Toddler Is a MAJOR Daddy's Girl

I think it's totally normal. I have the same thing happening and I think it's b/c my girls are with me 24/7 while dh works. so they see me all the time and miss him. So when he's home they want to be with him. Instead of letting it get me down I just focus on how cute it is that they want Daddy and use it for free time for me!

Exhale. I was a daddy's girl until the age of 32 so I know. Hey J., Well first I would like to say you are justified for having feelings. Also your daughter even at 17 months needs to understand that screaming and kicking will not be acceptable behavior. Let her know to use her words and let her know that is a bad thing to yell at people. She really is not getting the whole thing right now but it will set in. Also it may help if your husband said to your daughter that she is not being nice to mommy. The boundaries have to be set, there is only 1 woman in this house. I have 2 daughters and they have to recognize making good/bad behavior choices at an early age. Often times I think we as women allow the children to be to close in our marriage and that is where they stay. I hope this helps and this can be resolved with just sticking to your guns. :)

My daughter was the EXACT same way at that age and I can tell you that it does equal out later. I too spent a lot of time crying over my baby girl wanting nothing to do with me when Daddy was around. The best thing you can do, in my experience, is take a deep breath and let it go. Be grateful that her Daddy is good to her and that she has a positive male role model in her life. Take that time to do something for yourself. If she's all about him, than take a relaxing bubble bath and enjoy some peace and quiet. When he's not around do special Mommy/daughter things that she can tell him about when he comes home. Know that she loves you both equally, she just has no concept of needing to show that. Whatever you do, don't let her know it bothers you. She shouldn't feel guilt at his age over anything, but especially about hurting your feelings. There is a natural draw of a child to the opposite sex parent. I read about it in my What to Expect the Toddler Years book - great book! I have a 14 month old son and the tables are completely turned and he is all about me right now. I know that will change too. OH, and don't guilt your husband about it either. He needs to enjoy his time with her, because like I said - it will change and he will be jealous of her always wanting to be with you.

Wow! So glad to hear that someone else has same problem and same reaction! I've been so upset myself for at least a year now. My toddler girl only accepts her daddy when he is home as well. When it's only her and I, she is much more affectionate towards me, than when her daddy is home.
Please help! what should I do?

Hi J.,
I can sympathize with you. My daughter (3 1/2) is DADDY'S GIRL! I joke with friends that from a very early age she didn't even know that I existed when her dad was in the room with her. I remember asking my mom if she were ever jealous (I have 1 sister) to which she replied, "Honey, you are paying for your raising!" (Can you tell I am southern or what???). Anyway, although it bothered me at times that she favored my husband, it actually worked out VERY well when we were pregnant with our son and while he has been an infant. She has grown out of it to a point in that she favors me sometimes...for example, when her father has put her to bed several nights in a row or if he has had her for the evening for whatever reason (picking her up from choir practice or I am at a civic meeting), she wants me to put her to bed that night. Still, she favors him, but as she has gotten older, she has shown that sometimes she just wants her mommy. When I was pregnant with our son (and absolutely exhausted) it was actually nice that she did favor him because that helped me to get some rest. Same held true for when my son was born. As time has gone on and my son has gotten older (oh - he favors me like she favors her dad by the way), she has wanted more and more time with me... we even have Girls Only nights and days now - which are SO much fun.

I say all of this to make this point...don't let it get to you. She loves her dad and he's willing to put forth the effort that she is requiring of him. She'll come around. Just give her some time. Good luck!

My little boy was this way towards my husband. He wanted NOTHING to do with him if I was home. He just flat ignored my husband altogether. He did like when it was the two of them...but we just waited it out. It did hurt my husband's feelings, but before we knew it, he had outgrown it, and now loves his daddy openly. Something we did was send them to the park together, or somewhere else they had to interact...without me being there. If he would cry in his crib, I would send my husband in. Try your best not to take it personally, and don't beat yourself up. You are doing nothing wrong I am sure.

Wow. I bet that is hard. Little girls are supposed to bond with mom and if you feel like that isn't happening, then I bet it is scary too. I was wondering a few things. Have you watched your husband's interactions with your daughter to see what her payoff is for being with dad? Does he get on the floor and play with her while you sit at the table? Does he play dress up while you do puzzles? Is there a favoriet game that they have made up? Does he look her in the eye, read books? Maybe there is something that he does with her that she has learned is her happiest time. Do you two share discipline? What does your husband say about this? I would say don't worry about it. She will probably go through several of these shifts. But I know that is not helpful. My son began his "shift" toward my his daddy when he was 5 and I felt it daily. It was what needed to happen so I didn't fight it, but it was hard to see him change from identifying with me to seeing himself more like daddy. Luckily he has a wonderful daddy to take after. There have been times that my daughter would rather be with my husband than me and I feel the sting, but I try to remind myself what a great man she has to be close to and wait for my moments. Probably not helpful for the daily struggles, but hang in there. Keep showering love!!!!

hi, J.. i'm sort of in the same situation as you, only it's me our 2 year old daughter is attached to, and hardly wants anything to do with my husband. i know how bad it hurts him, and it breaks my heart. what i've been trying to do is encourage her to go and see her daddy if we're at home and in seperate rooms. when we are in the same room, i let her see me give him affection and say things, within hearing,like "oh, i love daddy SO much!" just little things like that has helped alot. i even have them spend a "daddy-lilly day" every once in awhile. hang in there, mama. if anything, she'll grow out of it. every little girl needs her mommy. hope this helps!

I've got a 14-month-old daughter that started the same thing about 3 months ago. If my husband's holding her, she'll screech and cling to him if it even looks like I'm going to try to take her away from him. It's embarrassing in public, and it DOES hurt my feelings even though I know that she only has that reaction because he's not with her as much during the day. Also, he's the more "fun" one once he gets home whereas I'm more of the one who does the care-taking (i.e. feeding, diaper changing, giving medicine, etc.). About a week and a half ago, though, our daughter got very sick with a stomach bug that dragged on for about a week, and during that time, she MUCH preferred having me hold her and would even just cry if I tried to leave her with her dad for even a minute, and she's been more affectionate with me since. Funny, my husband told me that I shouldn't feel hurt by her apparent rejection of me these past months, but has really gotten HIS feelings hurt while she's been sick. I think that when our daughter's healthy, she just wants to have the "fun" one around, but when she's not feeling well, she wants her caretaker mom. I'll bet that we have a lot more of this back-and-forth preference thing over the next number of years. Good luck, hang in there, and try to remember that your daughter is not really rejecting YOU. She loves you and I'm quite sure that she'll show you how much in the next little while.

Hi J.
I use to be Daddy's little girl and I am so thankful that my Mom hung in there and allowed me to be His little one. Because of it I didn't start dating until I was 17. I had no need for another man in my life, when I got compliments and a ton of attention from my Dad. I learned a lot from my Father, thanks to him I have the most wonderful Husband (I knew exactly what to look for) I am thankful for the time I had with him because at 25 my Dad passed away. I only had 25 years of my life with him and I cherish every moment that I spent with Him, and for that I thank my Mom for being tough. Yes it was hard on my Mom I knew it but as I became a teen I got closer to my Mom and now she is my rock and the one that is there for me no mater what. There is a time and a season for everything. Hang in there, and be grateful; you don't know what the future holds.
Most Moms would enjoy having the Father be more involved with there children, you are truly blessed.
S.

Our house is the opposite - my daughter (now 4) has always been a mommy's girl and I watch my husband struggle with it. I think the BEST advice that you have been given in these responses, and what I had to do for my hubby, is that your husband MUST be the one that talks to her the most about this, not you. I agree that she needs to be diciplined for the kicking, screaming, etc (which are not acceptable) but it has to come from Daddy, not you - otherwise you continue to be the bad guy. Her daddy needs to constantly encourage her to show love to you, to be respectful of you, to be polite to you. It may not change her preferences for a long time, if ever, but it will go a long way toward her behavior being polite and her understanding that she can't treat you that way. After two years of me doing this with our daughter, she is FINALLY warming up to Daddy and doesn't so CLEARLY prefer me all the time. I wish you teh best and I hope your hubby will be supportive and helpful!

Ohmygosh...I've gone through the exact same thing with my daughter. At first when she was a toddler I thought "oh, how cute...she really loves her Daddy" (and of course he LOVES the exclusive attention)...but now its really bothersome...and like you, it has reduced me to tears too...and it really hurts. My daughter is 3 1/2 now and still favors her Daddy. My daughter won't let me do ANYTHING for her if her Daddy is around. "No, Daddy will put my coat on...no, Daddy is going to get me a drink," etc...Anyway, I've talked to my pediatrician about it and she ensured me it was phase and through the years, she will switch from one parent to the other as "favorites" and its just the way it is. I had a baby boy last year and I felt like this further ostrosized my daughter from me since she sees me nursing him and tending to the baby all the time. She became even more attached to Daddy...which honestly my husband and I thought was a good thing since I really needed to focus on the baby and it helped my daughter with jealousy issues by knowing Daddy was there for her exclusively. My suggestion (which I'm planning on taking myself!) is to set up a time each week for "Mommy-daughter" time - whether its just an hour to go havea tea party...or go to the coffeeshop together...or the library....but just so its special time together to do something fun...that way she will look forward to something fun with Mommy without anyone else around. Hope this helps...just think, when your daugther gets much older shes going to want to do girly things with Mom (shopping, manicures, whatever) and Dad might not be so special to her anymore. So let him have his time now, but know later in life she will switch back to Mommy. Good luck.

Hi, J.. I am a 47 year old mother of two boys, ages 15 and 10. While this did not happen with our 2nd child; it did with our first. There were months when he was only daddy's boy and months when he was only mommy's boy. I found that you just have to be creative with little kids. We tried to empathize, but get done what we needed to get done. "What? You want me to give you a bath tonight? Daddy can't do that tonight, sweetheart, but Mommy can. I'll give you a bath tomorrow night." It went away around age 3 1/2. That said, I would make sure that she is getting equal treatment from both of you (e.g., you are not the only disciplinarian and daddy is not just the playmate).

Best of luck!

it's just a phase kids go through. my daughter is still very much a mommie's girl and does the same thing to her daddy. if it's jsut them she loves him to peices, but if i'm around, she wants nothing to do with him. and you're right, they don't know better and don't realize they are hurting some one's feelings. so try not to take it personally. but when is she gets physicalle mean, like my girl some times does...pinching, kicking, smacking, then she needs to be disciplined...time out, spanking, ect, whatever you do in you house hold. and then daddy needs to make her apologize to you for hurting you. thats what we do.

My daughter is 10 years old and she is a huge daddy's girl. It warms my heart to see the love between my daughter and her dad. Thank your lucky stars that you have a daddy's girl. That means that you have a husband who loves your children as much as you do.

I posted something like this a few months ago because I am the one leaving her to go to work, right now anyway. Hopefully I will be the one staying home with my little girl soon. I wouldn't worry about it although I know from experience it can reduce you to tears - she loves you - it will change - good luck and keep your chin up! P

J., I know how much this hurts your feelings. I have been through a similar situation with my youngest daughter but at least I had the affirmation that my older two daughters preferred me to do everything for them. First, I would encourage you to blow it off as much as you can. Don't let her realize that she has a control issue building here. But secondly, you need to enlist the help of your husband. I would not try to come between them when she is having her daddy time but at other times when she is around but distracted with other toys or whatever, she needs to see him play, tease, cuddle, etc. with you. He could even make comments such as you are his best big girl and she is his best little girl. Just anything to affirm his affections toward you and make her understand that it is not a competition. He loves you both. She needs to begin to understand that we love people different and that doesn't necessarily mean more or less. This season will pass quickly enough. Try your best to enjoy it. I've prayed that the Lord will provide wisdom for both you and your husband.

I am going through that right now. It is the age of the child. They are experiencing that daughter/daddy phase. It will turn again, trust me. Before long, she will want only you and not her daddy. And you will go through those phases the rest of her life. Let her be a daddy's girl because in her teens she will react more with you.
I understand that it hurts but you have to know that it is NOT you. Let her get hurt and see who she wants.... her MOMMY!
Just keep trying with her and maybe even get your hubby to show alot of affection to you and have him say, "you want to give mommy a kiss too." Then let her see him kiss you and then have him offer for her to lean down and kiss you too.
Things like that help. Get the daddy involved in it too.
You will be ok and soon she will be a mommies baby and you will wish that you had that freedom again.
You'll be fine.

J.,
Please don't worry about your little girl being a "daddy's girl". If you could just change the way you look at this it will change. If in fact you gear her up to the excitement of seeing "daddy" when he comes home....cleverly and clearly accepting and in some cases pushing her towards this behavior, it will not be as intense. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"~so true in life. And, here's the deal, when that second child happens, believe me, you will be thrilled that Dad can step in when you're tired or preoccupied. Did I mention this is normal? My grandsons delight in taking turns with their affection for a "favorite" parent or grandparent. Because I am much older than you, I promise this will take a positive turn in your favor. Having my own daughter, and being much younger then, I had learned that it's the parent (or g/p) that actually supports the childs behavior to favor the other parent, while waiting patiently to,at last, become the equal recepiant of their affection. I promise you that as your child grows, a mother's place can never be compromised by anyone else in their lives. Feel secure, I am certain that you too one day will have to reassure your own daughter about the dynamics of motherhood. If this is your picture next to this letter,(I'm new to mamasource)I want to tell you how precious you two look. Just beautiful. No more tears J., good luck with this feeling. I certainly understand how you feel. Been there a long time ago, and still remember how it felt.
D.

She is still young, and yes she doesn't know what she is doing, but don't feel bad for getting upset about it. Let it out, especially in front of your daughter. Children have a huge amount of sympathy, and when they see a parent upset, they will try in their own way to make you feel better. Try talking to your husband about it too. Ask him to talk to your little girl about what she's doing and is hurting mommy's feelings and she needs a hug. You'll be amazed at how quick she responds. And don't worry, just wait till those pesky teenage years!! She'll hate both of you by then! (just kidding) Maybe by then, she'll have formed some sorta bond with you and hopefully will open up about her problems and other teenage issues with you. Good Luck and God Bless!

J.,

I have four kids, three boys and a girl. When I just had three boys, my youngest son Ethan was a total dad's boy and it crushed me! Even when he was sick or hurt it was Dad. But daddy also NEVER disciplined, I did. Does your husband do any disciplining or is it just you??? I ended up quitting my job an staying home with Ethan when I was pregnant with his sister and that helped a lot. He is 7 now and I can honestly say we are equal. He even comes to me when he is sick or hurt now! Know that she LOVES you and she will come around, there is alots of time for it!! Hang in, I know EXACTLY how you feel!

J.,
I think it's natural to feel hurt, so don't beat yourself up for it! I wonder how your husband acts/reacts when your little girl wants nothing to do with you. Do you think he might be contributing to it? I know that when my daughter gets on the phone with my parents, she'll chat only briefly with my mom, and ask for my dad. That's because she knows that Papa is the one who will get down and play with her, tickle her, be more physical with her, whereas Grammy isn't physically able to, and generally, it isn't in the female nature to do that. Maybe you can sort of remove yourself from the situation, and just observe how your husband interacts with her, to see if he acts differently than you.

Good luck!
D.

my 22 mo old son is totally daddy's boy as well. It upset me and my husband kept saying if you leave him alone and quit trying to love on him so much then maybe he'll come to you. Well I just couldn't think that was true and was fearful that he would just be thankful and forget all about me. Well, I recently had a 2nd baby 3 mos ago. When the new baby came I didn't have as much time for my son even though I was home more. He started acting out because I wasn't giving him attention. So, I started setting out an hour a day to spend totally with my oldest while daddy tended to the baby. I really think it has helped us bond too. He's still Daddy's boy all the way but now when he wakes up in the morning, I get a quick hug from him before he squeals to daddy. And he crawls up in my lap to play just a little bit more than he did the day before. So I guess making him come to me instead of me smothering him really did help. And when he did start crying out for attention, I was more than happy to give it. I hope things work out for you soon!

It's developmental. Kids all go through phases of preferring mom over dad, or dad over mom. Both phases will come and go throughout life. Get used to it :) My husband and I always laughed and said, "well, looks like I'm the one who's chopped liver right now." Our son is now nearly 15; I teach 3-6 year olds. I assure you it is purely developmental, and actually a good developmental neurologist could probably explain to you WHY these periods happen.
There is a great book called "Your Child's Growing Mind" though I forget the author, but she's a neurologist. It gives a LOT of great information about brain development, how playing with blocks is actually a pre-math activity, etc. Another great series of books are put out by the Gessell Institute of Human Development. They are: "Your One Year Old," "Your Two Year Old," etc. They're slim books, quick easy reads, but great information for parents who are trying to figure out whether something is developmental or not. It's also great to help you anticipate what is coming up for you -- for example, somewhere around 5-6 there are some seemingly annoying 'behaviors' that are actually developmental, like potty-talk (with giggling), relentless focus on what's Fair, or Not Fair. You don't necessarily dismiss some of these things like the inappropriate language -- because it's your job to teach them what is acceptable and what's not. But it helps to know when the potty talk starts, that your kid is normal and not a 5-year old delinquint :)

Have fun. Enjoy a little "time off" while you're chopped liver, because the day is coming when ONLY YOU will be acceptable to her, and then you'll probably be longing for some temporary relief from the Daddy Phase.