Toddler Behavior (Almost 3 Years Old)

I have a slightly different approach than the other posters. I would tell him 1 time, then walk over to him, take him by the hand or arm, and walk him through the task or to the table. If you're asking more than once, does he jump to do it when you finally move toward him? If the answer is yes, then you've already taught him that he doesn't have to do anything until you come at him. Stop waiting more than 5-10 seconds to see him move (if he says "no", move immediately). Now you need to teach him that if he doesn't do what mommy says, mommy will come and make him do it. Stay calm, and tell him "What a Good Boy!" when he does it, even if he's kicking and screaming.

My girls have tried the same behaviours with me and quickly found out mama wasn't having it!

If they refused to do something asked of them the first time I would ask again, in a more firm tone. If they still refused they were given one more chance before a time out - "If you do not do as mama asked you are going for a time out". Most of the time this would get the job done, but if not then they went for a time out: sit in a designated spot (always the same) for one minute per year (a 3 year old sits for 3 minutes). When the time was up, I'd go to them and explain that they were put in time out for disobeying and are they ready to do as asked? If yes, then let them out, let them complete the task and thank them...if no, then they sit for another 3 minutes.

Dinner for us has always been simple. I cook it, they eat it. If they don't, then there's always breakfast tomorrow. I make sure I always make at least one component of dinner that they like and will eat, and they must have at least one bite of everything on their plates.

Bribing is the surest way to having a bratty child; one who always expects a reward for behaving they way they should behave and obeying their parents and then freaks out if parents say 'no'. Set high expectations and your son may suprise you. Be consistant, calm and in-control. If he sees that you're not the total authority then he'll walk all over you.

I can't give you any book ideas because we didn't use any. We are a military family and discipline is just the way it is in our house. I ask you the first time to pick up your toys. The second time I tell you. If they are still not picked up the third time they go in a box which is promptly taken to the goodwill. There are no replacement toys and no discussions. Dinner is the same deal. If by strike 3 you are not eating I assume you are not hungry and you don't eat until the next meal. My children are 6 and 10 now and I have never had a single complaint about their behavior in school or outside activities. They aren't angels but we very rarely get to strike 3 because they know I mean business. Good luck!

Didn't read all the responses but figured I'd give my two cents..

Don't ask him to clean up his toys. Tell him it's time to clean up! Sing the Clean Up Song (barney) or ask him if he wants to put away the blocks or the books? Offer to help and get him started.

For dinner, give him a 10 and then a five minute warning about when it's dinner time. If he still says no, tell him "okay, we're going to eat. I hope you join us." then leave it up to him. Most likely he'll want to be involved. Especially if you are ranting/raving how good it is.

Most likely he's using NO to figure out when he can assert his independence. I would also say things like "No thank you mommy" when he says no so he's at least saying it politely. With my daughter (3) when she tells me NO, I say in a nice voice "No thank you mommy" or "I would like to do that myself," or something along those lines.

I would stop bribing (sounds like you've already thought about this). Another good option would be to create a chart and have pictures of what you do in the evening. Have one for play or watching movies, one for washing hands, one for eating. Have a card he can take and move somewhere (maybe velcro) and when it's play time, he can put that on the "what I'm doing" part. Then when it's time for dinner, tell him it's time to move his card - ask him what card he should do next (washing hands). Also ask him to help. Have him set the table (silverware, napkins, etc).

Sounds a lot like my daily life with my 2-year-old!

In your post - you say you ask him to do something, when he says NO, you just "give a look of disappointment" and walk away. I am thinking, perhaps it would be better to focus on the follow through at that point. Meaning, you said it was time to come to the table, so he must come to the table. Or, he can go to time out. That is the choice! It is his decision. You are the boss.

I give my daughter 2-4 choices of food each meal, at least one or two things I know she likes, and if she eats it, great . . .and if she doesn't, well, she doesn't get to eat. It is up to her. She also has to sit down at the table to eat. This may be wimping out . . .but sometimes I just join her at her little table and we just eat there together. It is easier. (My husband is not usually home for dinner.)

For toy clean up, I will say, now it's time to clean up our toys! Can you sing the clean up song? And then we clean up together. (This works most of the time but not all of the time.) I think maybe at 2 they're a little young to do it by themselves without getting distracted.

Also if she is rude to me, or hits me or something, I tell her what she did wrong, ask her to say sorry, and if she doesn't, she goes to time out (for 2-3 minutes). No exceptions. I try my best not to yell at her. Just send her to time out (and speak in a firm voice).

A good piece of advice I read somewhere that really works with my daughter: Whenever you need your toddler to change activities or do something, give them a 5-minute heads up. Such as, OK silly pants, we are going to change your diaper in a couple of minutes. Then . . in a few minutes, I say, it's almost diaper changing time! And then a few minutes later, I say, OK, it's time to change your diaper, let's go in your room together!
This advice seems to work with many things. ("We are going to eat dinner in a few minutes!" "It is almost time for bed!" "We are going to the store soon!" Etc.)

This may sound kind of silly but I find that watching "Supernanny" is extremely helpful and I've learned some things that work.

Kids are all very different - I have no idea if these things will work with your son, but hopefully it will give you some ideas. Good luck!

One of the best books I have read is Dr. Sear Discipline book here:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0316779032/?tag=googhydr-20&...

some of the tips are on his website here, but the book has much more, and is easier to read and get more examples:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

With my older children I was able to use the book 1,2,3 Magic with great results. Now with my Alex who is delayed/ Autism spectrum I use a lot of preparing him for the transition...in 5 minutes we will be picking up toys, in 3 minutes we will be picking up toys...ok now it is time to pick up toys, do you want to pick up the cars or the blocks? Then we both clean up and either we sing the clean up song or we play toddler radio. Also something that works for us and I do not consider it bribery is first ____ then_____. So for example first lunch then a cookie or first dinner then a bath...some may say it is bribery because the "then" part is something he looks forward to, but I certainly do not see it as bribery, more a coping mechanism!!!! Now if I was having to do this with my 9 yr old, sure then it is bribery, but with my young 3 year old...no way = )

I hope you'll read a wonderful little book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Your son can learn, most agreeably for both of you, that your needs and expectations have an important place in his world. As of now, it sounds like your parenting approach allows his own expectations and desires to take precedence.

I've been using this book for a couple of years with great success with my 4.5yo grandson, who is bright enough to manipulate just about any situation, if allowed. But the techniques and ideas in this work make him part of a problem-solving team, which he loves. He's invested in making "his" solutions work, and discipline and punishment are simply not part of his life. We just had a 3-day visit, and there was simply never a discipline problem, because this book is pretty nearly magic.