To Show the Bike or Not to Show the Bike- That Is the Question

I wouldn't show him the bike. And no offense but...it kind of sounds like maybe you are pushing a bit hard on this whole poop thing. I realized that it probably seems like he's never going to poop in the potty, but he will when he is ready. Maybe you should back off a little and give him a chance to come around on his own. I had a 3 year old son who was very difficult to potty train; until I just gave up. And then all of a sudden, guess who was on board with using the potty?!

I went through the exact same thing with my 3 year old. He would even put the diaper on himself when we refused! I bought a toy as a reward but it backfired when he made a grape-sized poop and then asked for his toy. I felt I had to give it to him, as he had pooped on the potty. He got off on a technicality. :) So you may want to try a smaller toy first, just in case or put the stipulation of how many times, like a week, to get the bike. They say pooping can be traumatic for kids, so be careful not to push too hard. Eventually, he will do it for his own reasons. I finally got my son to do it by trading his nap for potty training. I felt he could skip the nap so I told him big boy don't take naps and poop in the potty, but babies poop in a diaper and have to take naps. It totally worked! I think once they do it a few times and see that it's not so bad, they'll continue to do it. Good luck!

I vote show the bike.
Things like that work well for my son. We have the container of 'big boy potty treats' that sit on a shelf just outside the bathroom just out of his reach but so he can see them. When he goes up to the treats and asks for one, we go potty. It has been pretty successful.
Good Luck

A bike for pooping? What does he get from the tooth fairy? How about Christmas? Are you going to be able to do better than the bicyle as a reward or even as a gift?

Have you given him awards for learning other things. What did he get when he started using the toilet? walking? or talking? or eating? Large rewards are a set up. First if the toddler can't physically do what you expect for whatever reason you are setting him up for failure and yourself for frustration. Second you can't keep up with large rewards for milestones and behaving appropriately or being quiet in the store etc. If he's received an object that he wants for doing any other thing he may be holding out for that bike. Third you are depriving him of the opportunity to learn and do things because they are important to him. Encouraging, sticker charts, small rewards such as one of the small zoo animals that come in a plastic sack and cost $1 at the Dollar store, may work. If you're going to reward I recommend that you reward him for numerous activities.

I actually believe that there are better ways to encourage a child. A chart is something he can mark off and put a sticker on. He's then done the whole process for himself. You don't want him to think that he'll get a bike or it's equivalent for doing what he should do. By rewarding him for things of value you will teach him to work for outside rewards instead of for the self-satisfaction that comes from learning and doing. You are also telling him that if he does something to please mommy and daddy they will buy him something big. So he learns to please you by asking for what he wants before he does what you want him to do. He could grow up being a man who focuses on pleasing others instead of doing what is best for himself.

Potty training seems to be a pivotal issue in gaining maturity. You want him to do it. At the same time he has the power to not do it. You may be in a power struggle already. Or perhaps he sees how important it is to you and is maintaining who he is.

My recommendation is that you not only not show him but that you save it for Christmas. At Christmas we get gifts just because we're loved. We don't have to jump thru hoops to get a gift.

I think he's possibly trying to maintain his individuality or that he feels powerless as a result of you focusing so intensely on the pooping and he's feeling powerful by withholding it. At 2 and 3 they are working on boundaries and wanting to be self-reliant at times. They do a lot of testing to see how you'll react. I can't emphasize enough that a bike is an inappropriate reward for pooping in the toilet.

Try just ignoring the pooping part for awhile. Put the diapers (pull ups will work better) so that he can put one on himself. Praise him for putting the diaper on himself. Tell him is such a big boy. Tell him you're not worried about when he poops in the toilet; he'll be able to do it when he's ready to do so.

I reread your post. You said "nothing will get him to do it." This sounds like a power struggle. It's more passive than some but he's not going to poop until he's ready to poop. You cannot MAKE him do anything that he can control himself. His body needs to be mature enough and he has to want to do it. Do it for himself. Not for you or a bike. I think that you've put too much pressure on him to perform. If you back off he may relax and be able to do it.

I read your request to my husband who refuses to lie to kids about fairies or Santa Clause.

Aside from that, our opinion is to NOT show the kiddo the bike. The TRUTH was that he would get the bike after he poops. Is that REALLY truth or was that a lie when you told it?

Well, assuming you told him the TRUTH, you need to STICK to the truth. Because the lie is that he has the bike nomatter what. I think. But if I'm confused, imagine a little boy's confusion.

Every child needs honesty, integrity and consistency.

I would not show him the bike. What I would do is to give him stickers, one each time he poops in the potty. Tell him when his page is full of stickers, you have a special surprise for him. Don't tell him what it is. Just say it's something very special. Good luck!

Suzanne,

I would wait on the bike until he actually poops on the toilet. I would also maybe put up a picture of the bike that he really wants.

Back in Feb I posted my own woes about potty training my then 4 1/2 year old son and how he was having a hard time. We got him pee trained, like you, but he Would. Not. poop in the toilet. During a conversation at dinner one night I learned that there were monsters in our toilet that were trying to get him/his poop. I set up a step for him and let him squat on the toilet to poop so he could see those monsters and tell them to go away and leave him alone. He never pooped in his pants after that. I used some other things with that, but I think the splash was scaring him.

I'm adding a link to my advice I got, it could help you as well.

Best of luck and I hope he gets that bike **Real** soon,
Melissa

http://www.mamasource.com/request/8244745171971866625

My son, who is just over 3, is working very hard with the potty. I tried training him before 3, and he just wasn't ready. I let him set the pace. We actually had the opposite problem (poop in the potty, but not pee). I trained him naked from the waist down which worked great for us. We used stickers as rewards and let him choose a treat from the LEGO store after he earned a bunch of stickers. He would get really excited about putting the stickers (for both poop and pee) on the chart and talked about the LEGO store constantly. He is almost 100% trained now (I do have to remind him occasionally). I guess my advice would be to not push. He will poop in the potty when he is ready. I would not show him the bike, but maybe put a photo of it on a sticker chart that will remind him of his potential reward.

Good luck. He will figure it out soon.

My husband and I used a "Poo Poo for Choo Choos" incentive program with our oldest when he was three. He was absolutely CRAZY for Thomas the Tank Engine, so I went out and bought four or five new trains. I put them in a special "poo poo for choo choos" box that I showed to my HUSBAND (not my son - though he was present to overhear) and I said something like: "Hey Daddy! Guess what?! I got these new Thomas trains for Alek when goes poop in the potty! Anytime he goes poop in the potty he gets to pick one train!" My husband pretended to get all excited, too, and he said, "Oh wow! He's going to get new choo choo trains for going poop! I hope he goes poop really soon because I want to play with him and his new trains!"

Darn if that kid didn't poop within six hours! So seeing the reward gave him something to work for and it worked great for us.

Hi Suzanne,

You might be surprised, and honestly, I'm surprised too, at how common this issue is. I won't call it a problem because in reading these potty training posts, it seems all too common--I'd then call it a "phase."

My youngest daughter was more than 3 years old before she began pooping in the potty. I used the sticker rewards system(and a silly song about pee-pee in the potty) to get her to pee in the potty, and she did it amazingly fast, but pooping was one thing she WOULD NOT do! I think she was afraid to go poop in the toilet, or maybe like Marda said, it was a control issue for her, I'm not sure.

But I will never forget the day it just "clicked" for her. We were in the pool at the hotel when we went to go visit daddy in Yakima while he was working. She had on a Little Swimmer thing under her swim suit, and we were just goofing off in the pool. All of a sudden she says "Mama, I have to go poop." Real quiet like. It almost didn't register what she said, and then I was like "you have to what? You DO?! Okay, let's go quick!!" And I hustled her out of that pool and back to the room as fast as we could go.

I was in such a hurry to get her onto the toilet so she could poop that I ripped her suit, but I made such a huge and happy deal about it and her accomplishment, that neither of us minded the hole in the suit lol. From that day on, she was officially potty-trained!

My point is that I think rewards work to a certain extent, maybe for some kids they work to help them do both more than they work for others, but I don't think I would show him the bike. I think that at the phase he's in, I would let him go in his own time. For better than a year, I had asked my daughter if she wanted to go poop on the potty, had done the whole waiting forever while she sat there, and nothing happened, and finally, I just quit pressuring her, only asked occasionally, and when she finally did, I praised her immensely. The smile on her face that lit up the world when she finally did it and realized she *could,* well, THAT was so worth the wait.

Like one of the other Mamas said, he won't be going to kindergarden in a diaper. It may be frustrating and seem embarassing to still have to buy diapers when your child can feed themselves, but it's more common than you think. Let him do this on his own time, and don't pressure him so much. It WILL happen. Give him the bike after he's done it, and not a a reward. Just give it to him to have, as a nice surprise.

Good luck,

K. W

I would definitely not show the bike. Actually, I wouldn't have been able to buy the bike until I could stop buying diapers. My children were both stubborn potty-trainers, so I feel for you. 3 is a pretty normal age to be almost there but not quite.

Just so you know, I used the same tactic. But, I said we can only buy the bike when we're not buying diapers anymore. He decided on his own at 3 1/2 to start pooping on the potty, no pressure from me. At that point he didn't even remember the bike, or want it anymore, he was just proud to have finally done it!

I don't think you should show the bike to him. You are trying to make it work too hard. I agree with the Mama who said put the picture on the fridge, then it becomes something he can put into his head as a goal...and you/Bike Fairy do not lose credibility by giving the bike too early. I know you don't want to give it too early, but kids are smart...he will know that it came early and it's his, poop or no poop.

With my second son, we had the same issue. He couldn't seem to get it in his head that it goes in the potty, not the pants. He was pee-trained, so he wore undies most of the time, and it would make for messes at least once a day if he did not wait til diaper-time at bedtime. (We even offered to give him diapers to poop in, which he could ask to put on - but he refused.) Eventually he pooed in the potty but then it was inconsistent - sometimes he wanted to go in the potty, sometimes not. It took a very long time to become consistent.

We did have a big reward, which we offered of a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. That's somewhere we've never gone but once to a b-day party, so he was fascinated with it. It didn't make a difference how big the reward was...it just did not work.

What we did do that was very helpful was a jar of what he named "poopy treats". I bought the 25-cent junk from the store gumball machines, and kept a jar of them on top of the fridge. He was over the moon to get to pick one of these out! I balked at buying these at first, thinking it was a waste of money...likely they would get lost or tossed. But in the long run, I probably only spent $30 on them total. Better/cheaper than a book, a bike, or a trip to the crazy pizza parlor!

Every kid is different, he will get there with time and patience.

Hi Suzanne. i know EXACTLY what you are going through. I have twin boys and they will go pee in the toilet with no problems but the pooping is another story. what a funny thing that this seems to be an issue w/ so many kids. I think it's great to find something that is a strong enough incentive to help him to use the potty. My only thought is that he needs to understand that it's not a one time thing. One of my boys pooped in the potty and then didn't do it again for a long time. we would say "you need to put your poops in the toilet" and he would say "I did it!" We put him in big boy dinosaur underpants for a while but he prove that he wasn't quite ready for those. He really wanted to wear the underpants so we told him that he needed to poop in the toilet in order to wear them again. That's all it took for him. He gets it now. He also understands that if he doesn't poop in the toilet, he looses the privelege of wearing the dino underwear. If I were you, I would set it up so that he needs to be consistent in using the toilet. if he poops once in the toilet and gets the bike, he needs to keep pooping in the toilet to use the bike. The bike gets put away if he's not pooping in the toilet. I think it's ok to show him the bike so that he really has the carrot dangled in front of him. Maybe you could say that the bike fairy really wants him to have the bike when he is able to use the toilet so she gave it to Mommy and Daddy to hold onto until he can use the toilet. The bike fairy has so much confidence that he is going to be successful! Also, you might try having him watch you or your husband poop in the toilet. The day that my son seemed to really "get it" was the day he watched his dad poop in the toilet. DAddy let him flush it too which is always fun. I know it sounds gross, but they need to have a positive experience w/ pooping on the toilet. My other son is not getting it very well. We are eliminating the disposable training pants all together because he is holding his poop until he gets those on at nap and bedtime. We found these great cotton pants w/ a hidden waterproof liner by Imse Vimse and they will wear those at nap and bed in case of accidents. during the day he has cotton training pants on so he won't have the opportunity to poop in something that feels like a diaper anymore. Also, we are starting a sticker chart to reward them for using the toilet. I got a poster board that looks like a calendar grid and they each get a square per day to put their stickers. I got smiley faces for pee, dancing frogs for poop and cool dinosaur stickers for waking up from nap or bedtime w/ a dry diaper. I think this might really help the other one the want to poop in the toilet more. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.

The bike is a reward, so in my opinion, keep it that way. If you show him the bike and then it sits just out of reach and he is unable to ride it, he may look at the bike and pottying as punishment (a negative factor instead of something positive to look forward too). Taking him to the store to look at the bike and reminding him the bike fairy will bring him one once he decides to go poo poo on the potty is positive reinforcement - I'd keep it that way so he doesn't begin to resent you as parents for keeping it away from him in the garage. Being afraid of pooping on the toilet is very common for a lot of children, but rest assured this is a stage and he will come through with flying toilet paper :).

forget the bike. he is only 3, too much pressure! take him to the bathroom when you go potty and say and do nothing else

I see that you have more answers about the bike than you can probably sort out which is great. I just wanted to share my 2-cents worth about the bigger issue. It is really common for boys in particular to have a problem pooping in the toilet and they all get over it. One common reason for this is the issue of feeling grounded when they are using the toilet. If he is sitting on the potty seat on regular toilet it will keep him from falling in but the dangling feet can be a real problem. Make sure you have a stool for him to put his feet on and it may help. Some kids also withhold because they need control and that is something they can control - even if it makes them sick. I have no idea how your family operates so I dont know if that is relevant, but I figured it doesn't hurt to mention it. Good luck - and I hope he is riding his new bike soon.

NO. Because then the whole story of the Bike Fairy bringing bikes to boys who go poop in thew potty loses creditbility-- and so do the people who told the story.

Here's my suggestion:

A note from the Bike Fairy. It should include her (his?) comments on how proud she is of your son for working so hard at going potty. She can mention how she knows that he is trying very hard to go poop there too. You get the idea. Then have her include a picture of the bike she's chosen just for him--she's sure he'll love it;). And then some more words of encouragement.

Have your son choose a place to hang the letter/picture that will help encourage him to keep working on going poop in the potty. It amy take a while but a few more words of encouragement every so often from the bike fairy may make the struggle a little more manageable.

Hang in there. As a mother of three and an elementary school teacher I can tell you, all kiddos (excepting those with serious special needs)enter kindergarten using the potty :). It will happen.

Hi Suzanne,
Take a picture of the bike and post it on the refrigerator. Every time he is near the fridge, remind/show him the bike pic and tell him what he needs to do to get it. We did the same thing with my 3.5 year old just in the last 2 weeks. Only, I made him go 5 times before I gave him his "prize". I made a chart with 5 squares and put clipart of what he wanted - his want was a large toy helicopter - so he saw the helicopter all the time and I reminded him constantly about the prize for pooping. He was so excited with getting the toy because I reminded him and there was a actual picture of what he wanted that he saw all the time. Or, try taping the picture to the mirror or even the toilet lid so he really sees it everytime he goes potty. Just keep reminding him and when he finally does it, make a HUGE deal about it. We made a big deal about it each time and when he hit 5, which was a week ago, we got him the helicopter and I ask him all the time why he got it. He tells me "because I poopied in the potty!" He has not had any accidents since getting the helicopter (knock on wood) and tells me everytime he goes poopy in the potty still. Hope this helps...
Good luck!
L.

Oh, one other thing, if you dont want to show him a pic of the actual bike, if you are good with clipart, download some pictures of bikes and attach them to a chart or just print them off - whatever works for you. You can get a bunch of clipart off MSN Clipart. That is where I got the helicopters from...

We did a sticker chart that had a picture of the big treat (the bike in your case) at the end. The chart had a number of things she had to do each day (potty, pick up toys, brush teeth, feed fish, help mommy, laundry or dishes, etc). After she got 30 days' stickers she got the treat in the picture, it was something she'd been asking for. By adding the other daily "chores" it made pooping seem like just another thing you do everyday, not such a big deal. Good luck!

Don't let anyone insult his intelligence and capabilities. He is able to be potty trained. We trained our son at 27 months, and could have a lot sooner if we'd known how (see below).

Make the reward that he has clean pants for a week (or two weeks or whatever). Let him see the bike, and when he has "clean/dry pants" for the specified time period (time means nothing to them, but just stick with it) then he can have it. Or on the days that he has clean pants let him have it, and if he messes his pants, he doesn't get it. Don't make it a punishment for dirty pants (not having it) but a reward for clean pants: "Yay! You pooed in the toilet so you get to ride your bike today!" or "Oh, you pooed in your pants, so tomorrow when you poo in the potty you can ride the bike".

By the way, I used Toilet Training in Less Than a Day on our 27 month old and it worked. The method is to teach the child to have dry pants. I highly reccomend the book. He just turned three and is a potty pro. You can get the book cheap on amazon, but the clean-pants-bike motivator might help.

Well I dont think you should show him the bike becasue it will ruin the whole "bike fairy" thing. "Why did the bike fairy bring the bike if I didn't poop on the potty?" Just be patient and keep encouraging him and remind him of the bike fairy, maybe spend time with friends who have kids with similar bikes and remind him when he does the deed he gets one too!

We did something very similar with my son, who also was reluctant to poop on the potty. In his case, we told him there would be a big surprise when he did three poops on the potty. After he did the first one, we bought the item and kept it hidden in the garage, as you are doing. We kept it hidden until he did poop #3, then let him go out to the garage and unveil it (it was covered with a blanket). In his case, I think the mystery and suspense really motivated him to get the job done - he's the type who can't stand not knowing. It's a little different in your case because your son has already picked out the item and knows what it is, but still, I'd bet that the excitement of getting to go out and see for sure if the Bike Fairy brought what he wanted would be a pretty good motivator, whereas seeing it and then not being able to ride it could lead to negative feelings, not wanting to do it out of spite, etc. So I'd recommend keeping it hidden. Good luck!

We went through this with our son, now 3 1/2. Potty great, but the poop thing was ROUGH! We tried EVERYTHING! He is train freak and has a ton of them but there one Thomas set that he really wanted. We tried reminding him that we would get it for him if he pooped in the toilet. It just wasn't enough. We finally bought and put it in the bathroom. He tried to bring it out to play with several times. We would just ask, "Did you poopy in the toilet?" He would say no and then go put it back. One day he was eating breakfast and suddenly said, I need to poop and jumped and ran to the bathroom. He got his train set. The next day he went in his pants. We told him that since he didn't keep his big-boys (his word for underwear) clean we had to put the train away. The next day he went in the toilet again. He's been great ever since. I really think that being able to see it and touch it and know it was there was a big motivator for him.
Good Luck!

I would show him the bike. He can't be motivated by something he doesn't see he can have. At that age, they need to see to believe. Good luck to you!

Hi! we are right there with you. I had my almost 3 yr old son pick out a toy at the store with the understanding that they were "poo toys" and they have sat on the back of the toilet for a couple months now. we tried the toy thing with potty awhile back so he went potty in the potty till all the toys were gone! a week ago, i decided NO MORE PULL UPS! and we are doing more laundry..but he is doing good with the potty. still working on the poo...good luck!

Pooping in a diaper is just a phase. Our son went through that around the same age. In our case our son was constipated and pooping in steady position was painful for him. Than we got him on Miralax and everything went fine. I think in your case you might be dealing with power struggle, so I would say yes, let him put his pull up when he need to poop. And yes, show him the bike but put plastic locks on the pedals, so he won't be able to use it. Tell him that the poop fairy will unlock it when she sees that he can go potty. Bribes or taking privileges worked better for us than times out. Actually the times out never worked at all with our son. And the size and the prize of the bribe doesn't matter at that age because they don't know anything about values. Good luck!