My Work Hours Have Changed and I Am Feeling Guilty

M.,
Whoever said you are doing something wrong and should feel guilty is rude. I firmly believe that every household is different and has different needs. As long as you are doing your best to raise your child you are not a bad mom. My main parenting goal is to raise my child to know Jesus as her savior. There are parents at my church that homeschool, public school, private school, stay home, work, send to childcare, send to in home child care, etc. and sometimes they try to tell other parents what they should do and I think that is wrong. I personally enjoy working part time and next year my daughter will be at a private school and I will work while she is at school. While this works for me, that doesn't mean it is best for everyone. I am sometimes jealous of the moms that homeschool but I know that my child is getting a better education at her private school and that I don't have the patience to give her the education she needs.
Please, do not feel guilty. BUt if you are truly unhappy find a situation that will work best for your family. Not because other people are judging you but because it is right for your family.

I am also a teacher and work about the same hours. Guilt is always on a mother's mind, especially when you work around children all day. It makes you think of your own. Just remember you also have your summers which most children or parents do not get the benefit of.
The woman who said you should feel guilt is wrong. You feel guilt because you ARE a good mother! Remember that your child is also being exposed to a wonderful learning experience while in child care. Stop feeling guilty and enjoy your evenings, quality over quantity!

Please keep your head up. I'm really glad that you at least get to be home with your son by 4:30, so you have a few hours until bed time. I dream of living in the time where moms just got to be at home, but now-a-days, it sometimes is just impossible.

To the woman who replied that mothers should be at home and do anything to be there, I agree. BUT, sometimes all of the sacrifices you can make will not make one income be enough for a family.

I think as moms, we do what we have to do. I lucked out, because I found a nanny job that allows me to bring my daughter with me to work. Even with that blessing, I still wish I could be at home with my girl in our own environment.
The money I make is extremely important to our family, and we need it to meet our monthly costs. The costs covered are just basic life needs, and very few extras. We rarely go out to eat, haven't gone to the movies for 2 years, and don't go out at night. So, even with those sacrifices, one income doesn't cut it.

I just wanted to encourage you to do the best you can. If you can cut out parts of your job to be home more, than do, because you will cherish every moment you get with your son. If you can't, then cherish what you get and work towards your dream of more time for your kids, in whatever way you can!

Hi M.,
I'm a home child care provider and there are days that I feel like I didn't spend anytime with my 2 kids that are at home or with my daycare kids. This is something that every mother feels guilty about at some point or another.
When you get home at night spend an extra 30 minutes with your son before you start the evening routine. What is important is the "quality" time that you spemd with your son not the "quanity". Your husband is right that there is no reason for you to feel guilty about working a half hour more. And neither should the parents that pick their kids up later than that.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, nor will be the "popular" vote, but I think you should feel guilty. We live in a day and age where most families put "things" in front of raising their own children. We farm them out to other people to raise so we can go to work to afford better, nicer "things". Why have children if you have no intentions on raising them? Somehow, I bet if you sat down and did a budget, you could find ways to cut back and stay home to raise your children, rather than letting someone else do it. Just because back in the "old days" women stayed home and raised their children doesn't mean that it's bad. I bet if you ask your son who he's prefer to spend his day with, being nurtured by, going on walks with, painting with, kissing his boo boo when he falls... I bet you he'd say "Mommy", not hired help! Wouldn't you prefer to spend the day with you child rather than hearing about his day from someone else? The thought of that makes me so sad. I made a sacrifice to stay home with my kids. It may not be the best thing for ME... but I know it's the best thing for my babies and my husband... I'm going to look back and have no regrets, and when I'm on my death bed I'll have so many great memories of them being babies. Like I said, my opinion will not be the popular one because our generation does know a life without daycare/preschool (or "day orphanage" as some people say). I'm sure you have a great husband who would take pride in providing for his family :-) So.. I do think you should feel guilty. I'd work nights before ever putting my precious babies that I'm so lucky to have in day care. Talk to your husband... he might surprise you. I do not think your guilt is misplaced... it's probably that voice inside you telling you that you're doing the wrong thing... I bet your mother has no regrets giving up her "career" to raise you and your siblings...

I really think the feminist movement did a disgrace to our children. I don't think women can "have it all" or have a balance. I think we make choices and it's usually our kids who lose out.

Please know that I'm not calling you a bad mother. I just think you should really listen to that "guilt".

Just have to say, Im not in your situation just know this..... Sorry you are going thru this and its normal to feel the guilt, but your not a bad mother it takes a strong women to be a mom and know she has to work to help support her family. You cant compare yourself to your mom when it comes to this issue, back then it was the MOM's JOB to stay home and it was the DAD's job to go and work and support the family. Now adays it normally takes 2 incomes to support a family these days.

You should feel good about doing your part in helping. Your son will respect you later in life knowing you did all you can to do your part in helping.

M.:

Feeling guilty is part of being a good mother. Just give him lots of extra hugs and kisses, and don't beat yourself up so much. In this day and time, we have to learn to balance work and family, and when you achieve that balance, you will truly shine in your very special career. (thank you for your committment to be a teacher)