To Have a Third Baby or Not?

When all is said and done you will never look back and say "I wish we wouldn't have had -----". But you might always regret NOT going for it.

The best advice I've gotten is "You won't regret having another, but you might regret if you decide against it."

My third was a surprise, and a breeze. She is now 2 1/2. I felt like I knew what I was doing with her, I wasn't so anxious. My older girls were big helpers. Now with the older girls being busy, (they are 9 &7), I have lots of time to spend with her even if it is in the lobby of dance or on the side of the soccer field. We were finished and had gotten rid of all the baby stuff except the crib and changing table. So we did start all over with just about everything. It was hard, but it worked. This time I knew what I really needed and what I didn't. You always have a little bit more left in you, even when you don't think you do. I was truly shocked at how hard I fell in love with my 3rd. She is the light of my life; when the older ones get mouthy and nasty, when they talk back and do things they shouldn't, I have a sweet little one to crawl up on my lap and make me feel human again.

Hi K....i think wut ever you and your husband decide will be the right choice, but you have to both be on the same page here. It will be tough financially, but i think seeing as how all yer children are young, they will not notice,and it will just be normal to them. I had my 3rd child when my boys were older (18, 15,& 5 now), so my older boys feel th cruch, and grumble. But i wouldn't change it. I don't think you can ever regret having and loving another child, regardless of finances etc..but if you choose not to, you mite always wish you had another, but then you'll look at yer 2 lil ones now ( and later when they are bigger) and smile and be just as happy. So,no right or wrong choice. GL and god Bless

Well K.. It's good that your husband is open to the discussion. But it's not about being ready. If it is going to be it will. Remember we have no control. All children are a gift(blessing). In these tough times alot of moms are returning to work outside of the home in order to help our spouses. So don't feel bad about that. We all want the best for all our families and wish others the best too. If it helps, I'm a home childcare provider too of 12 years and yes I've been blessed to stay home with my children 3 girls 21,19 18 1/2 and a son who's 10. But times have changed to where I'm now looking for work outside the home to assist my husband of 10 years together 15. So it has hit us all. Also with the cuts from Ohio Deptartment of Jobs and Family Services and families can't meeting their pay what choice do I have? Now on the flip side my husband doesn't want me to work outside the home and that's HARD for me. Esp. when I'm have 2 degrees. I'm wondering have they all gotten a little SPOILED from mom being home. Plus if it(having 3) was easy it wouldn't be worth it. My oldest 2 daughters are adopted. At the time I had only 1 child (my biological daughter) who is now the third child and then 10 years later, got married adopted two and had a son. So no time is right or wrong.

A LITTLE ABOUT ME: Married to a wonderful man, mother of 4, A Stay home, self employed mom.

I've read that going from one to two is harder than going from two to three or more. After one you should have all of the basics for a baby and if you have one of each sex, you really shouldn't need much more in the way of clothes. A two bedroom house will be a bit tight, but it's not impossible.

I say go for it! If the desire is in your heart, it will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't follow through.

I haven't read through the other responses, but since my sister just gave birth to her third, I thought I'd give ya some things to think about. First of all, don't feel guilty about making your decision based on finances, your marriage or whatever! My sister had not planned on having any more children...and while they love Beau dearly, it is going to be a strain on them both financially and just the time she has with them. She works fulltime and her other two kids are ages 6 and 18 months. Fortunately, we have a very good family who is VERY supportive. My mom is essentially their babysitter.

Secondly, she's already talked about how much differently the third one is than the first two. You are now outnumbered....and so you cannot literally spend the same time with each of them....because there are only two parents! It is already a little tough on my 18 month old because she still needs some hands on attention, but Mom won't be able to always give it now that there's a new baby. Is it possible? Sure! Lots of people manage 3 and more kids just fine. I believe your tactics change a lot and you learn what works.

I have two girls and they are 5 years apart and at ages 18 and 13. Do I ever wish I could have another baby? Oh sure...but I also feel really good about being able to spend as much time with each of them as I did. I didn't work most of the time, but I would think that if you are having some guilt over your time with them now, a third one might really overwhelm you. I have enjoyed every single stage of my girls' lives. Even now as teenagers, I love it! And, I am glad to be free now to spend quality time with them whereas if I had a third, it would be a little tougher.

My final point is this: whatever you decide, feel good about it and don't let anyone tell you differently! Once you and hubby decide, then be confident with your choice. Some people do great with a lot of kids and some enjoy just a couple. Either way, you'll love them all and you'll manage just fine!!!

Hope this helps! Best wishes to you!!!
K.

Both of my sisters have three kids, and I have two. Watching them, I have to say that three are definitely harder than two. We thought about having a third, but just couldn't swing it financially. Sometimes I get that little "hmm, maybe we should have ..." feeling. But mostly, I love the size of my family, and once your kids get older you realize all the expenses you have - daycare is nothing compared to braces, pay-to-play fees, and college!

Just thought I'd weight in w/ my pov since most of the responders have 3+ kids. Good luck with your decision.

I am probably going to make your dilemna worse, but here goes...
I have three adopted kids. When I only had one I wanted another one, and then I got two more. A person has two arms, not three and there is definately a point where the third child is a little too much; too much to do, too many things to buy, not enough of mom.

On the other hand, it seems like only yesterday that I wondered if I would survive three kids within five years, and now they are teenagers and never home and I am wondering why I did not go for five kids when that was how many I originally wanted. I'm lonely.

OK, now I will suggest you pray about it.

good luck,
L.

I have a third child and am carrying a fourth. I would say that the hardest "mommy" adjustment for me was going from one to two. Once you master sharing mommy between two, you can do it with just about any number! There are some sacrifices, but that is the same with any sibling ratio.

Financially, I started working from home so that I could "afford" the 3rd child. Daycare was too expensive with 3 kids in all day childcare. But, you are right.....there really isn't a "good financial time" to have another child. But, there are times better than others to have another child. You may have to shop at different stores, eat different food, and drive a different vehicle. But, imo the joys of parenthood are far better than the money I could have spent on the "better stuff".

I was in the same situation, but it took longer for DH to come around..... :) Our third was born when his older sissters were 6-1/2 and 8. BY FAR, he was the easiest baby, and part of that was because the others could dress themselves, go outside by themselves, feed themselves, go potty, shower, etc. My first were 20 months apart and that is like having 2 babies... really, at least for a few months. I enjoyed and savored the babyhood of #3 so much...whereas #2 was kind of a blur, which is sad to think about. Money was awfully tight and we built a bedroom in the basement for the girls and put him in the smaller of the 2 bedrooms on the main floor. My parents had 3 girls in a 2 bedroom house- but that was ages ago, of course...and we moved when my little sister was 6.

(side story- years later, we bought a four-bedroom house and the previous owner's son told me his family raised 9 kids in that house... the six boys had two triple-deck bunk beds in the master bedroom, 2 sisters shared, the parents had the 2nd biggest room, and the one oldest sister who was in college, had the tiny bedroom to herself.)

As far as $$$ goes, you are probably going to be broke for the next 15-20 years anyway. LOL. I'm not saying to be irresponsible, but going from baby #2 to baby #3 does not seem like nearly as big a hurdle as going from just 1 to two children. If you got pregnant nearly right away, your oldest will likely be in kindergarden the school year after the baby is born, or at most, the next year... once kids start going to school, it seems like it's not as hard on the home front. Also, if you have two in a day care that you like right now, once the oldest is in school, you would still have two in day care...so that's pretty much the same.

I had to work, also, and even started a home business...and one of baby #3's first sentences was "NOT TYPE, MOMMY!" which was heartbreaking...but at least I was there at home.

Money wise, it was rough and tough for a few years, but I'm not convinced it would have been much better WITHOUT child #3, and I look back on that decision as one of the best ones we ever made. (and my husband agrees--- and so do children #1 and #2)

DO IT. You only have limited opportunities for the blessing that children will be throughout your lifetime... but finances are always changing and can be managed no matter what family situation you're in. Pray about it first... but I am so longing for another child right now. If my husband suddenly was ready when I was least expecting it... I'd be quick to agree before he changed his mind! =-)

Have that 3rd baby! We have 3, and while things are a bit tight money wise, we can still more than afford them all. And I only work like 3 days a week. According to government guidelines, my husband and I's combined income is at poverty level. I'm thinkin' "geez, how much money do people think they need to make to live these days". So what if you can't take that nice vacation every year or you don't drive a brand new car. Think what's more important to you. Everybody wants extras at times I know that for sure. To people like us it's not that important. For those who can afford all the nice extras, I think it's great and I'm not a jealouse type at all. So I think when people think they can't take on another child because of finances they just need to learn how to cut corners. We do, for examle I breastfeed, I make my own baby food, we cloth diaper, if we owned our house I'd def. have a garden. There's always canning and freezing, getting rid of t.v. ( which we did). Have that baby, you'll be fine.

For us going from 2-3 was EASY. 1 child to 2 was more challenging, I thought.

As for finances, when you think about it, can anyone really afford kids, even just one? If you wait until you can "afford it" it will never happen. With that said, if the financial strain will put so much stress on your family and your relationship that you will all be miserable, that would be something to consider.

With the third, you will have a lot of hand me downs, toys and furniture to re-use, etc. You don't have to have a big house or the best of every kid/adult item there is. I know many families with many kids who scrape by on very little and are happy.

Our kids are the same age :) My hubby and I have talked a lot about whether or not to have '3',and, you're right, it's a hard decision! I don't have good advice to give on that except that we make all of our GOOD decisions through prayer :)
I can offer potential help in the working, mama guilt area. I'm able to work from home PT (could be FT if I wanted) with a reputable, international food-science company that is very generous and has an awesome mission. It's been very rewarding for me, but may or may not be a fit for you. If you're interested, contact me and we can set up a time to get you information.
Blessings on your family and decisions!

Honestly, 3 isn't much worse than 2. It almost felt like it was worse when we had our 2nd. I do stay at home, which is one big difference. It helps that I had all boys, so I have all the hand-me-downs, clothes, furniture, etc. Yard sales are great, as well as 2nd hand stores. Food wise, get on WIC. You pay taxes. Don't feel bad about getting a little help with formula and milk. It's a great program and it's helped us out immensely. And we also have a 2 bedroom house, fortunately, my father in law is a carpenter by hobby and just built the boys a triple bunk bed for their room. It's awesome :) So there are options out there even if you have a small space.
You and your husband need to pray about it together and if it's meant to be, it will happen, birth control or not (trust me LOL)
Good luck with your thoughts, it's a tough decision.

We have 3 children (7, 4 and 2). I have to say, I didn't think it was that hard going from 2 to 3. For us, the hard part was going from 1 to 2. Once you have 2, you are more laid back, your experience lets little things slide more easily, you aren't as stressed and you are already a pro at juggling your time/energy between more than 1 child. Also, the children play with each other and entertain each other so you don't have to focus on each child 100% of the time - they have built-in playmates!

Financially, it wasn't as bad as I thought, either. Having kids doesn't have to be super-expensive. We rarely bought babyfood (that jarred stuff has no taste anyways) and just fork-smash whatever the rest of the family is having at mealtime. We didn't have to buy much in the way of clothes for the 3rd because of the hand-me-downs from the older children. Heck, we didn't even buy PJs for our 2nd kiddo until she was almost 3 years and started to notice/care about wearing her brother's dinosaur or truck stuff. :-) And most of the kids' clothes came from garage sales or 2nd hand stores anyways. We already had all the baby/toddler gear and toys so didn't really have to buy anythign there, either.

If you and your hubby wants another child, you'll find a way. It may mean being honest about priorities and giving up stuff like a big cable tv package or a typical cell phone plan (we switched to pre-paid tracfone, pay $10/month and still have lots of unused minutes that roll over). Or bringing lunch from home and not eating out as often. If you wait until the 'time is right' financially, it will never come. Something always comes up... furnace goes out, car dies and needs to be replaced, unexpected medical bills, etc.

to answer your question, no 3 isn't harder than two. I almost feel that after two the more you have the easier life is.

Well, even with three if you have all one sex of children 2 bedrooms would be a tight fit. Then there is the dental bills, the education bills, and let us not forget sports etc., and yes there is additional financial responsibility. The heart is big enough and remember families of six and eight used to manage in three and four bedroom homes. Children didn't have to have all the video games, etc., we seem to think our children need today. People worked, even single moms managed and without all of the government hand out programs of today to raise families of four or five children alone. We get what the Lord (if you are a God fearing person) or Mother Nature allows us to have. If you really want a third child then you will manage to have one and will cope and give up this guilt nonsense about having enough time, you will make the time.

Hi, K., I got the same situation like yours. I alreay got two kids, a boy 4 1/2 and a girl 2 1/2. I also want to have another baby boy. My husband said that he don't want any more and it's also mainly due to finaces. My husband work alone and I stay at home with the kids. Our finance is tight. My husband want to save money to provide kids the best educations. But I contitue to persuade him. I said that the a kid can not buy by money; nothing can compare with the worth of the kid. All you've done is for the kids and the family. Happiness is more important than anything. One more kid won't cost you much, he can use all the old stuff from his sibline. If I don't have one more kid now, I'll probably have it in 5 or 10 years beacause it's always my dream. My husband is afraid of having kids in 10 more years. He finally said yes. So we are planning to have the third baby next year.
Talk to your husband. I believe he will be happy after he really see the new-born baby.

This is definitely a difficult decision. I doubt you'll ever regret having another child. As far as finances, my Mom always had a smart saying. "You can always afford what you want to afford." If you want it badly enough, you'll find a way. She raised three on next to nothing during a time when jobs were scarce. It was hard, but can be done. Good luck in making your choice!

K.,

I am a working mother of 4 children. I sometimes suffer from the 'working mom guilt', but I knew I would have to work having 4 boys. After having 2 the third didn't seem hard, nor did the fourth. We had all the start up stuff (furniture, bedding, clothes, bottles, etc) and I started buying dipers and formula early on so I didn't get hit with the expence all at once. Also, the older they get the easier it is in the sense of sleep and all.

You know what is best for you, so good luck with your decision. Oh, also, I have 4 boys and we live in a 3 bedroom house. The boys are 9-8-3-2. I think big families are awesome!

L.

Hi K.!

I am not sure if I have anything really to add that is different from the other moms. However, I know that the debate was a difficult one for my husband and I. He was making good money and I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with my 2 oldest. So, we decided to go for #3. It was by far my hardest pregnancy. I was basically bed ridden from 24 weeks on. Thank goodness I didn't have to work because I think I would have been a mess. Also, I had the help of my mother in law with my older 2.

I made it to 37 weeks with #3 and he is doing great. However, our financial situation has changed. My husband has lost his job and we do not want to move again after settling in the NE OH area. So, we decided that we would both look for employment but concentrate on efforts for me because I would probably be more employable. (My husband's background is in pharma and the jobs are usually East or West Coast). However, given the current economic state - getting back into the work force has been VERY difficult. I am working part-time for a friend and it is working out however, we really need something with more pay and benefits for the long haul. I have actively been searching for 6 months and am still searching, but am hopefully from a few recent interviews.

I am sorry to drag on about my personal stuff, but I wanted you to have the background for my next statements.

I absolutely LOVE being a mom. It took me a long time to be "OK" with being a SAHM. And just as I was OK with it - I was thrust, sort of, back into the workign world. I do enjoy it, but feel VERY torn every night when I get home. I miss my kids and my husband. However, If I knew that we would be in our current situation when we were thinking about a 3rd, I probably wouldn't have done it. It is hard to juggle preschools for the older 2, nap times, play times, etc. I think that we would be a lot more independent with just the 2. However, I know that in a couple of years we will be there again. However, right now, it just seems like a long way from now.

However, saying all that. I love my little guy. He is definitely an easy baby. Laid back and wonderful and we are truly blessed. I feel that we are very fortunate to have him.

I think that love and the feeling of safety are the most important things for kids. I know that we all want to provide for our children more than what we may have had. However, I know that my kids have more fun, some times, with a cardboard box than the latest and greatest toys. We just watch our money, buy smartly and on sale and make the ordinary, extraordinary for our kids.

Good luck with your decision.
K.

In my opinion, 3 is a big change. you need a bigger house and a bigger car. SUV or minivan. It is more expensive however, you just have to live within your means. We have an 18yr old, 16 yr old (both girls) and an 8 yr old boy. We have a 3 bedroom house but were able to make the walk up attic into a room for the oldest. She has sarted college but is going to the local cmmunity one. Our son was a surprise. Believe it or not, we wanted to wait a couple of more years before we had him!!! It is hard to dispurse attention to 3 children. Luckily I am able to stay home, while my husband works. I have babysat for my neighbor down the street for 4 yrs and I clean my church for extra money. No matter if you have have 2 kids or 5 kids you are always going to have the working mom guilt. I quit working when my son was one. It does take a lot more energy and time and money but if it is something you really want it is always manageable. I always made my sons baby food which saved a lot of money. I actually stated when he was old enough to begin eating food. It is really easy and I would do enough for about 3-4 weeks in an evening. Unfortunately he had to have special formula so I couldnt breastfeed, but found that I was able to buy generic. After talking with the pediatrician, she said it was fine. Start putting a few dollars away now. My husband and I have been putting all of our change at the end of the day into a jar for the past 6 months and have over 200.00 already. Once in a while if I have a buck or 2 in my pocket i will throw that in there too. It is a lot different with 3 however, I wouldnt change it for the world!!!
Good Luck in your decision
Jenn.....