something else. You're setting a wonderful example for your daughter. Our girls hopefully will have more choices when they're starting their own families. My mom worked and I think my sister and I turned out great. Plus, I sleep better at night knowing that I'm making a little extra that's going towards her college fund, the bills, and emergencies like an unexpected illness.
Don't second guess you're decisions. It sounds like you're daughter is doing great. Enjoy the time you have with her. It goes so fast.
Sofia

Hi A.,
please try not to feel guilty about going back to work.. everyone's situation is unique and choosing how to juggle all the new demands and responsibilities is a very personal process.. thankfully, kids/babies are very resilient and adaptable to whatever nurturing environment they're placed in. it sounds like your one year old is in good hands and happy, and you can feel good about your choice to work. It takes just a little time in getting used to leaving your baby.. and that will get easier, for sure. But as long as you know in your heart that you're doing what you need to do, at this time.. don't worry what others may think.. If anyone makes you feel like they are judging you in some way, then trust me, they have their own issues, and should worry about themselves.. This is a challenging enough time for moms and new moms.. make it easier on yourself and don't even let that person make you angry.. your too busy!
best of luck,, and take care of yourself as well. L.

I had to go back to work at 5 1/2 weeks. My sacrifice to stay home would have meant: not eating, having to sell my house and not having health insurance for my little one or myself. For the woman who says she makes "sacrifices" for her child to stay home, tell her that you are making a sacrifice by going to work so that your child can eat, be clothed and have a roof over her head. I have no tolerance for anyone who belittles us as working mothers. I do what I have to in order to support my daughter and there is no shame in that. You go girl!!!!!!!!!!

you have every right to be upset - That person was WAY OUT OF LINE! in a perfect world many of us mothers of young children who work outside the home would stay home while our children are young, but there are probably just as many who would not. I wouldn't work if i didn't have to but i know that my sister would. Women can be very undermining of other women when we make "choices" that they don't agree with. I get so sick of hearing from these "sacrificing moms" give me a break. it is wonderful that you can survive on one income, but the vast majority of families can't get by on one income. Do they EVER fault the father's of young children for returning to work to provide for the family needs? I know when had to go back to work part-time when my daughter was 4 months old that it killed me a little bit every day i left her. but the alternative would have been no home, no food, no insurance etc. We all do what is best for us and our families and self-righteous witches who undermine moms who work outside the homes for whatever reason should keep their opinions to themselves. there will ALWAYS be someone who will tell you that you are doing the wrong thing when it comes to parenting - stick with the people who support your choices!

Hello there. Wow, there are a lot of comments saying that you should let it go. Good for those women, I wish I could be more like them. I, on the other hand, get my back up at comments like the one that woman made to you about her not working and staying home with her kids. I am a single Mom, always have been, and I was lucky enough that my mother watched my son. But it was still hard for me to leave him to go to work! This woman that you speak about, I don't know if she is a friend or just an acquaintance but, either way, if she brings it up again, I feel you can say something if you feel like it. You can be fresh and say: "Jesus Christ, would you give it up already! Yeah, you are at home, you are a better mother than me. Are you happy now?!" Or calmer, "Look, you mentioned this before and the bottom line is that I WORK. And will CONTINUE to work, so I think it is pointless for you to keep mentioning about you make sacrifices so that you can stay at home with your kids. That's you, but not me." OR, as the others say, you can let it go over your head. But if it bothered you once, it will bother you again. Just go over it in your head and practice what to say - You will know what to say, or what not to say if confronted again. Practice and then put it out of your mind and don't let it bother you again, don't think of it again unless confronted. You can't waste your thoughts over lousy people like that woman. Good luck and much happiness to you. And don't worry, everything will work out. My son is 17 now and a great kid! Yours will be too!

So many people made really good comments - from you are setting a great example for you daughter to understanding that the comment might not have meant to be rude. With my first child (who is now 23), I worked part time and we struggled financially (but were not poor). I made a similar comment to a friend who was fretting that she had to go back to work. I meant to show her that there were alternatives available to her - but she couldn't not imagine giving up the McMansion house, Volvo, brand names, or eating out.

The fact is that you are JUST back to work and it hurts. I'm off in the summer and work only two days a week during the academic year - but at the end of August, I feel horrible leaving my 3 year old in childcare. I left him the NICU for 3 1/3 months when he was born and hate leaving him. Yet, in a few weeks I am okay and know I'm a better mom for working. As you work through this difficult adjustment, you and your family will figure out if it is the right choice for you or if there are creative/drastic changes that would allow for a different situation. Trust yourself and your daughter.

I would suggest having a few statements filed away in the back of your mind just in case you need it. It helps to have it on the tip of your tongue so it just rolls off, as others' comments roll off your back.

Good luck and don't beat your self up!

Hi,
One thing I have learned since I have had children is that everyone has advice to give you. Mother in laws, friends, people in the grocery store they all have something to say.
As long as you and your baby are happy, take them with a grain of salt.
I had people making me feel guilty for not breastfeeding and after my 2nd and 3rd child were born about going back to work.
But all three of my children we healthy and happy bottle babies and not unlike you I found an angel to watch them.
They were safe and content and I would always look forward to picking them up after a tough day at work.
I have learned that as long as my hubby and I agree that is all that matters.

You can't second guess yourself. If these comments bother you so much- you need to investigate why. Make sure you are completely happy with your decision to work. If you are confident in your decision these comments won't bother you.
Many mothers have to work, many don't have to but choose to, and others choose to stay home. It's all a matter of what is right for you and your family. Staying home shouldn't be a sacrifice- it should be a joy. If your friend is making these comments and calling it a sacrifice- perhaps she is unhappy with her decision as well?
I stay home with my children and work part time at a nature center as an educator. I only work when I can bring my children along. It works well for me. But if it didn't or if we were unhappy I would not hesitate to make a change. I am lucky that my husband can support our family on his income alone.
We all second guess ourselves at some point. We just need to assess our decisions and be happy with them.
I say- just smile and nod when people make these comments. Your silence will say volumes and the advice snob will get the message that her comments are falling on deaf ears.
Good luck,
S.

Hi, I wouldnt respond, just know in your heart that you are doing the right thing for your family and situation. I have been both and right at the moment I am staying home, I have been home for almost 4 years and I would give anything to be able to go back to work. I was a working mother for my first child for 6 years and I personally think I was a better mother when I worked./ I have 3 boys now and another due in Nov, that is why I stay home( paying daycare for 3 is not feesable).Befor I stayed home I worked very closely with the public and in about 70% of the people I encountered that stayed home had children that were less well behaved than the people who worked outside of the home. I am certainly not knocking stay at home moms, because this is the hardest job anyone could have and thats why I think it makes children that are a little less than well behaved. When you are dealing with them all day, I know in my case and others I have observed you tend to give in more because you cant battle all day long, so you end up choosing your battles and letting some of it go( just to keep your sanity).With my first I had a lot more energy and patience the second half of the day because I was at worked and not dealing with it all day. I looked forward to the time I had with him and now I seem to look forward to the time I can get a break from them( wich by the way doesnt happen often, sad when you look forward to an internal at the obgyn cause you cant bring them with you for that)LOL.Good luck and dont feel bad about your personal choice, take the good that comes from it and enjoy your time with your daughter( I know you will).

everyone has to do what is right for their own family and their own situation. no one has the right to judge, unfortunately some do, or make comments that are hurtful. the person who said that is not in your shoes and does not know what it is like to be you or a part of your family. Be confident that you are doing what is perfect for you and your family, especially if everyone seems to be doing well.

I went through the same thing when I went back to work when my daughter was three months old. At first I would get angry and make comments back. But, now I just know that I'm doing what I have to for my family. You don't need to respond, it's nobody's business but your own. And don't feel guilty. A lot of moms have to work, and their kids don't love them any less for it.

Although I am currently a SAHM, I do feel your pain. It seems as women and mothers we can do no right these days. I often have to defend my decision to stay home and almost constantly feel guilty that I am not helping to provide financially for my family. I know however that as soon as I do go back to work I will catch flack for working instead of caring for my kids and then I will feel guilty about that! It seems a mom can do no right these days! Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with your choice to go back to work. Your daughter will be FINE in daycare and you are being a great role model for her. Someday she will admire all your hard work. If you can't get your friend to understand or stop her comments, I would end the friendship. Stay at home or go to work, the guilt of mommyhood is overwhelming enough without "friends" making you second guess these already difficult choices. Good luck and stay confident! You are a wonderful mother and your daughter loves you and in the end, that is all that matters.

I'm sorry you had someone make such a rude comment to you. You are doing what you have to do for your baby. It doesn't mean you love her any less than someone who stays home with their child. Don't let that person's comments get to you. A big hug to you, hang in there!

As long as there have been working moms, there have been stay at home moms criticizing them for working.
Obviously she truly doesn't 'have' to work or she would be.
I'd totally ignore her comments or just say something like "Its nice that you chose something that works for your family." and leave it at that.

I'm glad you found someone to watch your daughter that you trust and who loves her.

I've worked throughout my children's lives...still do... because I had no other choice. My 3 are happy well adjusted teens now.

I know how you feel and there is nothing that you can do im sure. We have cut many many corners and when it came down to it i still have to work full time i was lucky enough to have worked part time till my son was six mo old and i have been back full time since then. people really need to be more understanding times are hard right now and even people who made it work before cant now. you are doing nothing wrong your baby wont benifit from the finacial stress you would experiance if you didnt work you can still provided the same love and support as if you stayed at home

A.,
I'm sorry to hear about your stress and feelings of guilt. But I don't think you should let people bother you so much. I think you should do what ever you think is best. And it sounds like even though you would prefer to be at home with your daughter the best thing is for you to be back at work because of financial constraints. I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home with my son. But I felt guilty for not going back to work for financial reasons as well as pressure from coworkers to go back. But I think I made the best decision for me and my family. No one should tell you what to do, only you can. I just want to give you some words of encouragement so you know that you are doing the right thing and should not feel guilty. I hope this helps. Good luck!

A.

I suffer the same problem on many different levels. The important thing to remember is that everyone's situation is different and your only concern should be what works for you and your family. I simply respond to such statements as..."I am glad to hear that you are happy and have found a way to make things work for you...just as my decision to take the route I have chosen is what works best for me and my family". I have always lived by the theory that everything happens for a reason. My current situation may be tough on me for the moment; however, I know that something good will come of it down the road.

It's not clear who this person was or why you were discussing your finances with her, and it's not clear that she did anything more than tell you what she did in order to stay home, but it seems to me that you set yourself up for this one.

IMHO, you have every right to be upset about leaving your daughter. But that's it.

You were clearly upset with having to go back to work, and she explained what she did to avoid doing so. It doesn't mean that her choices would work for you. And it doesn't mean than your choices would be right for her. You feel upset that you think she considers you selfish. She may feel that you consider her irresponsible.

Now, that said, everyone has their own financial tolerance level. You really shouldn't discuss your finance with other people unless you are prepared for them to give their opinions.

A., Sadly when it come to being a parent, people are constantly giving their two cents worth; about what it's worth. As your childs mom YOU ALWAYS KNOW what is BEST!! If you need to work for the best for your family then that is going to be what is best for your child. I have friend who have to work, choose to work, choose not to work, one thing we all have in common is we are all moms and want what is best for our children. Some people do not have a "filter" when they talk to people and for those people out there we just have to let it go in one ear and right out the other. You may be a little sensitive to their comments presently due to the heartache y9ou experience in letting your child go and that is perfectly normal with a mom who loves here baby!!! You need to take back YOUR POWER as your childs mom and know whole hearterly you are doibhg what YOU knopw is best and repond with "hum! that's something to think about" chuck the info and move on!!! Good job mom. Mother of 4 teenage son's, it took my years to realize MOM KNOWS BEST, meaning YOU!! ~W. m~

It is really hard when people make comments NO matter what your decision is and what theirs is.. I would TRY not to let it bother you, and just let it go.. if you respond, they know they've gotten to you.. and although it is hard, you'll be the better person... or say "yeah, everyone's situation is different"... This person - whoever she is - might be feeling defensive and also probably gets a lot of comments regarding her situation and also feels judged. I do both - work from home - so I work AND stay home.. it is never easy and trust me, no matter what you'd end up doing, people will always make comments.. I think we all feel M. guilt from people... Hope that helps! : ) You're doing the best for your family and situation and just try and remember that...

I think you have every right to respond. Every choice comes with consequences and those consequences are different for each family. For me, I am very fortunate that I can be a stay at home mom without it effecting us too much financially but like I said I am fortunate- if staying at home created a strain on us financially or made it uncomfortable for us to do the things we enjoy I think I would be back at work. The economy is too hard right now for any of us Mom's to put pressure on each other for the choices we make. As long as your daughter is happy and healthy and you are happy and healthy tell everyone else to put their opinions back in their mouth and swallow!!!

My response to people like that is, "That may have worked for you, but I looked at all my options, and this is what I have to do for my family." My 3 yo boy (3 today!)is well adjusted and socially adept, and has been in a home day care since he was 3 months old.

I have often felt guilty when talking with mothers who make their own diapers, or able to puree their own baby food. I would love to be able to do these things, but since I have to work, I have to accept that I can't. He still loves me, eats well, is learning to potty train, sleeps well, and so on.

It's YOUR family and YOUR choices - and only you know what will work best for your family.

Let it go. Its tough leaving them off while you go to work. I know. In the begining when we were in between sitters, i left her with a new person & i cried 1/2 the day. We found our permanent sitter a few months later, & they're great! People need to work. With the economy & the way of the world today, you need 2 incomes. Its a tough choice to go back to work, but only YOU can decide what is right for your family! :)

A. Relax ,you can't take these things to heart.Some people will tell you things with good intentions and some won't.Take sin what's right and scrap the rest.People say things for all sorts of reasons.Generational,Cultural,self righteousness,jealousy,ignorance.Pick one.You need to keep your sanity for your baby and yourself.I've been a working mother and a stay at home.You will always feel uneasy about both.I didn't have a choice when I had to work.Just make sure when you are with your baby it's quality time when available,and you are not preoccupied with other things.Do your best and forget about the rest.Time is to short.Enjoy your baby before you know they're grown.I have a boy that turned 18 last week.And two weeks ago my girl turned 6. Stay Well

I am guessing this woman made this comment because she has no idea how hard it is for you to go back. I think there is this perception that all working moms work because they want to, but in my experience and many who I know they work because they want to have the security to do things like pay the house payment (something that you can't cut back on!!!) Oh yah, and we have all the same responsibilities that stay at home moms have and 8-10 hours less during the day to get them taken care of! It is possible that the woman who said this was trying to make you feel better because she meant that she has to make some sacrifices to stay home(so she isn't bragging that she lives in the lap of luxury and stays home) But still, she has no idea of the pain you are going through or she would never have said that. If it helps, everyone says it is much more painful for the mom than the child when she goes back to work, and studies actually prove that children in daycare have a higher vocabulary,etc. and that more than anything else it is the parent's interaction with the child that makes a bigger impact (despite whether or not the child is in daycare)

Sometimes the element of surprise is the best and most "satisfying" answer! If you've ever read Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs or Baby Laughs (I HIGHLY recommend) you'd know what I mean. Make a wise comment back like "Yeah, I don't like making sacrifices for my kid" and walk away! In the book "Baby Laughs" she says that a woman was questioning "why isn't he crawling yet, is there something wrong with him?" and "are you encouraging him?". Jenny's response was "No, we throw him in a chicken cage and night and throw seeds at him". HAHA. Some people just think that their selfish comments don't can possibly hit hard enough! So...rather than let their stupidity get to you...make a stupid comment back. You'll feel better!

A.:
In the words of Bill Clinton, I feel your pain. It is tough at first and I found I had these feelings off and on for the first several months after returning to work but I think there is a lot of upside to your situation. For one, you are showing your children that women have worth in the work force and that should not be discounted. Obviously, your infant doesn't get that now but later in life that will shine through. You will have shown by example that women can be what they want to be. While it is hard during infancy, when your child reaches about 2 or so, they will probably really enjoy school. I have 2 boys, now 3 and 6, and the older my first born got, the less he wanted us to take him from daycare! The boys have made great friends and do very well in group settings. They are not so anxious separating from us in other settings such as sports lessons. But don't think they are so dictated in their days that they have "lost" the ability to play. To the contrary, daycare provides lots of play time- it is like one big playdate! Additionally, daycare offers a far more diverse range of play and stimuli than I know I could ever manage or afford. Our daycare has a weekly theme and they do activities relating to that theme. As the children get older, the activities are tailored to their age so they are learning more and more. My husband and I are always amazed at the things our boys have learned. That doesn't mean we don't talk with them about what their learning or supplement their learning ourselves because of course you can still do that. Our children (and their classmates) are all very affectionate to their parents and the love between you and your children will not be diminished at all. All that I have just said depends in large extent on who is caring for your child and I think you need to feel very comfortable with that to make you feel okay. Obviously if you feel your child is being loved and nurtured in your absence, you will feel much better about your choice. Of course the monetary aspect of your decision can't be ignored either. My husband and I decided we wanted to live in a nice, safe town with a good school system. Those don't come cheap and if we didn't have my income we couldn't do it. We thought that was a benefit worth giving to our children. One other thing that you should note, not all stay at home mom's are providing their children with great stimulus during the day. I work 4 days a week and am always surprised on my workday with my boys at how children with stay at home mom's are spending their days. I found not surrounding myself with people who made me feel bad was a big help- even changing the magazines I read from Parenting to Working Mom made a big difference. That doesn't mean you can't be with stay at home moms you just have to be with ones who aren't judgmental. It is a tough decision for every woman and I think woman second guess their decision whether they return to work or not. We are a guilty species by nature! It may help to connect with women at work who have young children. It will probably make you feel a lot better. I sure hope so!!

Just ignore the statements. Only you know what you are capable of doing and if you are doing what is necessary to keep a happy home, whether it is financially or whatever, then you should not feel insecure about your decision.
If your primary focus is your child and family, then whatever choice you make is no one else's business! I went from a high paying management job to a part-time clerical job so that I could still help with the bills, but have a little extra time with the kids. People thought I was crazy for that and couldn't understand why I would throw away the career path that I was on. So, no matter what choice you make, there are always others that feel the need to cut you down...it just makes them feel better about themselves...a sign of insecurity on their part.
Ignore, ignore, ignore them. They obviously had enough income coming in to be able to do that or they wouldn't have made that choice.
Good luck!
raelynn
www.kizcomfort.com

Just let it go...
In such a financially insecure time, it seems funny that so many others have extra "pennies" to share! See --- here I am, putting my 2 cents in!!!
Honestly, just let the comments go. I try to look at it this way: Plenty of people have things to say --- once the comment is out there, the ball is then in your court as to how to handle it --- and how you will let it affect you. So don't let it get to you. I'm sure you made your decision with a lot of love and thought.
Travel the high road.

I think you should just let it go. People are always going to have their opinion on what they think is right or wrong. You know what you have to do for your family to survive and you are doing it. That alone makes you a great mother. There are plenty of women that sit at home and take care of their kids, and it is a full time job. But it doesn't make sense to drive yourself into poverty, you will be the one to raise your child not the babysitter. My mother worked when I was growing up and I love her no less. Be proud of your decision to work, you are giving your daughter a wonderful example.

My advice. Don't listen. When someone responds like that just politely say, "I am glad that you found something that works for you." And don't explain yourself anymore. Every one of us is faced with choices on a daily basis........sometimes second-guessing ourselves. Your feelings sound like you love your daughter very much, AND that you feel you have found someone competent and loving to take care of her so that you can go back to provide for her. Do what works for you.......... eventually people will calm down about it.

A.-

We all make choices someone else will find fault with! If this is what works for you and your daughter is in good hands, then have no worries and keep doing what your doing!
YOU are the only person living YOUR life and do what is right for you and your daughter! Remember the old saying, "opinions are like @ssholes, and everyones got one"!

Much luck,
S.

A., DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what you feel is necessary for the wellbeing of your family. I returned to work when my oldest daughter was 8 weeks old--not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. After my son was born three years later, I was back at work in 6 weeks. My children are grown up now, but they didn't "suffer" as a result of my working. If anything, it made me a better mom, because I was careful to not waste a moment of the time that I did have with them. After a little while, it was clear to me that I was spending more "quality" time with them, because I cherished the time even more. I was also able to have enough $$$ to do things with them that I wouldn't have been able to afford if I wasn't working.
I also heard the comments, my response was "you do what you need to do for your family and I won't criticize you, and I'll do what I feel is best for my family and you can stop criticizing me, OK?"
Above all, follow your own heart, and as long as you have someone you can trust with your daughter, don't let others make you feel guilty. (My kids got a new "Auntie"--the babysitter!! They still love her and they're in their 30's.)
Good Luck, M.

I think you handled it properly. There is no reason to make it worse, but you are justified in your feelings. I get reactions like that all the time where people feel bad for me and my situation .... and I'm like "Why. My life is good, tough but good and my baby is happy." It always hard to leave your baby, there will be days that you are ok and days that you are sad, but knowing she is in a safe enviroment with someone who is taking care of her properly will ease your mind.

Oh my gosh - it's funny that you wrote that because I was just talking to my friends yesterday because I feel so guilty for being a stay at home mom! I feel like I should be contributing more financially.

Neither decision is an easy one. There are plusses and minuses to each, but it's YOUR decision. We have to make to decision that's works for our individual families. Lots of moms don't have a choice - they have to work to support their families, but even if they want to work outside of the home - it's her choice!

I wish I had a witty comment for people who make you feel bad. Just remember that you love your daughter and you are her best mommy!

If you can answer the following question with a confident "yes", then there is no need to second guess or feel guilty about your choices in life. "Am I doing what is best for my family?"
As a group, women need to support each other. The current trend of "stay at home mom vs. working mom" judgemental nonsense needs to stop. Take care.

Hi A., I wouldn't respond to it. Everyone has to make their own decisions and your daughter will be just fine. A little abscence will also make the heart grow even fonder and you will cherish and value your time with her even more.
Best of Luck in all you do! Keep your chin up!

Please don't feel guilty! People will tell you you've done the wrong thing, no matter what you've chosen: working/staying at home, natural childbirth/pain meds, nursing/not nursing. Ultimately everyone makes the best choices for themselves and their families!

Hello A.,

Sometimes you just need to ignore them. I'm a working mother of a beautiful 2 year old and had to drop her off at daycare at the age of 3 months, so you were lucky that you could wait a year. Some people just have it easier than others and it's those who make the mean, nasty comments. They don't understand that without that extra income some people can't pay the mortgage or buy food. We make sacrafices as well but I want my daughter to grow up in a loving, caring home, that's what's important. They don't understand the torment we go thru leaving our children and haveing to go back to work. These are the people who are obviously not our friends or people who care about our feelings. So, just ignore them, they are the ignorant one's whom obviously get off by being mean, otherwise why make a mean comment knowing it kills us inside. My daughter is very happy at her in-home daycare and has friends that will be with her forever, not to mention that she talked sooner and knows how to play wiht others better by being there. So there are plus sides. Be strong with your decisions and ignore them.

C. :)

Unfortunately, people just don't know when to close their mouth. You will learn as a mom that you just have to let a lot go in one ear and out the other. A lot of women argue this subject. You can even read in some of the responses that some women have very strong opinions about one choice or the other. I personally have been a stay at home mom and I have also worked full time while I had kids. Each is very difficult for it's own very different reasons. When I worked I always envied SAHM because I thought their lives were easier with so much more time to get everything done. Once I started staying at home I realized that the extra time was also time that the kids were now home and not in daycare. It's amazing how much more the house can get destroyed when the kids are home and have the whole day to make a mess. The truth is that being a mom is one of the toughest jobs whether you stay home or you go to work.People have to respect your decision and moms should be supporting eachother rather than trying to put others down.