Toddler Won't Play with Other Children - Only Teacher

Updated on August 18, 2008
N.K. asks from Nashville, TN
4 answers

My 2 1/2 year old toddler has been at his current daycare for about a year. He moved into a new classroom when he turned 2 1/2 (back in May). Over the last four weeks, he has displayed aggressive behavior towards the other children in the classroom - biting and some pushing. He does not bite the teachers, nor me or my husband. The director of the childcare had an evaluator come in. The evaluator looked at the environment of the classroom, if there were age-appropriate toys, the ratio of students to teachers, etc. My child was also singled out so the evaluator could watch him for verbal, developmental and social skills.
The results came back...for the classroom, they are going to shorten group time to 15 minutes and meet a few times a day instead of one long session. More age appropriate toys are also being brought in to stimulate the "advanced" students in the class.
For my son specifically, they said that overall he was on average or above with verbal and motor skills, but that socially, he heavily preferred playing with the teacher instead of other students. Has anyone else experienced this? My son really only plays with me and my husband - he is the only child in the home and we have no relatives that live nearby. All of our close friends have older children. Could this be a reason why he is leaning towards the teachers and not the other children? The director said that they literally have to "teach him how to play with other children" and when he is forced to, that is when he gets aggressive.
The school, the director and the teachers have been fantastic, but I am not sure how to help or what to do as a parent. The main recommendation the director provided was to put him in more group activities with other children his age on the weekends. Both my husband and I work full time, and I hate to miss any more time spent with my son but we are looking into options. Any thoughts or suggestions? This behavior has come so suddenly and I am at a loss for how to fix a problem that is occurring at school. Thanks for any advice.

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C.Z.

answers from Nashville on

Honestly, it could be just timing. My oldest never displayed any aggressive tendencies but he didn't start pre-school until he was 4, but he VERY much preferred to play by himself, not so much preferred as was afraid to play with other kids (unless they were older, or it was one on one. He wouldn't go near a playground if their were other kids, no McDonald's playlands or anything of the sort. His preschool teacher was really worried that he had some degree of sensory disorder, he did great in school but just wasn't comfortable in groups of kids, it was like overload for him. Last year he started kindergarten and he was having trouble playing with the kids on the playground, I started out by telling him he didn't have to play with anyone but I wanted him to go out and go down the slide three times, he was in tears "I can't" well the next day he came home, "I didn't go down 3 times but I went down once!" and then I lavished praise on him for his accomplishment. It has taken time and little steps, we did a cooking class, a little gym class, and one semester of soccer, not all at the same time, just little things here and there to help his comfort level in social settings. He just started 1st grade this week and for the FIRST time, he's really done great, and part of that is the little things we've done along the way but part of it is just age. Good luck

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L.L.

answers from Nashville on

Why don't you try taking him to a park on the weekend, that way you can spend time with him but you can also have him around other children. Take him to the swings or the slide or the jungle gym and let him start playing and then step back a little bit and let nature take its course. If another child seems him playing alone typically they will come over to play with him. Since he is not being forced to play at that point maybe he will join in the fun. You might even take a camera so that you can pretend you are busy taking pictures or video taping so that you "can't" play with him and help encourage him to play with the other kids.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

You don't have to spend time away from him, join him in some activities if you have time. You can either meet your own friends who have kids and let them play while you visit or you can take him to places that have other kids playing...our town has a Discovery Center, parks, splash pads, etc Invite another family to go with you so the kids can play. You can also join him in things like Kindermusic, tumbling, etc He really does need to be around other children sooner than later. The daycare is a good start, he will just have to learn and maybe learn the hard way if he continues to bite and not play nice. Keep taking ot him at home and the teachers will continue to work on it at school.

W.

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S.P.

answers from Nashville on

Look into something like My-Gym. At your sons age it is a parent/child activity. They interact with other kids, play lots of fun games and excercise. You won't miss out on alone time and he will interact with kids.

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