To Cut or Not to Cut.....?

I have 5 kids as well. Honestly there are so many other battles to pick raising kids that if it is not harming him in any way let him do it.

Allowing your son to wear his hair the way he wants isn't creating a monster. It allows him to grow and become more of an individual, just as it does to give him choices on what to wear. Tell you father to think of it this way, you wouldn't be creating a monster to let him choose what colors he uses in a picture, right? Your child rearing helps dictate who your child becomes, not the hair style he has while getting there!

Good luck mom =)

Fran,

me personally,... my hair has never had any connection to my personality. I did however go through a period when Friends was first getting real popular, where i wanted to cut my hair like Rachel... because I liked it and I thought she was pretty, and I wanted to be pretty like her too...

My husband has long hair (seriously... down to his waist) - he is the nicest guy you want to meet. Unless he is looking to steal your black halloween lipstick or start wearing eyeliner, I really think the hair thing is so insignificant.

I really think that it is sad that some people make a judgement about the way a person is, based on their hair.

I can tell you, I was almost raped (it took another guy and every ounce of strength i had to get him off me) by a guy with short hair... his haircut did not define him as a better person.

I would let your son do what he wants within reason when it comes to his hair... it could be so much more extreme than simply growing it out. (like 12 inch spiked mohawk - dying it green, or going for that 'emu/goth' look...

this doesn't have to be a power play - seriously... when they get older you have to pick your battles, and we cannot oppress them simply to conform to what society wants to see... they are individuals, let him be creative... this is not one of those things that i would over think.

My kids (girls) wanted their hair short...really short - I said ok, but I really think you will regret it. they did... now both are trying to grow their hair out to the 'all one length' style they had before. but i let them choose, and told that i think they are pretty no matter what their hair looks like - they'd be beautiful even if they shaved it all off :)

I honestly dont think that you allowing your child to choose his own hair cut is going to make him a monster. I really dont think the two go hand in hand. As long as he's a good kid and you do disapline him when he does something wrong. Our parents did things differently than we do. That's why they were our parents and our children got us. Different strokes for different folks. And as far as an attitude goes, yes, it is the age, but unfortunatly he probably likes to say what's on his mind. In this day and age I think it important for the kids to have a strong mind. They have more will power to do what they want, instead of following the crowd. Hope this makes you feel better. Good luck with your dad, parents can be difficult.

Let him grow it out if he wants. It is his hair. I always say pick your battles. Like you said it is just hair. He is just growing up and wants to be like the "big" boys. My son is almost 4 and wants his hair long to just like the kids in the neighborhood. If your dad is anything like my dad, he is thinking your son is going to grow up and be out of control because he now has long hair. I think grandpa's just don't realize times have changed.

One of the things I loved the most about my parents is that they allowed us the freedom to express ourselves however we wanted as long as it was decent and followed our school dress code. At 14, I had orange hair, then green, then purple, etc. We were allowed to follow any trend we wanted as long as it was within their budget for our school clothes. I always felt that my parents understood how important it was to experiment with our identities, and I will do the same for my son. If during his summer breaks, he wants a 6 inch mohawk, so be it. At 30, I'm still doing crazy things with my hair; it's one of the few things we can truly change about our appearance with very little repercussions (it will always grow back). I think that if it's not a big deal to you, let him do what he wants. I think giving kids a little bit of control over something actually helps them be less defiant. It won't create a monster; only a total lack of discipline in other areas will, and it sounds like you are a great mom.

Hey! Being a hair stylist also, I say let him do what he wants! I also tried growing my young sons hair into a 'surfer look', but his hair wasn't looking right. But I have put in streaks of color (pink) in my 5 year old daughters hair! I agree that it is not permanent, can be changed, so who cares. It might make him feel like a big boy that he is in charge of his hair. I'm sure he will want many different looks and change his mind alot. I say let him have fun!

I have let my 6 yr old grow his hair out, and it didn't change anything other than he grew it out and I didn't have to get it cut. He actually tired of it, because the longer it got we would have to make sure that we conditioned it and all that other fun stuff and he started to hate the hassle and asked for it to be cut! If you really look around a lot of kids have LONGER hair, it's the style! Choosing their clothes and their hair styles is just such an easy thing to give them! It's not HURTING anyone, and it's not hurting them! And like other people said, why can't they express themselves a little bit? It's what we all need to learn and grow with... and no offense, but it's HAIR! LOL... I think the whole long hair rebellion is pretty OLD school.

Sounds like your dad is looking for an excuse to convince you to not let your sons hair grow out...maybe he just doesnt like it and doesnt want to say that because its easy to ignore. By his logic based on whats written, giving a child the freedom of choice creates a monster. So maybe you shouldn't let your son tell you what he wants for lunch either. I just had this argument with my mother in law with regards to my nephew wanting a mohawk. It sounds like you are doing everything right, and kids go through stages of testing their parents with attitudes. Respecting him and allowing him to make a choice about his apperance can only teach a positive lesson.

Long hair is in style for boys, and what the heck, most guys in our family end up bald by the time they're in their 30s, so why not let them enjoy it while they have it? I keep my boys' hair longish because it looks great on them, and when my fuddy-duddy male relatives nag the boys to cut it, I am sure to make a comment about how they are just jealous because they don't have theirs any more, haha.

But of course the real question you're asking isn't about hair, it's about whether your son has some sort of real issue, and it's about how to handle your dad's nosiness. I can't answer the first (although it doesn't sound like it) but I'll take a shot at the second.

I think as long as you let your dad get a rise out of you, he will continue to disrespect your parenting decisions. Remember that you are the parent and grown up now, and tell him politely and cheerfully that you appreciate the input, but you have it under control. No other explanations, no backpedaling, nothing. Just a smile and a "thanks, we'll consider that." Repeat 100 times. You have to be very consistent (hmm, just like with a child) but eventually your nosy relatives will learn to back off.

I just have an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old, so haven't yet had to deal with this, but maybe you should talk with him about the underlying reason for the haircut. Why does he want to be like those high school boys? What did he like about them? Maybe you can pull some positive things out of his desire and focus on those, to help him want to strive to be a more mature (or whatever) boy. You might also talk to him about how others will perceive him, not that that's the most important thing ever, but to think about what our appearance communicates to others. Maybe he's too young for all that, but then maybe there is a compromise between the two of you until he's a bit older? It could be part of setting small goals for him- like if he learns some skill (in school, sports, other activities or whatever) he can cut his hair how he likes. Like others have said, if it's not a huge deal, and they can't control too much in their young lives, what's the harm? I say that coming from a pretty conservative mindset overall, and I think my husband will not like it if our sons want that someday! But they have to be free to be themselves, to a certain extent right? My parents made me wait to get my ears pierced until I was 10 and could properly take care of it, and it was so exciting when the day finally came! Maybe there's something with that and your son's long hair too (like as long as he properly washes/conditions/combs it, he can keep it long, etc.), or that might be a good reason to wait until he's older. It's up to you mommy, it's about his heart and motives, not just all about appearance.
Best wishes!

What's a little long hair? Personally it would drive me mad to have my son with long hair but I don't know that I would forbid him. I wouldn't hide the fact that I don't like it but it's his hair and if he likes it that way so be it. Could just be a phase. And you can discourage it without saying no. Make him understand that long hair takes more work. He has to wash and blow dry and deal with it in his face etc. That alone could deter him after a few weeks of the hassle.

Kids have very few choices and for good reason, they can not make sound decisions without guidance. But his hair? I figure that's one he can have. It's not like he's being mean or destructive or disrepectful, he just wants to make his own decisions about his style and I think we should encourage that in our kids.

My husband had long hair before I met him (lucky for him he cut it before we met) and his mother told me how many times she thought of going in his room and cutting it while he slept. I don't think this is an uncommon thing and I can't see any harm letting him display some personal style....now when he starts talking about piercings and purple hair I may have a whole different answer for you!

Good luck!

i think you should do whatever you think is best. if he has attitude once in a while it's pretty normal, just like you said testing boundaries. my daughter is turning 6 next month and she has always been so sweet and great behavior, but now a days she has been testy. some attitude and just a touch of talking back now and again......which by the way doesn't go unnoticed or unpunished. but you can agree to let him have his long hair, he may find he doesn't like it and want to cut it anyway. and you can explain that if he acts up and gives you problems that you will have to cut it. good luck