Toddler Crying When I Leave Her

My 18-month-old daughter is also resisting staying at the "Kid's Club" at the gym. Today was better, though. I let her bring a doll with her in the car and then took it in to the gym as well. I also worked out at a time with another mom we know, so her son was in the Kid's Club at the same time. I took her in, showed her her friend, and started to leave. She immediately began to cry, but I walked out and they didn't have to come get me until I was done with class!!

Hey Becky!!!Maybe you can leave her with some comfort items. Does she have a favorite toy, doll, book, blanket, etc...? Do you know anyone else that goes to that gym that has a child she could play with? Maybe that would help. Stay strong...I can only imagine how tough it is right now. Talk to you soon. (I just had to reply. It was too wierd to see Lillian and your name on the site. 24 more school days and we can get together more often.)
:) E.

I understand the frustration! I never thought the gym would be a place I'd love to go, but boy do I look forward to some time to myself! Unfortunately, the only thing I can think of is what I tried, which is to start off not really planning to work out at all. Just drop her off, rest and watch your clock for 5 minutes, then go in and pick her up. The next time, extend it a little longer and a little longer, until you work your way up to a decent amount of time to work out. For a long time I worked out for just 15 minutes (just walked the treadmill) but now I'm up to an hour and a half and he doesn't want to leave! Until she gets used to it, I'd stroll the neighborhoods to fit in real exercise.

Sounds like a good case of "separation anxiety." Your almost two year old is not trying to manipulate you; she's scared to death for her own safety. This is normal behavior for many children at that age because that's about the time they realize that they are not a part of you, but a separate entity who depends on you....An additional stress for your daughter is that there's a newborn. Look at it from her point of view:her brain is just now telling her that she's totally dependent on you at a time when your attention, big time,is focused on an infant, a rival no matter how you look at it.

In order to give her security, you're going to have to give her the attention she needs, even if it means her needs come before your need to get to the gym.

Only three pieces of advice: 1.try leaving her with something she can easily think of as yours, a ring of keys, a scarf or something of the sort and ask her to take care of it while in daycare, that you'll be back to get it and her. 2.Don't have babies so close together; wait until one begins school. 3.Decide whether you want to raise a secure child or one who'll have a lifetime of emotional problems because life didn't promise to take care of her when she's vulnerable.

Buy your child a lovey (a security blanket). I bought my toddler a giraffe from Angel Dear for $10 (if your child really loves it, buy a few spares because it will get lost/dirty...).

My 2 year old still has seperation anxiety. It is really hard. I don't have alot of words of wisdom except hang in there. My 2 year old has gotten better. I can now use a babysitter, but still can't leave her at gym daycare. Keep talking to your daughter about how you will come back - they understand more than we know. And keep trying. Don't let the employees at teh gym get you down. It is their JOB to work with you and your child.

Oh boy. The first thing that pops into my mind is just give it time. It will pass. She may cry and they may have to come get you after 5 min but surely it cannot last forever. I am inclined to wonder, also, if they are doing everything they can to help you out. You know, like is the staff behaving appropriately and taking her outside for a walk, playing with her, giving her crackers or something comforting/fun? You are a customer and they should try some tricks before they just come get you after 5 minutes. Talk to a manager, maybe, if it seems necessary?

I found that dropoffs at my son's daycare are better if I (maybe at pickup time) play with him there and see his favorite toys, etc. Build a good memory/ritual; like say 'mommy will be back to play with you and have snack together' or something. Even if it's for just 2 minutes or something.

I hope it gets better for you!!

I agree with the ladies who said to talk to the child care workers. If you come back EVERY time after 5 minutes, she will just keep on doing it, because she knows she only has to cry for 5 minutes to get you to come back.
If they have a policy about letting babies cry, then it's unfortunate. Try leaving her with a friend for an hour so she can get used it, and then you could try going back to the gym!
When I was trying to lose my baby weight I was going to Jazzercise, and at one point they started coming out to get me EVERY class and telling me if my daughter was crying at ALL! It was so frustrating after driving all the way to class and then not even getting to work out! I finally just told them "ya know what? I'm sorry, but it's OK if she cries." And you know what? She really did get better! And it was the best thing, because by the time she was 2 years old she'd be like "see ya mom!" whenever I left her anywhere.
I really feel for ya, and I hope it gets better!

Hi R., You should try to walk/run with your baby using a jogging stroller. That way, both you and baby will enjoy it. When I was at home with my baby the first 3 months, I would do tapes or use free weights while my baby naps. That should save you gas from driving to and from gym, enjoy the outdoors for you and baby. I hope this helps. Good luck.

If you haven't tried this already, allow her to take a favorite toy, stuffed animal, etc. That way she'll have something familiar with her to give her security. After a while she should get used to the routine. God bless you!

go to the gym after your husband gets home
He should enjoy some Daddy Daughter time
I'm a mother of three girls, Daddy Daughter time
is great for everyone

Hi R., this is the normal age when seperation anxiety sets in. I would continue to take her with you to the gym and talk to them about starting out at 5 min then 10 and build up (if they'll work with you) and then your daughter will become used to it and know that you are coming back for her. Have u tried hanging out in there with her for a while, say 10 or 15 minutes?

Best of luck,

You can also try a work out where your children can be with you. I've joined Stroller Strides, which is a one hour workout for moms with little ones in strollers. It's a great work out, my children are entertained enough by being in the stroller and watching us, and I get to spend time with other moms and have some adult conversation! As an added bonus, we also do mom's nights outs, playgroups, and other get togethers. I see you're in Round Rock, and there is a Stroller Strides class in your area that meets at Round Rock Memorial Park: http://classes.strollerstrides.net/search.aspx?__utma=1.#.... Sometimes as moms, we have to get a little more creative. :-) Good luck!

Sounds like your daughter is not used to being away from you. Perhaps you should try at home leaving her with dad for little trips to the store. Or even with a friend. That way she can get used to you being away and see that you are coming back. I can relate that time away is only good for you and her. I hope you are able to continue at the gym and have some YOU time! Good Luck!

Since the time at the gym is "me time" for you, why even take her with you? Leave her with Daddy and go have some REAL "Me time" :) . Better her cry at home for Daddy than make the poor nursery ladies life miserable.

First off, the gym's daycare needs to be more understanding. After all, caring for children is their chosen profession. Whether it's a paycheck or career doesn't matter. Do they do this with EVERY child in the center? Is their an extended length crying policy in your day care contract? If not, nicely ask them to be a bit more considerate, and to leave your daugther alone when she acts like that. When people respond to it, they're condoning the behavior.

Is there another time during the day that you can go to the gym? I am guessing you take the kids now because dad works during the day? If you can, go to the gym at a different time of the day where you won't have to take her with you.

Seperation anxiety is normal for every toddler, but crying the entire time seems a bit much. It could be that you are spending too much time with her. If she isn't used to EVER being without you, you and your husband need to work together to break her of that, or you will never have ANY freedom.

Good Luck!

Oh yeah, if you are still having problems, and you are paying a fee to this gym, I am guessing that the enrollments office/manager would love to know that their nursery staff is chasing out paying customers.

I would just tell the nursery worker that you know it is hard on them for her to be crying, but that you really want to workout and you want to be consistent. Tell them that you want to do it for a week and that if she doesn't start settleing in you will find something else to do with her at the end of a week or whatever time frame you feel comfortable with. Be consistent and try to go everyday that week. Sometimes when they realize you aren't going to come right back they will stop crying. If all else fails try bribary! Tell her if she is good in daycare she can get a treat (stickers at the dollar store, a book, etc. it doesn't have to be candy) Maybe that will get her started going and then you can slowly take her for treats less often. It is important for you to have time for yourself.

I work at a church childcare so I deal with kids that are not used to being left. That is part of the job sometimes you have to deal with the more 'difficult' kids. I think 10-15 minutes of consistent crying the parents should be called but most of the time kids cry off and on. She will eventually get used to it. Ask them what is the least busiest time of day so when you bring her she can get more attention and the teachers will be more relaxed. If they do not work with you I would complain to the gym. Remember their job is to be sensitive and to help the parents. We (the childcare where I work) would never tell a parent that they will need to be called after 5 minutes.

I went through the same thing. I was so frustrated I wanted to scream. They came and got me after 5 minutes. I would go in and sit in the nursery for a few minutes until my son got distracted, then I would leave again. I just kept going back, even if it was just to build up a routine. Try snacks. I got them to let me bring a sippy cup and dry cereal or gummy fruit snacks and that was a good distraction too. If you just can't get it to work, hopefully you have a tandem stroller...get out there and walk in the mornings or at night after dinner and include Dad. Some exercise is better than no exercise! Also, maybe you can get Dad to watch the kiddos in the evening after dinner so you can go. Good luck and may God give you lots of patience!

I really feel for you!

This thing is part anxiety and part power struggle. Before giving up on the gym, I would try staying in there with her for a little while to get her started on coloring or playing or whatever. Try to do the old 'sneak out' once she is distracted. Bring a toy or lovey that she needs maybe.

Do you sometimes leave her with friends or family for and hour or so to get used to you not being there? I see that you are a working mom, so does she do well during the day without you? She might just really miss you! Plus she is contending with a new baby in the house...So many changes for a tiny one.

Hopefully the gym has familiar caregivers that she can start to get to know and trust.
If they come get you in five minutes, so be it. Calm her down, get her settled back in and put her back in care! Do they have a smaller child/baby area where she might feel more secure? Some kids are just really shy and are overwhelmed by older children or large spaces, loud noises...

Help her to understand that you will always be there if she really needs you, but that you are not at her beckon call either.

If this simply does not work for whatever reason, you can always take her and your new one for a stroller ride at a local park with trails, like Pflugerville Park, where you can burn several hundred calories and build muscle just by running or walking the paved trails. Pushing a kid is hard work!! Do you have a double stroller?

After a few weeks or so, give the gym another shot and keep working at it.

My little girl would cry and be upset when she was about 13 -14 months old at the gym, sometimes they would have to hold her and cuddle her to make it work and I was so thankful the ladies were willing to work with me like that.

I also explained that my girl loves to dance and watch cartoons like Dora and Blues Clues or the Wiggles with lots of music so the ladies would something on the TV and that really pacified her.

She quickly got to the point of making friends and trusting that I would be back soon. We really had to work at it. She is 2 now and LOVES going to the gym to see her little friends. She does not even blink an eye when I leave.

We can hire babysitters or leave her with friends so we can have an evening alone and it is SO NICE. The payoff has been huge to tough out those first 3 months.

Good luck!
S.

You didn't mention where your newborn is when your toddler was crying so badly. We had a similar situation with our children when they were young. It was fine when they went to the same daycare, but when my daughter started school it was easier with my work schedule and location to drop my son off at the daycare first then his sister at the school. In the afternoon, I would pick my daughter up from school then we would go to the daycare together to get my son. I couldn't understand why we suddenly had the screaming trauma when I tried to leave him at daycare, but my husband (who must think like a child!) came up with a solution. He said that my son thought that I was dumping him and spending the whole day with my daughter since she was with me at both drop off and pick up times. When I reversed the order and dropped her off at school first and had a few minutes alone with my son, he was reassured that he was still important and the crying fits stopped almost immediately! I hope this helps. It's a simple thing, but children are very self centered and don't like changes to their world that takes attention away from them.